DC New 52 Review – Wonder Woman #26

Howdy, kids, and a Merry Christmas Eve!

Let’s get to it…

This issue picks up pretty seamlessly from the last one, with Diana’s blind, demi-god, half-brother Milan in this broad Cassandra’s apparently evil clutches. As her talking Hyena men threaten their captive, a little bit of dialogue reveals that this bitch is yet another sibling of the Olympians, a plotline I’m getting a little tired of. Really? Every single Ancient Greek diety is going to make an appearance? Every one of the is going to be a foil to Diana in some way. These motherfuckers are everywhere and they’re disfigured and no mortals question them or still believe in the Pantheon? On the one hand, it’s good that Wonder Woman’s series is something different than the rest of the string of hero books, but it’s not really such a departure. Instead of a rogues gallery, we’re just going to be witness to the terribleness of the Greek gods. Okay. Fine. As long as she’s not poorly written here like she is in fuckin’ Superman/Wonder Woman…

No, Diana... This is gonna be your LIFE.

No, Diana… This is gonna be your LIFE.

Your crazy family will FOREVER be a burden. Actually… At least they got that part about life as a young Greek woman right. Hmmm…

ANYWHO. Back to the story, Cassandra’s trying to squeeze water from a stone, asking a blind dumpster diver where to First Born is, like he’s gonna know!

...I'm more concerned by the metal around her neck than the Hyena Men, honestly.

…I’m more concerned by the metal around her neck than the Hyena Men, honestly.

He’s “saved” from further empty threats, though, but the opening of a BOOM tube, heralding the entrance of Orion. Unfortunately for him and all of his bravado, thought, he’s halted by the classic Villain-Holding-A-Gun-To-Their-Prisoner’s-Head routine.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot that's how hostage situations work."

“Oh, yeah, I forgot that’s how hostage situations work.”

Wonder Woman, Hermes, and… the chick from “The Ring?” Well, they show up at Chernobyl, ready to rescue Milan, but are promptly attacked by Hyena Men…

Seven days...

Seven days…

Aaaaaand, back at the apartment, Strife is using her HUGELY misplaced powers as babysitter to torment Zola, that fucking little needle she had Hephaestus make held behind her back the whole time. She insists that she’s here to help as she cradles her brother’s severed head which they STILL have on the mantle, and Zola dismisses her… Until a comment about how several people have already had to die for her and Zeke finally hits home.

Ugh. Feelings.

Ugh. Feelings.

Back in the Chernobyl underground, Cassandra continues to make threats and posture and monologue, forcing Milan to tell her something of a vision– even as Diana and Hermes burst through the ceiling (y’know, like ya do).

Ew.

Ew.

He rambles about joyrides and rainbow and sparkly colours and shit, no doubt foreshadowing some future storyline, and she could give a shit. He refuses to tell her where the First Born is, even as he clearly just had a vision of him (being covered in milk and honey… and then flies by Apollo), refusing her despite her threats to Orion, Diana, Hermes, and even himself. Dude is ready to fucking die if he has to. Admirable… In a ridiculous kind of way. I mean, I thought this First Born guy was unbelievably powerful. You think he’s not going to get free eventually/let this bitch control him? I doubt it.

Disgusted, Cassandra kicks him out of her plane thing, with…

A BOMB ON HIS CHEST.

Slap him.

Slap him.

Orion can’t remove the bomb, which has a timer set for one minute, and he won’t even let Diana try, so he slaps Milan onto his little robo scooter thing and rides through a BOOM Tube with him into New Genesis, and I don’t know how that’s supposed to help since he says himself there’s a chance they’ll just blow up in the Tube.

SLAP HIM.

SLAP HIM. PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE MOTHER-FUCKER! 

And then Milan gotta get an attitude…

Ok, seriously? Slaps all around.

Ok, seriously? Slaps all around. She SAVED your LIFE.

Fucking INGRATE.

So, a whopping THREE non-slapping moments later, she’s stuck back at her place, telling Hermes that she thinks she’s made a mistake in telling Cassandra the First Born’s location… Because… IDK, feelings? Whatever. And THEN, Strife is good enough to give her the news that Zola up and left with little Zeke.

This cannot POSSIBLY be what she had this little needle forged for...

This cannot POSSIBLY be what she had this little needle forged for…

As Diana reads Zola’s goodbye/apology letter, asking her not to look for them (which we know obviously isn’t going to be listened to), we see Zola chilling at a Metro station, met by yet another deity.

Oh, what is this dude's name?

Oh, good thing he says his name, ’cause I ain’t remember shit…

So, now Zola is sitting in wait of a train to France (because the preview tagline was “The French Connection,” so…) with the fanged Dio with her. Now, I’m at a loss. Is Dio short for Dionysus? Or is this another character that DC invented to be a friend to their protagonists? Because they’re terrible with coming up with original ethnic-sounding names (as per my review of Superman/Wonder Woman #3).

Altogether, the issue wasn’t terrible, and I’m on the fence about the fact that we went straight from hating Hermes’ guts to a buddy-cop moment in one issue, and I’m not in the mood for an infinite series of “Ooh, more Greek gods starting shit they can’t finish” storylines. It makes me think of the first several seasons of “Smallville,” where every-fucking-thing was “meteor rocks.” Barf.

I hope that, in France, at least, the story progresses at least a little faster and we actually see what the big deal about the First Born and Zeke (the last born, by the way) is/are.

‘Til next time, thanks for reading and Merry Christmas!

 

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About pattyinreallife

I'm a graphic artist, writer, film-maker, and avid baker. I sing in the car and laugh at the worst/best moments. I am the coolest nerd you will ever meet. Try not to let your jealousy show too badly.

Posted on December 24, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Very informative blog post.Thanks Again. Really Cool.

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