Blog Archives

“The Walking Dead” Season 5 Review – “NO Sanctuary”

No time for pleasantries. No sanctuary, after all.

 

Blarg.

Blarg.

We catch up with a few members of “The Gang” being brought into the killing floor of the Terminus slaughterhouse. The place is super clean and looks very efficient, but an uninteresting-in-that-specific-fact Bob, Rick, Darryl, and Glenn are pushed to kneel over a trough with a drain, alongside four nameless extras (although we have seen one of them in the episode where Rick kicks Carol out of the group) who you just know aren’t going to make it.

Read the rest of this entry

Advertisements

The Walking Recap – “TWD” S4E16 “A” (Season Finale)

The finale! The season finale! The one were everybody dies!

Maybe.

Oh, the anticipation.

So, rather than allow myself to spiral into despair before I even know anything, let’s take a look at what happened last night.

Alright, so this episode jumps around a lot in time, especially in the beginning, so let’s all try and keep track, okay?

The episode opens on a flashback. The gang is all at the prison, welcoming back Glenn, Maggie, and others from a supply run. Herschel (*SOB* HERSCHEL!) greets his eldest daughter with open arms and there are smiles all around.

You can't even see my face, but believe me, I'm distraught.

You can’t even see my face, but believe me, I’m distraught.

 

It’s a touching moment, even as prison folk are using crowbars and knives and sharpened sticks to kill the walkers at the gates. It serves to remind us of everything our heroes once had… Y’know, to really make those losses hit home.

Cut the the present, where we see Rick, alone, hands shaking, face drenched in blood.

It's where the flavour is.

It’s where the flavour is.

 

Kind of reminds me of Rapunzel.

https://i0.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll5631jZZ31qbdns9o1_1280.png

Good sir, that’s a lot of blood!

So, some shit has clearly gone down since we last saw him, smiling at the antics of Carl and Michonne.

Awesome.

The group is pretty much starving, having had very little to eat, even as Ranger Rick give us a nature lesson, and teaches all of us how to create a snare.

Like a little nod to the fans. "Pay attention. You're gonna need this when the ZA really happens."

Like a little nod to the fans. “Pay attention. You’re gonna need this when the ZA really happens.”

 

They caught a rabbit, but it’s a teensy weensy one, barely enough to feed one person, let alone the three of them. Suddenly, though, a man’s cry for help in a nearby clearing send Carl running to his rescue, because nobody has taught Carl to stay put EVER.

Anywho, it hardly matters as this poor MoFo is already outnumbered by a huge margin, and his shouting has attracted more walkers, and, more importantly, although Carl is already taking aim to help the dude out, Rick won’t let him, leaving the man to be eaten alive, face first and everything, so that they can mosey along down the tracks, slicing stray walkers to bits along the way.

Although, from this angle, doesn't it totally look like the guy has ample room to run?

Although, from this angle, doesn’t it totally look like the guy has ample room to run?

 

Cue another flashback. Herschel wakes Rick to give him a lesson, once that he won’t need his gun for, and one that will help him chill the fuck out.

But it does come with rising at dawn. Kind of a dealbreaker.

But it does come with rising at dawn. Kind of a dealbreaker.

 

Flash forward, and we see Carl sleeping in a broken down truck and Rick and Michonne having a campfire chat.

Damn lack of s'mores.

Damn lack of s’mores.

 

But the moment is ruined when Joe’s gang of bandits finally catches up to them.

Daryl shows himself, telling Joe that these are people he knows. That Rick is a good man.

Joe views that as a lie.

And we all know how Joe feels about liars.

And we all know how Joe feels about liars.

 

But the real problem here, even as Rick and Michonne are being held at gunpoint and the other gang members aim to beat our favourite redneck to death?

Well, the real problem is this guy.

Rule #1 of the ZA was from a couple episodes ago: Kill the sociopaths first. The new Rule #1? Kill the pedophiles. And that's not just a rule for the ZA.

Rule #1 of the ZA was from a couple episodes ago: Kill the sociopaths first. The new Rule #1? Kill the pedophiles. And that’s not just a rule for the ZA.

 

This… Does not sit well with Rick. He headbutts Joe and the two scuffle, Michonne and Daryl fednign off their respective attackers, as Carl desperately tries to escape this… Ugh.

It is a tremendous performance by Chandler Riggs, though. Probably the best he’s ever done. He’s terrified and desperate, and later, scared again.

Rick, with no weapons and having just gone off the deep end, finishes Joe off by ripping out his throat with his bare teeth.

According to actor Andrew Lincoln, they achieved this by using raw chicken. But you know what's not worth it? Salmonella.

According to actor Andrew Lincoln, they achieved this by using raw chicken. But you know what’s not worth it? Salmonella.

 

And then he finishes the pedophile off himself, gutting the man with his own knife, cutting him from stomach to sternum.

And making parents everywhere proud.

And making parents everywhere proud.

Meanwhile, Michonne, because she’s the best, holds Carl close, both to comfort him and to shield him from what his father is doing.

She's covering his ears and everything! But Carl still sees what happens because Rick stabs this guy for a solid minute before it cuts to commercial.

She’s covering his ears and everything! But Carl still sees what happens because Rick stabs this guy for a solid minute before it cuts to commercial.

 

Now, we’ve caught up to that shot in the stinger, before the credits, where Rick sits against the car.Daryl joins him and the two share “I love you, man”‘s as Rick cleans himself up a bit.

"But soft, what light from yonder window breaks..?"

“But soft, what light from yonder window breaks..?”

Inside, Michonne tends to Carl, who hears everything his dad says.

Carl is shaken, but the point is that Rick will do anything to keep Carl safe.

Which, yeah, I think we've seen by now.

Which, yeah, I think we’ve seen by now.

They approach Terminus but, rather than head on through the front gate, they creep in through the woods to stake the place out before they make their move. We get a nice moment where Michonne reminds Carl that they’ve all done things, citing her loss of her child and letting her boyfriend and friend turn as her example. But Carl doesn’t have to be afraid of them.

Before hopping the fence, though, Rick buries their weapons cache, even checking his usual ginormous revolver for a semiautomatic something-or-another.A father has to keep his baby safe after all.

As a FB friend said, "Chekov's duffel bag."

As a FB friend said, “Chekov’s duffel bag.”

 

Once in the train yard, they come across a building with a woman narrating a script about the awesomeness of Terminus into a small radio broadcasting set-up, and a small group of people who are apparently making more signs to put up all around the everywhere.

Behold, the TWD props department.

Behold, the TWD props department.

 

So, Tasha Yar isn’t alone.

The group is greeted by a dude named… I forgot his name. But it was something old-world-y and unusual. The point is, weird name guy and his friend jovially tell them that their plan to scope the place out without being seen was a smart one, and he talks them into a quick search.

Motherfucker is way too smiley.

Motherfucker is way too smiley.

 

The Termites (yes, that’s what I’m calling them) take the group to go and grab a bite at Tasha Yar’s Neverending Barbecue (trademarked), only for things to… Uh… Devolve.

I guess not everybody likes a vinegar based barbecue sauce.

I guess not everybody likes a vinegar based barbecue sauce.

 

See, the problem is that Rick is a pretty observant guy. He sees a woman wearing a very familiar poncho. A man just lounging about in riot gear for some reason. And the smiley guy is sporting a pocket watch with tremendous sentimental value.

The other problem? They’re way the fuck outnumbered in Terminus.

After another commercial break, we get yet another flashback, this time showing a moment where, while poor, ill-fated Patrick plays with the world’s last Lego set, undeterred by the recommended age, Carl is more interested in taking apart his gun, cleaning it, putting it back together. Learning his weapon’s ins and outs.

Legit.

Legit.

 

Rick tells him to set his gun down and that he needs his help. And it’s the birth of farmer Rick.

Meanwhile, this Rick is a pretty far cry from that Rick.

A shootout and a chase seen ensue, with rooftop snipers doing the brunt of the shooting. If you watch closely, you will either come to the conclusion that the Termites are the worst shots ever, or Rick and the gang are being herded.

Y'know. Like cattle.

Y’know. Like cattle.

 

And we get our first glimpse into the source of the episode’s title.

"A."

“A.”

 

And here I was hoping it was a “Happy Days” reference.

https://i0.wp.com/static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2010/1/6/1262780885770/Henry-Winkler-as-The-Fonz-001.jpg

 

Anywho, as they run through an area riddled with bullet holes, meaning this isn’t the first time the Termites have pulled this shit, Rick spots a pretty impressive pile of human bones, picked clean.

The group runs into a building with an open door, and inside are hundreds of lit candles and writing on the walls. “Never again. Never trust. We first always.”

Which, yes, is creepy and spooky, but it's mostly amazing because that's a lot of candles to just keep lit in an empty room and how the hell are they getting so many on supply runs anyways?!

Which, yes, is creepy and spooky, but it’s mostly amazing because that’s a lot of candles to just keep lit in an empty room and how the hell are they getting so many on supply runs anyways?!

 

But, my take on this is that they tried to be a haven, but somebody or some group betrayed them. So now, they are the betrayers, and they use their subterfuge to lure potential would-be betrayers into their trap and use them as a food source before they can event contemplate stealing supplies or murdering the Termites.

And the floor is covered in names, like a memorial.

And the floor is covered in names, like a memorial.

Or maybe I’m reading too much into this.

They’re rushed out into an open area, where they are quite thoroughly surrounded by at least a dozen Termites with machine guns.

 

twds4e16-29

Also interesting, just before getting to this point, they hear banging and people begging for help.

And guy whose name I can’t remember tells them to throw down their weapons and entre a nearby train car, or they’ll kill Carl.

The procession is drawn out, but the group, including Carl bringing up the rear, march into the car, labeled “A.”

There's that "A" again.

There’s that “A” again.

But guess who else is inside?

That’s right. EVERYBODY.

Everybody survived!

Hooray!

Hooray!

…Actually, it’s almost a let down. I mean, I love the cast to bits, but having everyone still pretty much accounted for (sorry Beth) takes away from anyone-could-go-at-any-moment charm of this show.

But it doesn’t matter what I think. It also doesn’t matter that they’re all trapped in a steel box with heavily armed cannibals just outside.

Because we get another flashback.

Whoop, there's Beth.

Whoop, there’s Beth.

 

Herschel tells Rick that it can be like this all the time. The kids are laughing. They’ve got food and safety. Rick tells him that it being like this now is enough.

And back in the present, in that probably foul-smelling train car that I’m sure is hot as balls in the Georgia heat, Rick tells them that the Termites are going to feel “pretty stupid” (meaning “pretty dead”) when they find out that “They’re screwing with the wrong people.”

And eye fucks the camera again.

And eye fucks the camera again.

And that’s the end of the season.

*Folds hands primly *

Wait.

WHAT?!

That’s how it ends? That’s how it ends! You spend half a season building up to Terminus, taking your own, sweet-ass time, killing more minors than walkers in the process, and you leave an entire season on a cliffhanger?!

Mother fucker.

Okay.

Well, I guess we’ll see what happens in 7 months.

(Good Lord, seven months?)

Alright! But we can still point out a couple of things.

There is a duffel bag in the woods that is full of all of the weapons.

Carol, who we know will do straight up anything for these people and not feel a lick of remorse about it, is still out there, along with Tyreese and Li’l Asskicker, who may end up being a valuable asset, since hopefully these people wouldn’t want to kill a baby, at least.

I'm hoping for this, guys. I really am.

I’m hoping for this, guys. I really am.

Also, let’s not forget Beth.

Oh, how could I ever forget Beth?

Well, she’s still out there and, despite the Interwebs claiming that Tasha Yar is wearing Beth’s sweater, I’m not convinced, and not only because they’re several sizes apart. She was abducted in a car, from outside of a funeral home that someone had been holing up in. The only cars we’ve seen at Terminus have been the burnt out, shot up ones. And why would a Termite be living in a funeral home outside of the supposed sanctuary, preparing bodies for burial rather than consumption.

Ooh. Maybe the culprit was a Terminus escapee! That would tie the storylines together neatly.

Or maybe Beth is going to find herself in the TWD spin-off the producers are planning. Because she’s the most interesting and essential character in the series. And a second group of survivors in Georgia as opposed to a completely different locale with all of it’s new dangers and possible safe zones would never be seen as redundant.

Okay, so maybe not.

The point is, everybody’s still either alive or at least not certainly dead (I’m looking at you, Beth!) since last episode. And we still have a man, a woman, a girl, and a baby out there, three of whom we know are still headed straight to Terminus.

My money’s on Judith.

Until next season!

 

 

The Walking Recap – TWD S4E15 “Us”

These titles are getting shorter and shorter. If IMDB is anything to go by, and admittedly it often isn’t, next week’s episode is just titled “A.”

But that’s next week.

We’re here to talk about this episode, “Us.”

The episode opens with Dr. Mullet and Tara leading the way down the tracks towards Terminus, the former talking her ear off about video games and treating a penny like it’s the most precious thing ever created.

Because pennies are SUPER rare, guys. Like the zombies are eating them.

Because pennies are SUPER rare, guys. Like the zombies are eating them.

 

That night, Abraham sits Tara down to talk to her, since she refuses to sleep. He lists things he’s notices, like how Eugene likes her, but how he saw Tara looking down… Oh, what is her name? With the no pants? Yeah, her shirt while being served dinner. And he figures that she’s following Glenn on his borderline suicide mission because of either something she did or didn’t do.

So, he’s a pretty observant guy. Maybe Dr. Mullet shouldn’t be such a know-nothing know-it-all to him, or anyone else for that matter. The next morning, back on the tracks, they come across a Terminus sign… And Glenn takes off running, a relieved smile breaking out on his face.

Because he's trying really hard to make me love him before something terrible happens to him.

Because he’s trying really hard to make me love him before something terrible happens to him.

 

Roll credits, blah blah blah blah, and we get to see Joe’s crew, where Daryl has taken a short leave to go hunting. After one of the ruffians rather grotesquely takes out a walker trapped in their perimetre wire, pissing on its carcass as well, of course, trouble-maker Len heads out to find him.

We catch up briefly with Rick, Carl, and Michonne, the latter two of which are taking their time balancing on the tracks.

I love these moments when we get to see her opening up more, having fun. It makes the bad moments all the worse, though.

I love these moments when we get to see her opening up more, having fun. It makes the bad moments all the worse, though.

 

After Michonne knocks herself off while trying to psyche Carl out, he generously splits his hard-won candy bar with her. The dynamic between the two of them, starting way back in “Clear” (which is my personal favourite episode so far, and that’s really saying something considering how much we should all know that I love Glenn and Maggie by now) is awesome. She’s what Carl needs and Carl’s what she needs, creating a friendship that’s also sort of a surrogate mother-son relationship. So, that’s awesome. Despite Rick’s concerns about their water supply, he smiles along and they head further down the road.

Back in the woods, Daryl has just shot a rabbit he’s been waiting for for hours, and Len, the douchiest douchebag in Joe’s camp, shoots it at the same moment, laying Claim to his breakfast. Joe shows up to intervene, since Daryl doesn’t know their rules, and in a sort of backwards King Solomon moment, chops the rabbit in half. But Daryl’s got to say “Claimed” for whatever he wants, so nobody’ll fight him for it. But our favourite redneck doesn’t want to roll by their rules.

And an "ass end is still an end," indeed.

And an “ass end is still an end,” indeed.

 

Along the tracks with Glenn and company, they’re slowing down. There’s a concrete tower they can climb into to rest, but a walker stumbles out from the height. And, because Dr. Mullet is too fucking stupid to move out of the way from clearly visible certain doom with ample warning, Tara has to be knocked out of the way, twisting her knee.When Glenn asks her if she wants to stay, she says she can keep going, and… Well, damn, now she has pants, but that chick traveling with Abraham points out that Tara will do anything Glenn asks, so he should stop being an ass. Glenn ignores her and offers his riot gear to Eugene in exchange for just letting them continue on.

Which is stupid because Glenn doesn’t actually owe them anything, necessarily.

But love isn’t blind. It’s actually just… A special kind of special.

Somewhere else, Joe explains the rules to Daryl, saying that you have to claim what you want, you can’t steal, and you can’t lie, otherwise a beating with varying degrees of severity will ensue.

Glenn, now unarmoured, approaches a dark tunnel with the rest of the gang close behind. Abraham says they’ll go up and over, but Glenn says that that would take an extra day, and that Maggie went through, so he will, too.

Abraham can hear the walkers inside, though, so he bids them good luck and gives them two cans of peaches and a flashlight and bids them good luck. Whatsherface gives them hugs. Dr. Mullet complements them on their character and tells Tara she’s hot.

Tara tells him she likes girls.

He claims to have already known this.

Glenn smiles to himself.

And the moment is awesome.

Because even though they all believe that he's important, Dr. Mullet is still the WORST.

Because even though they all believe that he’s important, Dr. Mullet is still the WORST.

 

As they walk inside, Glenn tells Tara that he knows what she’s going through, having lost all of his family himself, and she tells him that she was the first to jump in at “Brian”‘s idea to take over the prison, even with the fact that some lives would probably have to be taken.

He doesn't reply.

He doesn’t reply.

 

Joe’s group plus Daryl settle in an empty auto body shop, with all of the thugs “claiming” their cars to sleep in, since Daryl doesn’t seem keen on conforming to their ways. Instead, he picks himself a nice spot on the ground a ways away, using his garbage bag of supplies as his pillow. Joe and Len both notice his lack of reaction to being booted from the cars.

Back in the tunnel, they come across a freshly collapsed portion, walkers still active and trapped between the chunks of concrete. Glenn hands Tara his gun and takes his knife and the flashlight to examine the walkers, making certain that Maggie isn’t among their ranks and stabbing them as he goes along. BUT HE ONLY STABS THE WOMEN. And then Tara stomps on one of the men’s heads. Aaaand they climb to the top of the heap, where a couple dozen walkers wander towards them, and Glenn pauses, looking them over one by one and saying that, since she’s not one of them, Maggie made it through, and so they will, too, despite their lack of ammunition.

Dude. You gave up your armour AND you don't have the ammo AND your traveling companion is injured AND you already know where she's headed. So stop being a douchebag.

Dude. You gave up your armour AND you don’t have the ammo AND your traveling companion is injured AND you already know where she’s headed. So stop being a douchebag.

 

Abraham and company, meanwhile, have found a van with a single walker inside and a note written in the windshield’s grime. “Leave Momma Be.” They, of course, do not, and they have a nice new mode of transportation, all set to go, until Dr. Mullet decides to belittle… Oh, man. WHAT is her NAME? But, anyways, he wants to be navigator, and she’s not here for it, since she’s in the know about his general uselessness. She finally caves, telling him that they’re just going north.

Meanwhile, back at the cave-in, the worst plan ever has been hatched. Remember how I listed all of the things that Glenn has done wrong this episode? Well, add to that leaving their only light source in a dark tunnel of unknown length and filled with an unknown number of walkers who they now won’t be able to see, PLUS climbing down a pile of loose rubble with one of their party sporting a lower limb injury, and this is gonna turn out fine, I’m sure.

Whoop, no. I lied. Tara’s gonna slip, and her leg is gonna get trapped under a particularly stubborn rock, and then they’re gonna talk and then the walkers will notice them, and she’ll shout at him to go, and more will come, but he won’t abandon her.

THAT’S what’s going to happen.

GASP! Just like the gypsy woman said.

GASP! Just like the gypsy woman said.

 

Dr. Mullet, meanwhile, has gotten… Fuck, I’m never gonna know this woman’s name, am I? Well, he’s given her shoddy directions, but ultimately gotten her to come around to where that same tunnel lets out, saying that they ought to be around here if there were no considerable delays. Then, as Abraham is knocked awake and bickering ensues, he spots something odd.

So, maybe he's not the WORST person on the show. Yet.

So, maybe he’s not the WORST person on the show. Yet.

 

Back in the garage, Len accuses Daryl of taking his half of the rabbit, and Daryl denies it, but a check in his bag reveals the front half of the poor little rodent.

Little bunny foo foo...

Little bunny foo foo…

Joe asks Len if he planted it, like Daryl accuses, and Len denies it, so Joe gives him a hard uppercut to the gut and tells the other men to teach him a lesson “all the way” because… Drumroll please… He saw him do it.

 

And so Daryl gets the head, too. Hooray! Everybody wins!

And so Daryl gets the head, too. Hooray! Everybody wins!

 

Now, in the tunnel, Glenn uses the last of him ammo to fend off the walkers, but he only takes out about a half-dozen before his clip runs empty. Just as he’s about to resort to using his rifle as a club for some reason (because doesn’t he have any bullets for that?), a man shouts to “Get Down!” and a group opens fire on the miniature hoarde.

Of course. Gotta save the major casualties for next week.

Of course. Gotta save the major casualties for next week.

And guess who it is?!

YES!!!!!!! Oh, wait. Oh, wait, no. This means they're HAPPY. NO!!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!! Oh, wait. Oh, wait, no. This means they’re HAPPY. NO!!!!!!!!

After freeing Tara from the rubble, Glenn introduces her to Maggie, claiming to have met her on the road and saying that the younger girl felt compelled to help him after hearing his story, because she’s just good like that. Maggie gives her a hug, and you can fucking see/smell/hear/taste the guilt in Tara’s eyes. Then they go and join the others, having made camp in the tunnel since they were pretty much able to secure it (how, I do not know), and Sasha and Bob are in disbelief at Abraham’s tale.

"This dude? This dude right here? With the mullet, guys?"

“This dude? This dude right here? With the mullet, guys?”

Abraham tells them all that now there’s nothing keeping them from Washington, and Tara tells Glenn that she’s going with them. Her pseudo-dept is kind-of repaid! But Dr. Mullet contradicts Abraham, saying that three more days and they’re at Terminus, so they may have supplies or manpower. Sasha agrees to go with the to Washington after Terminus; she needs to see if Tyreese is still alive. Bob agrees to go wherever she goes.

Then… Sigh… A lovely moment where Glenn and Maggie catch each other up is ruined by my anxiety over this being a moment of foreshadowing or metaphor or some other such BULLSHIT, because Maggie finds the photo of her that Glenn has been carrying, and she convinces her to let her fucking BURN it because they’ll always be together and he’ll never need a photo of her because he’ll have the real her by his side and blah blah blah blah blah blah MAGGIE WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!

Why? WHY? So many reasons why NOT to burn the photo, and not even a GOOD reason to burn it!

Why? WHY? So many reasons why NOT to burn the photo, and not even a GOOD reason to burn it!

I mean, really, look at this screen shot. Is this not a metaphor?

Because this could EASILY be a metaphor.

Because this could EASILY be a metaphor.

 

Sigh, you assholes…

The next morning, Daryl wakes up to the crew setting off, and finds Len outside, with an arrow in his eye.

That thumb ring should have been a giveaway that he'd be a difficult person to deal with right there.

That thumb ring should have been a giveaway that he’d be a difficult person to deal with right there.

 

Daryl is about to cover his body with a sheet, and then decides against it, leaving the sheet in a heap and following Joe as he takes a swig from a flask and tells him a bit about his plans for the immediate future. They’re on their way to Terminus, but not for sanctuary, since he doubts that men like them will be welcomed with open arms, but rather to hunt down a guy who was hiding out in a house that they’d claimed, strangled one of their own, and left him to turn and attack them all as a walker. One of their group got a good look at him.

Sounds familiar...

Sounds familiar…

Because he was staring at him as he was being choked and their prey was hiding under the bed.

Oh! Right. That’s why this sounds so familiar.

Because Daryl’s now with a group on people who are going to hunt down and murder Rick. And probably Carl. And Michonne, but, y’know, after horribly raping her because they as much said so in that episode where they’re all actually in the house. And, after hearing this and having refused to conform to this group’s dynamics for this whole series of events since they’ve found him, he claims a small tomato or berry or something growing at the side of the tracks, right as another guy is about to grab at it.

So, awesome. Except for the many ways in way it’s not.

And, now, at last, it looks like the first of our heroes have arrived at Terminus.

So, let’s just go with a Terminus slideshow for now and give our thoughts:

twds4e15-22twds4e15-23twds4e15-24

One gate, no locks or visible guards posted.

A second gate, also unlocked, and it has a sign which has all of the same handwriting as every other sign we’ve seen thus far.

Pastel colours. Weird as shit.

Tasha Yarr as slightly creepy hippy lady.

Nobody else in sight.

Sooo… Is this a huge cannibalism scheme or what? Because, and I’m not judging just observing, but everybody else in the world is starving, and Tasha’a over here looking a little bit ponchy. Plus she’s grilling something. WHAT IS THERE LEFT TO GRILL?!

The answer… Is people.

Maybe.

There could also be some kind of creepy Stepford thing going on. There could be drugs in the food or water.

Or she could be a Super Saiyan.

Who the fuck knows?

So far, I’m standing firm equal distance between the cannibal and drugging theories. Because both are completely different levels of creepy than we’ve seen on the show so far. And I’m all for non-flu-y new threats. ‘Twould be quite welcome, since I’m pretty sure that everybody and their Momma (who they did not let be) knows by now not to trust any of the other survivors.

But we do need to see some casualties, certainly, in the finale next week. Even with Herschel it’s been a while. And it was quite a while before that, too. So, what have we got?

An uneasy truce between Tyreese and Carol.

A romance who a lot believe to be doomed, but who I’m holding out for, especially since the whole doomed romance/Romeo-Juliet thing is such a cliche at this point that it would be a really disappointing thing to see, just from a writing standpoint, let alone from that of a person who actually “ships” them. But, given the imagery of Maggie’s photo burning, plus the fact that Glenn has worked very hard to continue on in Herschel’s sort of morality, and we all know what happens to the group’s moral compass time and again, and then counting the huge number of errors and irresponsible moves made by Glenn in this episode alone, it’s not looking too good for the two of them. But I still don’t want them to die. It looks so much like one of them will that I don’t want to believe that the writers have gotten that lazy.

Especially since we still have an upcoming standoff between Rick and the group with which Daryl is now traveling as a part of. Add the fuel of the fact that Daryl still doesn’t know about Carol’s banishment onto that fire, and we might just get a major character death that none of us were bargaining for. Daryl or even Rick might die. And wouldn’t that shake some shit up?

I mean, consider, Michonne is a friend and role model for Carl, able to keep the boy straight.

She’s a surrogate mother.

And Carl is probably safe because I think enough people too short to ride most carnival rides have gotten got this season.

Who do you think is going to bite it/get bit?

Personally, I think the biggest deal is Daryl/Rick… But mostly because I don’t want to even think about Glenn or Maggie.

Oh, right, and, uh, are we ever gonna see Beth again, or…?

Until next week!

 

 

The Walking Recap – S4E14 “The Grove”

You guys… I don’t even want to do this one. I’m so depressed…

Well, prepare to have your whole fucking day ruined.

The episode’s stinger, before the credits, is a shot through a window, as a teakettle steams and whistles, of a girl laughingly running circles around a walker as it, y’know, tries to eat her.

Three guesses who this girl is.

Three guesses who this girl is.

 

After the credits, we see Carol and the devil Lizzie sitting on a log and musing on what it might be like at Terminus, whether it’ll be safe, if they’ll have food, if there will be other children there… How long until they get there. The moment is sweet. Hopeful. You actually kind of feel for Lizzie for the first time in… Ever. You want her to be around kids her age because, heck, maybe it’ll help her not be a crazy person for a while.

Then, Tyreese wakes from a fevered nightmare and it kind of kills the moment.

The next morning, after finding some maple syrup to put on Tyreese’s wound but not to eat, apparently, they discuss the girls. Lizzie is way too tough when it comes to people, but she doesn’t see walkers as a threat; rather, they’re victims. They’re different. Mika, meanwhile, “doesn’t have a mean bone in her body,” according to Carol.

Which is also how she described her daughter. *SOB*

Which is also how she described her daughter. *SOB*

 

Later, as they walk further down the tracks and discuss Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, they smell a fire off in the distance, but are unable to see it anywhere. The group splits up so that Tyreese, Lizzie, and Li’l Asskicker can rest while Carol takes Mika aside to look for food, but also to give her a little pep talk about how she’s got to toughen up. Mika says that she would never be able to kill a person. She’ll kill walkers if she has to, if she can, but she’s good at running and that’s what she plans to do. Carol tells her that Sophia ran, and that it wasn’t enough for her.

Fuck you, foreshadowing.

Fuck you, foreshadowing.

 

Meanwhile, Tyreese leaves Lizzie with the baby (WHICH THEY NEED TO STOP DOING) to go and kill a walker along the tracks, but he leaves it alone when it falls, its leg caught between slats of wood, and Lizzie asks him to spare it.

Which they ALSO need to stop doing. Stop leaving singular walkers alive-ish to literally bite you in the ass later, and stop catering to the crazy girl.

Which they ALSO need to stop doing. Stop leaving singular walkers alive-ish to literally bite you in the ass later, and stop catering to the crazy girl.

 

Back with Carol, Mika, who is the sweetest little girl in the world and DAMN IT I hate the writers of this show more than I ever have in this moment, tells her that everything is alright, brightly saying that her mom always said that everything works out the way that it’s supposed to. And then she spots a house where they can rest, smiling because she feels like her point has been proven.

PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC WHY DO I KEEP WATCHING THESE SHOWS THAT KILL ME INSIDE?!

PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC WHY DO I KEEP WATCHING THESE SHOWS THAT KILL ME INSIDE?!

 

The girls are told to wait outside, unsupervised because nobody is able to commit past mistakes to their long-term memory in this universe, and Lizzie starts to panic. Mika thinks that it’s because they see a grave marked with a cross and a pair of kids’ shoes, but her older sister starts going on about how Carol and Tyreese will find a walker inside and they’re going to kill it. Mika shouts at her that she needs to stop that shit, that they’re not people, and Lizzie tells her with an eerie calm that she’s wrong.

"You're all wrong."

“You’re all wrong.”

 

Their shouting match calls the attention of a walker that was in the house, but at the end opposite where Carol and Tyreese went in. Mika takes it out with three shots as Judith cries and Lizzie screams. Not out of fear for herself or the baby, as the characters think, though.

SPOILER ALERT: IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A CRAZY LITTLE BITCH.

SPOILER ALERT: IT’S BECAUSE SHE’S A CRAZY LITTLE BITCH.

 

Mika apologizes for yelling at her, and helps coach her sister back to “normal” by looking at some flowers and counting calmly. So, clearly, Lizzie’s been a psycho since the beginning, and I really feel like their dad should have disclosed that shit from the beginning.

"Like, no, seriously, guys, you might want to duct tape some mittens onto that girl. Also, no sharp objects. Or exposure to walkers. Or small animals. Or large animals. Or people. Or sunshine. Y'know what? Just lock her in a cell with a bunch of jigsaw puzzles and stuffed animals for her to put together wrong and to eviscerate, respectively."

“Like, no, seriously, guys, you might want to duct tape some mittens onto that girl. Also, no sharp objects. Or exposure to walkers. Or small animals. Or large animals. Or people. Or sunshine. Y’know what? Just lock her in a cell with a bunch of jigsaw puzzles and stuffed animals for her to put together wrong and to eviscerate, respectively.”

 

Once inside, they’ve got a roaring fire, fresh water from a private well on the property, plenty of pecans and peaches, they’ve spotted deer, they’re playing with puzzles, and Mika has found a doll which she’s named Brizelda Gunderson. Tyreese is in disbelief of how good they have it and, once again, a member of the group suggests staying. This time it’s Mika, and she’s little, so it’s understandable.

But also, she's trying to kill me with how wonderful she is.

But also, she’s trying to kill me with how wonderful she is.

But, the adults in the situation, for some reason, immediatelyt relax. In front of large windows. In a wood frame house. Like they’ve never been in that situation before. Like this isn’t the exact same scenario they were in when Carol finally found her daughter, zombified in a barn, and then that house was swept away by a massive hoarde of walkers.

Yeah. Like none of that happened.

Because, again, whatever’s got all of them carrying to walker virus or whatever it is also seems to have affected their sense of consequences and their ability to learn from mistakes made repeatedly in the past.

The next day, as Carol puts on a pot of water to make tea on this stove which inexplicably still has gas, we catch up to that initial image of a girl playing with a walker. Carol sees Lizzie outside, letting the walker get closer and closer, and rushes out, stabbing it in the head.

Lizzie loses it. She tells her that she was just playing with her. The walker wanted a friend. Lizzie would have led her away from the house.

Carol tells her that she could have died. Because of course.

Lizzie tells her that it’s the same thing. That she killed her. And… Wait for it… “WHAT IF I KILLED YOU?! WHAT IF I KILLED YOU?!”

Um........ Really, y'all? All these red flags and you're gonna let them keep waving?

Um…….. Really, y’all? All these red flags and you’re gonna let them keep waving?

 

SIGH.

The next day, Carol takes Mika out for a walk again. She tells her that she needs to learn to defend herself, and that even though Lizzie is bigger and stronger, Mika is smarter. The little girl even is able to tell Carol that that fire they smelled is still burning, because the smoke is still black; it would be white if it were finally out. BUT, Mika doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She really, really doesn’t. Because she’s the sweetest character they’ve ever had on this show, and she can’t bring herself to shoot the deer, and she smiles despite that because, hey, at least they have peaches, and I love her, and damn it, that’s never a good thing on this show.

FEELINGS.

FEELINGS.


Later on, Mika follows Lizzie as her sister sneaks off to feed mice to the walker that got stuck between the railroad tracks.

Because it was HER feeding the walkers at the prison and contributing MASSIVELY to the casualties there.

Because it was HER feeding the walkers at the prison and contributing MASSIVELY to the casualties there.

 

Mika tries to pull her away, but Lizzie is adamant on showing her sister that she’s right. She’s so confident that she’s about to let the walker bite her. A group of burnt walkers stumbling out of the woods towards them gets them moving, though, and they run back to the house. Mika almost gets bitten when she gets tangled up in the barbed wire, but Carol and Tyreese arrive, and they, plus the girls, take out the walkers, all of them kind of terrible shots. Most noticeably, though, Lizzie fires alongside them, looking visibly shaken.

Notice Carol's notice.

Notice Carol’s notice.

That night, Carol talks Lizzie down, and says that, yeah, it’s tough, but it’s a part of growing up now, and that it’s going to change you. This after Lizzie tells her that she knows what she has to do now. AND NEITHER ARE BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT, EXACTLY, THEY MEAN.

And, by the way, any time somebody says any variation of, “I know now what I must do,” it is never a good thing. Not once. So, please, in that event, ask for clarification before allowing them to take any kind of solo action.

The next morning, Carol and Tyreese go hunting and he opens up to her about his nightmares of Karen, and about how he’s okay with taking a while to get to Terminus, or even staying at this little house, because he trusts Carol.

Whoop. Awkward.

Whoop. Awkward.

 

Carol feels turrible, and it looks like she might confess, but she offers him comfort and they decide to head back to the house. Where Lizzie is waiting. With her knife out. Dripping with blood.

The blood of her sister.

Because now Mika will turn and she’ll wake up different, but then they’ll all see that Lizzie was right. And she’s so fucking proud of herself, and she promises to do Judith next.

Man, fuck this show...

Man, fuck this show…

 

I’m so mad. I’m so mad for so many reasons. There was no reason for this. The characters have been fucking up so much lately that I’m wondering how in the hell-o kitty they’ve even survived this long. Tralala, let’s ponder the insanity of this child, but continuously leave her alone with smaller, weaker children who will defer to her, and who wouldn’t be able to fight them off if they tried, and who we actually know wouldn’t even fight her off because we’re concerned about the fact that the one is a consistently self-proclaimed pacifist who is dedicated to the crazy one as they are, in fact, the only blood relatives either of the has left on this earth and, B.) that the other one is, in fact, AN INFANT.

Oh, my gosh.

This fucking show. It’s killing me inside.

It’s like season 3 of Downton Abbey all over again.

That poor girl. I was hoping she’d either grow as a character, or stick to her metaphorical guns and actually stay away from literal ones because, damn it, it would have been really interesting to see how a character could potentially survive like that.

And, I know, the whole point they’re constantly trying to make on this show is that the good ones don’t survive, you have to do awful things, you ave to become hard to live in this world, blah, blah, blah, but there would have to be at least a few survivors who are still decent human beings statistically speaking, or by sheer luck! Or if the people who have done bad things could keep their heads out of their asses long enough to protect those better people because they’re their metaphorical link to the small spark of goodness still left in themselves!

https://i1.wp.com/media2.giphy.com/media/iUJrcUATzeELu/giphy.gif

I’M SO MAD. I’m so mad. I’M. SO. MAD. Oh, my goodness, I’m so mad.

ANYWAYS. Back to what’s happening in the show.

Carol tells Tyreese to take Lizzie and Judith inside, assuring Lizzie that she’s just gonna tie Mika up so that she doesn’t go anywhere when she “comes back.” Then she tearfully unsheathes her knife and we get to go to commercial so that we can take two minutes to reflect on our lives and how they’ve come to this point where we emotionally destroy ourselves every Sunday evening and then we call it entertainment.

Later on, Tyreese has cleared Lizzie’s room of any weapons or sharp objects, and her fucking box full of mice, and he says that she confessed to feeding the walkers at the prison and to doing THIS to that rat or whatever because she “was just having fun.”

I much prefer the inorganic humanoid version of Operation, thank you very much.

I much prefer the inorganic humanoid version of Operation, thank you very much.

 

He muses that maybe she was the one who killed Karen and David, but he can’t figure out how she could have gotten their bodies outside. But, ultimately, he and Carol realize that they can’t let her be around other people. And, the next morning, she takes Lizzie out for a walk, tells her that she loves her and that everything works out the way that it’s supposed to and to look at the flowers and count to three, and, to quote a Facebook friend, puts her down like it’s Old Yeller. “She’s my psycho; I’ll do it.”

They bury the girls next to the other grave already there and head on inside. Sitting at the table with the unfinished jigsaw puzzle, Carol slides her revolver over to Tyreese… And confesses.

She explains her reasoning, trying to stop the spread of the infection, and when he asks if it was quick, she promises him that it was. But he can do what he has to and he can kill her if he wants to. Because, really, at this point…

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

 

Sophia 2.0 got got and Carol had to put down another surrogate child. So, let Tyreese know the truth like he deserves because he’s a good man and… Because he’s a good man, he forgives her. “But [he] won’t forget.”

So, they pack on up and head back out on the train tracks towards Terminus.

AND THEY STILL FUCKING LEAVE THAT STUCK WALKER ALIVE-ISH.

Just to piss me the fuck off.

EVERY TIME. Just to piss me the fuck off.

So, what have we learned from this week’s episode?

1.) The writers are bad people and they hate all of us.

2.) New RULE #1 for the Zombie Apocalypse: Sociopaths need to GO. Just right fucking away. It’ll save us all a lot of trouble later on.

https://i2.wp.com/cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Screen-shot-2014-01-14-at-8.50.36-PM-650x492.png

But let one of them do it for you because survival is all about how efficiently you can use your resources. Like crazy people. Flamethrowers are important, too.

Now, with two episodes left in the season, it still looks like next week is going to be featuring only a part of the cast, with Daryl and his new captors/crew possibly meeting up with and/or fighting against Glenn and Company, possibly with a glimmer of Rick, Carl, and Michonne, if the trailers are anything to go by, but we all should know by now that the previews are often pretty misleading.

Because 1.) The writers are bad people and they hate all of us.

I’m gonna go and cry some more now.

Seriously. Do I secretly hate myself or WHAT?!

Seriously. Do I secretly hate myself or WHAT?!

See you next week if I can pull myself out of the pit of despair in which I currently wallow.

 

 

TWD The Walking Recap – S4E13 “Alone”

Last night’s episode was pretty well tied together. I enjoyed it much more than last week’s (sorry Beth fans), and it actually featured two sets of survivors rather than solely on one group for the whole episode, so that’s a step in the right direction, in my opinion.

The episode opens, like so many have in the past, in the past. Bob Stookey is wandering alone and we see several simple yet dramatic shots of how he has survived by himself for so long.

Like this one:

Which really doesn't look all that stable, despite it resourcefulness.

Which really doesn’t look all that stable, despite it resourcefulness.

 

And this one:

Legit.

Legit.

 

Eventually, the roar of an obnoxiously loud motorcycle heralds the arrival of a redneck and his token Asian companion, and Glenn and Daryl ask Bob their “Three Questions,” ultimately bringing him into the group, as we all well know by now. Bob’s answers?

1.) He’s killed dozens of walkers.

2.) He’s killed one person.

3.) It’s because she asked him to.

Hm. Wonder if "she" is important to his past, or if we'll ever learn more about her.

Hm. Wonder if “she” is important to his past, or if we’ll ever learn more about her.

 

After the opening credits roll, we get a nice, spooky scene wherein present day Bob, Sasha, and MAggie are standing back-to-back-to-back, fending off walkers in a fog so dense that visibility is down to a mere one to two feet in front of them.

Why would you not just climb a tree when the fog rolls in and just wait for that shit to roll right back on out?!

Why would you not just climb a tree when the fog rolls in and just wait for that shit to roll right back on out?!

 

Every walker attack is sudden, and things don’t look so good when Bob appears to have been bitten. Sasha takes out the walker.

1 bullet.

1 bullet.

 

Then Maggie has a really tough time with one, and Sasha saves her.

2 bullets. Also, Lauren Cohan makes the BEST faces on this show. ALL of the teeth are bared ALWAYS.

2 bullets. Also, Lauren Cohan makes the BEST faces on this show. ALL of the teeth are bared ALWAYS.

 

Luckily, that’s the last of them, and the two gunshots didn’t attract more walkers, AND the walker that bit Bob bit him over the bandaged bullet wound, and his bandages are made of fucking Kevlar, and the man is fine, because there are three episodes left in the season, and they don’t want to murder everyone and ruin all of our lives just yet.

Sasha is super psyched that he’s not going to turn, hugs him, then pulls away when it hurts his shoulder, and they all share a happy little laugh because adrenaline is a funny thing.

Cut over to Daryl and Beth, where Daryl is actually making good on his promise from last episode (yawn) to teach her how to shoot a crossbow.

Legit.

Legit.

 

He’s also teaching her how to track, and she’s able to reason that it’s a walker, which they soon happen upon, and then she decides that the best way to kill it with a crossbow is to sneak up on it because distance weapons aren’t specifically used from afar and you need to be in close proximity.

Naturally, she twists her ankle by getting it caught in, like, a miniature bear trap our something, the walker hears, she hits it but in the jaw, and Daryl has to finish the thing off.

C'mon, Beth.

C’mon, Beth.

 

Back with Maggie, Sasha, and Bob, they debate getting moving, discover that they only have six bullets left, and find that their compass is broken. Bob backs up Sasha’s decision to stay put, and says that they’ll just have to keep an eye on the sun to maintain their bearings. In huge contrast to opening-scene Bob, he’s being extremely optimistic, and it’s noticeable as the women folk look none too pleased.

We catch up with Daryl and Beth again, as she limps along to a clearing where a small cemetery and funeral home a spread out. She asks to take a break, and he gallantly offers to give her a piggy back ride across the graveyard, and she’s not fooling anyone.

Come ON, Beth.

Come ON, Beth.

 

Also, I sure hope that that crossbow has a safety on it (even though I know Daryl would never use it), because he turns it to hang on his chest, and it could easily fire and hit either one or the both of them in the face if it’s jostled the wrong way.

Beth hopes that there are people in the funeral home, and Daryl promises to take care of them, to which she assures him that there are still good people left out there in this terrible, terrible world that they live in. He doubts that the good ones survive. On the way there, they pass by a tombstone which reads “Beloved Father,” and Beth has a moment, reaching to hold Daryl’s hand due to a lack of subtlety for emotional support.

Come on, BETH.

Come on, BETH.

 

Meanwhile, Sasha, Bob, and Maggie, come across a sign for Terminus, opening up another debate for their next course of action. Bob claims to have heard a broadcast about this on the radio, but it was unclear. Maggie immediately decides that they should head there, saying that Glenn would head there, looking for her looking for him looking for her looking for him.

I still don't know how to feel about this place.

I still don’t know how to feel about this place.

 

Sasha… Is not so enthused about the idea, having been expelled from the prison, accepted into Woodbury, fled from Woodbury, fought Woodbury twice, and forced to abandon the prison. So, proposed utopian sanctuary-ish places and promised aren’t sitting particularly well with her. Bob suggests that others could be there, including Tyreese, and Sasha just blows past that ray of hope, but realizes that she’s already been outnumbered.

Cue dramatic music... Furthering my inability to make an informed opinion about Terminus.

Cue dramatic music… Furthering my inability to make an informed opinion about Terminus.

 

Inside, they find the place very well-kept, meaning that there must still be someone there. They also find… what looks like a funeral in progress. A body lies in an open casket. Having no concept of propriety nor fucking hygeine, Daryl touches the face, leaving a scooped out hollow because the man has decomposed to the point of being comprised of 95% human pudding.

I'm not posting that DISGUSTING image here because I love all of you greatly. So, instead, here's a picture of a bunch of golden retriever puppies in a wicker basket!

I’m not posting that DISGUSTING image here because I love all of you greatly. So, instead, here’s a picture of a bunch of golden retriever puppies in a wicker basket!

 

In the basement, they find more bodies being prepped for burial, and Beth finds it kind of beautiful that whoever is living here is still trying to honour these people’s memories like this. Daryl just wants to bandage her stupid ankle. I don’t see any head wounds on these bodies. And it makes me really, really nervous.

Back in the woods, Sasha is having a real hard time opening a can with her hunting knife. She tries to convince Bob that they need to not go to Terminus, but instead to find a town and a building and set up shop there. Plus the fact that Glenn is likely dead already. Maggie is off getting firewood during their exchange. Bob tells her that she needs to face the real reason she wants to stop.

This whole scene, she does not get this can open.

The struggle is REAL.

The struggle is REAL.

 

In the funeral home, Beth and Daryl find a cupboard full of soda, peanut butter, jelly, and pigs feet. I’ve never seen Daryl happier.

You had me at pigs feet. Except for not really.

You had me at pigs feet. Except for not really.

 

They’re about to clear the place out, but Daryl says that they should just take some because the lack of dust means that someone was still here. Beth tells him that he’s the “good people left” that she was talking about earlier and Daryl, in true Daryl Dixon fashion, has no response to that. Instead, he proceeds to scoop out jelly with what I’m pretty sure was the same hand he scooped out that dude’s face with and I’m going to go ahead and throw up now.

Outside, he sets up their standard string of cans as a perimetre alarm. Inside, Beth hits the piano and starts to sing again.

COME ON, BETH.

COME ON, BETH.

 

And, yeah, that’s Daryl lying in the coffin because it’s the comfiest bed he’s ever laid in. And he stares at her thoughtfully when she’s not looking. And he seems to be having a minor internal struggle. And this show about walking dead people and this scene where he’s laying in an empty coffin in a funeral home wherein several bodies are in an advanced stage of decomposition, just got a little bit CREEPY.

The next morning, Sasha and Bob wake up to find a message written in the sand.

Because you should never talk about bitches behind their backs... Because they're almost always within earshot.

Because you should never talk about bitches behind their backs… Because they’re almost always within earshot.

 

On the road, Maggie is about to carve into one of the Terminus sign posts, but instead carves up a walker with a crazed look on her face.Why would she put her hands elbows deep into a walker’s guts? Well, a very smiley Bob and an incredulous Sasha come across the answer.

I mean, why dull the knife blade. Right?

I mean, why dull the knife blade. Right?

 

So, that’s awesome. Second time we’ve seen crazy-eyed Maggie since the mid-season premiere.

Also, she should work on her penmanship.

Daryl carries Beth to breakfast in the funeral home, just to make me uncomfortable.

And it's working. Guys... Please stop.

And it’s working. Guys… Please stop. Please. Oh, pretty, pretty please.

 

But before Daryl can sink into his beloved pigs feet, the cans rattle, alerting them to an intruder. Daryl goes to check it out.

FUN FACT: In real life, that dog lost it's eye while saving its owner from a carjacking, according to "Talking Dead." So, kudos to you, Dooley the dog!

FUN FACT: In real life, that dog lost it’s eye while saving its owner from a carjacking, according to “Talking Dead.” So, kudos to you, Dooley the dog!

 

Norman Reedus has probably never been happier to see a one-eyed dog, especially after eating that eel last week. The dog, meanwhile, bolts when he moves to pet it. Beth comes to what the matter was, and he gently chastises her for not listening, before suggesting that it might come back around. The go back to breakfast together and I DON’T LIKE IT.

That night, Bob and Sasha are camped out, trying to sleep despite the violently loud moans of a walker they think must be stuck on something nearby. Neither can sleep, and Bob starts the ask her the incredibly uncomfortable question of whether she’s too afraid to find out for sure if her brother is alive or dead. When he doesn’t answer, he tells her that he thought she was the toughest person he’d ever met, while simultaneously being the sweetest. She has no answer, for some reason forgoing the slap he kind of needs right now, and he settles back down to try and sleep again.

In the funeral home, Beth is drafting a thank you note, and Daryl tells her that maybe they ought to stay until the owner returns. That maybe they can coexist.

Huh.

Hopeful Daryl.

It’s weird. Sweet. But weird all the same.

Beth asks him what suddenly changed his mind about the presence of good people left, and he gives her fucking look, AND I DON’T LIKE IT.

Praise Jeebus, the moment is interrupted by rustling cans and the sound of a dog yelping. Daryl goes to give it a pig’s foot. Now, clearly, hopeful Daryl and this unholy thing that hopefully isn’t even a thing and I’m imagining it a-brewin’ between him and Beth is a bad thing, because the ever-vigilant redneck opens the door without looking, and it’s five billion zombies at the door.

A weird-ass fight scene ensues, where he of course tells Beth to run because even he knows she’s not about to be helpful while operating under the double whammy of A.) having a sprained ankle, and B.) still being Beth. Why is the scene awkward, though?

Well… See, every time that Daryl uses his crossbow as a club or fires it in close proximity it just bugs the hell out of me. You have one weapon, which is already a terrible way to operate, and you have a finite number of arrows, two of which broke last episode, and if you damage your crossbow, then fuck the whole damned thing. He first lures them deeper into the basement, where the bodies are still on gurneys and are apparently not going to rise and where he already knows he has no alternative escape, instead using an examination table as a two foot wide barricade and he uses scalpels to stab the walkers in the head, repeating the process once over after her crawls through their legs and escapes back up the stairs, retrieving only one of his arrows.

All in all a terrible series of terrible ideas. Culminating, by the way, in Beth’s disappearance. As a car speeds off. Because she’s being kidnapped, I guess. Because she’s Beth.

I CANNOT.

I CANNOT.

 

And one episode’s worth of character growth and the attempt to make her appear more competent has just been completely undone.

Daryl, meanwhile, chases after her on foot, because he’s part gazelle and he really thinks that he has a chance of catching her, calling her name all the time. He eventually stops and kneels, defeated, in the middle of the road, having lost the trail somehow.

Bob and Sasha approach a town and she finally decides that this whole sticking together thing is for chumps, and that she’s rather go full Morgan and go crazy in an abandoned building by herself for the rest of her life. Bob kisses her goodbye and heads off to find Maggie.

Because kissing her isn't enough to convince her that she doesn't have to go it alone. So, Bob you need to work on your game, chief.

Because kissing her isn’t enough to convince her that she doesn’t have to go it alone. So, Bob you need to work on your game, chief.

 

He heads further down the tracks and Sasha finds a nice brick building with a flat roof to go and cry in.

To quote Arrested Development, "I've made a terrible mistake."

To quote Arrested Development, “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

 

She quickly fucks shit up by accidentally breaking a window after seeing Maggie lying amongst a row of dead walkers, calling all of the still roaming zombies to their location.

She sprints out and the two of them tag team the mini hoarde.

Followed by a heart-to-heart.

Followed by a heart-to-heart.

 

Maggie tells Sasha that she was waiting for them, that she can’t go it alone, and that, yeah, she can ask them to risk their lives. Sasha admits her fears, and they head off to find Bob together.

Meanwhile, Daryle finds himself in a Mexican standoff as a group of ruffians who admittedly are ever-smitten with the idea of flat out murdering people find him and surrounds him. Their leader, Joe, laughs off a punch (never a good sign) and tells him that he’s been looking for a crossbow like that, and then talks Daryl into not pulling the trigger, since his boys will end him, too, right on the spot.

So, will Daryl end up going back to his old ways, mindlessly following what looks to be Merle 2.0? Or will he miraculously slaughter them all against all odds, like he always seems to do? Or will be backslide a little, but still try to advance as a character and fucking find Beth?

Probably that last one.

Ugh.

Ugh.

 

Sooo, there goes that whole “there are still good people out there” thing. Whomp whomp.

We catch up with Bob, walking down the tracks, stopping when his name is called and finding that the girls have also caught up with him. Hugs are exchanged, and the trio head on down the tracks.

Aww.

Aww.

The last shot is one of a Terminus sign and a mangled looking, armoured hand.

Guess who..?

Guess who..?

It pans out to reveal Glenn, disbelieving hope in his features.

It is!

It is!

 

So, naturally, I’m very excited about this whole thing! But, I’m also very nervous. Why, you ask?

Well, see, I’ve been a Glenn/Maggie supporter since they met, and I’ve been terrified ever since. Shows like The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones like to give you the feels before they completely destroy you by killing off your favourite characters. Last season, when Glenn ever so romantically went ring shopping for her and proposed and they got married-ish, I was afraid that one or the other of them was going to bite it. When certain casualties occurred in the comic, I got worried. This season, when Glenn got sick, I was concerned that they might pull a second Downton Abbey and kill off Maggie just because it looked like Glenn was going to die for a moment there.

And now, with them separated but still apparently heading to the same place, to this sanctuary and this promise of survival… I’m really worried that one or both of them won’t make it to the end of the season.

And that would be some bullshit. And I likely wouldn’t watch for much longer if that happened. I already gave zero fucks about Downton after the events of just-past-mid-season-3. I’m not above throwing in the towel for a series when the characters I’m most emotionally invested in get got.

So, because I really do enjoy this stupid show, though, let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that. The current cast is excellent. Yes, even Beth. I appreciate that the showrunners are giving her and Carol more of a presence this season, and that every character, really, is at least getting his or her moment.

So, what do we think will happen this season? Somebody’s not going to make it, and from next episode’s promo, it doesn’t look good for the Tyreese and Carol clan. I’m thinking something happens to one of those little girls. Or maybe Tyreese finally learns about what Carol’s done.

But, I believe that the majority of the group is going to make it to Terminus, and that their independent arrivals, or maybe just the first or the last group’s arrival, with close up the season, kind of on a happy note, but with an ominous feeling just to keep us on our toes. They’ll introduce the leader of Terminus, and in such a way that it leaves us all wondering as to whether he’s a truly benevolent figure, or he’s another Governor waiting to happen.

If we get a Glenn and Maggie reunion, chances are that Abraham will being needling them all towards Washington again.

But, with three episodes left until the finale, something heartbreaking and tragic has to happen, so one of these groups will face a loss. It may be Glenn or Maggie, but I’m hoping that the still fresh loss of Herschel will give the remaining Greene family members a bit of a reprieve. Sasha is now in an interesting place, relationship-wise, with ties to her brother and also to Bob now as a budding romantic interest, so she may be put into the middle of a difficult situation at some point. Plus, the series’ track record with black characters isn’t the best. If Carol’s actions are revealed, and she makes it to the finale, she may end up doing something heroic to redeem herself in the eyes of Tyreese, or to possibly give a last lesson about strength or some bullshit to the girls, so that’s a possibility. But it’s also a bit of a cliche.

Either way, I hope that the cast makes it through, picking up some redshirts on the way so that they’re the marks instead.

Or, really, I just hope that they stop giving Daryl superpowers just because he’s a fan favourite.

Because really.

Anywho, catch us next week for another installment of “The Walking Recap!”

See you there!

The Walking Recap – TWD S4E10 “Inmates”

Not a lot happened on last night’s episode and, at the same time, a whole fucking lot did.

So, let’s get right on down to it.

No Rick, Carl, or Michonne this episode. Instead, we focus on the other prison survivors (and some not-so-survivors, briefly). The episode opens with fan-favourite Daryl, currently traveling with Beth. Despite her attempts to desensitize herself to all of the everything earlier this season, she is super full of feelings in this episode. As Daryl broods, staring morosely into their campfire, Beth is trying to goad him into searching for the others. When he doesn’t respond, she tells him that she’s just going to go off and find them all herself.

That's emotional blackmail, Beth, you little punkass.

That’s emotional blackmail, Beth, you little punkass.

 

Daryl, of course, begrudgingly follows her. I kind of feel like he might be getting a little bit tired of this shit, the whole “hero” thing. Like, shit, it would’ve probably been way the fuck easier to just be a racist murderer/probably-also-a-rapist-because-let’s-be-serious-about-this-for-a-minute like Merle.

True stories of the universe.

True stories of the universe.

 

So, they head on out into the woods and Daryl uses his hunter/tracker skills to look for disturbances in the trees that are man-made. They come across some tiny little footprints, and Beth reasons that the kids must be alive. Daryl very practically tells her that it only means that they were alive four hours ago. She challenges him to a faith-off, and he reminds her that faith wasn’t terribly effective for her dad. She proceeds to give him “The Look.”

"Look out guys, here it comes!" Haha, remember "Home Improvement?"

“Look out guys, here it comes!” Haha, remember “Home Improvement?”

 

Uuuuuunfortunately, after a kind of very awkward walker fight, they come across more walkers, eating some poor bastard, and totally ignoring the two living folks coming up, none-too subtly behind them. Daryl makes short work of them, though, and they survey the remains strewn about the side of the tracks. And, even more unfortunately, Beth is a girl and recognizes the only piece of recognizable anything; a tiny little black shoe. So, one of the kids that ran off got got. And Beth starts to cry… Standing straight upright, arms at her side.

Kind of squeaking.

Kind of squeaking.

 

It’s awkward. Daryl thinks so, too, and starts to walk further down along the tracks, giving her a little, “C’mon, you can cry while you walk,” head nod. The next shot is her ripping up her diary for kindling in a campfire which is already going pretty strong, so it’s supposed to tug as your heart, especially, since she’s been narrating this whole time, all her hopes and dreams about how the prison is perfect and they’re all going to live, and her dad keeps giving her advice and comfort and blah blah blah, but, bitch, you ain’t gotta burn your diary yet. That’s wasteful.

Cut to the next little vignette, where we see the young sisters Lizzie and Mika stalking through the forest. Mika is a little ball of feelings, mostly sorrow and fear, and she complains that she wants Carol. Which, of course, we all kind of do. Because she was AMAZEBALLS in the first half of the season. Lizzie, ever the satanist pragmatist, tells her to stop crying and hands her a knife. Ahead of them walks Tyreese who, when he turns his back, we see is carrying Li’l Asskicker!

This brother got to protect three little blonde girls... Oh, Tyreese. Run. Run like you on fire.

This brother got to protect three little blonde girls… Oh, Tyreese. Run. Run like you on fire.

 

Lizzie asks him, flatly, if everybody else is dead. He doesn’t answer, and her own sister speeds up to walk with the older man and leaver her sister behind her a ways. Because of REASONS.

In the next shot, Tyreese busies himself by bandaging a wound on his arm, then feeding the baby as Judith starts to cry, which freaks out Mika. Where they got formula from, who the fuck knows. BUT, while they’re busy tending to the baby, Lizzie is where..? Oh, that’s right. MUTILATING A RABBIT FOR NO FUCKING REASON. Like, bitch, that’s food. Y’all could eat some rabbit right now. But you just want to take a knife to its twitchy little face and leave it inside out inside of a hollow tree trunk? Right. Okay. Remember this moment?

From the midseason finale, when she shot that bitch in the face?

From the midseason finale, when she shot that bitch in the face?

 

SHE SMIRKED AFTERWARDS. RIGHT after she kills a woman, she’s like, “Ha. Boom, bitch.”

In this scene, she proceeds to tell them that this crying baby is going to be a problem, but the sound effects of walkers set them back on the run before they can address the issue. Daylight come, and they change a diaper. Zee baby, she cries again. Tyreese can’t get her to calm down right away, so Mika thinks it’s a good idea to punish him by pinching his arm right where his bullet or whatever wound is. A rustling in the bushes right fucking next to them causes Tyreese to bust out the hammer (no Dr. Horrible jokes, please; he’s with children) but it turned out to be a bird. The bird’s escape frightens Mika, who randomly decides to bolt into the woods alone. They chase her tiny little ass down and she bashfully admits that she got scared.

He tells her not to be sorry... As Lizzie stares at them and imagines how she would look in a suit made of their skin.

He tells her not to be sorry… As Lizzie stares at them and imagines how she would look in a suit made of their skin.

 

He tells her that she did the right thing, that she should run if she sees a walker, but that she should stick to her group as long as she’s in one. She apologizes again, for not being like Lizzie and he tells her that it’s okay because it’d be bad if they were both psychotic they might be different but they both get things done. She likens it to him and his sister Sasha and Lizzie smugly tells her that she’s not like Sasha, because Sasha’s not here. Tyreese, clearly getting the insinuation that his little sister must be dead/is inferiour to these little girls, is saved from slapping a child on screen by the sound of a woman’s screams somewhere off in the woods.

Alright, Captain Save-A-Ho.

Alright, Captain Save-A-Ho.

 

He hands the baby off to the crazy sister and forces the girls to stand back-to-back so that they can see in every direction. Mika, in a moment of panic and damn good child acting skills, begs him not to go. He hands her a handgun and assures her that she’s tough enough to handle this. She’s left with a baby, her secretly sociopathic older sister, and the ominousness of the seemingly perpetual woods of Georgia.

And seriously, do we really think that this is a good idea?

Tyreese happens upon the people who were screaming, coincidentally the worlds worst survivors, using a baseball bat as a poking tool and a rifle as a defensive tool. He barrels in to help them, but all of them get bitten because they’re all terrible at this whole living thing.

IT'S HAMMER TIME!

IT’S HAMMER TIME!

In the woods behind him, the girls are being attacked by walkers, so Mika takes a shot. She misses, but it makes Tyreese turn towards the sound, just in time to see a walker that was sneaking up behind him. Lizzie, meanwhile, is precisely negative eight thousand percent helpful because this whole tile she’s been trying to get the baby to stop crying…

BY SMOTHERING HER.

BY SMOTHERING HER.

 

Moral of the story? In the Zombie Apocalypse, if you THINK someone is a crazy person, they ARE a crazy person.

Moral of the story? In the Zombie Apocalypse, if you THINK someone is a crazy person, they ARE a crazy person.

Tyreese finishes up with the walkers at the train tracks and turns at the sound of his name being called.

I actually shouted out loud at this part. I missed this bitch.

I actually shouted out loud at this part. I missed this bitch.

 

Carol is back, and has saved the girls, because she totally has not been stalking them this whole time at all. Tyreese’s expression is unreadable as he rushes towards her, and she looks a bit trepidatious as well.

"Whoa, fuck, okay. I guess he DOESN'T know that I killed his lover. AWESOME."

“Whoa, fuck, okay. I guess he DOESN’T know that I killed his lover. AWESOME.”

 

They turn their attention back to the last survivor from the group that got mauled, bleeding from a bite to his neck and pleading with them to stay on the tracks, to follow them towards a safe haven where they’ll be able to take the children. They nod and leave him to A.) weep over the corpses of his loved ones, B.) bemoan his impending doom, and C.) eventually turn, joining the throngs of walkers already out there when they could have easily even just addressed the whole, “Hey, would you rather we just put you down or what?” question.

One time-lapse later, they’re traveling down the road, baby Judith super psyched at having her primary caretaker back, and Mika proud of how she didn’t run from her sister. Tyreese affectionately ruffles her hair and they take a quick break to drink up some of Carol’s water and for her to visibly struggle with lying to Tyreese, taking advantage of the fact that he’s clearly ignorant of all of the goings on when it came to her character, and telling him that she hadn’t gotten back from the supply run with Rick yet, having opted to stay out and find more materials for the prison.

Up ahead, the girls, who have been walking with hands held (so at least Lizzie does seem to genuinely care about her little sister), find a sign post with writing on it:

“Sanctuary For All

Community for All

Those who Arrive

Survive”

And it’s called “Terminus,” which literally just means “End of the Rail Line,” and was an original name for Atlanta, but it’s still kind of an ominous name for a supposedly safe place. So that’s not creepy at all.

So, what are we thinking? Woodbury 2.0? Let's hope note. Because that's lazy writing if nothing else.

So, what are we thinking? Woodbury 2.0? Let’s hope note. Because that’s lazy writing if nothing else.

 

Cut to the next group of separated survivors, and we get a bit of banter between Sasha and Bob as she bandages the bullet wound in his shoulder. Maggie, meanwhile, is listlessly sharpening her knife on a river boulder and intermittently staring at her wedding ring.

Boy, is now really the time?

Boy, is now really the time?

Sasha approaches Maggie, telling her that their little rock in the middle of the stream has a good vantage point and will give them plenty of warning should walkers approach, so they ought to camp there for the night. Maggie is like, “‘Kay, y’all have fun, then,” and is ready to throw up deuces, intent on searching for Glenn. She says that she already couldn’t find Beth. I do not know, however, why she would specifically not be looking for the both of them at the same time.

Sasha insists that they not split up, but Maggie stalks off, intent on finding her husband, so Bob smugly tells her that they’ll have to follow Maggie, since splitting up is a bad idea. They walk along the road the bus was heading towards, talking about how unlikely it is for Glenn to have survived, and Maggie can totally hear them, since she can bee seen glancing back towards them from her short distance ahead. Soon enough, they stumble across the bus, stopped, sans any signs of life.

Whoop, okay, let's go back and make camp, guys.

Whoop, okay, let’s go back and make camp, guys.

 

For a moment, Maggie looks as though she’s going to crumble, but she steels herself and soldiers on. As they step closer, the folks inside lunge at them through the open and broken windows. They’re all walkers.

Extras. Whaddya gonna do?

Extras. Whaddya gonna do?

Maggie loses it a teensy bit again and makes for the emergency latch on the back of the bus. When Sasha and Bob move to stop her, she tells them that she still needs to see if Glenn is in there. If he’s one of them. So they opt to let walkers out one by one, and Maggie’s going to stab them in the head and keep her fingers crossed that none of them is Glenn.

Um... But windows are still a thing.

Um… But windows are still a thing.

 

This works for the first few walkers, but they all press against the door in an effort to progress the scene, causing Sasha and Bob to have to take them out. This works out great for Maggie because she has another freak-out, going semi-catatonic as she watches them pouring out from the bus, terrified that one of them might be the man that she loves. She wakes up once Bob shoots a walker that was just walking right up to her. Once the action dies down, Maggie whispers an apology and Sasha comments in a very “this is bullshit”-y tone that these people had gotten away. They’d escaped the prison and this should not have happened to them.

Maggie surveys the damage and briskly walks to the bus again, determined to search the interiour.

She's easily the best accessorized of the survivors. Her maroon shirt goes well with her red laces in her boots...

She’s easily the best accessorized of the survivors. Her maroon shirt goes well with her red laces in her boots…

 

The sound of flies buzzing and spooky music fading in greet her as she passes the rows of seat, covered in blood and in one case a good chuck of a human limb. On the floor, towards the front of the bus where she last saw him, a walker with a black shirt and shaggy black hair lies pinned, face down, under a girl with a bullet wound to the head. Maggie lifts the body from it and the thing scrambles to its feet, grabbing madly for her. She is able to stab it in the head quickly and with that Maggie Greene ferocity we’ve all come to know and love.

BOOM, bitch, get out the way.

BOOM, bitch, get out the way.

 

She stands for a moment, then collapses onto a bench.

This scene ends with some truly excellent crying/laughing/clearly losing a bit more sanity from Maggie.

This scene ends with some truly excellent crying/laughing/clearly losing a bit more sanity from Maggie.

Now, the last bit of this episode, we see Glenn. He’s not zombified. Rather, he’s just waking up to the dulcet tones of a hoard moaning below his perch and reaching for him. It’s the shot from the preview last week, and just guess where it turns out he is.

Didja guess?

Didja guess?

 

HE’S STILL AT THE PRISON!

Ta-da!

Ta-da!

 

Realizing that he’s been left behind, and that he’s surrounded by hundreds of walkers, he heads back into the prison to gear up, taking his rifle, his riot gear, a photo of Maggie (which he cries over briefly and that’s why we love him), a duffel bag full of supplies, and a bottle of liquor with him. This whole time, you can see that he’s still kind of feeling under the weather. His plan?

JUST FUCKING RUN HEADLONG INTO A HORDE. GLENN, I THOUGHT ASIAN PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SMART.

JUST FUCKING RUN HEADLONG INTO A HORDE. GLENN, I THOUGHT ASIAN PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SMART.

Yeah. That’s him with the orange-ish duffel bag on his back. Also, fun fact, that riot gear leaves his whole entire neck completely exposed. SOMEHOW, his scrawny Asian ass manages to escape sans bitemarks and the DP has set up this nifty little POV shot where we’re the ones looking through the riot helmet. Aaaaaand who do we see?!

Why are all of you people just hanging around here?

Why are all of you people just hanging around here?

Tara, the gung-ho girl from the Governor’s second group who panicked once she realised that she was one of the villains, is just chilling in a chainlink cage, staring at the ground. For a moment, Glenn looks like he’s going to leave her behind, but we all know that he would never, so he turns back and pep talks her into following him. They use the liquor bottle to make a Molotov Cocktail, cause a distraction, and book it right on out of there.

Sheath that knife, though, woman.

Sheath that knife, though, woman.

Once in the clear, they pass by that same sign warning about hitchhikers an that same fucking burned out car, so that means that Maggie and Glenn are really close by one another, and have literally just missed each other by a matter of hours, tops. JUST to fuck with me.

They're doing this shit on PURPOSE.

They’re doing this shit on PURPOSE.

Anywho, Glenn learns of Herschel’s death and it only serves to fuel his determination to find Maggie. He tells Tara that she’s going to help him, and that Herschel told him that all that he has to do is believe, so that’s what he plans to do. She says that she wants to believe, and he tells her that she has to, just as another swarm of zombies comes upon them.

They fight them off but Glenn passes out shortly thereafter, the strain apparently too much for him, since he’s still all flu-y about it.

Now is not nap time, Glenn!

Now is not nap time, Glenn!

 

One walker is still active, and Tara caves its head in with the butt of Glenn’s rifle, just as an armoured truck appears. Out of it steps…

This bitch with no pants?

This bitch with no pants?

 

Abraham Ford and his crew. Folks from the comics. So, fans of the comics are excited. I have no fucking clue who these people are. Par for the course, when it comes to TWD, especially since I refuse to read the comics.

SO! What have we learned from this week’s episode?

  • The crew are all still relatively close in proximity to one another, and they keep missing each other.
  • Daryl and Beth are traveling together and Daryl is going to keep that little girl going.
  • Lizzie is a psycho.
  • Carol is back, and Tyreese has no clue about her actions. This is likely to blow up at the end of this season, given her timely return.
  • Tyreese and his ladies are heading for another promise of sanctuary.
  • Maggie is on the fucking edge, yo.
  • Glenn is trying to live up to Herschel’s ideals.
  • The lovebirds are SUPER devoted to each other and I’ll cry if anything happens to either of them.
  • Tara is a character now, so she may be a point of tension later.
  • Sergeant Abraham Ford is in play and, apparently, he’s a pretty big deal.

All of that in one new episode, even though it really kind of felt like nothing really happened at all! Ah, the reasons we love “The Walking Dead.” Soon enough, we’ll learn a little bit more about our new buddies.Plus we’ll be getting another check in with Michonne and the Grimes guys.

Until next week!