Monthly Archives: January 2014

Mutant Makeovers – See the “X-Men: Days of Future Past” Costumes!

What up, Nerds?

By now, the Interwebs are all aflutter with postings and repostings of Empire Magazine’s exclusive photos from Fox’s newest installment in the X-Men movie franchise. In fact, the magazine is releasing 25 different covers, each one with a solo image of a character to be featured in the film. Well… Actually, one of the covers is of director Bryan Singer (and we’ll just gloss over my feelings on him) and Rogue (who was actually cut from the film, by all accounts).

What TFP is going to do here, though, is take a look at each of the photos and analyze each one from a realistic, practical, design, and probably some other perspectives.

Basically, I’m about to tear these costumes to SHREDS.

Ignore my giddiness and maniacal laughter, and let’s get started.

That's a heck of an arch to its back. Sentinel's trying to look SEXY. Watch the future version sport some ducklips.

That’s a heck of an arch to its back. Sentinel’s trying to look SEXY. Watch the future version sport some ducklips.

Sentinels… Okay, so we don’t really get a good look at the feet here, so I can’t comment terribly accurately on the base, but… This whole thing looks kind of unsteady. Like, a stiff breeze or a pothole could knock this bitch over, let alone a bunch of fucking badass mutants. And that massive grate on its chest? That might be an exhaust, which would be a terrible idea for all of the reasons. Maybe it’s actually an air intake, but that still seems like a huge, obvious, highly vulnerable spot for such a thing. This thing looks so unstable with it’s broad, non-centred shoulders, but I also find myself staring uncomprehendingly at its crotch, where it has an athletic cup… Why.

Nice threads, man.

Nice threads, man.

I’m a little bit confused here… By the end of “X-Men: First Class,” they had uniforms. Or, jumpsuits at least. So, why is it that Alex Summers is now sporting a way over-sized olive drab onesie? It almost looks like a pilot’s jumpsuit, but… I can’t figure out why he’d be wearing one. And let’s not even get started on how perfectly his hair is coifed while his clothes are super wrinkled.

WHAT.

WHAT.

What is this even?! Toad is also in military-ish clothes, but… This looks like a past-version, but with a mohawk… And I don’t understand. Toad was in the first X-Men movie, also directed by Bryan Singer, and I see no reason for him to be used again, in the past, with an anachronistic haristyle, acne scars, a completely different actor and complexion, and with whatever the fuck those goggles are.

And he grew up to be Brian Cox?! I think not!

And he grew up to be Brian Cox?! I think not!

Pretty standard stuff here. I don’t know that a regular human and his standard issue US military uniform really needs all that much exposition.

Oh. Oh the 70s.

Oh. Oh the 70s.

This… This is such a 70s suit. ALL OF THE BROWN. Plus the brown sunglasses with their fade… But, I think, the most important element here is the mustache. It’s what lets you know that he’s a villain. Because people with mustaches are never to be trusted.

Once again, the eyes are led down to the crotch.

Once again, the eyes are led down to the crotch.

Some of this… Something about this… It seems half-assed. Those scales seem way too big and, if memory serves correctly, they used to have a texture to them, instead of looking like great, big, sparsely spaced sequins. She used to look more together, parts of her skin looking almost like she had blue-chick psoriasis, but she looks like a Trill (from Star Trek) who got glitter-bombed. Also, her boobs look larger than usual, and her crotch is… uncomfortable. Like, the spots and their sizes gradient out and in and it just looks… Weird. Extra exposed. I dunno. But I don’t like.

How do you get pants on with those feet?

How do you get pants on with those feet?

I actually appreciate that he’s dressed like a person here. Like he’s still clinging to his humanity despite his transformation. And I don’t necessarily hate what he’s wearing, either… But I have the same questions about missing uniforms and also just what he’s trying to accomplish by dressing normal when he’s fucking blue.

I CANNOT.

I CANNOT.

What is this even?! I’m so… Nonverbal right now that I’m going to outsource this one to Kizerezik:

  • “It really looks like he was designed back in the 70’s. Along with Prof X’s jet-chair? It’s totally how the 70 or 80’s thought the future would be like.”
  • “I’m pretty sure that’s an old camera case attached to the front of his belt.”
  • With his speed, wouldn’t most this shit fall off?”
  • “I really like that in the blur of him, his hair isn’t moving at all. If he’s going really fast, wouldn’t his hair be flowing at least a little bit?”
  • “I hope that control thing is connected to a game of pong.”

Actually, y’know what? No. I have formed an opinion now. In my mind, he looks like a refugee from a Young Adult novel that takes place in a dystopian future and whose main character is a teenaged girl who discovers that the quality that makes her special is the key to unraveling the tapestry of lies that hide the true face of evil in her government… And he’s, like, a tertiary character who joins the fight and does shit like making a disposable camera into a bomb and prying control panels off of walls in order to hack into mainframes. I don’t see superspeedy son of a terrorist with magnetic powers. I see a utility belt, a leather jacket, goggles, headphones, a terrible dye job, and it all adds up to a big cliche.

x09-pastmagneto

What is happening with that plate over your abdomen?

I feel like this isn’t a terrible interpretation of  the costume, but it looks like his stomach is pushed out and his shoulders too far back and it’s really throwing me off.

...No. Wait.

…No. Wait.

I don’t have a problem with his clothes. Truth be told, I couldn’t give a shit if he was wearing a mesh tank top and a pink tutu.

DIDN”T THIS MOTHERFUCKER GET PARALYZED AT THE END OF “X-MEN: FIRST CLASS?!”

WTF, guys?

:)

🙂

Obligatory super-ripped, shirtless Hugh Jackman? Check. Bone claws?! Fuck yeah! CONTINUITY, BITCHES!

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

Naw, I’m not here for you having your own cover, Bryan Singer. I’m not going to even dignify this cover with my glorious opinions.

Back to the future!

Back to the future!

Now we have future Logan, with his adamantium claws and a brand new costume. I… actually kind of like this design. I mean, it’s definitely a step up from the leather suits from the first two movies, at the very least. The use of subtle colours in the undersuit, visible mostly in the sleeves is, I think, a nod to the classic Wolverine costume, since the deep blue and dingy yellow are the only non-black colours visible. The spartan use of pads and armour is interesting, especially when we consider the nature of Logan’s powers. And then… The pants. Which have no padding or armour whatsoever. So… Do we not care about Hugh Jackman’s junk?

I think not.

Is this a hoverround chair?!

Is this a hoverround chair?!

Professor X… You’re paralyzed, bro. And yet you have a tactical vest on beneath a black badass jacket. And you have armour on your limp, unfeeling legs. Not even Wolverine had leg armour! You’re in a fancy-shmancy future BULLSHIT flying wheel-less wheelchair. WHAT are you going to do in a combat situation? Be for reals, man.

Oh, his stance is mirroring young Magneto's. METAPHORS ARE IMPORTANT.

Oh, his stance is mirroring young Magneto’s. METAPHORS ARE IMPORTANT.

I guess, in the future, everyone only wears black. And, as you get older and need more armour, you wear less? Whatevah. It’s Sir Ian McKellan. I suppose that the most significant thing here is the lack of his iconic helmet. That’s probably meant to signify his shift to the light side. Either that or he and Professor X are finally together and they’ve agreed to never keep secrets from each other.

Wink wink, 20th Century Fox.

SIGH.

SIGH.

I just… I have so many complaints. Way back in the way back, when I was still in high school and deeply in love with the first two X-Men movies, when superhero movies weren’t lurking around every major US holiday, before Joss Whedon showed me what could really happen with “The Avengers,” a superhero team I had never really cared about growing up, I had no problem with Halle Berry’s protrayal as Storm. Now, as I’ve grown older and wiser and rewatched these movies… I have to call into question this casting choice. Well, to be fair, this is probably mostly poor direction and bad writing, as a lot of people don’t know how to write women, let alone minority women. Let alone the epitome of the Strong, Independent Black Woman. But moving back to the clothing, since that is what’s supposed to be dissected in this post, I appreciate the nods to one of the more iconic costumes, but, really. Are those thigh-high boots? That shit just looks uncomfortable. It’s a good thing she’s not much of a melee fighter in the movies, since she’d have a hard time fighting and running with those shoes, and that cape would get caught on all kinds of shit. Just fly and fling lightning and make terrible quips, Halle. But maybe put a little effort into your hair next time.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

So, the other X-Men are all wearing all black, but Rogue is wearing all white? Is this symbolism? A metaphor? A plot point? Important at ALL?! Probably not, since every nerd news outlet is saying that her entire presence has been cut from the movie. In fact, y’know, I really only have one thing to say to Anna Paquin’s Rogue, a character that has been my bane since the first movie because she’s my FAVOURITE in the comics:

You won't be missed.

You will not be missed.

See you in the deleted scenes.

Is this racist? A little bit, right?

Is this racist? A little bit, right?

So… Warpath looks like if Rufio and the Prince of Persia had a baby, and the baby was STILL the wrong race. It looks like the designers were like, “Let’s give everyone the same base costume, random ass armour, and then let’s throw in some ethnic, and then some inconsistencies with these leather pauldron looking things on his shoulders.” What is with the black across his eyes? Is it to hide the fact that Booboo Stewart is Asian? Okay, he says he’s also Blackfoot Indian, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about Prince Zuko over here… I also have to question the inclusion of Warpath in this movie in general. He has heightened senses, super strength, enhanced speed, and flight, all powers that we already have in the main X-Men cast. What exactly does he bring to the table?

 

Kitty Pryde? Not Shadowcat?

Kitty Pryde? Not Shadowcat?

Her expression is vapid, her face monochromatic, and her outfit painfully plain. Why do we care about movie Kitty again? Oh, yeah. We don’t.

HADUKEN!

HADUKEN!

Once again we see a predominantly black costume with the apparently obligatory shoulder pads. Sunspot, however, has a high-backed collar that I can’t fathom a reason for and, more importantly, some linear yellow piping. The yellow lines remind me very strongly of the reflective tape on firefighters’ uniforms. So… I guess he’s a firefighter. A fighter with fire. He’s like a combination of Pyro and Cyclops, a solar power converter, and I suppose they’ve got to make due with what characters they’ve got left after the shitstorm of “X-Men: the Last Stand.”

x21-blink

WHOS FUCKING HEAD IS THAT THE STICKER IS COVERING?! Oh, wait, I think it’s supposed to be Warpath.

So, she gets a little bit of colour because she dyes her hair like Kizer? Pshaw. She has a little bit of a high-backed collar, although NOTHING like Sunspot’s. Her sleeves look a little shimmery, and I can’t really tell what’s going on with her costume because of all of the shoddy Photoshop. I’m mostly concerned by her doe-eyed look. She looks almost anime-styled and not like the hero. Like the girl that’s really cute and innocent and about to be raped by a tentacle monster. No es bueno, Blink. You should probably book it. Y’know, with the teleportation powers. The ones you needed to have because we never fucking found out what the hell happened to Nightcrawler. Like, really? He was so prominently featured in “X2: X-Mne United,” but we never see or hear of him again?!

Nice beard, bro.

Nice beard, bro.

Why do you have a heavy coat on? You’re ICEman. Are you COLD?!

Come. ON.

Come. ON.

This... Is an awkward pose.

This… Is an awkward pose.

His costume looks really bland and plain as well. And they gave him those fucking shoulder pads! Are those shoulder pads made of, oh, I don’t know, organic metal! Like his skin? Are they tougher, or even as tough? I doubt it. I’ve never seen a version of Colossus with sleeves, let alone with tiny little micro sleeves that only cover the shoulders. It just… It looks wrong to me.

Magical Negro alert!

Magical Negro alert!

He looks like he came to the future after being hurtled in time from Ancient Rome. Like, a brother was in the middle of a gladitorial contest, about to take out a lion or some shit, and Mr. Peabody comes and snatches him and deposits him into a future where giant robots roam the Earth, squishing unsuspecting mutants.I think it’s the cape. The red fucking cape. And the belts across his chest are making me think of Russel Crowe in “Gladiator.”

Now, the real problem here is that it doesn’t look like he, or any of the other mutants for that matter, are sporting their “M” tattoos on their eyes. It’s what fucking marks them as pariahs in the future! It’s a HUGE parallel to the Jews having to wear the Star of David on their clothing. It’s a plot point and the type of thing to drive Magneto up a fucking wall! HOW IS THIS NOT THERE?!

x25-futuresentinel

I don’t even know what kind of thing I’m looking at here.

So, I think that I’d have to understand what the hell is going on with this future sentinel in order to really be able to comment on it. And I DON’T. I have no idea what this is supposed to be, and I think that that in and of itself speaks volumes.

Okay.

So, those are my opinions at the moment. I have SO many SUPER mixed feelings about this movie. I hope it’s good, but I’m really worried that it’s going to lick megaballs.

Le sigh.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

But really, we couldn't get a Gambit cameo?

But really, we couldn’t get a Gambit cameo? Or the redemption of Rogue?

Until next time, Fangirls!

 

Sherlock Recap: Sign of Three

Sherlock - cast

Here we are on the second episode of Sherlock and half way though the season.  Lets recap last week’s episode, well Sherlock came back from the “dead” to help solve a terrorist case.   John punched Sherlock for making him think that he died.

This week’s episode starts of with an exceptionally angry Detective Lestrade.

Lestrade is frustrated with the current case

Lestrade is frustrated with the current case

As Lestrade it getting to a crime scene he receives a text message from Sherlock saying help, Baker Street, please come, help.  Naturally, Lestrade thinks that there is something wrong.  Lestrade gets to Sherlock who needs help with his best man speech.  Lestrade is completely annoyed with the fact that Sherlock called him over for something so dumb.  Come on we all know how Sherlock is, Lestrade should have known better.  Lestrade did not realize that Sherlock will text him over something stupid so Lestrade had called in everyone to rush over to Baker Street.

Mrs. Hudson talks with Sherlock about how he feels about John’s upcoming wedding and his speech.  We will find out later that Molly was very worried about Sherlock giving the best man speech.  We see everyone come out of the wedding ceremony and take pictures.  Of course Sherlock doesn’t get that he not suppose to be in all the pictures.

Sherlock you can't' be in all the pictures

Sherlock you can’t’ be in all the pictures

The maid of honor lets Sherlock know about the tradition of the best man sleeping with the maid of honor.  Instead, Sherlock does what he can to help her find a guy at the wedding.  Before the wedding Sherlock had interrogated some of Mary’s male friends especially those who were ex’s to see if she might cheat on John.  He even gave some of them stipulations about the amount of times they can see her and how often they can call or text.

James Sholto

James Sholto

James Sholto arrives at the wedding and he is an old war friend of John’s.  Mary did not think that James was going to come to the wedding.  Sherlock was very unhappy to find out that John talks about James all the time but not about him.  We all know how Sherlock get jealous easily when it comes to sharing John, no wonder most people think they are gay.

Most the episode is Sherlock’s best man speech with clips of other cases and events interspersed in.

Sherlock giving his best man speech

Sherlock giving his best man speech

With some reminding Sherlock remembers to read the telegrams, which are well wishes from people who were not able to attend.  Sherlock starts by reading each one individually but then goes to cliff noting them.  Sherlock begins with saying how he felt about John asking him to be his best man.  While Sherlock tells everyone at the wedding, he had all this emotions about it.  In reality, he just stood there frozen and staring at John.  Which I have to say was rather hilarious.  Sherlock really did not understand that he was John’s best friend.

BFFs

BFFs

The first movement that Sherlock does after that is to drink his coffee, which has an eyeball in it, Sherlock had been playing with the eyeball earlier and dropped it into his coffee on accident.  According to Sherlock, an eyeball will not make the coffee taste bad; while I trust him, I don’t think I will be adding it to my coffee anytime soon.

Sherlock continues his awkward speech and I mean awkward speech by insulting the whole idea of marriage and pretty much everyone in the room.  Come on, its Sherlock did we expect him to give a non insulting speech.  Then Sherlock turns it around by saying all these great and wonderful things about John.  How John is caring, warm, intelligent, and a wonderful man and how Sherlock is honored to be his best friend.  Sherlock had everyone in the room crying, some how he turned the speech around.  More importantly, Sherlock showed emotions and that he is an actually normal person, I am not sure how I feel about this.

Since Sherlock read a book on how to do the best man speech, he naturally followed every suggestion, so he chooses some funny stories.  Sherlock goes on to talk about John’s blog (we all know how much Sherlock loves John’s blog) and mention a few their adventures by name.  One of which includes an actual elephant in the room.  Sherlock chooses to mention the story of the Bloody Guardsman, which is about a royal guard who is being stalked.  While the guard has told others, no one seems to really believe him.  Sherlock puts on one of the guards hats and sneaks in while John talks to the man in charge of the guards.

Sherlock - royal guard

While John is talking with him, another guard runs in telling them that the guy who they were investigating (Bainbridge) is dead.  John asks to examine the body but the head guard won’t let him because he thinks he is lying about being a doctor since John told him that he had been a soldier earlier.  John yells at him telling him that he had been a soldier and was a doctor.  By this time, they have brought in Sherlock who had been sneaking around.  The head guard thinks that Sherlock did it but Sherlock puts all that to rest.  Bainbridge had been killed in the shower and Sherlock is not at all wet.  Sherlock investigates the scene and John examines the body.  During John’s examination, we find out that Bainbridge is not dead, John asks his nurse (Sherlock) to put pressure on the wound.   Sherlock does a Q&A (its Sherlock) asking people if they can figure out what the best point of the story is.  Lestrade and Tom (Molly’s Fiancé) try to guess how it happened, but Sherlock being unSherlock says the best thing is how John saves lives.  While Sherlock can deduce the mystery, John is amazing because he can save lives.

Then Sherlock recounts the bachelor party which I would like to note was just John and Sherlock.  Sherlock decides that him and John should do a drink everywhere they found a body.  After talking with Molly, Sherlock decides to conduct an experiment about drinking by using 40 ml test tubes.

Sherlock's idea of proper drinking glasses

Sherlock’s idea of proper drinking glasses

After some drinking and John sneaking shots, we see John and Sherlock drunk, and somewhat sleeping on the stairs of the flat.  Mrs. Hudson comes in asking them what they are doing back so soon since they had only been out 2 hours.  Then Sherlock and John play a guessing game, they have to guess who the person or thing is stuck to their head.

Drunken John and Sherlock - hilarious

Drunken John and Sherlock – hilarious

During this time, a client comes in and during her story Sherlock and John fall asleep.  She tells them that she went on a date with a ghost.  Sherlock decides to take the case and they both go over to the crime scene still drunk.  Sherlock starts to investigate but he falls asleep while doing it and also throws up in the apt.  Lucky for both John and Sherlock Lestrade is able to get them out of jail the next day.

Sherlock becomes very intrigued by the case and deduces that the man is not dead but actually someone who uses the names and places of the recently deceased.  Sherlock questions some of the girls that had been on a date with this man (in his head by this point) but he cannot find a connection between them.  Until he remembers, that Tessa had used John’s full name when she had introduced himself and John to the superintendent.  It took years for Sherlock to learn John’s middle name and he had to find his birth certificate.  The only other female who knows John’s middle name is the amazing Irene Adler. Enter Irene Adler into Sherlock’s head as she reaches out to him he tells her no he is working he does not have time for her which suggest that Sherlock thinks about Irene at times.

Irene and Sherlock

Irene and Sherlock

Then Sherlock remembers that John’s middle name was printed on the wedding invitations.  That means Tessa saw the wedding invitation and that the killer is at the wedding and after someone at the wedding.

By this point Sherlock’s speech has gone all crazy because he is deducing the answer to the crime while trying to talk to everyone else so sometimes he slips and has to cover it.  Sherlock also realizes that the royal guard it connected, the killer used him as a run through of his plan by stabbing him through his belt, in by doing so the belt was the only thing keeping him from bleeding out.  How to figure out who would be the target well Sherlock had to figure out who you would want to kill at a wedding.

Sherlock tries to deduce who the target is

Sherlock tries to deduce who the target is

It would have to be someone who does not go out much and lives remotely – John’s friend James Sholto.  Sherlock gives him a message saying that he is the target.  John asks Sherlock to end his crazy long speech because they have a cake to cut.  Sherlock does and Sholto uses this time to leave the room.  Sherlock quickly explains to John what is going on and John gives Mary a kiss and runs off to help Sherlock.  They are on their way to Sholto’s room but Sherlock cannot remember which one it is but Mary shows up and tells them which one.  They all arrive outside the door but Sholto has locked it, he has his gun his lap.  Sholto won’t come out until Sherlock convinces him that they would not do this to John on his wedding day.  Sholto has John come in and help him out.

Sherlock then later on deduces that the photographer was the killer.  The photographer’s brother had been in Sholto’s platoon when it had been attacked and he had died.  Lestrade then arrests the photographer.

Sherlock and the maid of honor

Sherlock and the maid of honor

Sherlock is later dancing off to the side with the maid of honor because he wanted to practice for when they had to dance later.  Sherlock tells her that he actually loves to dance.  Sherlock plays the violin during John and Mary’s dance and after he is done he give them a small speech where he says three instead of two.

Sherlock - dancing

Later on, the dance floor he tells Mary that he knows that she is pregnant.  John is mad that he did not realize it since he is a doctor but Sherlock tells them that he is happy for them.  After seeing that everyone was happy and dancing at the wedding Sherlock puts on his coat and leaves with a smile on his face.

Sherlock - leaving

I have to say I enjoyed seeing John’s wedding, I would have much rather seen him get married in his uniform like they had him do in Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows.  I knew Sherlock’s speech was going to be interesting; I have to say they did not disappoint.  It started horribly awkward but it did have some amazing touching moments.  I do wish that his speech had not been pretty much the whole episode but they did do it in such a creative way that I don’t feel like I lost anything.  I am sad that all we saw of Irene Adler was a blip; she is my favorite character from the show.  I know that she is only in one story but I really wish I could see more of her.

She is my favorite character, naturally I had to put in another one

She is my favorite character, naturally I had to put in another one

I was kinda hoping that Sherlock visited her during his 2-year absence but that remains to be seen.  While he said wonders where she is, that could mean since the last time he saw which was either when he saved her or during the 2 year absence I am hoping for the later so we can see some flashback scenes.  I was happy to see everyone was at the wedding granted Mycroft did not attend but he had been invited.  I am wondering if the place we saw Sherlock talk to the girls was his mind palace, it would be really exciting if it was.  I am definitely looking forward to seeing Sherlock’s reaction to when John and Mary’s baby is born.  Everyone was trying to explain to him that things will change now that John and Mary are married.

Until next week when I recap the season finale,

-Christena

Comic Review – Wonder Woman #27

Or, as I like to call it, “Keeping Up with the Olympians!”

 

Opening up on Olympus, Apollo is still trying to extract a vow of allegiance out of the First Born via super crazy awesome torture practices. Apollo is… whipping FB. Which, let’s be real, if kind of a huge step backwards from, say, feasting on his organs as he’s strapped to a dinner table.

Or being eaten alive by maggots. Remember that time, guys? Haha, good times...

Or being eaten alive by maggots. Remember that time, guys? Haha, good times…

Naturally, his chains begin to crack at the coupling… Because it’s not like shit was made by, I dunno, Hephaestus or anything. Pshaw.

ANYWHO.

Diana is on Themyscira with Hermes, talking in very disjointed syntax about how she’s failed to protect doesn’t even trust her… So… I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about. Is it Zola? Because I thought that bitch trusted her. Her Mom? Since she’s sitting there, turned to stone in kind of a begging position, SUPER unbecoming of Hippolyta. She’d be more like, “Come at me, bro,” frozen in stone, standing tall, one hand beckoning her attacker forward, the other giving a “Na!” (<- The Greek equivalent of a middle finger.) But I guess I’ll never know because, y’know, bad writing.

Thanks, Azzarello.

Thanks, Azzarello.

 

Now… Okay, so hold on. I want to talk really quickly about the title of this issue. “The Unsettling Son.” Really, guys? Really? REALLY. Let’s take “Setting Sun” and make it “Unsetting” instead for no reason. Then let’s make “Sun” into “Son” because, y’know, the First Born. Then let’s make “Unsetting” into “Unsettling” because the First Born is a creepster, but now it’s a hugely mangled pun that’s terrible, but we still think we’re clever as all fuck, don’t we? Because that would be the motto of the New 52. “We’re completely unaware of our poor writing. In fact, we’re super proud of ourselves.” In fact, fellow Fangirl Kizerrezik pointed out to me that a whole shit-ton of their books have “DC Comics Proudly Presents” at the top of the title pages. Like they’re trying to convince themselves…

HO-kay. Now. Back to the actual contents of the issue.

Hermes assures Diana that they’ll find baby Zeke, and she reminds him that they’re looking for Zola, too. They zap back on over to Diana’s flat in London, where Hera is sitting on the floor in a corner of the living room that’s been conspicuously left empty… for Drama.

Seriously. Diana's half-brother or whatever he was... His head is still on the mantle, but they don't have any, like, bookshelves of shit for that whole wall?

Seriously. Diana’s half-brother or whatever he was… His head is still on the mantle, but they don’t have any, like, bookshelves of shit for that whole wall?

 

Hera tells them that she’s afraid to leave, afraid of being alone, afraid to die, and that she doesn’t know who to pray to. Diana picks her up and tells her to pray to the only person she can count on to actually help her; herself. Hera doubts herself and Diana realises that they’re going to need some help…

Does this actually tie in to Superman/Wonder Woman, I wonder? Do the rest of the DC Heroes see these mother fuckin' Olympians just chillin' all over the everywhere?

Does this actually tie in to Superman/Wonder Woman, I wonder? Do the rest of the DC Heroes see these mother fuckin’ Olympians just chillin’ all over the everywhere?

Cut to Provence, where Zola is déjeuner-ing with Dio. Zola is more than open to learning to live with the finer things, and Dio welcomes some guests after remarking that she reminds him of someone.

Really? Twitter transcends the earth and skies?C'mon, now.

Really? Twitter transcends the earth and skies? C’mon, now.

They’re going to go hunting for truffles. Or is that “truffles?” I dunno.

Somewhere over the Alps, Cassandra and her hoverthingy full of goons are still tracking the First Born. <- And I wrote that line before actually reading the page.

Thank you, Captain Exposition.

Thank you, Captain Exposition.

Despite her just having said to not go to Provence and that they need to get to Olympus instead, she redirects them towards the south of France when an energy similar to Dionysus’ shows up in London, and then another like it in Provence.

Diana travels to Siberia with a cape on and no pants to combat the cold and ask Snape’s patronus for a boon.

Bitch, it's SIBERIA. Like she WANTS to be there...

Bitch, it’s SIBERIA. Like she WANTS to be there…

Apparently, this broad is the Moon. And apparently, the Moon is an excellent hunter. And, I guess, Strife made it so that the gods can’t find baby Zeke.

And, it looks like, the Moon's about to get her ass kicked back to... Not... Siberia?

And, it looks like, the Moon’s about to get her ass kicked back to… Not… Siberia?

And then this shit happens.

Because why not?

Because why not?

Diana is beaten by the Moon bear. She submits, despite the Moon telling her that she must agree to a wish of the Moon’s which she will only know when the Moon decides to tell her…

And Diana looks awfully smug here, but I call BULLSHIT. You now owe a glowing god chick with antlers a favour which could be ANYTHING. ANYTHING!

And Diana looks awfully smug here, but I call BULLSHIT. You now owe a glowing god chick with antlers a favour which could be ANYTHING. ANYTHING!

Back on Olympus, Apollo is now using all of his glowy sun powers to give the First Born a helluva shvitz, pouring out water right in front of his face and being a huge dickbag even as he monologues on just how much it pains him to do this to his brother, blah, blah, blah, and how if he just swears allegiance, this shit will all be over with and they can play catch and bake cupcakes and shit. But then…

Spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert.

Now, back in the south of France for the last scene, where Dio’s guests are too hot on their truffle hunt and are drunk and starting to strip.

In the next panel, and still with baby Zeke strapped to her chest in a baby bjorn thingamabob, Zola asks, "Right-- For an orgy?"

In the next panel, and still with baby Zeke strapped to her chest in a baby bjorn thingamabob, Zola asks, “Right– For an orgy?”

And then THIS happens.

Circe style.

Circe style.

Zola, thank goodness, has the presence of mind to bolt (because, really, wouldn’t you?). Dio, however, almost seems shocked that she’d just up and ditch him. I mean, it’s not like she knew any of these people who’ve just been painfully and graphically transformed into pigs! And, actually, Dio looks more than a little concerned for her.

But she bolts anyways and comes out of the brush just in time to see Cassandra’s hoverthingy landing and her disembarking with her secret weapon…

Le sigh...

Le sigh…

An S&M MINOTAUR!!!

(Who needs a wax.)

Awesome.

So…

I feel like I should mention… I’m actually of Greek heritage. I know my mythology. And, in the case of this comic, and specifically in trying to enjoy this comic… That’s not necessarily a good thing. So, this whole thing with the Greek gods playing a major role in Wonder Woman’s story, and her being just another bastard child of Zeus… I’m very much mixed about it. On the one hand, it’s cool to see her heritage and the wealth of mythology being used. On the other, like, five hands, though, we have a Wonder Woman whose origin has been rewritten to make her fundamentally less feminist by virtue of her creation now being dependent on a man, misrepresentations of numerous ancient Greek dieties, shit that don’t make no sense with respect to their characters, the fact that they roam the earth but are either completely ineffectual or invisible or some shit, the fact that it’s getting old, and then… Shit. I forget what the fifth thing was. But, really. I’m just not feeling it.

I love Cliff Chang’s artwork. It’s very clean and very cool. You can always tell every character apart perfectly, and, yeah, they are all designed significantly different, fine. But Diana is drawn like… Like a real person! She’s not a stick-thin bitch. She’s not super bulky. She’s thick. Athletic. Realistic.

An Amazon.

And I appreciate that.

Brian Azzarello’s writing, though… I liked him better on Batman.

Bring back Gail Simone!

Or at least someone who writes Diana better. Hell, Peter David does excellent writing for strong women, and he’s always working in weird mystic shit into his story arcs. Let’s fix that broken bridge!

And let’s wrap this shit up already. I don’t think that this is a good enough story to have been following Zola since the first fucking issue. Or, go back and do something more with that whole “Wonder Woman is now the goddess of War” thing. That could actually be interesting!

Just… Well.

I guess I should be happy that she’s not handled as poorly as she is in Superman/Wonder Woman.

 

 

Comic Review – Supergirl #27

‘Sup?

If you remember last month, and even if you don’t, Supergirl #26 ended with Supergirl letting way too loose on Lobo, apparently killing him.

We open now to his autopsy, where we get such scintillating lab notes as his age (27), his height (1.8 metres, or about 5’11”), and his weight (103 kg, or about 227, making him awfully dense for a lean young man under 6’). In essence, New 52 Lobo is sexy as fuck.

And this isn't foreshadowing masquerading as a red herring at all.

And this isn’t foreshadowing masquerading as a red herring at all.

Veritas gushes over the opportunity to study a Czarnian, even as Kara freaks the fuck out over having knocked Lobo’s block off.

And, as a person with a lot of anger...

And, as a person with a lot of anger…

This isn't how this shit happens. This is more bipolar, yo.

This isn’t how this shit happens. This is more bipolar, yo.

Veritas takes Kara for a walk and leaves the other doctors to their work, instead telling the young Kryptonian that her recent power fluctuations have left her without the ability to really know her limits. This makes me wonder about the current situation with Power Girl and her powers randomly cutting out on her, but I don’t think the writers over at DC are clever enough to tie this shit together. I think, at this point, they’re actually concurrently reusing storylines. And not even really good ones.

But I digress.

During their conversation, Veritas reveals that she is unable to leave the Block, lest some bad juju happen to the Time-Space continuum.

More Chekov's guns? Are these actually going to fire ever?

More Chekov’s guns? Are these actually going to fire ever?

Back in the lab, one of the doctors who looks exactly like Veritas (see the screengrab above for reasons) is griping about how her job at the CC never came with janitorial work. And, behind her, Lobo is rising up behind her, a razor in hand.

It's an awfully zombie-ish shot, and the whole CDC thing instantly makes me thing TWD.

It’s an awfully zombie-ish shot, and the whole CDC thing instantly makes me thing TWD.

Veritas tells that what Kara really needs is some normalcy, and that maybe she could call Superman, since he’s family. Shew dismisses the idea outright, saying that he’s too Earth for her to really relate to (another departure from his wishy washiness in Superman/Wonder Woman).

And all that I can see here is the mystery of what's happening with her costume in the crotch-al area.

And all that I can see here is the mystery of what’s happening with her costume in the crotch-al area.

Kara laments her lost friendship with Siobhan, the New 52 Silver Banshee, saying that she was the only person who ever really got her.

Bom Chicka Wow Wow.

Bom Chicka Wow Wow.

Back in the lab, standing over the completely unmarked bodies of the two dissection doctors, Lobo is getting dressed again and and digging for information on Kara so that he can take her down.

Well, she can't control even mild emotions, we know that much!

Well, she can’t control even mild emotions, we know that much!

On level 7 of the Block (which means this place is huge and it probably isn’t as bad to be trapped in it as they’re saying, especially if bitches can have guests and shit, too), Veritas admits that she’s been tracking a Czarnian…

Oh, yeah. Another Lobo or something, right? It's hard to keep up when you really don't care.

Oh, yeah. Another Lobo or something, right? It’s hard to keep up when you really don’t care.

 

An Intruder Alert sounds, and Kara takes this as the perfect moment to pick up a thing that just rolled into the room like it’s not a trap like it obviously is.

Naturally, it’s a hypersonic grenade, enough to give Veritas and Lobo a headache, and a neural overload and getting knocked the fuck out to Kara.

Pseudo-science!

Pseudo-science!

 

In an attempt to escape, Veritas activates a Fusion Orb, whatever that is, and it sets Lobo back a bit, giving Veritas time to get through another big ass door with some weird ass markings all over it. We learn that this door leads to Xenocontainment Unit 5, wherein is housed…

Oh, come on. What the fuck is this now?

Oh, come on. What the fuck is this now?

Blaze disappears just as Lobo knocks the door in, and she demands to know, at the very least, who put the hit out on her.

Yawn.

Yawn.

 

Meanwhile, that Fusion Orb that Veritas set off out there? A miniature sun.

Bitches love tanning.

Bitches love tanning.

As Lobo holds his knife to Kara’s neck, Kara bursts through.

Ooh, I'm shakin' in my space boots.

Ooh, I’m shakin’ in my space boots.

Meanwhile, Blaze has just fucking disappeared.

Now.

Okay.

So, the tagline for next issue says “Kara sees RED” and that obviously is a reference to her impending tenure as a Red Lantern (and by tenure, who the fuck really knows, because the “Red Daughter” arc is only supposed to last for three issues)

But my issue isn’t the usual thing about Kara being petulant and selfish. I mean, I’m still concerned about all of that and her as a character, but here… She goes from calm serenity as she absorbs the yellow sunlight to ready to kill a motherfucker in the span of a single page. Couple that with earlier in the issue, where she’s upset she killed a guy, raging about it, then distraught about her lack of control and understanding, all within the space of a few sentences… And…

Now I just think she’s bipolar.

I don’t know if this is what I’m supposed to be feeling, or if this is a whole other example of the bad writing that I’ve been wailing about since the inception of the New 52 Universe. But I do know that I still don’t like it.

I’m not even going to go into the whole thing about the S-Shield being a symbol of justice sans the death penalty. To be honest, I don’t even like New 52 Superman, and I grew up with Clark Kent’s morals heavily influencing my own. And my favourite Supergirl incarnation was the Peter David run for Linda Danvers/Matrix and the whole Earth-Born angel thing from 1996-2002, and Linda Danvers was a legitimately terrible person prior to her merging with Supergirl, so I shouldn’t be bothered by the willingness to go to extremes. At least this Kara is taking it out on a bad dude who deserves it.

Now, when she becomes a Red Lantern, yes, her rage will take on a whole new form. BUT, she’ll also be forced into a policing role, and she might learn some shit about responsibility and doing-the-right-thing-ed-ness. Let’s hope. She’s pretty low down right now, but she’s still going to hit lower before they let her start the climb back up towards being a decent person.

Let’s just hope that they start to build her a personality AND a supporting cast. DC seems to have lost that, and I find that the most successful and compelling characters have lives outside of the cape.

Peace out.

Comic Review – World’s Finest #19

Whoo.

Okay, you guys.

I have really high hopes going into this issue.

They ain't kidding. FINALLY.

They ain’t kidding. FINALLY.

Let’s just jump right in.

PG is deep in the waters off the coast of Namibia, mining the ocean floor for diamonds and antagonizing local animal life. As she flings an overly familiar giant squid out of the water and over a fishing boat full of awfully light-skinned folks, she muses that she can sell the diamonds to get some quick cash.

I bet this WILL disturb their catch. There does their livelihood. I guess it's back to piracy for them.

I bet this WILL disturb their catch. There does their livelihood. I guess it’s back to piracy for them.

She shoots out of the water when she’s collecting a few thousand karats, giving the fishermen a pretty good look at her as she goes.

Well, at least it's going towards a good cause.

Well, at least it’s going towards a good cause.

The next scene is New York, where, Karen and Helena are discussing their legal troubles over breakfast in their hotel room, and Karen assures her that, if nothing else, at least her powers aren’t still on the fritz!

Why she needs to awkwardly tug at her uniform I have no idea.

Why she needs to awkwardly tug at her uniform I have no idea.

She plans to fly Hel around the park, but, of course, her powers decide to take that moment to cut out on her, sending both of them, now powerless, crashing to the ground through tree limbs and shit.

Limbs and boobs flailing to no avail!

Limbs and boobs flailing to no avail!

Naturally, they both survive unscathed, aside from some testy remarks by Helena. In the next shot, Karen is having a board meeting and getting cheesed off. This sets off her heat vision, setting fire to random shit but, luckily again, not injuring or killing anybody.

HOW COULD HE NOT?!

HOW COULD HE NOT?! IT’S COMING FROM HER FUCKING FACE!

While Karen’s face explodes all over her company, Helena thinks that she’ll have to take her friend’s well-being into her own hands and go to her not-dad for help.

Vigilantism AND carbs? Jealous.

Vigilantism AND carbs? Jealous.

Karen, meanwhile, realizes that shit is not getting any better, and we can infer that she’s resigned herself to asking Superman for help.

Context clues, yo.

Context clues, yo.

Helena creeps around stately Wayne Manor, thinking about the best way to get in to talk to her pseudo-pops. She resigns herself to going in through the Batcave.

I mean, she IS in costume already.

I mean, she IS in costume already.

Batman, meanwhile, is being a creepster and stalking her right back, even making it easier on her to break in.

Creepy and cocky. Every girl's dream.

Creepy and cocky. Every girl’s dream.

Helena scopes out the cave, finding it different than her home, and remembering the difference in age between her dad and this Batman, calling him a near Rookie. He sneaks up on her, y’know, like ya do, and she trains her crossbow on him, because of reasons. She immediately lowers it, apologizing for the break-in, saying that she needs his help. He promptly traps her in some kind of scifi light-construct cage thing, demanding answers, and she very calmly responds…

Because, let's face it, she was probably expecting this kind of shit. Fuck, dude, imagine THAT childhood.

Because, let’s face it, she was probably expecting this kind of shit. Fuck, dude, imagine THAT childhood.

Sooo… Between giant squids, board meetings, and croissants… THIS ISSUE WAS ANOTHER FILLER ISSUE.

SON OF A BITCH.

I guess, if I want to see anything interesting happen in this comic, I have to buy Batman/Superman, too!

Which means that nothing interesting is still happening in this actual fucking comic book series.

FanTAStic.

I feel like I’m being trolled by DC Comics.

SIGH.

See you all in another series…

Comic Review – Batgirl #27: What the Fuck is “Gothtopia?!”

Okay. So.

This.

A domino mask. Because the genetically recessive red hair wasn't enough of a clue to your secret identity already.

A domino mask. Because the genetically recessive red hair wasn’t enough of a clue to your secret identity already.

I don’t know what “Gothtopia” is. I’m going to figure it out by the end of this review, but for now, dear readers, realize that I’m going into this issue with zero idea of what in the world is going on in here. As always, I review the comic as I read through it on the first time, then summarize shit once I’ve taken a sec to gather my thoughts and form my oh, so many opinions.

Let’s explore my ignorance together, shall we? Let’s begin.

The comic opens with Babs narrating the morning routine of Angela Ramirez, a woman with family and a good job, managing the Joker Brand Ice Cream Company.

I can't decide whether my nerdiness would make me try this brand or my sense of self preservation would not ever let me.

I can’t decide whether my nerdiness would make me try this brand or my sense of self preservation would not ever let me.

Apparently, Gotham City is the safest, the nicest, the friendliest city in ‘Murica, and even the weather is a balmy 90 degrees and sunny in February! Everyone is happy in Gotham. Everyone smiles. But Ms. Ramirez has started having nightmares. And she’s not smiling any more.

Cut to the Gordon household, where a cheerful Barbara wakes to her dad making breakfast, and the promise of bacon as she scrambles for clean pants.

How I envy her life.

How I envy her life.

She muses on the love she has for her family. Her mother is still around. Her dad is carefree. Her brother, James Jr., is a volunteer at a soup kitchen. And her cat is fat as fuck. There’s your first, second, and third warning bells right there.

And the fact that Ricky is her boyfriend and not a certain Mr. Dick Grayson is proof that this universe is imperfect in and of itself.

And the fact that Ricky is her boyfriend and not a certain Mr. Dick Grayson is proof that this universe is imperfect in and of itself.

And in this perfect, crime-free Gotham? She’s still Batgirl for some reason.

…Okay. I’mma wait.

And her partner is crime-stopping is… Charise Carnes. Fucking Knightfall. But here, she’s “Daybreak.”

I can, however, get behind the fact that there plans have been hijacked by the sound of the ice cream man driving by.

I can, however, get behind the fact that there plans have been hijacked by the sound of the ice cream man driving by.

Back at the Ice Cream factory, Ms. Ramirez tells Steve Urkel an underling named Leo that she’s started scheduling surprise inspections of the flavouring vats. Anybody else’s ears perk up at the mention of “vats” at the “Joker” Ice Cream factory?

On the roof above the ice cream truck, Babs, who has only been referred to so far as “Bluebell” (and isn’t that an ice cream brand itself and WHY is there still a bat on her chest, then?) refuses to buy ice cream. This appears to be due to the fear of clowns. HA!

Meanwhile, Ramirez is now making changes to the trucks' radios. So... Suspicious, much?

Meanwhile, Ramirez is now making changes to the trucks’ radios. So… Suspicious, much?

Right after that little meeting, a bus full of children from Gotham Elementary (How can there be only the one elementary school?!) arrives, making me really nervous all of a sudden.

This, too, makes me concerned. Even if there's nothing truly nefarious going on, I will forever liken tours of eccentric confectioneries to the Wonka Factory tour and, well, we all know what happened there...

This, too, makes me concerned. Even if there’s nothing truly nefarious going on, I will forever liken tours of eccentric confectioneries to the Wonka Factory tour and, well, we all know what happened there…

And then this happens.

And we also see Daybreak/Knightfall having some kind of muted traumatic flashback.

And we also see Daybreak/Knightfall having some kind of muted traumatic flashback.

The trucks can’t be called back because all of the radios are down. Somehow, even the cellular phones aren’t working. So, Barbara tells Daybreak to “make the call” and steals one of the poisoned people’s motorcycles, tailing an ice cream truck that’s just made its way into a public park. She slaps a dude’s ice cream out of his hand, and he, naturally, takes a swing at her head.

I don't really blame him. Neither does Babs. LEGIT.

I don’t really blame him. Neither does Babs. LEGIT.

Urkell is telling Ramirez about the poisoned ice cream, saying that they can’t give any of it to the kids, of course. Ramirez responds by donning a clown mask, hoisting a pistol, and assuring him that nothing bad could ever happen in Gotham.

Despite all of the horrible things happening, I still kind of want to applaud the Joker for his commitment to diversity in the workplace, though!

Despite all of the horrible things happening, I still kind of want to applaud the Joker for his commitment to diversity in the workplace, though!

Naturally, she shoots Steve Urkell (Did I do that?). However, she promptly reassures the children, saying that they’ll be together forever, unlike the little girl she once had, and unlike her former husband. She tells them to call her Mother Mercy.

Awesome. That’s not creepy at all.

Babs and Charise arrive on the scene and the GCPD is there ahead of her. Detective McKenna wants her to go in on the DL and take the aggressor out, but Detective Bullock is also there, belittling her and saying that Mayor Cobblepot has given the order to use a sniper on the way.

Inside, Ramirez is traumatizing the children further by telling them her very tragic story wherein she was called in by the police to identify the smiling corpses of her husband and daughter. Despite their deaths, she says she was still happy, still smiling, just like all of Gotham. She questions this fact. She says that she wants to forget, but she can’t with the city plastered with the smiling Joker face logo. So, she’s gonna go all Heaven’s Gate on these kids and she and the kids will all eat ice cream and stay together, smiling forever.

Outside, Daybreak offers Babs a distraction in the form of blowing up Bullock’s car.

Passive aggressive? Or I guess this would be more actually, active aggressive.

Passive aggressive? Or I guess this would be more actually, active aggressive.

The sniper is still on the roof. It’s not much of a distraction as Barbara sails over  ALL of the police, who are all looking directly at her, some even pointing in case you inexplicably missed her.

But Bullock got fucked so...

But Bullock got fucked so…

Right before Ramirez forces the first kid to eat, Barbara bursts in, elbowing this woman who put so much thought into her plan but apparently never learned how to use that fucking gun in the FACE.

Look, sometimes, it's like that.

Look, sometimes, it’s like that.

The “very bad day” making her a raving, mass-murdering psychopath reminds me of “The Killing Joke.”

OCD is a dangerous thing.

OCD is a dangerous thing.

…And then it reminds Barbara, too. And Ramirez sees that she’s not the only person who remembers another life, another truth.

And now I'm getting flashbacks to "Emperor Joker." Which I loved.

And now I’m getting flashbacks to “Emperor Joker.” Which I loved.

While the Barbara has a mini panic attack, the sniper makes his move. Ramirez is struck in the solar plexus, not the heart or the head so this sniper should be FIRED, but it gives her enough time to give us some last words about her family and some other such bullshit… Trying to make me feel feelings, DC?!?!?! Better publishers than you have tried.

Barbara clings to the fact that the kids are safe. She wants to forget this day. She plans to. She even says, that if this is her waking up…

Remember earlier? When she didn't even want to wake up until the lure of bacon brought her out of her bed and into her pants?

Remember earlier? When she didn’t even want to wake up until the lure of bacon brought her out of her bed and into her pants? Huh? Do ya?

How very un-Barbara-like. To dismiss reality. To delude herself.

So, as if we didn’t know that it would be already, this “Gothtopia” is a problem. And, as I mentioned “Emperor Joker” earlier and DC is really out of ideas, I’m willing to wager that the whole thing is some kind of illusion-y thing. The Joker is probably behind it all, but that might be a red herring because DC likes to pretend that they’re clever.  And while I do like Gail Simone on Batgirl (and I liked her Wonder Woman run, too, but that’s a whole other story), I also read “Leaving Megalopolis,” her recent independently published trade, and it fell really flat. So… Obviously, I’m going to give it a try. I’ll try to pick up the Detective Comics and other Bat-books tie-ins (DAMMIT.) and I’ll summarize shit you the rest of you nerds.

The issue, overall, was entertaining. But one thing is still bothering me, and is completely unconscionable even before the rest of the story unfolds…

bg27-picardwhythefuck

REALLY. WHY.

See you next time, kids! And remember: Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!

Comic Review – Superman/Wonder Woman #4

*SOBS*

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

 

I don’t want to have to review this comic anymore!

So, we open where we left off last issue, with Clark having all of the insecurities about his relationship with Dianna finally being out in the open. Dianna is being kind of super not compassionate, which is way the fuck out of character for her, and even from her own book. Like, I’m not trying to reconcile this Dianna with pre-New 52 Dianna but the Dianna as she appears in the current run of Wonder Woman.

Come ON, editorial staff! This is your fucking JOB!

Come ON, editorial staff! This is your fucking JOB!

She’s got ZERO expression on her face. Her words seem to be trying to goad Clark into leaving his secret identity, his civilian life behind. She’s being a crap girlfriend right now, for realsies. It’s making me hate New 52 Wonder Woman all the more. I mean, who is writing this? Who is responsible for this?!

Charles Soule. I hate you.

Charles Soule. I hate you.

Ahem.

Back in the zoo area of the Fortress of Solitude, Zod can apparently escape at will and is going through Clark’s files and all of his cable channels.

Because Wonder Woman wasn't the only character whose reboot made them terrible at everything.

Because Wonder Woman wasn’t the only character whose reboot made them terrible at everything.

He slips back into his dome in time for Clark to come and ask him a bunch of stupid questions about Doomsday and for Zod to rib him about his lady and tease him about his accent. Zod makes up some bullshit to make himself seem even more reasonable and compassionate.

Because, apparently, they never did find the bodies of those poor brown people in the desert four feet from where the Martian Manhunter and Zod scuffled.

Because, apparently, they never did find the bodies of those poor brown people in the desert four feet from where the Martian Manhunter and Zod scuffled.

Clark blindly follows Zod’s instructions and codes a lens to the Phantom Zone projector or whatever pseudo-science they’re trying to do here, and Zod proceeds to fuck shit up by exploiting Clark’s ignorance of his culture and Zod’s own inexplicable knowledge of the intricacies of shipping containers and processing (because he’s MILITARY), and frees all of Superman’s pets.

They're not allowed on the furniture, Zod. C'mon!

They’re not allowed on the furniture, Zod. C’mon!

While they’re fighting, Wonder Woman’s monologuing off camera, talking about their similarities and their differences and talking like a person who doesn’t know how to talk like a person, another significant deviation from her life in her own series where she is, at least, kind of a person.

She says they'll separate. Hopefully this means the series will be cancelled. Because this is AWFUL.

She says they’ll separate. Hopefully this means the series will be cancelled. Because this is AWFUL.

And, of course, the thing that Zod is so desperate to bring back out of the Phantom Zone?

His boo-tay.

His boo-tay.

Now. The comic, by rights, should be over right here. The bottom of the above panel has the tagline for the next issue. But, in an apparent effort to further convince me (as though the effort were necessary and the furthering of my dismay possible) that I’m right in my opinion with (lack-of) respect to this series, they add in more plot stuff AS AN AFTER THOUGHT.

Clark meets up with Cat Grant and her beau to revel in the success of their website since breaking the story of Superman and Wonder Woman being boinking buddies.

Um, as a writer... I call BULLSHIT. Alcohol is almost ALWAYS involved.

Um, as a writer… I call BULLSHIT. Alcohol is almost ALWAYS involved.

Cat;s boyfriend Aaron is working on a device which allows anyone to instantly learn anything, in an effort to keep up with the supers.

In a Hypermax Detention facility in Utah, Lex Luthor learns of the relationship and I see no reason for him to have burn scars on his face.

More of DC trying to be "gritty," I suppose.

More of DC trying to be “gritty,” I suppose.

In Gotham, Batman is the best wingman ever and fucks up some Times Square-esque TVs so that people aren’t just fucking gawking at his friends’ lives.

See? He's a squishy little softie.

See? He’s a squishy little softie.

In London, Dianna visits Hessia (CHANGE HER NAME DC, I ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS LAST ISSUE!) at her *snort* little kids’ martial arts class, so she can cavort about with her friend and smash up a room full of robots, like everybody has, and blow off some steam.

#Pandering.

#Pandering.

Hessia (HEAVY SIGH) says that she should be happy that he’s more open, like Dianna wanted. Dianna gives her the stink-eye, and Hessia (   😡   ) tells her that she can’t control everything, sarcastically calling her “little princess.” Dianna then says that she should go back to Themyscira… Which is kind of like saying, ” A HA, I can control the SHIT out of things THERE!”

Back at the celebration a la Cat Grant, Clark asks why the flash drive was sent to them, who would have sent it, all of the actually rational questions, and she gives absolutely ZERO fucks. Frankly, I don’t know who to root for here. Because I hate EVERYONE.

Except for Lois. I actually really love Lois Lane. GROWL.

Except for Lois. I actually really love Lois Lane. GROWL.

So… I really hate this title. It’s a hodgepodge of stupid storylines, bad writing, poor characterization, and irrationality altogether. I still do not see any reason for them to be together. At ALL. For goodness’ sake, this past issue actually was printed out of order! I don’t know whether to focus on their relationship woes, the Zod story, or the mystery of who sent Cat Grant the story, and I don’t actually want or care to really delve into any of these storylines. And now they’ve added in a thing with Lex Luthor, and about Clark needing to focus on being Clark, and Dianna taking a trip back home and I just…

I don’t care.

SIGH.

See you next month, I guess.

Because I’m dedicated. And by dedicated, I mean a masochist.

Later, nerds.

Sleepy Hollow Recap: Season Finale

Sleepy Hollow

It took me about 30 minutes to even start trying to write this after the season finale, because well OMG.  This was definitely one of the best season finales ever.  Lets recap what happened last week, a demon possessed Macey and made her kill a priest, oh and the demon possessed look does not look good on anyone.

This episode starts with Abbie leaving a voice mail on Ichabod’s phone; I must say Ichabod has the nicest voice mail.  Then Ichabod texts Abbie back, he is moving up in the world he can text now and he had to deal with autocorrect.  While Abbie is in her kitchen she finds Andy Brooks sitting on the floor, well hello Andy thanks for stopping by to visit, what news from Moloch do you have to bring.

OK, Andy what do you have to say?

OK, Andy what do you have to say?

Andy basically repeats what they already know which is that Ichabod is supposed to deliver Abbie’s soul to the Moloch.  Andy also makes sure that Abbie knows that he does love her, before he leaves.

Ichabod is playing around with Washington’s bible to decode the secret messages in it.  It is discovered that Washington knew that Ichabod was one of the witnesses – can someone please tell me how he knew this.  Apparently, Washington knew all about the supernatural stuff that was going on, I guess that is how you become President know about all the crazy stuff.   Washington had some magic performed on him when he died to protect him from the evil that was around.  Then he had them resurrect him like 4 days later so that he could exist between worlds and draw the map to purgatory for Ichabod to find in the future.  Can anyone else say Zombie George Washington?  Ichabod does his I am beyond brilliant thing, kinda like Batman and Sherlock Holmes and figures out that the priest who died in the first episode might have some answers.  Naturally when they need help with things that require psychic powers they call in Henry Parish.  Apparently, Ichabod dated Betsy Ross at one point.

Irving is questioned about what happen the night the demon possessed Macey.  Irving later finds out that his daughter is in for questioning and they are taking a DNA sample from her because of the priest and cop that died in the safe house.  We all know that Demon Macey did it, but obviously, the other cops are not going to accept that answer.  Irving naturally asks them how his 13-year-old handicapped daughter was supposed have killed someone.  They don’t care and tell Irving that if his daughter is a match they will arrest her.

Down in the sewers where dead Andy lives, him and Moloch talk.  This causes a bunch of bat to come flying at Andy, which all I can think is run.  The bats form a cocoonish thing around Andy.  We later find out this morphed Andy into a bald creature that really channels Moloch or another demon.  This new Andy, well it’s not his best look, but better than the snapped neck look.

Ichabod, Abbie, and Henry all go to the grave of the priest and they have Henry touch the body of the priest.

At the grave of the priest

At the grave of the priest

He gets a bunch of visions but the beads are cursed so it is hard for him to keep hold.  However, he grabs back on because he wants to help them find the map and free Katrina.  Henry is able to give them some information about that helps them figure out that the map is with Washington’s body.   I swear they are going to get this guy killed with the amount they make him use his psychic powers.  Of course, a bunch of demons come out of the ground to attack them; Ichabod and Abbie beat them off.

The downside with going to visit’s Washington’s grave is that there are 2 different grave sites.   Thanks to Henry’s vision, they know which one to visit.

Searching for Washington's grave

Searching for Washington’s grave

They get to the gravesite and naturally there is more than one possible option, because is can never be that easy.  I naturally thought of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indy had to figure out which cup was the actual Holy Grail.  Ichabod was able to deduce which one of the graves was Washington’s grave.  Then they walk down a tunnel and the Washington’s stone coffin rolls out, now we are in National Treasure.  They open the stone coffin where Ichabod takes the map from Washington.

Washington's grave

Washington’s grave

Andy decides to visit them in the crypt at this point by jumping down Batman style.  Abbie is able to pull Andy out from his demon-possessed haze long enough for him to beg her to kill him.  Abbie thrust a spear like instrument through Andy’s head and Andy dies…again.  Unfortunately, Andy blocked the only entrance out of the crypt but they are able to find another way out, again National Treasure.  Oh look, Andy is getting back up I guess he is not dead…again.  Abbie, Ichabod, and Henry get out of the crypt as it collapse thus I think actually killing Andy.  Andy had asked Abbie to burn the map; Abbie convinces Ichabod that burning the map is the right thing to do.  As much as Ichabod wants to free Katrina, he burns the map.  I swear I could hear all the Ichabod and Abbie shippers screaming for joy. Last time I checked Ichabod has a photographic memory can’t he just use that ability and memorize the map?

While all of this is going on Irving decides that he is going to do whatever it takes to save his daughter.  Irving turns in his gun and says that he was the one who killed the priest.  The last we see of Irving is him being led away to jail, Irving wins the father of the year award for protecting his daughter.

Ichabod finally uses his photographic memory ability and redraws the map; there was no way he was going to leave his wife in purgatory.  Henry has a dream of Moloch raising the 2nd horseman from the grave.  Then Ichabod finds himself back in the Revolutionary War time and he sees a ginger lady walking by so he follows her thinking that it is Katrina.  The ginger lady is not Katrina, sorry Ichabod not all gingers are your wife.  Ichabod is not dreaming he actually stumbled upon a Revolutionary War reenactment. Ichabod is able to buy clothes, finally he will getting some new clothes that he likes.  Ichabod buys the exact same thing that he has been wearing.  I see Ichabod is going for the Fred Flintstone method of dressing.  Jenny asks Ichabod if this means that he will be getting rid of his coat but Ichabod reuses to let some hipsters ruin his coat why wearing it all wrong.

They group begins to realize that this is the 13th anniversary of the day Abbie and Jenny saw Moloch in the woods.  They think there is a good chance this means that the 2nd horseman is coming.  Ichabod then confesses that he redrew the map from his memory.  Abbie was not happy about this but Ichabod tells her that never planned on using the map without her knowing.  They know they need Katrina to perform the spell to stop the 2nd Horseman from coming.  Abbie tells Jenny to go through all of Corbin’s stuff because there might be something in there that might help them.  Jenny does not like the idea of Abbie going into purgatory because of the prophecy that Ichabod will deliver her soul to Moloch.  Abbie tells Jenny that she cannot live her life being afraid.  Jenny tells Abbie that she better come back or else she will go in there with guns blazed and get her.

Mills sister moment - love these

Mills sister moment – love these

I love these Mills sister moments.  Ichabod uses the phone to find where they need to go; apparently, the map app is working for him this time.  The last time the map app was not working but the social media updates were.  Henry reminds them that purgatory will try to trick them and if they fall for it, they will be stuck there forever.  Abbie and Ichabod say the incantation that will take them into purgatory, the door opens and they walk in hand in hand.  All I could think of was grammar school class trips hold your buddies hand so you don’t get lost.

Henry as he waits

Henry as he waits

Abbie wakes up in Corbin’s cabin with a bump on her head.  Corbin and Andy are both alive and Abbie is on furlough from the FBI because of her injury.  Corbin and Andy do everything that they can to make Abbie feel welcomed and at home.  Before she is about to eat, the food (all I can think is don’t eat it or else you are stuck, I have obviously read too much Greek myths) Abbie remembers when she said that she would love Corbin to not be dead.  Abbie realizes that this is not real and gets taken out of the cabin.

Ichabod in turn is back in England, Ichabod has been offered a professorship at Oxford and Ichabod’s father is proud of him.  Ichabod is enjoying his coming home party and having his father praise.  Ichabod is giving a glass to drink because they want to trap him and there but then, Ichabod remembers that this is not real because it is something that wanted.  Ichabod is taken out of there.  Side note, great casting on Ichabod’s dad Victor Garber was absolutely perfect in that role.

Jenny doing research

Jenny doing research

Jenny is listening to the tapes, which lead her to visit the ruins of the old Trinity Church (which is the church that Katrina gave baby Jeremy too).  Jenny cannot find anything there but finds a sign buried under some leaves.  Jenny grabs the sign and she calls Abbie telling her that Saints Name is the Sign and that she should not trust someone.  The Horseman of death shows up, shoots Jenny’s car, and flips it over.  Jenny is left for dead as the Horseman walks away.

Ichabod and Abbie find themselves surrounded by the lost souls of purgatory.  Abbie is not sure that it is really Ichabod so she asks him to show her that thing she taught him when they had caught the Headless Horseman, the fist bumps makes another appearance.

Abbie and Ichabod in purgatory

Abbie and Ichabod in purgatory

Abbie and Ichabod find the church that Katrina frequents; of course, Katrina is wondering what Ichabod is doing there.  Ichabod says that he came to free her but Katrina will not leave.  Abbie is not having this because they did not come into purgatory for nothing.  Katrina tells them that she can leave but that someone must stay in her place.  Abbie volunteers to say, Ichabod tries to talk her out of it but he cannot.    Good job Ichabod you fulfilled the prophecy.  Ichabod tells Abbie that he vows to get her out and Katrina gives Abbie her pendent that will protect her from Moloch.  Now all the Katrina and Ichabod shippers are screaming for joy.   I guess that Abbie will not be getting Ichabod that phone upgrade. Ichabod and Katrina leave purgatory where they meet Henry who is waiting for them.  Katrina performs the spell over the area where the 2nd Horseman should be.

While in purgatory Abbie runs into Moloch really early on and she fights him like the badass that she is, the necklace also helps.  Abbie runs away and finds herself in the dollhouse that she and her sister had as kids.  In the dollhouse are the kid versions of Abbie and Jenny.  Young Abbie tells older Abbie that she exist because Moloch took part of their memories of that day away.  Older Abbie asks to see the memory, it was of Moloch raising someone out of the coffin.  Abbie freaks out and tries to get out of there but she cannot because she it trapped.

Casting the spell did nothing, which Katrina does not understand.  Then Henry performs some magic and traps Katrina and Ichabod against the tree.  Henry is the 2nd Horseman – War, well that is just great.

SH- Henry the 2nd horseman

That is not all we find out the body that Jenny and Abbie saw Moloch pulling out of the grave was that of Jeremy Crane.  Jeremy’s blood was strong enough to keep him alive so he feed off the vines.  He heard Moloch calling to him, willing to give him salvation, Jeremy considers Moloch to be his father.  When Jeremy got out, he took on the name of first church he saw – Henry Parish.  What Henry is the son of Ichabod and Katrina; I did not see that coming.  The Headless Horseman comes and takes Katrina with him.  Jeremy then buried Ichabod in his coffin.

Ichabod trapped and buried in Jeremy's grave

Ichabod trapped and buried in Jeremy’s grave

At the end, Irving is in jail, Jenny is possibly dead, Abbie is trapped in purgatory, Katrina was taken away by the Headless Horseman, Ichabod is buried alive in his son’s grave, and Henry is really Ichabod’s and Katrina’s son.

The season finale – amazing especially the last 10 minutes, I definitely did not see Henry being the 2nd horseman or him being Ichabod and Katrina’s son.  To leave all the main character’s lives up in the air is crazy.  I was freaking out about this ending for 30 minutes.  I do still have issue with George Washington knowing that Ichabod was a witness that definitely felt like a plot device.  I am not sure how I feel about zombie George Washington, he came back just so he could draw that map.  This episode was channeling National Treasure more so them some of the other ones.  I can’t say that I don’t enjoy the spins on history because I do.  I don’t also want to feel like I am watching something I have already watched before either.  Other than those issues I really enjoyed this episode.  Ichabod and phone technology was amazing.  I always love those Mills sister moments.  Irving really got the dad of the year away by protecting his daughter.  The writers did a great job and they really hit all the major points.

Until the fall,

-Christena

Sherlock: The Empty Hearse Recap

Sherlock - cast

Sherlock, well I have to say I have only just gotten into this show, but for those of you who have seen my New Years blog know this.  I pretty much saw all 6 episodes in a week.  I love Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock; he is absolutely amazing in the role.  I was definitely excited to see the Season 3 Premiere.  Where did season 2 leave off… well Sherlock was presumed dead.

Sherlock - SH's grave

In order to save the lives of John, Mrs. Hudson and Detective Lestrade, Sherlock had to die otherwise Moriarty would have them killed.  To ensure that Sherlock would die, Moriarty killed himself.  Moriarty was not as bright as he thought because he never thought that Sherlock cared for Molly.  Sherlock went to Molly to help him with what he needed to do.

The episode starts with a telling of how Sherlock survived, he basically put a Sherlock mask on a dead Moriarty who was the dead body on the street.

Mask on dead Moriarty

Mask on dead Moriarty

Sherlock jumped off the building with the aid of bungee cord.  The cord pulls Sherlock back up and he crashes though the window and kisses Molly.

Sherlock and Molly kiss

Sherlock and Molly kiss

Which we all know the Sherlock and Molly shippers went crazy over.  Then Sherlock leaves the hospital while John finds the dead body.  This turns out to only be a theory that Anderson tells to Lestrade.  Lestrade does not believe the theory.

Then we are taken to another place Siberia more than likely, where a guy with long hair is being beaten up.  It turns out that Sherlock is the one being beaten and that Mycroft is sitting there just letting it happen because he cannot blow his cover.  Mycroft brings Sherlock back to London to help uncover a terrorist plot.  When Sherlock gets back to London a Ms. Congenitally/ Hunger Games treatment is performed on him to make him look like his usual self.

Sherlock all cleaned up and back in London

Sherlock all cleaned up and back in London

I dunno I was kinda feeling the long curly hair.

John finally visits 221B Baker Street since Sherlock “died,” Mrs. Hudson is happy to see him but sad that he has not tried to contact her.  John tells her that he has found someone who Mrs. Hudson naturally assumes it is a guy.  John tells her that is a girl and that he is not gay.   Some men just have a hard time accepting that they are in a bromance, let’s be fair Sherlock and John are one of the original bromances.

Sherlock goes the restaurant that John plans on proposing to his girlfriend at, even though Mycroft told him that John might not be happy to see him.  Sherlock obviously does not listen and disguises himself as a French waiter with various items he picks up throughout the restaurant.

Sherlock as a French waiter

Sherlock as a French waiter

Eventually Sherlock lets John know that it is him since John was too nervous about the proposal to notice.  It takes Mary a few moments but based on John’s reaction she figures out that it is Sherlock.  I thought John was going to punch Sherlock but he didn’t he punches the table instead.

John and Sherlock confrontation

John and Sherlock confrontation

When Sherlock makes fun of John’s mustache then John launched himself at the Sherlock knocking him down in the restaurant.   Sherlock talks with John and Mary at another place but does not give John the answer that he needs which is why did he stay away for 2 years.  Eventually John gets completely pissed off (he never gets pissed at Sherlock) and punches Sherlock in the face.  I knew this was going to happen because John was so distraught over the loss of Sherlock there is no way he would not have an intense reaction to him being alive.  Mary tells Sherlock that she will talk to John and Sherlock does his look at you deduction technique.

Sherlock deducing Mary

Sherlock deducing Mary

I have to say this is one of my favorite aspects about Sherlock that he can look at a person and deduct a great deal about them.

Sherlock visits Lestrade to let him know he is still alive and Lestrade reacts the best out of everyone by giving him a big hug.  Poor Mrs. Hudson, Sherlock gives her such a fright when he comes back.  He also reveals himself to Molly who naturally knew that he was not dead.

Another version of how Sherlock survived is told Sherlock has a fake body attached to a cord while he talks to John; it’s the fake body that falls.  Sherlock and Moriarty are sitting on the roof laughing about it because they are romantically involved.

Sherlock and Moriarty about to kiss

Sherlock and Moriarty about to kiss

This turns out to be a lame story made up by the Sherlock fan club.  During this time the TV say that Sherlock is alive and then their cell phones go off letting them know Sherlock is alive.  I have to say that I love it when Sherlock texts various people at the same time.

Mycroft comes by to visit Sherlock and to see how he is doing on the case.  Well they play a game of operation, which is just hilarious.  Then Sherlock and Mycroft get into basically a who has the bigger penis contest by showing off their brains in a deduction game.

Sherlock invites Molly to solve crimes with him, so she takes down notes during some of the meetings.  While John is having a normal day in the office until he freaks out thinking that one of his new patients is Sherlock – the patient is not Sherlock.  Sherlock and Molly visit a client who shows Sherlock footage of underground trains.  Basically someone got onto one of the trains but never gets off.  Sherlock deduces that this man is actually Lord Moran.  Sherlock and Molly visit a crime scene with Lestrade, which just has a skeleton.  Sherlock turns into a bloodhound by sniffing the body so that he can gain some more information on it.  On the way out Sherlock and Molly talk about how she won’t be able to do this.  Molly thanks Sherlock for the day and tells him that she is engaged.  Sherlock thanks Molly for helping him fake his death and gives her a kiss on the cheek as he wishes her the best.

Sherlock wishes Molly all the best

Sherlock wishes Molly all the best

John went by 221B Baker Street, but on his way there, he is drugged and kidnapped by some guys.  Mary gets a few random text that do not make any sense at first but then she deduces that there is a hidden message telling her that John is in trouble.  Mary runs to Sherlock who she asks for help finding John.  Sherlock commandeers a motorcycle in probably the best way possible by just putting his hand up.

Sherlock commandeering a motorcycle

Sherlock commandeering a motorcycle

Mary and Sherlock race across London to save John.  Where Sherlock maps out a route to go and calculating the time it would take them to arrive.  They make in just enough time before John is burned alive.

Sherlock and Mary arriving to save John

Sherlock and Mary arriving to save John

This would not have been as bad if the guy who kidnapped John was not trying to kill him in front of his daughter.

John naturally goes over the next day to talk to Sherlock because what else is he going to do the guy did help save his life.  Sherlock’s parents are leaving when John gets there (side note those are Benedict Cumberbatch’s real parents).  John is shocked to see how ordinary they are.  John notices Sherlock’s wall and Sherlock begins to tell him about the case.  They get a video call from the client that Sherlock visited with Molly.  Sherlock realizes that during that time not only did Lord Moran disappear but that his whole train car did as well.  The client helps them figure out where the car might have disappeared.

Sherlock and John race down to the underground tunnels, John tells Sherlock that he should call the cops but of course, Sherlock doesn’t.  I would like to say that I love how John got right back into being a detective with Sherlock, it was almost like the 2 years never happened.

Investigating the train car

Investigating the train car

They eventually find the car that they think is carrying the bomb only to find out that the train car is actually the bomb.  Lord Moran actually set the bomb remotely, giving John and Sherlock only 2 ½ minutes to defuse the bomb.  John naturally thinks that Sherlock knows how to defuse the bomb because well its Sherlock and he can do anything.  Sherlock tells him that he does not and hopes that John does since he had been a soldier.  John makes Sherlock go to his mind palace because somewhere inside there should be the information on how to defuse the bomb.  Sherlock tells him that there not, both men have a moment as they brace for death.

We are shown a scene of Sherlock being recorded, yay they did not die in the train car.  Sherlock is telling someone about how he faked his death; basically he had the whole thing set up with Molly and his brother Mycroft.  Sherlock made John stand in that location so he would not see anything that is going on.  When Sherlock jumped, he landed on a giant air cushion.  Sherlock arranges for John to be knocked down which give Sherlock time to get off the air cushion and lay down on the ground with fake blood.  Sherlock made sure to find a way to stop his pulse because he knew that John would be sure to check.  Sherlock had figured out that Moriarty had found someone who looked like him because Moriarty had a little girl convinced that Sherlock kidnapped her.  That is where Molly comes in because she got a hold of that corpse to help fake Sherlock’s’ death.  It turns out that Sherlock is telling this all to Anderson, who had arranged the skeleton death earlier.  Anderson finds the problems in Sherlock’s story making him doubt that he was even told the real story.

Back on the train car, well I guess we all got excited too soon.  Maybe we didn’t because Sherlock starts to laugh, apparently there was an off switch on the bomb that Sherlock has flipped, the bomb was stopped at 1 ½ minutes.  John is naturally annoyed at Sherlock for making him think that they were going to die.  The cops come a few moments later to help them Sherlock had called them.  As Lord Moran tries to escape, the cops stop him.

John comes by the next day and tells Sherlock everything he has said at his grave, the most important being that he asked him to not be dead.  Sherlock tells John that he know because he had been there.  We learn that Mary and Mrs. Hudson are there as well, because Sherlock and John is are going to be talking to press about the terrorist incident.  Molly comes by with her fiancé who looks very much like Sherlock but everyone makes sure not to say anything.  Sherlock goes outside to talk to the press wearing the iconic Sherlock Holmes hat.

The press conference

The press conference

Somewhere is a warehouse looking place there is a creepy looking guy watching the footage of Sherlock saving John.

I have to say I enjoyed this episode, but then again I always enjoy Sherlock.  It was a great way to bring him back to London and it was so interesting to see how many people actually knew he was alive and who didn’t.  I also appreciated all the different how he survived stories.  It almost reminds me of the Joker telling his origin or how he got the scars story.  It was great to see how everyone had moved on with their lives well except for Mycroft.  I really appreciated that with Molly since she knew that Sherlock was alive, that she was able to move with her life.  I cannot tell you how happy I was to see John punch Sherlock, besides the fact that we have all been waiting for that, John was lied to, and he had a right to be pissed.  I would have done the exact same thing only sooner.  This was honestly the perfect way to bring him back to London.

I have to say one of my favorite things about this show is that they show us how Sherlock’s mind works.  I love seeing that, I enjoy it so much when he just looks at someone and can deduce so much about their lives.

Sherlock's deduction skills

Sherlock’s deduction skills

It was also great to see Sherlock map out the path to save John and to include ETA times.  Seriously it is amazing to see his brain in action, I wish mine did that.  I would love to be able to do even a quarter of what he does.

Lets talk about the mustache; you really didn’t think I was not going to talk about it.

John with the mustache

John with the mustache

I already knew about it and everything else because thanks to other social media sites and England getting it first people were already taking about it.  I had no official opinion on the mustache until I saw the episode yea it needed to go.  I have no idea what John was thinking, but I think that was great creative writing.  The only person who could get John to shave it was Sherlock; right after Sherlock makes fun of it… it is gone.

Join me next week as John asks Sherlock to be his best man and as John marries Mary.

-Christena

Amazing X-Men #3 Review

Amazing X-Men 3 Cover

Amazing X-Men 3 Cover

Lets review what happened in last months issue Wolverine and Northstar are in Heaven.  Charles tells Wolverine where he is and about Azazel but unfortunately that makes Wolverine fall off the floating pirate ship.  Storm, Iceman, and Firestar are all in hell.  Iceman freezes all of hell, but that is too much energy for Iceman, so Firestar does her best to protect him because the other pirate ship kidnapped Storm.

This issue starts off with Azazel telling his pirate crew about how they are going to control the underworld.

Picture 1

While that is happening Beast come through the portal and he is definitely not happy to fall into cold water.  The pirates on the ship try to attack Beast, well its Beast so that does not go over well.  During this time, Azazel shows up, which starts a banter between Azazel and Beast.

Beast fighting on the ship

Beast fighting on the ship

Azazel basically tells Beast how he is planning on becoming the new God and Devil.  Basically Azazel is collecting all the souls that he can because that will give him more power.  In purgatory, all the power comes from the souls.  Azazel manages to kick Beast back into the water that contains souls.

Beast goes overboard

Beast goes overboard

Azazel leaves the ship after he tells the pirates to find Nightcrawler and to kill any X-Men that they find.

On the other ship, the pirates are complaining to the Captain Kid about how Storm keeps breakout of everything, ropes, chains, etc.  They are also complaining about how Storm has broken noses and tore off nipples, because lets face it Storm is a badass.

The pirates complain about getting beat up by Storm.  She can't help that she's a badass.

The pirates complain about getting beat up by Storm. She can’t help that she’s a badass.

Just as the pirates are about to cut off her hand,  Nightcrawler shows up to save Storm.Storm is so happy to Nightcrawler and vows to not leave there without him.

NIghtcrawler to the rescue

NIghtcrawler to the rescue

Which results in a touching moment, Storm tells Nightcrawler how much she has missed him and Nightcrawler saying how he was right to fall madly in love with her all those years ago.  This results in a flashback of Nightcrawler surprising Storm with her Attic room.

An adorable moment between Storm and Nightcrawler.

An adorable moment between Storm and Nightcrawler.

While I am diehard ROLO shipper, I would be all right with a temporary Storm and Nightcrawler relationship if he comes back.  Not to mention Nightcrawler is rather adorable, I just can’t help having a soft spot for him.  Storm and Nightcrawler continue to fight the pirates on Captain Kid’s ship only to have the other pirates run onto their ship.  Apparently, the other pirates are afraid of something that is on their ship, which happens to be a very angry Beast.  Unfortunately, Beast does not seem to recognize Nightcrawler, which scared Nightcrawler a lot, because well an angry Beast could be worst then an angry Wolverine.

An angry and scary Beast

An angry and scary Beast

I have to this issue started off slow, while I am a fan of Beast I did not need to have him go through the portal.  I found the whole banter between Beast and Azazel to be completely pointless; it was only put in to explain what Azazel was doing.  I am pretty sure they could have found another way to that.  While I originally did not want Nightcrawler to show up just yet, I actually liked how they had him save Storm.  Again, while I am ROLO shipper, I did find their interaction to be very cute.  I would be all right with a temporary relationship between them.

Another adorable moment between them.

Another adorable moment between them.

I am looking forward to seeing if Northstar caught Wolverine and check in on Iceman and Firestar in the next issue.  I am hope the X-Men manage to all join back up at some point during the next issue.  I am also curious to see Wolverine’s reaction to Nightcrawler flirting with Storm.

Until next month

– Christena