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New 52 Comic Review – “Batgirl” #29

We catch up where last issue left off, with the GCPD training their guns on the street fight between Silver and his lady friend, and Barbara (in civilian clothes) and Strix (of the Court of Owls).

OMG, he's so smart. Like "Jeopardy" smart.

OMG, he’s so smart. Like “Jeopardy” smart.

Babs and Strix are outside of the home of a kidnapped girl, trying to find her before Silver ‘splodes her… Because… He thinks that she’s a vampire. Because…

I guess he thinks that EVERYONE is.

I guess he thinks that EVERYONE is.

The cops tell him to lower his weapon, he refuses, and Barbara is trying to figure out a way to diffuse this situation because she’s worried that, if she doesn’t, Strix will, and she’ll do it by knocking the shit out of each and every cop out there before resuming the fight, and then probably running out of time, etc. Plus, if shit doesn’t get solved soon, someone will recognize her when the glare goes down and she lowers her hands.

But, it’s okay, because Silver comes to the fore again, threatening the police to kill himself in a really sarcastic manner. When they refuse to lower their guns, this whole page happens and I don’t understand any of it.

ANY OF IT.

ANY OF IT.

Why would you arbitrarily slice your throat? How does that relatively not forceful action cause you to flip a billion feet? Did you really just include this because you needed to fill a page? Did you think this was clever? Or did you do it because you think that that last panel was so super cool and totally worth it?

Because it’s really just idiot. You could have had a distraction caused by a giant robot stomping around in the background or a fight between other Gotham rogues or Bat-people, and I would have bought that.

As it stands, the villain is able to get into his Rolls Royce, which then sprouts a machine gun and rips the GCPD cops and their cars APART, as Barbara bangs on the window, completely unscathed.

Completely underwhelming reaction.

Completely underwhelming reaction.

Strix pulls Barbara away and they manage to escape the GCPD’s notice. A call from Knightfall gives them the lead they needed.

And I must say...

And I must say…

That is does look like...

That is does look like…

Batgirl is NOT a very good detective right now.

Batgirl is NOT a very good detective right now.

Back at Uchida’s Dracula’esque mansion, he gets patched up by girl-Alfred and given a whole carafe of something-or-another to chug as Batgirl and Strix creep around the building, looking for a way inside.

Maybe DON'T drink the crazy juice?

Maybe DON’T drink the crazy juice?

We also get a little bit of backstory for this dude and all of his crazy.

Is this awkward? Because it looks more awkward than tragic.

Is this awkward? Because it looks more awkward than tragic.

The door pretty much magically opens for Batgirl and Strix, and Silver further invites them in, specifically asking them to drink his blood.

Trap much?

Trap much?

Obviously, fighting ensues, and apparently this dude is actually pretty good.

Well, don't STOP to gape at your wound!

Well, don’t STOP to gape at your wound!

 

Strix soon gains the upper hand, and it about to end this crazy motherfucker, but Barbara won’t let her.

Bullshit. You could totally have chosen to use your words.

Bullshit. You could totally have chosen to use your words.

 

Lucky for her, Strix doesn’t take it personally, and Barbara knocks Silver down, trying to talk some sense into him, like she probably should have from the beginning.

You have entirely too much sympathy for this dude who just a few hours ago actively tried to kill a bunch of cops just to make a getaway.

You have entirely too much sympathy for this dude who just a few hours ago actively tried to kill a bunch of cops just to make a getaway.

 

This simple explanation that I guess nobody else ever tried explaining to him is apparently enough to snap him out of his delusion because, Cissy rounds the corner, asking if she can go home now, and Silver very calmly asks her where his assistant is, calling her “Child” instead of “Demon” for the first time.

And then, VINDICATION.

Because THIS happens.

I... What?

I… What?

 

What is even happening?

What is even happening?

 

That’s right. That’s right. All along, vampires were real. And this little girl was one. And she killed and ate her father. And this disappearance happened a while ago, but NOBODY fucking noticed this little girl’s sudden aversion to things like, oh, say, sunlight?

Alright. Fine.

Vampires are fucking real now. As evidenced by the fact that the line above, “Stop. I command it,” was spoken by a shirtless dude wearing leather pants (pictured below) who entres during a convenient strike of lightning and when asked who exactly he is, responds, “I? Vampire.” Y’know, using the type of syntax that no one does.

He tells them that Cissy’s been dead for a while, that this is only her shell, and that now she’s his responsibility since her undead power and whatever has been calling to him. And it looks like he’s been trying to find her on foot..?

Either way, the moment doesn’t last long, since Cissy spontaneously combusts. The reason?

So... Not crazy juice then. Okay.

So… Not crazy juice then. Okay.

 

Then, everybody there fucking disappears in a swarm of bats.

Quick! Look through their stuff!

Quick! Look through their stuff!

AND THAT’S THE END OF THE ISSUE.

That’s it!

That’s how it ends! We’re in third -person limited-ish, it looks like, so we’re seeing it from Batgirl’s perspective… Except for all of the times we see Silver’s actions and his actual perspective. And that’s all we get! Batgirl was wrong. Silver was right. Vampires are a thing.

And the only other witness is a mute with poor writing skills?

Hmmm…

Okay, so, really, now… This has just added more fuel to my, “I’m pretty sure that Batgirl is going crazy and wouldn’t that kinda be cool?” fire.

All of the shit that came out of left field? The shit that made not sense? The various and very obvious oversights, like not looking more thatn halfway down a sheet of paper when she’s supposed to be the brilliant protege of the world’s greatest detective and the commissioner’s daughter and she has a photographic memory to boot?

And then that last bit of internal monologue? “How do I convince myself this actually happened in the morning?”

I guess you don’t.

You’ve already lived it, whether reality or a delusion.

And this is the latest in a line of things that have happened that bear no explanation, that make no sense, that are getting increasingly more creeptastic, and that no one but her can recount! Supposedly murdering her brother and being hunted by her father? The ventriloquist with the living, independently moving and murderous doll?

And now fucking vampires.

I really do hope that Barbara is losing it. I really do. Not only would it be good writing and a really interesting story arc to eventually get to, but…

If the alternative is just a series of poorly written one-shots and uninteresting additions to a personal rogues gallery?

Yeah, give me crazy. Because I’ve had enough of terrible writing in the DC New 52.

But, that fact that Silver saw Barbara and Strix as being vampires, and that he was right about Cissy, poses an interesting idea. She is crazy. Or she’s got some kind of growing darkness in her. Heck, Strix has all kinds of darkness floating around inside of her tragic history. Oh! Actually, Strix IS undead!

HOLY BALLS!

Oh, I hope that this shit actually plays out in a decent way.

Until next time, nerds.

 

 

New 52 Comic Review – “Batgirl” #28

Sooo… Funny story.

That whole Gothtopia storyline? From last issue? That all takes place in other books. So, I still don’t know what’s going on in there. I guess I’ll do a recap once the story wraps up. For now…. We have VAMPIRES?!?

...Sigh.

…Sigh.

 

Okay. Why not?

In this issue, we add a new character to Batgirl’s cast. His name is Uchida, but he goes by Silver when he’s…

Really, bro?

Really, bro? You can’t bathe yourself?

Gets brought a beverage and then is bathed by his female butler? No…

Who printed these for you? Did the dude at Kinko's not even raise an eyebrow when you handed him your flash drive?

Who printed these for you? Did the dude at Kinko’s not even raise an eyebrow when you handed him your flash drive?

Hero-worships the villains of Gotham? No…

And who made these life-sized models for you?! Who delivered them? What is happening here?

And who made these life-sized models for you?! Who delivered them? What is happening here?

Oh, wait, here it is.

While he dons a Phantom of the Opera mask and practices opening fire on the Bat-Family with automatic weaponry.

Awesome.

So, cut to Barbara, running across rooftops and totally aware of the fact that somebody is following her.

FYI, running with a cape on is super fun.

FYI, running with a cape on is super fun.

She’s been trying to take out copycat killers, fans of the Brisby Killers from way back in the first issue.

Spoken like a person being consumed by the insanity she's fighting... *Fingers crossed*

Spoken like a person being consumed by the insanity she’s fighting… *Fingers crossed*

But by the time she gets to ground level…

Just take you fucking time.

Just take you fucking time.

And she realizes who it must’ve been.

Whose identity I still don't know! Let me ask them with my fist!

Whose identity I still don’t know! Let me ask them with my fist!

Of course, they do battle. Because using your words is only for toddlers and people in court-mandated anger management classes.

See that? That's the expression of a crazy ass bitch!

See that? That’s the expression of a crazy ass bitch!

Now, remember, kids. Use your words. Because it turns out that Batgirl just punched a friend in the face.

Whoop, sorry, homes.

Whoop, sorry, homes.

Strix is a member of Birds of Prey, mostly because she’s dangerous as fuck and can be both trained as a hero and kept tabs on as a potential threat. She’s a threat because she’s a girl who lost her family, her ability to speak, her childhood, and then was “chosen as a Talon, an ageless, undead assassin, for the Court of Owls.” Luckily, Batgirl notes, she trusts her.

Babs asks her why she’s following her. Strix points to a lost child poster and Barbara assures her that the Gotham PD are actually pretty darn good when it comes to finding lost children.

Strix knows what's up, though.

Strix knows what’s up, though.

Barbara asks why she insists that this become a Batgirl thing. Strix points out a part of the poster that points out that the missing girl, Cissy Chastain, cannot speak due to a childhood illness. She writes out for Batgirl that she’s a detective, that they’ll find the girl together, and that that’s why she didn’t want to contact the rest of the Birds of Prey.

Okay. Not exactly a reasonable explanation as far as not having several extra sets of eyes and their resources looking for a missing child. But whatever. Comics.

Barbara takes a sec to ziptie the crooks up for the cops before they set out. Apparently, though, her detective skills need some work because she misses some pretty glaring problems here.

Although, to be fair, I guess you just roll with the weirdos in Gotham.

Although, to be fair, I guess you just roll with the weirdos in Gotham.

Silver, meanwhile, is spying on the both of them. And this is what the scene looks like to him.

He should get those binoculars checked out. I think that there just might be something on the lens.

He should get those binoculars checked out. I think that there just might be something on the lens.

For some reason, Batgirl thinks that the best first option is to strike a deal with Knightfall. Just fucking right away. Before she’s even tried anything else.

So, are you just burned out, or..?

So, are you just burned out, or..?

Back in the alley, Silver does the knocked out gang members the favour of murdering them. Hooray!

Man needs a better hobby.

Man needs a better hobby.

At Barbara’s apartment, she’s got Strix looking through her closet for plainclothes detective type clothing. Strix immediately picks out Babs’ pink, frilly prom dress, clutching it to her chest like treasure.

That's right. When the deadly, possibly deranged assassin wants your prom dress, you just fucking give it to them.

That’s right. When the deadly, possibly deranged assassin wants your prom dress, you just fucking give it to them.

They show up at the Chastain home to interview the missing girl’s mother. Babara uses a GCPD badge that she just “found” in the ladies’ locker room at the station. Because she’s a thief.

Anywho, the mother reveals that her husband disappeared some time back. Barbara thinks that the two events must be related.

Ten bucks says that Silver is the dad.

Ten bucks says that Silver is the dad.

But there aren’t a lot of leads, unfortunately, so Babs and Strix are back to hoofing it. But before they can hail a cab, and before Barbara can call her way too fucking needy boyfriend back, Silver shows up.

Why would you leave your headlights on? For DRAMA.

Why would you leave your headlights on? For DRAMA!

She plays dumb, and he waxes on about how the Bats are controlling the city, given free reign and owning towers and sewers alike. She asks him for clarification, kind of seeing where he’s going with this and concerned, but also seeing more than a little bit of crazy in this whole situation.

BOOM. Twilight slam.

BOOM. Twilight slam.

He claims to have killed dozens of her kind. Cue the fight scene.

Really!

Really!

This whacko is a whacko, but he’s also ready for her.

At least SOMEBODY learns.

At least SOMEBODY learns.

The police arrive and Barbara immediately assumes a protective, I’m-the-victim position, but it’s not 100% clear that she’s not going to be arrested.

Silver boasts, though, that he’s already won anyways. Because, you see dear readers, he’s captured the vampire queen. And strapped a bomb to her. And the bomb will go off at dawn and kill her.

And he's also given her crayons so she has something to do so she doesn't preemptively die of boredom.

And he’s also given her crayons so she has something to do so she doesn’t preemptively die of boredom.

Of course, the little girl is the vampire queen to this guy. Silver is totally going to turn out to be her dad and this is gonna be some kind of psychological thing where he blames her for the fact that his wife and his sex life never quite bounced back since before the pregnancy or some bullshit. Like that scene in “The Heat” but instead of soliciting a prostitute, the guy from “Arrested Development” designs an elaborate plot to assign classic movie monster personas and then murder them horribly. So… Well, note really like that scene in “The Heat” at all, then I guess.

Sooo, Awesome. Child abduction. Crazy people with delusions and hallucinations. And a bomb with a countdown of just a few hours. And a missing father somewhere in this whole mess.

So, I think that I’ve already mentioned that I hope that Batgirl is slowly going crazy. She’s a character that I can really see going rogue. I actually don’t think that anyone in the Bat-Family, and I mean really in the Bat-Family has ever become a real villain. Plus, she would make an incredible nemesis for virtually anyone in the DCU, but particularly for Batman. A true match. Because, yes, he’s outmatched her in the past, but she’s always held back. If she no longer held back, but he continued to do so (and we all know that he would still feel an obligation to her), she’d whoop his ass.

But I digress… Often.

I do hope, in the meantime, that she is arrested for being a part of this street fight. How is Barbara going to explain her mad skills, her appearance at the home of a woman whose daughter is the subject of a police investigation, and her possession of a GCPD badge and subsequently impersonating an officer?

That’s what I want to read about next week. Oh, and saving a young child’s like, too, I suppose.

See you then!