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Michael Wilkinson talks about the Wonder Woman costume

wonder_woman_actress_gal_gadot-1024x655

Michael Wilkinson has been asked about the costume design for the Wonder Woman in the upcoming Batman vs. Superman movie.

“It’s so important to get her right. She really deserves to be presented on-screen in her full glory. So what I do is I look at the history of how the character has been presented on the big-screen, and the small-screen, and in comic books, and graphic novels. We process it all. Then we kind of put that aside and work out what is right for our film, for the cinematic universe that our director Zack Snyder is putting together. We try and create a Wonder Woman that’s relevant for today’s audiences.”

This definitely helps confirm that they are planning on doing a Justice League movie because there would be no other reason to get her costume right otherwise.  I am happy that they are looking at all of her incarnations in order to create the costume.  I know many of the fans are trying to figure out what costume they are going to use for her.

Wilkinson was asked if it was realistic to have her fighting crime in her typical costume.

“Absolutely! I mean, you just have to look at the gladiators from ancient Rome, they did their thing in little loin clothes and a shield….It works for Thor, it works for 300, so let’s see what happens.”

I am not sure how I feel about that comment, while I appreciate that he is not trying to limit Wonder Woman because she is a girl.  The costumes and characters that are mentioned are all male.  At the same time Wonder Woman is female and let’s be fair women are looked at differently when it comes to fashion.  While those costumes, work for the male characters it might not work for a female character.

I guess we will have to wait and see.

New 52 Comic Review – “Wonder Woman” #28

Last issue Zola went off with Dio (who I just figured out is supposed to be short for Dionysus), freaked out on him when he turned a bunch of normal humans into pigs right in front of her, Circe Style, and then ran into a Minotaur controlled by Cassandra.

So, let’s see where Wonder Woman is.

Well, she’s in the London Undergound, using Artemis (often referred to as “Moon” or “Hunter” in this issue and it’s driving me nuts) to track her.

Subtle as ever, 1/4 of the gods. Good job.

Subtle as ever, 1/4 of the gods. Good job.

 

Apollo keeps reminding Diana that she doesn’t trust Artemis, and she just lets him talk. They need her help. Also, like, five pages ago, he was on her shit list, so he really ought to calm his tits. Hera tosses him a barb. Diana refuses to let their shit get to her.

Seriously. She's such a C-word in Superman/Wonder Woman. Do the writers just not talker to each other, or..?

Seriously. She’s such a C-word in Superman/Wonder Woman. Do the writers just not talker to each other, or..?

 

Zola’s scent ends at the plastic chairs by the station, but Artemis picks up Dionysus’ and dismisses Diana’s concern that she may have gotten onto one of the trains. She says that Dionysus never takes public transportation, and she’ll just start following his trail.

Good to know the man is shedding... Knowing Dionysus, it's a raging STD. He should get that looked at....

Good to know the man is shedding… Knowing Dionysus, it’s a raging STD. He should get that looked at….

 

Meanwhile, in Provence, Dio is looking for Zola in the rapidly darkening woods.

That bitches don't like unexpected transfiguration?

That bitches don’t like unexpected transfiguration?

 

Zola rushes back towards him through the woods, because of reasons.

Mainly that reason.

Wait for it.

Mainly that reason.

Mainly that reason.

 

Meanwhile, on Olympus, things aren’t going so well for Apollo. What with the being strangled by the newly-freed First Born.

SOMEbody's got some issues....

SOMEbody’s got some issues….

 

But it’s okay because Apollo’s a motherfucking Street Fighter.

HADOUKEN!

HADOUKEN!

Uuuuuunfortunately……

Yeah. Not so bueno.

Yeah. Not so bueno.

Back in France, Zola’s trying to get Dio to turn the Minotaur into a pig. But he’s got another plan.

What you should do is take a minute to wax the Minotaur, amiright?

What you should do is take a minute to wax the Minotaur, amiright?

 

Of course, expecting fucking vines to hold the Minotaur at bay is kind of not the best idea…

As illustrated here. And then in several other panels.

As illustrated here. And then in several other panels.

 

Diana and her entourage have arrived at the patio where Dio was “treating” his “guests,” and they quickly follow the sounds of “RRRAAAHHHRRR”-ing coming from the forest nearby. They dart off into the woods, and Hera is told to stay put.

Somebody also should have told her by now to not eat whatever she just fucking finds lying around. Hera pig MIA next issue, anyone?

Somebody also should have told her by now to not eat whatever she just fucking finds lying around. Hera pig MIA next issue, anyone?

 

In the forest, the Minotaur has beaten the immortal fuck out of Dio and is dragging him back through the woods towards Cassandra’s ship. Zola realizes that he was never after her… But she dismisses the fact that it’s a bad idea to follow him, and follows him, trying to help despite her relative helplessness.

Back on Olympus, the battle still rages on. Mostly because Apollo doesn’t realise that repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is one of the first definitions of madness.

Um, because you're supposed to be gods, bro. That's kind of in the definition.

Um, because you’re supposed to be gods, bro. That’s kind of in the definition.

 

The Minotaur carries his quarry onto the airship, but the Hyena men realise that they have some guests… Because really, Apollo’s got to smell delicious like chicken (so, yeah, delicious).

I really do love how blase everybody is about the animal human hybrids and the gods just running around, fucking with shit.

I really do love how blase everybody is about the animal human hybrids and the gods just running around, fucking with shit.

 

Like a crazy bitch, Artemis is psyched about the hunt, but Wonder Woman warns her to chill the fuck out and stay on the defensive.

Thank goodness SOMEone's thinking!

Thank goodness SOMEone’s thinking!

 

Cassandra opts to make her escape while the fighting is going on, because fuck her minions. She’s really cavalier about the fact that acolytes are easy to make and/or come by. Like, “Hey, we’ll just put out another ad on Craigslist. No worries! Let’s roll!”

But, HELLO, meaningful locking of the eyes!

But, HELLO, meaningful locking of the eyes!

 

They try to make their escape, but this is Wonder Woman we’re talking about here, so she latches onto the ship after taking a mighty leap. This does leave me to wonder who the fuck is going to take care of Zola, the baby, and Hera, though, since we’ve established the dubious trustworthiness of all of the gods, let alone Apollo and Artemis, and especially Apollo and Artemis together.

That shit still looks like it closed on your fingers, girl. Ouch.

That shit still looks like it closed on your fingers, girl. Ouch.

 

Cassandra’s aim, meanwhile, was to kidnap one of the Olympians and “persuade” them into revealing the location of Mount Olympus… Because nobody thought to just use Google Maps, I guess. I mean, c’mon, guys! It’s a geographically located mountain!

But, either way, it doesn’t matter, because Dio is psyched at the prospect of directing her right to Olympus… And right to facing off with Apollo.

He looks like he wants popcorn for THIS fight.

He looks like he wants popcorn for THIS fight.

 

But back on Olympus, which kind of looks more like Stark Tower than anything else, the First Born has gotten the upper hand. And, of course, he starts monologuing.

I mean, technically, if he is the FIRST Born......

I mean, technically, if he is the FIRST Born……

 

He tells Apollo that his plan is to kill all of the Greek deities, all of his family, and rule Olympus. He literally says that he just wants to sit on the chair alone. Which… I mean, which is weird. Right? You just want a fancy chair? Not to actually lord over them, but just slaughter them and be alone? Weren’t you pissed because you were alone, and locked away for eons in the first place?

But Apollo is super not okay with this plan. Whether it’s because he doesn’t want to lose the throne, or lose Olympus, or for his family to befall that fate, he’s not having it.

 

Which is also a thing you never want to say to a being already intent on killing you, bro.

Which is also a thing you never want to say to a being already intent on killing you, bro.

Apollo expends all of his energy, blowing himself up, but also getting the First Born caught in the explosion… And all of Mount Olympus, Inc.

But, of course, we've got to realise that that's not gonna kill this MoFo.

But, of course, we’ve got to realise that that’s not gonna kill this MoFo.

 

So, this whole arc is moving towards war over ruling the gods. The First Born is willing to let the world burn just to be king (“King of Ashes” is the title according to the teaser for the next issue). Orion was brought in some time ago, bringing the “New Gods” into the New 52 Universe, so perhaps the rest of that will come in with the impending deaths of the Greek gods, the old gods.

Actually, it would be interesting if they killed off the Greek gods, brought in the New Gods, and that was a whole segue into a Darkseid storyline, especially with the World’s Finest/Superman-Batman crossover going on right now. To see the events of Earth-2 start to bleed into Earth Prime’s goings on? Bring back the Multiverse!

But, back to this book, this war between the gods, to become leader, and to rule those who rule as Cassandra would want, is interesting especially, or perhaps only because Diana is a god, too, now. Remember that she’s the current goddess of war. While I thought that that might be DC’s way of turning the character dark, because that is kind of their schtick nowadays, what with being fueled by war and rage, and violence and death, for now it’s just looking more and more like they’re trying to set Diana up for a place of leadership amongst the Pantheon. Which would be cool, and really would switch up the status quo of the character, but I’m not so certain that that would be such a good thing.

I’ve been adamant in the past that a lot of the characters who need something to make them more interesting are simply missing a cast of supporting characters (*cough* Supergirl *cough*). When we see the doing battle, sure it’s exciting, but it’s also great to see them dealing with normal problems of the powerless. Every day relationships. That’s why Spider-Man took off when he was first created. Spider-Man was exciting, but Peter Parker was still trying to live his life, and it was compelling to a whole mess of readers. Clark’s secret identity is a point of dissension between him and Diana right now, and although I hardly want to encourage the writers to get them together any more than they already are, maybe she needs to see how the other half lives.

I miss Diana Prince, damn it!

And while it’d be awesome to see a cosmically powerful Wonder Woman being the HBIC, I don’t think that it’s going to make for a particularly interesting read.

But then, hey, there’s also baby Zeke to consider. Maybe iyt’ll end up First Born versus last born.

We’ll just have to wait and see.

New 52 Comic Review – “Superman/Wonder Woman #5

So, you’ve all seen by now that I’ve dropped a few comics. Because they’re comics that I can’t stand. Why, then, have I kept this series on? Could it be that I’ve actually grown to like it?!

Haha, no.

Not even a little bit. In fact, I hate it so much that I’m forcing myself to continue reading and review each issue through at least issue #6, maybe through #12, just to prove that I’m not being petty because I don’t/can’t ship Clark/Diana. Rather, I’ll stick with it to be certain that this is not a viable pairing (and so far it is SUPER not a good match), and to prove it to others that this shit needs to stop right now.

In fact, given that, let’s get on to the review.

Uh...Huh.

Uh…Huh.

Wonder Woman is on Paradise Island… Again. Because she done already went there, and talked to her fossilized mother, and then left again, all in her solo book. So, still not sure how this book ties into their own titles.

Anyways, Diana is visiting her decimated home specifically to apologize, but mostly to freely express what she views as a weakness. That is, her relationship with Clark.

And his Secret ID is apparently driving her bonkers.

And his Secret ID is apparently driving her bonkers.

Meanwhile, Clark is still battling Zod and his latest Phantom Zone escapee, Zod’s lover Faora, who is rabid and totally not here for these shenanigans.

But that bitch back in the Phantom Zone!

But that bitch back in the Phantom Zone!

Apparently, coming out of the Phantom Zone is like coming out of the Lazarus Pit, in that you come out batshit crazy until somebody can knock some sense into you. That somebody in this case? Zod. But, before he can deal with his girlfriend’s time of the month, he has to distract Clark. He does so quite effectively by freeing all of the creatures in the Fortress of Solitude’s zoo.

Although, really, he might want to rethink some of his pet options in here......

Although, really, he might want to rethink some of his pet options in here……

Back on Themiscyra, Diana discovers that the doors to the Underworld are… slightly askew. So, something must have escaped from hell… But I’m more stuck on how the entrance to hell is on Paradise Island.

Uhhh, no?

Uhhh, no?

While fighting the creature from the black lagoon, Clark loses track of Zod and Faora, so he enlists the help of his wingman, Batman. Why Batman, because Supes is in the dog house and Diana isn’t picking up her comm.

This is why Batman can't have superpowers. He would just slap people for the stupid shit they do. All day, every day.

This is why Batman can’t have superpowers. He would just slap people for the stupid shit they do. All day, every day.

Of course, she may be a bit busy with that whole something-just-escaped-from-hell-and-now-I’ve-got-to-put-it-back-in-its-hole thing…

He just looks happy to be outside.

He just looks happy to be outside.

She binds the demon or whatever and stabs it right through the skull, tossing its carcass back into Tartarus, and then securing the doors with her lasso. Her fucking lasso. Magic motherfucking lasso of motherfucking truth.

WHY? WHY WAS THIS YOUR ONLY OPTION?!!

WHY? WHY WAS THIS YOUR ONLY OPTION?!!

Her lasso, you guys… Is now a super glowy doorstop.

Also, can I just say, “Good enough” should not be a phrase uttered when we’re talking about securing the portal through which the dead and demons can come through from the Underworld to our own? C’mon, bitch, put a little effort into it! Jeebus….

Seriously, bro, is this broad even worth it at this point?

Seriously, bro, is this broad even worth it at this point?

So, back on Keeping up with the Kryptonians, Zod is struggling with Faora and her bullshit, getting the shit kick right on out of him. So, as is always the case with true love, he slams into her and bashes her body into the side of a rock formation.

Ah, l'amour.

Ah, l’amour.

Luckily, and because that’s a thing that always happens in fiction, severe head trauma actually fixes the problem at hand. So, now that he’s managed to catch up to them, commence OPERATION: Team Up on Kal-El!

Oh, this isn't the kind of "Double Team" you were hoping for, Clark...

Oh, this isn’t the kind of “Double Team” you were hoping for, Clark…

Shit’s not going so well for Clark, and they’re already learning all about their fun new powers on Earth. Cyborg finally gets in touch with Wonder Woman, who stops to take a second to get her boots back on, lest she look underdressed for a superhero.

...Your boots zipper up. Really????

…Your boots zipper up. Really????

Once properly accessorized for her first meeting with some other Kryptonians, she zips to the scene, just in time to save Clark from another round of ass whooping.

Wonder Woman learned a language?! Oh, BFD.

Wonder Woman learned a language?! Oh, BFD.

Also, does “He is MINE” totally not sound like she wants to be the one to beat his ass?

Zod mocks Diana before they fight. Big mistake.

I don't know why her sword is burning a bitch, but Faora's got to be pissed that Zod goaded her on earlier.

I don’t know why her sword is burning a bitch, but Faora’s got to be pissed that Zod goaded her on earlier.

Clark and Diana swap partners briefly (again, not in the way you’d hope), and Clark suggests bondage.

sww5-17

Again, was there nothing else you could have used?

Clark, unfortunately, it turns out is a total vagina, getting caught by the throat and unable to free himself despite his arms being free, his super strength which should by all right surpass Zod’s because of his extensive exposure to Earth’s yellow sun, the fact that he also has heat vision, super breath that freezes shit and which Zod probably isn’t even aware of yet, the ability to kick Zod in his super nuts… Really, the list goes on and there’s no reason for this shit to drag on.

Alas, we have reached an impasse. Might I suggest iocane powder.

Alas, we have reached an impasse. Might I suggest iocane powder?

Diana threatens to kill Faora, and so the two call it quits and part ways as unlikely friends promise to kill each other at a later date, sometime more convenient for them all, Faora will call Diana and she’ll pencil her in for next month’s issue, etc.

sww5-19

“Strategic Retreat” sure sounds like you lost to me.

So, in order to prolong this story, we have to let them go. Because you couldn’t just agree to let each partner go and then keep fighting right then and there. Or, it’s not like everybody there except for Clark comes from a military background and so was trained in ways which include how to deal with casualties or anything.

Now, the thing about this issue is that I didn’t really mind it. It was an alright read. However, that’s because they weren’t really together in this issue. They fought together. Hey, that’s great! I actually really like it when Superman and Wonder Woman team up! It’s the bee’s knees! BUT, I still do not like them together!

I just don’t see it. And this issue did nothing to alleviate my feelings of… “Ugh” for this pairing.

Come back next month, for more on this couple with next issue’s review.

In the meantime, for more on why none of the Fangirls are really here for this couple, along with several others, be sure to check out our podcast!

Later, nerds!

TFP Lurves You! Podcast Numbah 2 Is Available Now!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Harro.

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LISTEN TO THE LATEST EPISODE HERE, and show us some love back by following us on Facebook and Twitter, and leave us some love (or hate) letters in the comments!

We ❤ the absolute fuck out of all of you!

New 52 Comic Review – World’s Finest Annual #1

OR, "The Adventures of Robin and Supergirl!"

OR, “The Adventures of Robin and Supergirl!”

In this Annual, we get a glimpse into Karen and Helena’s lives back on Earth 2!

The issue opens up with Batman and Robin (remember, it’s Helena here) crashing through a ginormous window of a brothel operating in the heart of downtown Gotham. How this is a surprise when the window is literally an entire wall of the room and the room is full of prostitutes, I have no idea, but I guess they needed to have something for the heroes to leap through. The two of them make short work of the… Everyone in the room.

Apparently, Helena's upbringing was SUPER sheltered, and, also apparently, Selena is dead.

Apparently, Helena’s upbringing was SUPER sheltered, and, also apparently, Selena is dead.

Helena calls Batman “Dad” and he scolds her for her inexperienced mistake, even as he leaves her alone to further investigate the brothel alone. Probably trolling, because, let’s be for realsies here. While alone in the main hall, Robin spots and stops a last woman as she flees, telling her that it’ll be alright. But this girl is in cahoots with one of the thugs who runs the joint, and the two make off after knocking Robin out, briefly.

Heehee. "The Bolthole."

Heehee. “The Bolthole.”

Turns out, Batman didn’t actually leave her completely alone, and is instead observing her at a distance as she stalks through the brothel to bust whoremongers in different rooms, thus further proving that Batman is a super creepster. Helena takes out these goons more easily this time as she startles them and uses the element of surprise to disarm them via… Throwing knives RIGHT through the fucking hands. But, she does make short work of them, even as Batman internally criticizes her for a possible carelessness while simultaneously praising her mercilessness.

Haha, is that a cunnilingus joke--? Oh, wait. Holy balls, did she kill these guys?!?!?!

Haha, is that a cunnilingus joke–? Oh, wait. Holy balls, did she kill these guys?!?!?!

This part of the comic ends with Batman spotting Robin trying to force a girl to accept her help, and Batman says that that’s a job for the police and their future caseworkers, and that her next lesson is going to be about “The Stockholm Syndrom.”

Really, Batman? Are you that dad that called everything "The" something?

Really, Batman? Are you that dad that called everything “The” something?

A quick note to the writers: This kind of thing doesn’t usually happen because of “The Stockholm Syndrome,” if this was a sex trafficking operation. It’s usually because their captors get them hooked on drugs, so these bitches physically can’t leave. So… Keep that in mind for next time.

ANYWHO.

The next “Chapter” of this annual centres on Karen, as she writes in her diary about a huge mistake that she’s made. She recently snuck away to go to a bar in New York City, specifically, to be able to blend in so that she could practice flirting with guys.

Who wrote this drivel?

Who wrote this drivel?

She finally meets the right guy and they hit it off. Their conversation flows perfectly, they’re mutually attracted to each other, and they feel like they can open up to each other. The guy, “Ken,” reveals that he’s only in town for the duration of a “Worldgov” conference and will be going home the next day. She in turn, is about to tell him some big secret (gee, I wonder what it could be), when– .

Saved by the BOOM.

Saved by the BOOM.

She suits up, Kal’s “Secret Weapon” policy be damned, and rushes off to help. She saves who she can, she catches giant chunks of rubble from mid-air, she sees a woman fleeing the scene, but it too busy rescuing bitches to catch her, but shit keeps exploding, even as she accelerates. Ken rushes into the bathroom where he had told her to hide, but another explosion rocks the building. She calls out to him, saying that he shouldn’t go in, she’s not inside, but she is too late.

And, of course, cue the same old fucking "Crisis on Infinite Earths" Pietà that DC loves to reuse.

And, of course, cue the same old fucking “Crisis on Infinite Earths” Pietà that DC loves to reuse.

So, the thing that Karen is writing about in her diary is the fact that her disobeying Kal’s orders resulted in this boy dying. Hardly seems trivial. So, her current attitude of rowdiness and recklessness means… That she doesn’t learn lessons. Huh.

End Chapter Two.

Chapter Three is the final part, called “Three of a Kind?” with the Question Mark and everything. It looks like Karen went immediately over to her bestie, Helena, after Ken’s death. Karen laments his death, but the wording is kind of awful. More like she got dumped by a douchebag than a person losing his life.

See what I mean?

See what I mean?

So, Karen mentions the escapee and Helena latches right on to it, shifting into detective mode. Apparently, the culprit stood out… Because she was a Super. The two of them head back towards the scene, this time in costume.  And even though Karen’s still supposed to be keeping it on the down low.

Okay, so seriously. Bitch don't learn no lessons.

Okay, so seriously. Bitch don’t learn no lessons.

On the next page, we see Batman and Superman discussing the girls’ attitudes, and the impending arrival and subsequent attack of Apokolips. AND They have this fucking conversation is front of a large, open window, because, apparently, windows aren’t actually see-through on Earth 2. I mean, really, first the brothel, now fucking BATMAN?

And maybe a nod to the pre New 52 Kara spending time on Themyscira with the Amazons?

And maybe a nod to the pre New 52 Kara spending time on Themyscira with the Amazons?

Back at the scene of the blast, Karen uses her microscopic and different frequencies of vision to examine bits of tech and trace amounts of energy left in the area. They deduce that it’s not native to Earth, and that bits of it may very well be Apokolips technology in origin but, before they can reach any sort of conclusion, they are attacked.

And, seriously, I love Robin's "HO, FUCK, THAT WAS ALMOST ME" expression here.

And, seriously, I love Robin’s “HO, FUCK, THAT WAS ALMOST ME” expression here.

The two battle and they seem to be a pretty even match, but the collateral damage of their fight leaves Robin under some rubble, and so Karen goes to save her. The mystery bitch escapes in the meantime.

Because, really.

Because, really.

We go back to the Batcave for a moment. Basically, Batman knows who the bomber was and was worried about her complicating matters.

So, the kids go on ahead and trace the villain by a radioactive signature, which is probably not a good idea for Robin, both because of her vulnerability and her VULNERABILITY.

AGAIN.

AGAIN.

Karen takes a swing at the exact moment that Robin chucks an anti-Parademon grenade at the villain, now called “Fury” (hello, again, ties to Apokolips?) but the former is stopped from finishing her off by the appearance of Wonder Woman.

Who, on the next page, Supergirl promptly takes a swing at.

Who, on the next page, Supergirl promptly takes a swing at.

While they fight, Fury escapes via poorly rendered BOOM Tube.

Because that's what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME THE HEROES FIGHT EACH OTHER. WHY DOES NO ONE LEARN THINGS?

Because that’s what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME THE HEROES FIGHT EACH OTHER. WHY DOES NO ONE LEARN THINGS?

Also, there’s no real reason to include this next panel except that it really and truly bothers me.

Hades' Realm?! IT'S CALLED HADES. Oh, you ignorant mother-fuckers...

Hades’ Realm?! IT’S CALLED HADES. Oh, you ignorant mother-fuckers…

Robin comes back to the still squared-off Supergirl and Wonder Woman, saying that Fury escaped through a portal, like a hole in the universe. Wonder Woman immediately asks if the killer is alright. When Robin asks why she should care, Wonder Woman reveals…

Maury Povich, eat your heart out.

Maury Povich, eat your heart out.

So… Okay. Looks like we get a little bit of a look into the characters before the events of the Earth 2 comic book series, but I don’t think that it really amounted to much. I mean, we didn’t really learn anything new about the girls or their relationships to their father figures. Mostly, it seemed like a set-up to bring in another villain (Fury) down the road.

And, ultimately, I suppose that this issue is supposed to lead us further into the next story arc, the one that I’ve been looking forward to, where the girls finally meet face to face with the Superman and Batman of Earth Prime.

Let’s hope it comes out awesome.

Because I’m dropping some books. But, more on that next time.

Deuces.

 

 

Comic Review – Wonder Woman #27

Or, as I like to call it, “Keeping Up with the Olympians!”

 

Opening up on Olympus, Apollo is still trying to extract a vow of allegiance out of the First Born via super crazy awesome torture practices. Apollo is… whipping FB. Which, let’s be real, if kind of a huge step backwards from, say, feasting on his organs as he’s strapped to a dinner table.

Or being eaten alive by maggots. Remember that time, guys? Haha, good times...

Or being eaten alive by maggots. Remember that time, guys? Haha, good times…

Naturally, his chains begin to crack at the coupling… Because it’s not like shit was made by, I dunno, Hephaestus or anything. Pshaw.

ANYWHO.

Diana is on Themyscira with Hermes, talking in very disjointed syntax about how she’s failed to protect doesn’t even trust her… So… I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about. Is it Zola? Because I thought that bitch trusted her. Her Mom? Since she’s sitting there, turned to stone in kind of a begging position, SUPER unbecoming of Hippolyta. She’d be more like, “Come at me, bro,” frozen in stone, standing tall, one hand beckoning her attacker forward, the other giving a “Na!” (<- The Greek equivalent of a middle finger.) But I guess I’ll never know because, y’know, bad writing.

Thanks, Azzarello.

Thanks, Azzarello.

 

Now… Okay, so hold on. I want to talk really quickly about the title of this issue. “The Unsettling Son.” Really, guys? Really? REALLY. Let’s take “Setting Sun” and make it “Unsetting” instead for no reason. Then let’s make “Sun” into “Son” because, y’know, the First Born. Then let’s make “Unsetting” into “Unsettling” because the First Born is a creepster, but now it’s a hugely mangled pun that’s terrible, but we still think we’re clever as all fuck, don’t we? Because that would be the motto of the New 52. “We’re completely unaware of our poor writing. In fact, we’re super proud of ourselves.” In fact, fellow Fangirl Kizerrezik pointed out to me that a whole shit-ton of their books have “DC Comics Proudly Presents” at the top of the title pages. Like they’re trying to convince themselves…

HO-kay. Now. Back to the actual contents of the issue.

Hermes assures Diana that they’ll find baby Zeke, and she reminds him that they’re looking for Zola, too. They zap back on over to Diana’s flat in London, where Hera is sitting on the floor in a corner of the living room that’s been conspicuously left empty… for Drama.

Seriously. Diana's half-brother or whatever he was... His head is still on the mantle, but they don't have any, like, bookshelves of shit for that whole wall?

Seriously. Diana’s half-brother or whatever he was… His head is still on the mantle, but they don’t have any, like, bookshelves of shit for that whole wall?

 

Hera tells them that she’s afraid to leave, afraid of being alone, afraid to die, and that she doesn’t know who to pray to. Diana picks her up and tells her to pray to the only person she can count on to actually help her; herself. Hera doubts herself and Diana realises that they’re going to need some help…

Does this actually tie in to Superman/Wonder Woman, I wonder? Do the rest of the DC Heroes see these mother fuckin' Olympians just chillin' all over the everywhere?

Does this actually tie in to Superman/Wonder Woman, I wonder? Do the rest of the DC Heroes see these mother fuckin’ Olympians just chillin’ all over the everywhere?

Cut to Provence, where Zola is déjeuner-ing with Dio. Zola is more than open to learning to live with the finer things, and Dio welcomes some guests after remarking that she reminds him of someone.

Really? Twitter transcends the earth and skies?C'mon, now.

Really? Twitter transcends the earth and skies? C’mon, now.

They’re going to go hunting for truffles. Or is that “truffles?” I dunno.

Somewhere over the Alps, Cassandra and her hoverthingy full of goons are still tracking the First Born. <- And I wrote that line before actually reading the page.

Thank you, Captain Exposition.

Thank you, Captain Exposition.

Despite her just having said to not go to Provence and that they need to get to Olympus instead, she redirects them towards the south of France when an energy similar to Dionysus’ shows up in London, and then another like it in Provence.

Diana travels to Siberia with a cape on and no pants to combat the cold and ask Snape’s patronus for a boon.

Bitch, it's SIBERIA. Like she WANTS to be there...

Bitch, it’s SIBERIA. Like she WANTS to be there…

Apparently, this broad is the Moon. And apparently, the Moon is an excellent hunter. And, I guess, Strife made it so that the gods can’t find baby Zeke.

And, it looks like, the Moon's about to get her ass kicked back to... Not... Siberia?

And, it looks like, the Moon’s about to get her ass kicked back to… Not… Siberia?

And then this shit happens.

Because why not?

Because why not?

Diana is beaten by the Moon bear. She submits, despite the Moon telling her that she must agree to a wish of the Moon’s which she will only know when the Moon decides to tell her…

And Diana looks awfully smug here, but I call BULLSHIT. You now owe a glowing god chick with antlers a favour which could be ANYTHING. ANYTHING!

And Diana looks awfully smug here, but I call BULLSHIT. You now owe a glowing god chick with antlers a favour which could be ANYTHING. ANYTHING!

Back on Olympus, Apollo is now using all of his glowy sun powers to give the First Born a helluva shvitz, pouring out water right in front of his face and being a huge dickbag even as he monologues on just how much it pains him to do this to his brother, blah, blah, blah, and how if he just swears allegiance, this shit will all be over with and they can play catch and bake cupcakes and shit. But then…

Spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert.

Now, back in the south of France for the last scene, where Dio’s guests are too hot on their truffle hunt and are drunk and starting to strip.

In the next panel, and still with baby Zeke strapped to her chest in a baby bjorn thingamabob, Zola asks, "Right-- For an orgy?"

In the next panel, and still with baby Zeke strapped to her chest in a baby bjorn thingamabob, Zola asks, “Right– For an orgy?”

And then THIS happens.

Circe style.

Circe style.

Zola, thank goodness, has the presence of mind to bolt (because, really, wouldn’t you?). Dio, however, almost seems shocked that she’d just up and ditch him. I mean, it’s not like she knew any of these people who’ve just been painfully and graphically transformed into pigs! And, actually, Dio looks more than a little concerned for her.

But she bolts anyways and comes out of the brush just in time to see Cassandra’s hoverthingy landing and her disembarking with her secret weapon…

Le sigh...

Le sigh…

An S&M MINOTAUR!!!

(Who needs a wax.)

Awesome.

So…

I feel like I should mention… I’m actually of Greek heritage. I know my mythology. And, in the case of this comic, and specifically in trying to enjoy this comic… That’s not necessarily a good thing. So, this whole thing with the Greek gods playing a major role in Wonder Woman’s story, and her being just another bastard child of Zeus… I’m very much mixed about it. On the one hand, it’s cool to see her heritage and the wealth of mythology being used. On the other, like, five hands, though, we have a Wonder Woman whose origin has been rewritten to make her fundamentally less feminist by virtue of her creation now being dependent on a man, misrepresentations of numerous ancient Greek dieties, shit that don’t make no sense with respect to their characters, the fact that they roam the earth but are either completely ineffectual or invisible or some shit, the fact that it’s getting old, and then… Shit. I forget what the fifth thing was. But, really. I’m just not feeling it.

I love Cliff Chang’s artwork. It’s very clean and very cool. You can always tell every character apart perfectly, and, yeah, they are all designed significantly different, fine. But Diana is drawn like… Like a real person! She’s not a stick-thin bitch. She’s not super bulky. She’s thick. Athletic. Realistic.

An Amazon.

And I appreciate that.

Brian Azzarello’s writing, though… I liked him better on Batman.

Bring back Gail Simone!

Or at least someone who writes Diana better. Hell, Peter David does excellent writing for strong women, and he’s always working in weird mystic shit into his story arcs. Let’s fix that broken bridge!

And let’s wrap this shit up already. I don’t think that this is a good enough story to have been following Zola since the first fucking issue. Or, go back and do something more with that whole “Wonder Woman is now the goddess of War” thing. That could actually be interesting!

Just… Well.

I guess I should be happy that she’s not handled as poorly as she is in Superman/Wonder Woman.

 

 

Comic Review – Superman/Wonder Woman #4

*SOBS*

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

 

I don’t want to have to review this comic anymore!

So, we open where we left off last issue, with Clark having all of the insecurities about his relationship with Dianna finally being out in the open. Dianna is being kind of super not compassionate, which is way the fuck out of character for her, and even from her own book. Like, I’m not trying to reconcile this Dianna with pre-New 52 Dianna but the Dianna as she appears in the current run of Wonder Woman.

Come ON, editorial staff! This is your fucking JOB!

Come ON, editorial staff! This is your fucking JOB!

She’s got ZERO expression on her face. Her words seem to be trying to goad Clark into leaving his secret identity, his civilian life behind. She’s being a crap girlfriend right now, for realsies. It’s making me hate New 52 Wonder Woman all the more. I mean, who is writing this? Who is responsible for this?!

Charles Soule. I hate you.

Charles Soule. I hate you.

Ahem.

Back in the zoo area of the Fortress of Solitude, Zod can apparently escape at will and is going through Clark’s files and all of his cable channels.

Because Wonder Woman wasn't the only character whose reboot made them terrible at everything.

Because Wonder Woman wasn’t the only character whose reboot made them terrible at everything.

He slips back into his dome in time for Clark to come and ask him a bunch of stupid questions about Doomsday and for Zod to rib him about his lady and tease him about his accent. Zod makes up some bullshit to make himself seem even more reasonable and compassionate.

Because, apparently, they never did find the bodies of those poor brown people in the desert four feet from where the Martian Manhunter and Zod scuffled.

Because, apparently, they never did find the bodies of those poor brown people in the desert four feet from where the Martian Manhunter and Zod scuffled.

Clark blindly follows Zod’s instructions and codes a lens to the Phantom Zone projector or whatever pseudo-science they’re trying to do here, and Zod proceeds to fuck shit up by exploiting Clark’s ignorance of his culture and Zod’s own inexplicable knowledge of the intricacies of shipping containers and processing (because he’s MILITARY), and frees all of Superman’s pets.

They're not allowed on the furniture, Zod. C'mon!

They’re not allowed on the furniture, Zod. C’mon!

While they’re fighting, Wonder Woman’s monologuing off camera, talking about their similarities and their differences and talking like a person who doesn’t know how to talk like a person, another significant deviation from her life in her own series where she is, at least, kind of a person.

She says they'll separate. Hopefully this means the series will be cancelled. Because this is AWFUL.

She says they’ll separate. Hopefully this means the series will be cancelled. Because this is AWFUL.

And, of course, the thing that Zod is so desperate to bring back out of the Phantom Zone?

His boo-tay.

His boo-tay.

Now. The comic, by rights, should be over right here. The bottom of the above panel has the tagline for the next issue. But, in an apparent effort to further convince me (as though the effort were necessary and the furthering of my dismay possible) that I’m right in my opinion with (lack-of) respect to this series, they add in more plot stuff AS AN AFTER THOUGHT.

Clark meets up with Cat Grant and her beau to revel in the success of their website since breaking the story of Superman and Wonder Woman being boinking buddies.

Um, as a writer... I call BULLSHIT. Alcohol is almost ALWAYS involved.

Um, as a writer… I call BULLSHIT. Alcohol is almost ALWAYS involved.

Cat;s boyfriend Aaron is working on a device which allows anyone to instantly learn anything, in an effort to keep up with the supers.

In a Hypermax Detention facility in Utah, Lex Luthor learns of the relationship and I see no reason for him to have burn scars on his face.

More of DC trying to be "gritty," I suppose.

More of DC trying to be “gritty,” I suppose.

In Gotham, Batman is the best wingman ever and fucks up some Times Square-esque TVs so that people aren’t just fucking gawking at his friends’ lives.

See? He's a squishy little softie.

See? He’s a squishy little softie.

In London, Dianna visits Hessia (CHANGE HER NAME DC, I ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS LAST ISSUE!) at her *snort* little kids’ martial arts class, so she can cavort about with her friend and smash up a room full of robots, like everybody has, and blow off some steam.

#Pandering.

#Pandering.

Hessia (HEAVY SIGH) says that she should be happy that he’s more open, like Dianna wanted. Dianna gives her the stink-eye, and Hessia (   😡   ) tells her that she can’t control everything, sarcastically calling her “little princess.” Dianna then says that she should go back to Themyscira… Which is kind of like saying, ” A HA, I can control the SHIT out of things THERE!”

Back at the celebration a la Cat Grant, Clark asks why the flash drive was sent to them, who would have sent it, all of the actually rational questions, and she gives absolutely ZERO fucks. Frankly, I don’t know who to root for here. Because I hate EVERYONE.

Except for Lois. I actually really love Lois Lane. GROWL.

Except for Lois. I actually really love Lois Lane. GROWL.

So… I really hate this title. It’s a hodgepodge of stupid storylines, bad writing, poor characterization, and irrationality altogether. I still do not see any reason for them to be together. At ALL. For goodness’ sake, this past issue actually was printed out of order! I don’t know whether to focus on their relationship woes, the Zod story, or the mystery of who sent Cat Grant the story, and I don’t actually want or care to really delve into any of these storylines. And now they’ve added in a thing with Lex Luthor, and about Clark needing to focus on being Clark, and Dianna taking a trip back home and I just…

I don’t care.

SIGH.

See you next month, I guess.

Because I’m dedicated. And by dedicated, I mean a masochist.

Later, nerds.

Comic Review – Superman / Wonder Woman #3

Train-wreck time! This fuckin’ book, I swear…

On the first page, Cat Grant receives a manila envelope with a USB drive inside. Whatever she sees is supposedly “Whoa”-worthy. But that’s all that we’re going to see about that…

Cut to the moon, specifically its dark side, where Superman is supersulking because now he’s too powerful (oh, boo-fucking-hoo) and he can’t let Diana see him like this!

Um, yeah, Clark, moping is kind of a boner killer.

Um, yeah, Clark, moping is kind of a boner killer.

Lucky for him, Bruce is at the Watchtower, comms on and all, ready to bro out with his homie. Batman reassures him, telling him that the reason they’re such best buds is because Clark was raised human, so he’s still that “dumb farmboy,” and that that’s probably why he’s freaking out about his relationship with Diana, since she’s been a super special princess since birth…

sww03-batadvice

Which seems like kind of a passive aggressive moment from a fucking billionaire who I’m sure has dated lots of spoiled rich girls…

Meanwhile, Diana is out shopping with the VERY unfortunately named Hessia (her name means poo in Greek, and they’re fucking AMAZONS AND THEY SHOULD KNOW BETTER. DC YOU OFFICIALLY NEED MY APPROVAL BEFORE DOING THINGS. ALL THINGS). She’s asking for girlfriendy advice on what to get her boyfriend for their first Christmas together. Her friend whose name I refuse to repeat because of ALL of the reasons suggests that the gift needs to be thoughtful, not flashy, and it needs to show him that she knows who is really is.

"Do you know who he is?" See? Even this bitch is questioning their relationship.

“Do you know who he is?” See? Even this bitch is questioning their relationship.

Bruce alerts Clark of some bidness developing in North Africa (because being specific would be RIDICULOUS), and the Man of Steel is off. We see Zod where he was last issue, covered in blood and surrounded by the mangled bodies of a slew of unfortunate brown people, just caught in his crazy ass way. One of the men is still alive and able to say “Min Fadlak,” which is “Please” or “If you please” in Arabic, so Zod naturally comes to the conclusion that stomping this man’s face into an unrecognizable slurry is the appropriate response.

Seriously, these poor dudes.

Seriously, these poor dudes.

Zod unreasonably quickly learns to fly and heads for the nearest populated area, only to be intercepted by the Martian Manhunter. J’onn asks if he needs help, and Zod, ever friendly, decides to sock him in the face.

Like, a lot.

Like, a lot.

Manhunter isn’t alone, though, and Hawkman, Steve Trevor, and some dude named Vibe are all there for whatever reason. But all of their fighting and all of Zod’s “Rhar” sounds don’t matter, because Diana and Clark show up to restrain Zod anyways. Because it’s THEY’RE book, dammit. The various group members argue over who gets custody of the threat. Dianna claims him as her prisoner since she was able to tie him up with the magic lasso and they end up putting him in Clark’s care because Superman doesn’t trust Earth, New 52 style… Steve tries to play the ex card, but she tells him it’s nothing personal and the two fly away to the Fortress of Solitude because it’s TOTALLY personal if she’s gonna tell them Zod’s her prisoner and then she’s going to just hand him over to Clark.

Steve... Superman is RIGHT there.

Steve… Superman is RIGHT there.

During this time, Zod apologizes for his actions, speaking perfect English because I guess they get cable in the Phantom Zone. He also tempts Clark with the fact that he knew Jor-El… So Clark locks him in his menagerie.

But, hey, at least there's a couch and a room divider. I'm sure that'll keep Zod from going crazy and murdering EVERYONE...

But, hey, at least there’s a couch and a room divider. I’m sure that’ll keep Zod from going crazy and murdering EVERYONE…

Content to leave their captive unsupervised like so many Bond villains before them, Diana and Clark saunter out and she’s just itching to give him his Christmas present early, saying they’re probably not going to have another perfect moment like locking a dude in a glass box.

sww03-itstime

So, first of all, you KNOW the JLA is keeping those comms open and sitting in the WatchTower with a bucket of popcorn and a Big Gulp.

sww03-merrychristmas

Second, gag.

So, Diana’s idea for a Christmas gift is yuletide sex, but… Shouldn’t that be a given? On holidays and birthdays? Greek bitch is just being cheap about it. But before they can get past a little bit of tongue, they are interrupted by the scourge of Super-Hearing.

Look at his POUT! Jeez...

Look at his POUT! Jeez…

This is probably what Cat saw on that first page. She likely uploaded it herself to her clarkcatropolis.com monstrosity of a domain. Why this would stop them mid-make-out doesn’t make any sense to me… It’s like, hey, no crime-stopping? Awesome. But, oh, people know we’re together, so now we should stop even though there’s nothing we can do about it. Actually, why were they even keeping it a secret? Y’know what this reminds me of..?

"Mopeds are fun but you don't want your friends to see you riding one."

“Mopeds are fun but you don’t want your friends to see you riding one.”

Although who the fuck would call Wonder Woman a moped is beyond me… Actually, considering how douchey this incarnation of Superman is, he’s probably the one you’d be embarrassed to be seen with. Like, “I know he’s dumb, but he’s so good looking,” and your friends just can’t get past how shallow you are… Meanwhile, Diana’s friend’s advice of “give him a gift that shows you know who he is inside” culminates in her being like, “Sex ’cause you’re a dude end of story.” So, a lot of that lack of depth going around…

Ahem.

Even though I take exception to DC calling Clark and Diana “Our Super-Couple,” (they ain’t MINE) I do love that they’re going to have an unhappy New Years because they’re creating their own White People Problems. Seems about right for them considering how ridiculous they’re being.

This fucking series, I swear to Bob… So, what’s the more imminent threat here? A superpowered escapee from the Phantom Zone, which you know is the place they send the most vile of Kryptonian offenders, or your super celebrity relationship coming out on TMZ? Doing the covers of magazines and shit…

Although, to be be fair, I would totally read this magazine...

Although, to be be fair, I would totally read this magazine…

Le sigh. I can’t even with this.

See y’all for a review of their Crappy New Years!

 

 

What’s New, 52? – November 2013 Edition

Hello, dear readers, and welcome to “What’s New, 52?” Here I plan to discuss recent comic book releases and news in the DC universe with a focus on female heroes and supporting characters.This week, we start with a review of Wonder Woman #25, then a few bullet reviews, and wrap it up with comic book news and opinion on some of the more recent teasers and previews.

Review: Wonder Woman #25: Entre the Goddess of War

20131110-181309.jpg

Horses and furs and still all of the leg! Shit looks like it’s gonna chafe.

The New 52 incarnation of Wonder Woman is a significant departure from Classic Diana Prince. In her previous origin, Diana of Themiscrya is daughter of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, an immortal race of warrior women living on an Island Paradise, protected by Hera from the world of man. She has no father, instead having been sculpted by her mother out of clay from the island and breathed into live by the queen of the gods. In the New 52, the gods of Olympus are warped, keeping more in touch with the gods of Greek mythology, but Wonder Woman’s origin has been changed to align more with a well known cliche. Diana is now simply another bastard child of Zeus.

But let’s simply gloss over the defeminization of the character by taking a totally independent female character and reworking her origin story to make it dependent on a man (and a womanizing chauvinist of a man at that).

Right. Glossing.

A prophecy had been foretold that one of Zeus’s children would die at the hand of another, and Wonder Woman seems to have been the instrument of this prophecy. Per the events of Wonder Woman #24, Diana is now the Goddess of War, holding a seat on Olympus under the new King of the Gods, a to-date highly duplicitous Apollo.

You see, last issue, Wonder Woman was made to kill Ares, the god of war, and so now, because the transitive properties of “The Santa Clause” apparently work in all aspects of the divine, she is now expected to become him.

Why does Santa's stomach have a camel toe....?

That’s right. TIM ALLEN IS WONDER WOMAN NOW.

The old War is dead, she killed him, and is now the new War. In comics past, she and Ares have always been at odds because, even though the Amazons are a warriour people, they don’t revel in it; they do it out of duty and honour, and often enough just to stop some bad shit from going down. Apollo expects her to sit with them at Olympic board meetings and such so that they can vote on the colour of the paper for the new newsletter or something. She, because her senses of justice and compassion and her respect of the value of life, wants nothing to do with the position of “War.”

She also wants nothing to do with her relatives themselves, but that might be because it's a big, fat Greek family...

She also wants nothing to do with her relatives themselves, but that might be because it’s a big, fat Greek family…

Meanwhile, a mortal Hera is sharing as apartment Odd-Couple Style with Zeus’s latest booty (whose name I forget but who named the baby Zeke in case we weren’t sure that she was white trash after we initially meet her soliciting sex at a truck stop).

wonderwoman24-herainteriourdecorator

Extreme Make-Over: Hera Edition
Yes, that’s Diana’s half-brother’s severed head on the mantle as decor.

As Diana tells Apollo off and Apollo coolly tells Diana that she’s got no choice, the traitorous Hermes, who feels bad about what he did but is more visibly hurt by the women’s rejection of him, takes Diana home. The comic closes back on Olympus, where Strife, despite her major c-word attitude this whole time, apparently took it personally and is planning to take Diana da fuck out. Bitch is all over the place.

Just like a woman.

Just like a woman.

So, next month, it looks like Strife is going to be battling Wonder Woman for the seat of War on Olympus. Wonder Woman will probably defeat her, because losing would mean death and the series is going to keep going, so… I also don’t see Wonder Woman straight up killing another god, so she’ll probably remain War for a while while Strife pulls back and tries to make her life hell.

I will admit, I am actually a little intrigued by the idea of Wonder Woman, one of DC’s most compassionate characters, having to deal. Will she suddenly start gaining power when people fight amongst themselves? Will she kinda like it? Or will she instill aggression in those around her, even without being conscious of it? Brian Azzarello is a good writer, and hopefully he does the premise justice.

On the other hand, I hope to editor at DC don’t use this as an opportunity to sully yet another one of their most iconic characters, and really the only female character who isn’t just becoming an awful person on the brink. I think she’s going to get a little darker, at least for a little while.

Time will tell.

Oh, gods...

Oh, gods…

Bullet Reviews: 

Alright. A brief summary and my opinion in a paragraph and a picture or less. Remember, this is only for books with strong female protagonists (not too many team books).

Batgirl #24 – Babs’ dad done just shot her boyfriend. She’s understandably upset, but to stop her father from being murdered by a group of super-powered hitmen hired by a crazy heriess, she is forced to put the costume on one more time… Which we, of course, know won’t actually be one more time.

She missed a golden opportunity to punch her dad for sporting that mustache all these years. Mustaches are TERRIBLE.

She missed a golden opportunity to punch her dad for sporting that mustache all these years. Mustaches are TERRIBLE.

Batwoman #24 – Batman cameo. Lots of classic Batman rogues. Lots of action. I can’t get past Batwoman’s white white skin.

Bird of Prey #24 – Batgirl and some chick I’ve never heard of have to rescue Black Canary and some other characters who don’t really matter… And here I thought that the whole purpose of the reboot was so that every book could line up their timelines properly. Silly me.

Catwoman #24 – WHY ARE PEOPLE PASSING AROUND THE JOKER’S FACE! I still don’t get the reasoning for him having it cut off in the first place, let alone bitches wearing rotting skin pinned to their own faces.

...We ain't your girlfriends.

…We ain’t your girlfriends.

Earth 2 #17 – Lois Lane’s consciousness has been downloaded into a lady-version of the Red Tornado robot. She was dead in this universe, but now she’s a hollow shell of the strong woman she once was, and the man she loves is a brainwashed mass murderer. The New 52 ain’t doin’ my girl Lois right. She’s been resurrected with the sole purpose of talking down the marauding Man of Steel. And then her dad dies in her arms. Hm.

Supergirl #24 – Daddy issues.

Manifesting as your childhood form and crushing the cybernetically enhanced yet inexplicably brunette villain made out of your old man... Yeah.

Manifesting as your childhood form and crushing the cybernetically enhanced yet inexplicably brunette villain made out of your old man… Yeah.

Superman/Wonder Woman #1 – Let’s talk about our relationship, intercut with scenes of a really anticlimactic battle/rescue operation. Oh, and even thought you’re going to approach our date with an awkward, boyish charm, I’mma totally pull a sword on you because that’s the basis for a healthy relationship that seems stable and should continue. I can’t even.

World’s Finest #16 – Power Girl’s powers are going haywaire like Karen Starr circa 1997, so recycled ideas = angry Patty. I do like the book, though. I’m just really waiting for something big to happen here. A lot of this comic seems like filler, but I know that next year, they’re actually going to meet Batman and Superman in the most uncomfortable pseudo-family reunion since… Well, any of my family functions.

I bet this power failure is going to lead into their meeting with Batman and Superman.

I bet this power failure is going to lead into their meeting with Batman and Superman.

NEWS OF THE WEEK: Sorry, Supergirl; Red’s Really Not Your Colour

The big news this the past few days for female DC superheroines seems to be that Supergirl is going to be inducted into the ranks of the Red Lanterns.

SHE STILL CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THOSE BOOTS.

But, finally, her boots cover her knees!

That’s right. Supergirl is going to barf up acid blood, her shiny red ring is going to cut out her heart, and she’s going to be a Kryptonian powerhouse with unstoppable, irrational rage.

Awesome.

Except… Oh, wait. No, it’s not. It’s just more of the same “gritty” bullshit that DC has homogenized their Universe UNIVERSES into for the past two years.

The New DCU seems to just me mired in negativity. And, while I realise that heroes are more realistically going to have more bad days than particularly stellar ones, it’s just not something that I want to read. I can see it in the Bat-Books; Barbara Gordon’s personal life and crime-fighting persona taking hit after hit jives with the whole of Gotham City. Gotham is an admittedly terrible place to live and has been so for pretty much all of it’s written history. The criminals are always looking to up the stakes and even the lowliest thug would love the chance to try and take out a member of the Bat Family. That’s established. And that’s going to take a huge toll on a person who’s not as balls out crazy as Bruce Wayne’s night-time alter-ego, so Batgirl’s losing it I can see.

Oracle_Barbara_Gordon

Babs would make a TREMENDOUS villain. Like, nigh unstoppable.
She was a bad bitch in a wheelchair. Clearly, nothing can stop her.

But this isn’t the case with the Super Books. At least, pre New 52, Metropolis was a decent place to live. Clean, high-tech, prone to supervillains, and sporting a neighbourhood called Suicide Slum, sure, but the murder rate is way below that of Gotham. Plus, over it all, Metropolis has their golden boy, the Big Blue Boyscout. His little-cousin-who-is-actually-older-than-him also lives there and is struggling to find her place on this strange new planet and discover the hero within– Except that none of that is true any more, either, is it? Superman’s either a superpowered douchebag (which of course we need in the world) in “Action Comics” or he’s standoffish and dating Wonder Woman for no good reason.

The sex IS probably amazing, but I REALLY hate this pairing.

The sex IS probably amazing, but I REALLY hate this pairing.

And Superboy is being replaced by his murderer, the biological child of Lois and Clark from an apparently alternate future who happens to be completely batshit crazy and no one is going to know the difference. BeeTeeDubs, Marvel did the same fucking thing a couple of months ago with the “Superiour Spider-Man” title, and I dropped the book after two insufferable issues.

But I digress.

According to Wikipedia, a Red Lantern’s rage is specific to the rage felt after a significant loss. What more, though, can she lose at this point? Is this going to be like The Walking Dead, where every time there’s a new character, I’m going to have to be prepared for them to be killed off unceremoniously? If it turns out that this sense of loss that fuels her transition into a RL is the loss of Krypton, I’m gonna barf. Why is she mired in this? I mean, I understand. She lost her home, her family, she’s an even more petulant version of Katie Kaboom, etc.

BTW, apparently there's a stripper named "Katie Kaboom," so be careful what you Google Image Search...

BTW, apparently there’s a stripper named “Katie Kaboom,” so be careful what you Google Image Search…

But does the editorial staff at DC really think that it’s good writing for your character to be stunted for MONTHS? Oh, no, wait. TWO YEARS! My personal experience with comics is that my favourites have been series which establish a good selection of supporting characters for their protagonists, and when said protagonists display signs of steady growth as a character. Hell, that’s why Spider-Man was such a great success from it’s launch way back into the before time. Peter Parker was the draw! He was a person that the fanboys could se into the life of, that wasn’t this hyper powerful, unattainable figure but rather someone with whom they could relate. The character becomes that much more compelling, and that’s why I’m stalwart in my opinion that Peter David’s Supergirl run from ’96 through ’01 was the best iteration of the character since pre-Crisis Kara moved to Chicago and got an apartment and went to college LIKE A PERSON in the Daring New Adventures of Supergirl (1982-1984).

SUCH a good series.

SUCH a good series.

“But Patty,” you gasp, “Surely this is only a temporary gimmick, anyways! Why are you getting so upset?”

Well, see, I do figure that it’s going to be a temporary situation, what with her having her own series to star in and all. My issue is that Red Lanterns… Are mindless. This either means that the story will be unintelligent, full of mindless destruction and shock for the sake of shock value (whoopee), or it means that someone will be manipulating her and her rampage.

Been there, done that.

Been there, done that.

And I’m getting upset because I’m a fangirl. We’re either panicking, swooning, glomping, or raging.

We know that love isn’t the answer (sorry Harry Potter), as feeling love will kill a Red Lantern (because SCIENCE). Also, removal of the Red Lantern ring causes instant death for the (former) wearer, unless there’s a Blue Lantern there to slip a Blue Lantern ring onto their finger first. Are there any really cool Blue Lanterns left? I can’t think of any. And I also doubt that almost anybody would be able to get in close enough to a rage-a-holic Kryptonian with a power ring to slip a second ring daintily on their finger. Even if somebody does turn her into a Blue Lantern, it’s going to be such a hard 180 that I’ll have a hard time buying it, personally. Plus there’s the fact that nobody’s been de-Red-Lantern-ed without at least having some lingering effects from their own incredible toxic and corrosive blood substitute…

So, y’know, assholes with anger issues are always great. Oh! Hey, since we’ve run out of ideas anyways, remember the 90s? Remember how much everybody loved Guy Gardner before they found a way to rationalize his irrationality?

I don't know the context of this picture... But I see it.

I don’t know the context of this picture… But I see it.

Ahem. Okay.

I’m better now.

The point is, I’m going to read it. I’m just worried about having to read through something that’ll make me so mad that I’ll suddenly find myself with a red ring of doom stuck on my ring finger…

I don't care if it DOES fit my personality very well!

I don’t care if it DOES fit my personality very well!

Thanks for reading through my ramblings, and be sure to come back mid-December for another installment of “What’s New, 52?” in which we’ll (probably) be focusing on the upcoming release “Harely Quinn” #0.

Later.
–Patty.