Costume Dynamics: Supergirl

Welcome to the first chapter of Costume Dynamics.  As most of you are well aware, female superheros tend to get the short end of the skirt when it comes to costumes.  Apparently the majority of protective gear or fabric in general went to their male counterparts.  This first chapter will focus on a superhero who doesn’t need to fear even really getting hurt, so her costume should be pretty simple, whatever the hell she feels like.  Yet… it still doesn’t work.  Ladies and Gents, I give you Supergirl!

Pretty much the only blond Kryptonian

Alter Ego: Kara Zor-El/Linda Danvers

Abilities:

• super strength
• super speed
• invulnerability
• flight
• heat vision
• heightened sensory

Look at all the boobs! I mean…Supergirls!

Behold the many versions of Supergirl! This is but a scant few of the Supergirls out there.  Yes she’s hot. Yes, she’s invulnerable.  Yes she’s possibly the ultimate superhero.  All of Superman’s abilities but with the ability to pull off a miniskirt far better (at least that I know of, haven’t seen him in one…yet…) However, there are a few key points I would like you to mull over.

Edna Mode for President

For one, they all have capes.  If you’ve seen The Incredibles, you know how troublesome capes really are, and if you haven’t seen The Incredibles, see it!  See it now!!!  For someone who flies, capes really only serve to create drag, which only slows you down; even if you are faster than a speeding bullet, why would you limit yourself?

VRROOOOMMM!!!!

If they used it to slow themselves down, but they are never depicted in using them as race cars slow after a race.  Also, I hope that they never have to do any kind of recon, look in the blue sky! A giant blur of red! Superman seems to figure out that these bright colors may not be the best idea by the time Terry McGinnis becomes Batman as he is in a new black and white onesie, or maybe it was just to match his hair.  But we still love him because he’s still the same Superman who is almost constantly being mind controlled to be…

When Starmie take over the world!

~l’gasp~ evil… For being the Man of Steel, his brain seems to be putty in the hands of a starfish… and just about anyone else.

Gettin’ shown up by a toddler

Secondly, those skirts.  Sexy? Yes, but her main mode of transportation is flying about and she stops to hover over people… a lot! It’s just asking for ALL of the upskirt shots.

Look! Up in the sky! Supergirl’s panties!

I’m surprised that they haven’t had an issue where she finds out about some blog that isn’t devoted to all of her upskirt shots.  I’m sure it’s just a leotard that covers as much as the 70’s version, who actually wore something more akin to hotpants (because you know… it was the 70’s, everyone wore hotpants…including my father… *shudder*). I’m not sure why they changed it for that picture, I think it takes away the awesome 70’s feel. If you’re going to take that away, at least give her Farrah Fawcett hair!

I can’t be the only one wanting to throw things in there

As Powergirl or the 70′s version, they must compensate for lack of skirt with tons of cleavage! Once again, looks good, and could probably be used to distract your opponent, but think about the fact that she flies, and really fast, too. Imagine the things that get stuck in there. You usually drive in a car at about 60-70 mph; she goes at the speed of a bullet.  Think about what get on your windshield:

Not to be a girly girl, but EWW!

Now imagine that getting between your boobs…  If you’re a girl and have ever worn a low cut shirt to the movies, you know what it’s like, but it’s so much worse because… it’s bugs, and possibly even birds!

Harley Quinn as Supergirl

Superhair!!!  So for her to able to fly through the air without a single strand going out of place and always landing where hair should land but almost always does, in the face, seems really absolutely magical to me. She’s a witch! Or, I like to think she has a comb hidden on her personage somewhere and just combs it out at super speed before she actually touches down.

Sweetie, did you lose your pants?

As for the latest version of Supergirl in the New 52. She is fully cover on top and looks pretty aerodynamic if not for the cape, but right now she’s in the snow so I’ll forgive it. Girl’s gotta be cold. It’s a different cape than most have even though it doesn’t reach where she’s probably coldest.

No Pants Superheros! That covers pretty much every female superhero.  This… this seems even worse, though.  The bottom part kind of makes me think she sort of outgrew it since it doesn’t sit where it probably should, it looks like it’s about to roll up even further at any moment. Is it just me or does it seem like a chastity belt? Or a crotch plate, if you like. Superman gets full tights, did girls not wear them on Krypton?

Cool boots, bro. Oh, those boots…  It looks pretty cool, I’ll give you that, but it almost looks like someone thought, ‘hey, her legs look a little cold without that micro skirt she’s usually in. I know! Here’s a strap for the back of her boot that defies all logic and gravity!’ Brilliant! This way we can still get the random cutout on the outfit somewhere!  I know she’s invincible, but the knees seem like something you would want to protect.

Why? Just why?

Okay, seriously, guys? Did no one else look at this picture and notice that the costume seemed to actually attach inside her crotch?  It looks like it just disappears into her. What is that?

Secret identities are so passe

Hope she doesn’t mind people knowing who she really is, because there is nothing to hide her face unless she’s like Clark Kent and hopes that a pair of glasses can confuse all those around her. Yeah, that makes all of the sense. I know in some versions she doesn’t bother with a secret identity at all, so if that that’s incarnation we’re working with, please feel free to ignore this section.

Remember, I’m no Edna Mode, so these are all just my humble and probably misguided opinions. Do I know what would be the perfect costume for Supergirl? I have trouble picking out pajamas so I tend to sleep in whatever I happen to be wearing that day. And my idea of a workout is getting up to hit the snooze button on the alarm, but I have some of what these artist seem to be lacking: Common Sense.

She flies, so we should probably put her in pants, and a cape would only slow her down.  She’s really fast, so let’s make sure there’s nowhere for things to get lodged into.  She’s strong, so she needs the ability to move easily.  She has heat vision; it’d be a little awkward to be battling a badguy and she cuts off her own bangs, so she’d want to keep her hair short and out of her eyes.

Mini Caplet for the win!

It’s a mix of the New 52 Supergirl, the Man of Steel design, and pants (Stephanie Brown inspired). I really like the cape so I gave her a mini one just to be cute, it’s also smaller and more fitted to her shoulders so it’s a little more aerodynamic (another thought, make it of hazmat suit and she can throw it over the rock and gather it to keep the radiation inside). Don’t mind the art, I’m not really great at drawing and I don’t have a scanner so I had to take a picture with my phone. Woot, I’m so tech savvy…

Thank you for joining me in this first chapter of Costume Dynamics.

If you have any arguments, you’re probably right.

Join me next time for Black Canary!