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Wonder Woman to Have New 52 Origin in “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice”

So… That basically says it right there. Diana will now be just another bastard child of Zeus which, by the way, is literally the world’s oldest cliche. It also has taken the origin story of the most feminist comic book character of all time and made it dependent on a man.

What is that supposed to be at her feet?

What is that supposed to be at her feet?

Producer Charles Roven stated in an interview that she’s “a demi-god. Her father was Zeus.”

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Batwoman Annual #1 Comic Review

Just as I was about to give up on the entire line of Batwoman, they throw this in my face!

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New 52 Comic Review – “World’s Finest” #22

Let’s dive right in.

Picking right up where last issue left off, Helena and Karen are sifting through the wreckage of Ken’s portal to Earth 2, and tensions are kind of high. Karen is certain that that was their home, and that Clark either needed her help or was faking being evil also because he needed her help. Helena insists that there’s a very good chance that it was just yet another copy of home, but Karen accuses her of not having the ability to admit when she’s wrong.

Because, really, when it comes to their intellect, the Bat-family is just as overconfident as the Kryptonians.

Because, really, when it comes to their intellect, the Bat-family is just as overconfident as the Kryptonians.

 

Agents of A.R.G.U.S. show up to confiscate the remains of the device, and the girls aren’t super keen on just given up a possible ride home. Told to put their weapons on the floor, Karen rips the concrete out from under them before Helena can even get all the way through her utility belt.

A.R.G.U.S., of course, stands for Alternate Reality Guys Using  Stereotypes.

A.R.G.U.S., of course, stands for Alternate Reality Guys Using Stereotypes.

 

The girls take out the men pretty effectively, but they’ve got back-up. A tank is sent in and surely that will prove more of a match for– .

Wait never mind.

Wait never mind.

 

Now it gets a little bit weird, though.

Here begins a flashback sequel, with no preamble, but which spans several pages.

Pretty sure this is a younger Helena. Maybe.

Pretty sure this is a younger Helena. Maybe.

 

This vaguely Bat-family-ish girl is obviously attempting to untie herself, having been caught while on her idea of a miniature vacation, freeing a bunch of immigrants who have found themselves forced into sexual slavery and in the hands of a bunch of drunken hunters who look awfully well put together for hill folk.

But then she says something in her inner monologue about her dad spinning in his grave, plus it sounds like her mom is still alive and kicking, so maybe not.

Either way, she manages to make her way back into the cabin where the girls are being kept and attempts to fight off the men… While still bound at the ankles and with her arms behind her back. Needless to say, it doesn’t really go particularly well for her. One of the men knocks her out.

Um, blunt force trauma does show, and often times it can totally be determined what type of weapon or object was used to inflict the wound. Maybe get past the first season of CSI next time you binge watch Netflix, huh?

Um, blunt force trauma does show, and often times it can totally be determined what type of weapon or object was used to inflict the wound. Maybe get past the first season of CSI next time you binge watch Netflix, huh?

So, dude mentions wanting to lot leave traceable anything in autopsy, yes? So they are definitely going to kill this girl. Because, if nothing else, it would be terrible easy to do so now and to dave yourselves a whole lot of trouble later on, right? Right.

Except for not.

I know they're drunk hillbillies, but their planning seems to be getting worse and worse.

I know they’re drunk hillbillies, but their planning seems to be getting worse and worse.

They leave her alive, and less restrained than before, with only one arm tied to a tree. Supposedly wolves will get her, but I can’t help but wonder why they wouldn’t either kill her or just add her to their selection of women to abuse..?

I guess I’m underestimating the chivalry of the average redneck mass rapist.

The wolves don’t get her, by the way.

She makes it back to the cabin and torches the place, watching from outside as everyone makes it outside, miraculously.

Also, apparently, the house was made of matches.

Also, apparently, the house was made of matches.

She catches the men off-guard and, this time without all of the pesky rope keeping her limbs tucked to her sides and useless, is able to defeat them.

You know they were abducted right as they got into the country. What makes you think that they have cellular phones, or that at the very least roaming isn't a thing?

You know they were abducted right as they got into the country. What makes you think that they have cellular phones, or that at the very least roaming isn’t a thing?

Back in the present day, and still with no explanation of what the heck that was all about, Helena is dropped of at one of her safe-houses in Chicago while Karen heads off to New York.

Her plan? Eat all of the pizza. Since Chicago style is superiour to New York in every way.

Her plan? Eat all of the pizza. Since Chicago style is superiour to New York in every way.

Actually, in addition to eating all of the amazing regional food, Helena has swiped some kind of records from Ken’s base in Gamorra, and she’s intent on proving that she was right, that that was not their Kal and so not their Earth.

She seems to get her smoking gun, too, noticing something off in the background of a surveillance tape with a significantly less Darkseid-y-influenced-looking Clark than the one that they were just exposed to. Something in the background catches her eye.

And her father would always tell her that coincidences are... Wait, I forgot it. Something about overlooking coincidences being, like, and bad thing or whatever.

And her father would always tell her that coincidences are… Wait, I forgot it. Something about overlooking coincidences being, like, and bad thing or whatever.

Meanwhile, in New York City, Karen has just completed the process of getting StarrWare back under her control and in her ownership.

Make them dollahs!

Make them dollahs!

Her legal team has made a killing and her assets are impressive still, but she gives them a surprise order, apparently giving absolutely zero fucks anymore.

MAKE THAT MONEY, GIRL.

MAKE THAT MONEY, GIRL.

Karen flies back to Chicago to meet up with Helena again, and the Huntress bluntly admits being wrong to her friend. There is no embarrassment or blame taken or thrown around, just acceptance and moving on to the planning stage.

Although, I don't know that TWO points of coincidence are enough when you're talking about a potential infinity of minutely different worlds.

Although, I don’t know that TWO points of coincidence are enough when you’re talking about a potential infinity of minutely different worlds.

So, since that was their Kal, though, and Karen was right, and now they’re going to have a bajillion dollars to finance their efforts?

Ta-da!

Ta-da!

So, I’ll admit, that wasn’t where I had initially thought that this series was going to go. I figured it was going to be about two people struggling to find their place in a world so similar to the one that they painfully lost, all while dealing with doppelgangers of their loved ones and even of their selves, and that would pretty much be it. Now, I do still think that that’s the overall direction of the series. I think that their efforts to get back to Earth 2 will fail… After a point.

I think that they will make it back home. Briefly, but I think that they will. And then some shit will happen that results in them having to be expelled from Earth 2 or just having to come back to Earth Prime.

Or maybe they’ll end up doing a kind of a Sliders thing, and the Multi-Verse could open back up because of all of their efforts.

Ooh… That would actually be really awesome.

http://drewpan.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/sliders.jpg

Take notes, DC!

Either way, I do want them to get back home, at least for a bit, and if for no other reason than the fact that it’d be interesting to see how Karen deals with an evil Kal and a dead Lois reconstituted in the body of a fembot Red Tornado.

Of course, Helena kind of gets shafted in this deal…

But it should be an interesting read if I’m right.

And then there’s that whole flashback sequence there and its subject. Perhaps that’s a Huntress from a different world? A Bizzaro Helena?

Either way, we’ll be checking back in with the World’s Finest.

What are your thoughts on the direction of the series? Where will the girls’ efforts finally take them? Be sure to leave your ideas in the comments below!

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

New 52 Comic Review – “World’s Finest” #21

Picking up where last issue left off, this Earth’s evil Ken has opened a portal which supposedly leads to Earth 2, home for Karen and Helena.

And the whole place kind of looks like it's on fire.

And the whole place kind of looks like it’s on fire.

 

Karen is none too pleased with the idea that this Ken is kind of a douchebag, and physically attacks him while sprouting… I wanna say bad poetry, maybe?

"My lovely Ken." Sounds weird, no?

“My lovely Ken.” Sounds weird, no?

  Read the rest of this entry

New 52 Comic Review – “Red Lanterns” #29 (Red Daughter of Krypton)

Red Lanterns #29 came out this week, continuing Kara Zor-El’s spiral into Red Lantern-hood.

We catch up with the RLs on Ysmault, two of the guys debating whether or not to test out this supposedly tremendously powerful weapon.

rl29-01

And the nominations for this year’s Darwin Awards are…

But they do have a pretty sturdy, and even eager target in mind.

I'd be mad, too, if that was my haircut.

I’d be mad, too, if that was my haircut.

Read the rest of this entry

New 52 Comic Review – “Wonder Woman” #29

Oh, hey. Lookey there. Something finally happens.

 

Hera’s still chilling at the winery where Dionysus and his soon-to-be-turned-into-pigs comrades were in the previous couple of issues, leisurely ordering from the menu.

It's like a disdain-off. WHO WILL WIN?

It’s like a disdain-off. WHO WILL WIN?

Of course, the menu is more interesting than the ball of green glowing fire hurtling towards her. Understandable, really.

ww29-02

The waiter’s taking a dive? Terrible service.

Since warning her would be ridiculous, the waiter dives out of the way while Hera is trying really hard to remember that she just wants, like, a Jack and Coke, of all things. And, of course again, the ball hits her.

So, mystical energy is just radiation, or what?

So, mystical energy is just radiation, or what?

Back in the woods, Hermes and Demeter are trying to keep on their hunt, since the Moon is a little bit OCD.

And ADD.

And ADD.

She feels a disturbance in the Force and just fucking knows that Apollo’s in danger or hurt or in some other Charles Barkley level of turrible trouble, so she asks Hermes to transport them to Olympus right away.

On the ship, one of the engines has been damaged by the explosion, and Zola is in there trying to rescue Dio… Who we actually don’t see at all in this entire issue.

Bitch couldn't call a sitter?

Bitch couldn’t call a sitter?

So, yeah, Zola’s kind of bad at things. But it’s okay because Wonder Woman is holding the plane up!

But she's not doing too great a job, is she?

But she’s not doing too great a job, is she?

But, as turns out, nobody is good at things, because Hermes gets them to Olympus just in time for Diana’s strength to crap out on her, sending the ship pretty much crashing down on top of them.

By all rights, the issue should just end right there. Also, the series.

By all rights, the issue should just end right there. Also, the series.

But, they are all on Olympus now… Or what’s left of it. And now everybody can be snarky to each other until they realize exactly what their current location means as far as, y’know, not dying goes.

Oh, wait, I'm a liar. There's Dio.

Oh, wait, I’m a liar. There’s Dio.

NO! No. No. Look, I know that Greek mythology is just chock fucking full of incest, and that this was especially the case in the gods’ case, but I’m done with all of the incest in comics, movies, TV shows, and fucking fanfiction especially. I’m DONE.

But that’s a rant for another time.

Anywho, the hyena people start to flip the fuck out…

Yeah, bitch, you better hide.

Yeah, bitch, you better hide.

And nobody seems to have noticed that they’re standing on red, squishy, raw-meat-smelling ground. And cue the appearance of the First Born. I’ve got to say, he’s looked better.

He's looked worse.

He’s looked worse.

Understandably, they’re not particularly keen on the idea of subservience to a monster, and Demeter in particular is pretty intent on that whole vengeance thing.

But lunging at this motherfucker is a bad idea, as they all ought to have known by now.

But lunging at this motherfucker is a bad idea, as they all ought to have known by now.

And I guess having no skin makes his veins weapons now, so he’s caught her and is sucking her energy away a la the Parasite.

All while monologuing!

All while monologuing!

Diana pulls a magic glowing bladed spear thingy out of… nowhere? And intend to also attack him head on.

Because, no, really, everyone is bad at everything in this issue.

Because, no, really, everyone is bad at everything in this issue.

And her attempts to be a baller don’t last very long, as she gets vein-drained.

Because nobody learns lessons any more.

Because nobody learns lessons any more.

And the monologue continues on, being way more painful than that whole imminent doom thing.

Stop antagonizing him!

Stop antagonizing him!

The First Born says that he’s learned something during his captivity, and that it’s that power, love, life, blah, everything ends eventually.

ww29-16

A.) I’m not even sure that that make sense. Take a physics class, mother fucker. B.) That’s icky.

But, before he can up and end all of these assholes, the only person who is able to do any thing is the one person who’s been the most useless this whole, entire arc.

LIKE A BOSS.

LIKE A BOSS.

The return of Hera to power! Literally. Her display of mad power, which really shouldn’t be intimidating since Apollo’s power transferring over to Hera shouldn’t have amplified it and the First Born done walloped Apollo good, well, it makes the First Born book it.

ww29-18

What a good sun (<-See what I did there?).

They leave Olympus in the ruins is was already in, Apollo’s guts all over the place and everything, and head to who-knows-where, where nobody questions it because they assume that wherever it is, it’s gonna be safe, so fuck it.

Nobody's gonna take baby Zeke out of the bjorn and check him over? See if he's alright and everything?

Nobody’s gonna take baby Zeke out of the bjorn and check him over? See if he’s alright and everything? No? Okay.

They pop on over to Themyscira, it turns out, so that Diana’s pseudo step-mother can give her a gift.

That's a lot of bitches to send head-first into being murdered by the First Born.

That’s a lot of bitches to send head-first into being murdered by the First Born.

The Amazons are back!

And I swear if this whole thing doesn’t feel like it just completely fell flat.

Like, “oh, hey, ladies, welcome back. I’ve nothing to say to you, despite the appearance in the comics so far that your petrification and the destruction of Paradise Island and I don’t even see my mom or any of my closest friends, but would you mind dying in throngs for me?”

https://i1.wp.com/gellertsc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Zap-plan-of-attack.jpg

And, Wonder Woman finally accepts her mantle, knowing that her denial has cost them until now. So, she’s not asking them as Princess…

Blah.

Blah.

So, whoopee, she’s a harbinger of doom, to take down a harbinger of doom.

And I still feel like nothing happened. Hera’s back to power, yes, and last issue saw Apollo dying to give her back that power, but this whole story is just creeping along so slowly that I really do find it hard to care about one of my favourite characters.

I’m hoping that something happens to get rid of this First Born dude sooner rather than later, because I need this crap to be done with.

Honestly.

We need a new story, or at least better pacing.

And for now, I’ll be keeping an eye out for a downward spiral of yet another DC character, since being the god of war is more than likely going to be a thing that affects her as a character, morals and all.

Plus this whole “dating Superman” thing isn’t helping.

Gag.

Well, until next time.

 

 

New 52 Comic Review – “Supergirl” #29

So, here we are, picking up from last issue, and still behind Red Lanterns. But, this actually is a pretty decent issue. Not a slug-fest, not compeltely full of mindless growling and blood vomit, and a very cool, and little seen, glimpse into the brief time Kara spent trying to be a person on Earth.

It opens with a flashback. And all of Supergirl’s downward spiraling has happened in a single month, by the way.

On a cold, snowy day, we find Siobhan and Kara chilling in the apartment, using Kara’s heat vision to toast marshmallows one by one.

sg29-01

A completely justifiable use of her super powers, by the way.

While Siobhan takes the whole thing in stride, just content to finally have a friend she can allow herself to keep because she can’t accidentally hurt her, Kara marvels at her ability to achieve such a fine level of control.

Siobhan waves her off and tells her to stick with her “and you’ll go places.”

Eventually, Kara does finish the marshmallow off, Cajun style, and rather than inciting a blood feud or another bout of self-loathing, they pair just laugh it off.

sg29-02

That had better not have been the last marshmallow, though!

Cut to the present, where Kara is actively trying to kill her, and Siobhan has gone off to see if she can help… Somehow.

Aaaaaand she immediately regrets the decision.

Aaaaaand she immediately regrets the decision.

Like so many BFFS before her, she tries the first line of defense: talking down her friend who is clearly taking a breakup too hard/had to much of an intoxicant/probably both. The difference is that, most of the time, the drunk girl friend isn’t A.) Superpowered and B.) trying to sear your face off with their flaming acid vomit.

But, still, don't get it on your shoes.

But, still, don’t get it on your shoes.

 

Siobhan is trying so freaking hard here, trying not to have to unleash the Silver Banshee, but Kara just won’t hear it.

Back in the Block, Dr. Veritas asks her army of non-clone-genetic-copies WTF is going on with Kara, and the news that she’s gotten a Red Lantern Ring sends her reeling. According to the good-ish doctor, a Kryptonian with a power ring is “an extinction level threat.” Which, yeah. Duh. Unfortunately, there is somehow a more pressing concern.

Yeah, this thing is still a thing.

Yeah, this thing is still a thing.

 

Blaze is on the loose, and since she was being both contained in a holding cell in a transdimensional research lab and prison, and she’s some kind of whatsis from hell.

Now, I don’t quite know who Blaze is, but I do follow a Supergirl blog where a post was dedicated to bringing us all up to speed on who in the actual Hell she is. Check it out here, if you’re curious. Of course, keep in mind that they may have changed her story up a bit for the New 52.

Anywho, back in Queens, it looks like Siobhan’s offer of friendship and help is about to crack that angry exteriour for a moment… Until the NYPD shows up and ruins everything.

Just like in real life.

Just like in real life.

 

Now, with all of the innocent bystanders (Innocent? Ha! It’s New York!) and the police at risk, Siobhan is finally ready to release the Silver Banshee.

There's a moment where she looks like she's about to lose herself, but she is able to come on back.

There’s a moment where she looks like she’s about to lose herself, but she is able to come on back.

 

And she’s also able to actually hold her own until she get’s punched into another burrough. She finds herself outside of her own apartment building, conveniently enough, and now she’s worried about her new roommate, since Kara would probably rip her apart without so much as the blink of an eye. Which, yeah, she probably would, since she would see the new girl as her replacement, because love and friendship, I’ve found, are seen as finite resources in the minds of crazy people.

But, either way, the interesting thing to note here is that… This bitch is conspiring against the woman currently, actively trying to save her life!

Another story seed planted, just on the heels of the Blaze escape.

Another story seed planted, just on the heels of the Blaze escape.

 

But, despite the battle raging on on the outside, and her attempts to do good both by her friend and by those her friend might end up hurting, Siobhan is still waging an internal war against the Silver Banshee demon (is it a demon?) trying to break free and take over.

More dangerous than Kara, though? Somebody's got a bit of an ego.

More dangerous than Kara, though? Somebody’s got a bit of an ego.

 

Cut to another friendly time flashback, and we see Siobhan flipping out over Kara’s having cleaned their apartment. The woman has a system, and, really, those of us who lie a bit to the messier side of the spectrum can relate! My bedroom may be a mess, but I know exactly where everything is, and that’s not even a little bit of an exaggeration. So, I feel for Siobhan. I really do. But, again, the moment is easily fixed when Supergirl superspeeds the mess back into place.

Siobhan tells her that she can't fix everything for a person who can't or won't accept help, or something, but the gesture is still appreciated.

Siobhan tells her that she can’t fix everything for a person who can’t or won’t accept help, or something, but the gesture is still appreciated.

 

In the present, her desire to get the fight away from the middle of Queens gets her to allow the Silver Banshee to unless a smidgen more of her power, allowing her to shift her pitch high enough to tear open a portal to an abandoned area, someplace in Oregon, I think. The fight goes on, and Siobhan ignores her worse half’s beckoning to allow her a little more control, even if it would lead to more power.

Then she gets punched in the stomach.

Betcha wish you'd taken the offer now, huh?

Betcha wish you’d taken the offer now, huh?

 

Meanwhile, in Queens again, sexy Lobo is up and staring at the smoldering wreckage of his beloved ship.

Whomp whomp.

Whomp whomp.

But the whole thing might not have been a total waste, because he’s pretty sure that he’s just gotten a lead on his doppelganger.

So, a third story seed has been planted now. Hmmm…

Finally, though, back at the fight and after an internal struggle between Siobhan trying to save her friend and the Silver Banshee’s selfish motivation for getting her host to realise that Supergirl is currently beyond saving, Siobhan can only get rid of Kara. After all, since the Kryptonian is so enraged and fueled by the desire for vengeance, the destroyer of her world isn’t going to be found on Earth!

No. Girl. This is totally legit.

No. Girl. This is totally legit.

So Kara flies off in a fury, and it’s just after that moment that we must be catching up with her in Green Lanterns/Red Lanterns#28, which we reviewed here.

That last two pages take place on another planet, whose name I forget, which is home to this guy and his minions.

Wait. Are his horns pierced?

Wait. Are his horns pierced?

 

These guys, I’m pretty sure, are the world killers. And, therefore, pretty much directly responsible for the destruction of Krypton. And now a doubly super powered Kryptonian who is literally running on pure rage juice is out there gunning for them.

Awesome.

So, I actually enjoyed this issue. And I came into the whole Red Daughter thing pretty cautious, but I did think that it could be a good way to go for the character as she is now. Not forever, mind you, but as a means to rehabilitation.

But aside from that, so far writer Tony Bedard is doing a pretty awesome job. Plus the little hints of future storylines that he’s been dropping so far make it look like he’s got a whole lot of stuff planned for Kara, which is definitely the sign of a good comic book writer, but also that he’s going to be sticking around for a while!

Of course, knowing DC, they’ll probably can the man because of positive fan reactions, for some ridiculous reason.

Either way, this guy managed to accomplish more character development and create more of a supporting cast in this one issue than the other writers have in the whole run until this point.

Here’s hoping he does a good job, stays on, and that we can finally have a decent female hero again.

Until next week, when we’ll be reviewing Red Lanterns #29 to continue Kara’s angry, angry story.

 

 

 

 

 

New 52 Comic Review – “Superman/Wonder Woman” #6

Somebody needs to explain to me why this happened. Why did this pairing have to become a thing?

Zod and Faora are preparing to open the Phantom Zone and let loose all of the crazies, and Superman and Wonder Woman are flying around being pretty. Clark is having reservations about their operations as heroes. He’s worried that they may have been a better team when they weren’t also doing it. Once again, Wonder Woman callously dismisses his concerns because she’s kind of a bitch in this book.

Of course, to be fair, Clark is full of feelings all the time.

Of course, to be fair, Clark is full of feelings all the time.

Knowing that it’s going to be a tough match between them and Zod and not-Ursa, they turn to Diana’s extended family for help. Namely, Hephaestus, who looks a heck of a lot like a parademon.

Especially in the pages on her own book and ESPECIALLY when he's actually wearing his goggles.

Especially in the pages on her own book and ESPECIALLY when he’s actually wearing his goggles.

It seems that Diana sees their biggest advantage as being the element of surprise, and since the other Kryptonians have the same heightened senses as Clark, that’s almost a moot point. Put it’s okay because Hephaestus has a solution for that.

So, as Zod and Whatsherface finish constructing their StarGate out of garbage, Clark and Diana blow their element of surprise with a since blow which pretty much barely fazes either of them, and which only actually hits Zod anyways.

Because they're terrible at everything.

Because they’re terrible at everything.

 

And I don’t know that I understand this next panel.

Okay, so I guess Hephaestus has, like, an invisible ship that he’s letting them use. Is that going to end up being the invisible jet?

More importantly, why would they emerge from it and announce their presence, even if they are sporting their new WitchBlade armour?

It really just looks like bad art direction, with missiles coming out of nowhere.

It really just looks like bad art direction, with missiles coming out of nowhere.

And the fight scene ensues. And something was bothering me about this whole thing, because, y’know, I’ve also been reading Wonder Woman’s solo series…

Oh, here we go.

Oh, here we go.

Wait. What is that little yellow box saying?

GROWL.

GROWL.

SIGH. Come ON, DC! Wasn’t the whole point of the reboot to make sure that every comic is in-sync, storywise? All of the timelines would match up and the crossovers wouldn’t be so muddled?

Or is this your way of finally, albeit quietly, admitting that you only did it because you were officially out of ideas?

I think we know the answer.

But, back to the issue…

Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.

Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.

And this happens. They got the snot beaten out of them, but they’re okay and they’re going to somehow deliver the force of their blows right back to them.

In the lamest possible way.

In the lamest possible way.

BEWARE THE POWER OF HAND-HOLDING!

Because SCIENCE.

Apparently.

No. Y’know, what? I’m just going to assume that these suits were designed to absorb kinetic energy and expel it as energy energy a la Sebastian Shaw. Because I don’t think that that was ever stated, and I’m trying to make the leap for the writers since I’m really at my wit’s end with the New 52.

But, I digress. As I often do.

So, they knock Zod and Whosits down and out… Until the gods decide to continue hazing their sister’s boyfriend.

By directly blasting them with a super-dose of sunlight courtesy of Apollo. Who is currently dead in Wonder Woman. Which is why this is stupid. Well, not the only reason it's stupid, really.

By directly blasting them with a super-dose of sunlight courtesy of Apollo. Who is currently dead in Wonder Woman. Which is why this is stupid. Well, not the only reason it’s stupid, really.

So, now they’re super-charged and gonna be pretty much impossible to beat.

Ha! Awesome.

Way to go, Apollo.

Way to go, Apollo.

Lo and behold, they up and beat the ever-loving super-poo out of the two of them and them fly them over to a conveniently nearby nuclear plant with a solid lead core to dump them in.

Lead AND radiation. Good. So this shit will be over soon enough, right?

Lead AND radiation. Good. So this shit will be over soon enough, right?

And now the rogue Kryptionians can fullfill their promise to the other inhabitants of the Phantom Zone. To create a hell on earth via a swarm of superpowered alien war criminals who will take over the planet and them probably fight with each other and destroy 91.5% of the planet in the process of their respective bids for power.

Still a better love story than Superman and Wonder Woman's.

Still a better love story than Superman and Wonder Woman’s.

 

In their lead would-be tomb, Clark and Diana have a very stilted and breathless conversation, wherein they have no ability to figure this shit out, but Clark just fucking knows what they’re doing.

But, the conversation takes five years to get out because of all of the ellipses, and they lose anyways. Oh, wait...

But, the conversation takes five years to get out because of all of the ellipses, and they lose anyways. Oh, wait…


And, finally, we get some literal ancient-Greek-deus ex machina.

Why would you ever bring this up in conversation?

Why would you ever bring this up in conversation?

And right before they’re about to make their tremendous sacrifice?

Ugh.

Ugh.

Which, by the way…

https://i2.wp.com/media.heavy.com/media/2013/02/tumblr_lmj3n8jRaE1qguurxo1_500.gif

Not transparent at all.

And also…

https://i0.wp.com/www.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/gag-gif1.gif

I can’t believe I’m saying it, and I’ll probably never say it again, but Honey Boo Boo has a point.

And kablooey. And I’m sure that there was nobody working in or living near that nuclear power plant they were trapped inside of at the moment.

Casualties shmasualties.

Casualties shmasualties.

So, it looks like they’ve stopped the bad guys! Right? I mean, surely, they must have with a blast like that!

Escpecially since… Well, take a look at them, lying at ground zero.

Oh, look. He wrapped her in his cape. Chivalry isn't dead; it's just a special kind of special.

Oh, look. He wrapped her in his cape. Chivalry isn’t dead; it’s just a special kind of special.

And that’s how the series ends.

…Not really. But I woulnd’t mind it! I like Superman. I like Wonder Woman. They’re my two favourite DCU characters… Pre-New 52. I really don’t like them now. And I especially, in case any of you guys haven’t cottoned on by this point, hate them together. It just doesn’t fit!

They don’t fit.

They’re a great team when tey fight alongside one another, but I don’t see the whole romance thing working out for them. The reason that Lois and Clark were such a good match was because, among numerous other reasons, it gave Superman/Clark a real depth. It brought him closer to his humanity, made him really one of us normal folks walking the earth, at least for a little while. And his humanity drove his heroics.

But with him dating Wonder Woman, it’s more like he’s being pulled away from his humanity. And I have a problem with that.

How is that going to make his a more compelling story?

It’s not.

Also, how is that going to make him more heroic?

I won’t.

So, another issue out and read and reviewed and I still don’t see it for them.

And, by the way, I’m not the only one of the FanGirls. We touched on the issue in our latest podcast. You should really check it out.

But, we’ll be back next month to see if this gets any more palatable.

Or any less intolerable.

Peace out.

 

 

New 52 Comic Review – “Batgirl” #29

We catch up where last issue left off, with the GCPD training their guns on the street fight between Silver and his lady friend, and Barbara (in civilian clothes) and Strix (of the Court of Owls).

OMG, he's so smart. Like "Jeopardy" smart.

OMG, he’s so smart. Like “Jeopardy” smart.

Babs and Strix are outside of the home of a kidnapped girl, trying to find her before Silver ‘splodes her… Because… He thinks that she’s a vampire. Because…

I guess he thinks that EVERYONE is.

I guess he thinks that EVERYONE is.

The cops tell him to lower his weapon, he refuses, and Barbara is trying to figure out a way to diffuse this situation because she’s worried that, if she doesn’t, Strix will, and she’ll do it by knocking the shit out of each and every cop out there before resuming the fight, and then probably running out of time, etc. Plus, if shit doesn’t get solved soon, someone will recognize her when the glare goes down and she lowers her hands.

But, it’s okay, because Silver comes to the fore again, threatening the police to kill himself in a really sarcastic manner. When they refuse to lower their guns, this whole page happens and I don’t understand any of it.

ANY OF IT.

ANY OF IT.

Why would you arbitrarily slice your throat? How does that relatively not forceful action cause you to flip a billion feet? Did you really just include this because you needed to fill a page? Did you think this was clever? Or did you do it because you think that that last panel was so super cool and totally worth it?

Because it’s really just idiot. You could have had a distraction caused by a giant robot stomping around in the background or a fight between other Gotham rogues or Bat-people, and I would have bought that.

As it stands, the villain is able to get into his Rolls Royce, which then sprouts a machine gun and rips the GCPD cops and their cars APART, as Barbara bangs on the window, completely unscathed.

Completely underwhelming reaction.

Completely underwhelming reaction.

Strix pulls Barbara away and they manage to escape the GCPD’s notice. A call from Knightfall gives them the lead they needed.

And I must say...

And I must say…

That is does look like...

That is does look like…

Batgirl is NOT a very good detective right now.

Batgirl is NOT a very good detective right now.

Back at Uchida’s Dracula’esque mansion, he gets patched up by girl-Alfred and given a whole carafe of something-or-another to chug as Batgirl and Strix creep around the building, looking for a way inside.

Maybe DON'T drink the crazy juice?

Maybe DON’T drink the crazy juice?

We also get a little bit of backstory for this dude and all of his crazy.

Is this awkward? Because it looks more awkward than tragic.

Is this awkward? Because it looks more awkward than tragic.

The door pretty much magically opens for Batgirl and Strix, and Silver further invites them in, specifically asking them to drink his blood.

Trap much?

Trap much?

Obviously, fighting ensues, and apparently this dude is actually pretty good.

Well, don't STOP to gape at your wound!

Well, don’t STOP to gape at your wound!

 

Strix soon gains the upper hand, and it about to end this crazy motherfucker, but Barbara won’t let her.

Bullshit. You could totally have chosen to use your words.

Bullshit. You could totally have chosen to use your words.

 

Lucky for her, Strix doesn’t take it personally, and Barbara knocks Silver down, trying to talk some sense into him, like she probably should have from the beginning.

You have entirely too much sympathy for this dude who just a few hours ago actively tried to kill a bunch of cops just to make a getaway.

You have entirely too much sympathy for this dude who just a few hours ago actively tried to kill a bunch of cops just to make a getaway.

 

This simple explanation that I guess nobody else ever tried explaining to him is apparently enough to snap him out of his delusion because, Cissy rounds the corner, asking if she can go home now, and Silver very calmly asks her where his assistant is, calling her “Child” instead of “Demon” for the first time.

And then, VINDICATION.

Because THIS happens.

I... What?

I… What?

 

What is even happening?

What is even happening?

 

That’s right. That’s right. All along, vampires were real. And this little girl was one. And she killed and ate her father. And this disappearance happened a while ago, but NOBODY fucking noticed this little girl’s sudden aversion to things like, oh, say, sunlight?

Alright. Fine.

Vampires are fucking real now. As evidenced by the fact that the line above, “Stop. I command it,” was spoken by a shirtless dude wearing leather pants (pictured below) who entres during a convenient strike of lightning and when asked who exactly he is, responds, “I? Vampire.” Y’know, using the type of syntax that no one does.

He tells them that Cissy’s been dead for a while, that this is only her shell, and that now she’s his responsibility since her undead power and whatever has been calling to him. And it looks like he’s been trying to find her on foot..?

Either way, the moment doesn’t last long, since Cissy spontaneously combusts. The reason?

So... Not crazy juice then. Okay.

So… Not crazy juice then. Okay.

 

Then, everybody there fucking disappears in a swarm of bats.

Quick! Look through their stuff!

Quick! Look through their stuff!

AND THAT’S THE END OF THE ISSUE.

That’s it!

That’s how it ends! We’re in third -person limited-ish, it looks like, so we’re seeing it from Batgirl’s perspective… Except for all of the times we see Silver’s actions and his actual perspective. And that’s all we get! Batgirl was wrong. Silver was right. Vampires are a thing.

And the only other witness is a mute with poor writing skills?

Hmmm…

Okay, so, really, now… This has just added more fuel to my, “I’m pretty sure that Batgirl is going crazy and wouldn’t that kinda be cool?” fire.

All of the shit that came out of left field? The shit that made not sense? The various and very obvious oversights, like not looking more thatn halfway down a sheet of paper when she’s supposed to be the brilliant protege of the world’s greatest detective and the commissioner’s daughter and she has a photographic memory to boot?

And then that last bit of internal monologue? “How do I convince myself this actually happened in the morning?”

I guess you don’t.

You’ve already lived it, whether reality or a delusion.

And this is the latest in a line of things that have happened that bear no explanation, that make no sense, that are getting increasingly more creeptastic, and that no one but her can recount! Supposedly murdering her brother and being hunted by her father? The ventriloquist with the living, independently moving and murderous doll?

And now fucking vampires.

I really do hope that Barbara is losing it. I really do. Not only would it be good writing and a really interesting story arc to eventually get to, but…

If the alternative is just a series of poorly written one-shots and uninteresting additions to a personal rogues gallery?

Yeah, give me crazy. Because I’ve had enough of terrible writing in the DC New 52.

But, that fact that Silver saw Barbara and Strix as being vampires, and that he was right about Cissy, poses an interesting idea. She is crazy. Or she’s got some kind of growing darkness in her. Heck, Strix has all kinds of darkness floating around inside of her tragic history. Oh! Actually, Strix IS undead!

HOLY BALLS!

Oh, I hope that this shit actually plays out in a decent way.

Until next time, nerds.

 

 

New 52 Comic Review – “World’s Finest” #20

Welcome to the second chapter of the Batman/Superman and World’s Finest crossover.

After a very strong first chapter in Batman/Superman #8, let’s check in on how the characters and the story are progressing in the girls’ own book.

Picking up from right where the previous chapter left off, Karen wakes up mid-plummet, but feeling a hell of a lot better than Superman does, apparently.

Which is not a good thing, really.

Which is not a good thing, really.

 

Not willing to take the chance that their invulnerability has been compromised by the hit and Power Girl’s recent power fluctuations, Batman and Huntress move to intercept them in the jet.

Yeah, Earth 2 is weird like that.

Yeah, Earth 2 is weird like that.

 

As Karen is struggling to right herself, she and Clark are caught in a net and lowered safely to the ground by the Bat Jet, while Huntress once again marvels at the similarities between this Batman and her father.

Batman's not here for it. You don't need training, you don't automatically obey him, he can't fuck you...

Batman’s not here for it. You don’t need training, you don’t automatically obey him, he can’t fuck you…

 

While Karen has been really adamant this entire run about not ever meeting Superman and keeping interactions with Supergirl to an absolute minimum (although, I really think that, if anyone were a good idea to try and talk Kara down a la the Red Daughter arc going on right now, it’d be Karen motherfucking Starr), Helena looks to be conversely kind of latching onto Batman, earnestly looking for a reason to build an attachment with this Batman. Maybe with this Earth.

Upon landing, Batman and Huntress rush to Power Girl and Superman to look them over.

The glowing kind of gives it away.

The glowing kind of gives it away.

 

Power Girl recognizes the glowy business as a bad sign and tells them to back away.

Batman seems to have lost his ability for Bat Logic since he's not invulnerable in any way.

Batman seems to have lost his ability for Bat Logic since he’s not invulnerable in any way.

 

Karen is about to call him out on his douchebaggery, and the display snaps Helena out of her attempted hero worship/daddy issues. His Bat Manners are severely lacking. But he does have a plan, having brought the Kryptonite ring. He hooks it around Clark’s neck, hoping that the ring will counteract the power overload and just render him, basically, a normal human.

And Clark just looks SUPER enthused about this course of action.

And Clark just looks SUPER enthused about this course of action.

 

When asked about whether he’s concerned about the fact that the ring could kill him, Batman shrugs the girls off and tells Power Girl that she’s been promoted to Kryptonian PowerHouse/pack mule, and that Huntress should stow Superman in the jet for now.Still irritated with his antics, Power Girl asks him whether he trusts her or if he’s taking her because he does happen to have another Kryptonite ring on himself as insurance.

Is he smirking because he has another ring? Because he’s fucking with her? Or is he just happy to be by her titties?

HINT: Boobs are always the answer.

HINT: Boobs are always the answer.

 

Huntress can’t believe how her not-dad treats her not-Godfather here. Shortly after they leave, Clark begins to come to and, apparently, being a normal human being is the WORST.

Legit.

Legit.

 

An unknown metahuman appears in the sky nearby and Huntress tells Clark to take cover. He asks if she’s kidding.

Helena, go ahead and cross "Push Superman into a cave" off of your bucket list.

Helena, go ahead and cross “Push Superman into a cave” off of your bucket list.

 

This dude with a target on his head and over his solar plexus appears and pretty much tells them all what they did and how to cause Power Girl’s powers to go all wonky.

As such, we shall call him Captain Exposition.

As such, we shall call him Captain Exposition.

 

Dude is tough, still stronger than normal even after Helena hits him with an exploding crossbow bolt. The fact surprises Helena for some reason, in this world where every fifth person is a super villain and this particular dude flew to you to start wailing on y’all.

Luckily, she’s able to use his awkward combination of super strength and poor combat skills and bad balance to her advantage, and is able to knock his bitch ass out with a kick to the face.

Even though the EXPLOSION didn't do it just a moment ago. Okay. Sure. Yeah.

Even though the EXPLOSION didn’t do it just a moment ago. Okay. Sure. Yeah.


Over with Batman and Power Girl in the villain’s country of New Gamorra, because biblical references to town destroyed for their wickedness aren’t a red flag AT ALL, Batman tries to tell PG how she’s gonna roll in there as Karen Starr, since they know her secret ID anyways and that somehow won’t be a giveaway. She, however, is still not having it or his attitude in general.

SUFFRAGE!

SUFFRAGE!

 

Batman just let’s her go like a dude who knows EXACTLY how his pals are going to act after their fifth Jaeger Bomb and has no control over the night or their ensuing mug shots and criminal records. Instead, he heads for the sewers, to tap directly into their systems via pipes and wires and shit, since PG will act as a distraction no matter what she does topside.

Again, BOOBS. Also, this had better not be a clue to growing Bat Feelings towards PG. Yick.

Again, BOOBS. Also, this had better not be a clue to growing Bat Feelings towards PG. Yick.

 

Topside, Karen is still pissed.

That's right. Only Selina Kyle-Wayne could TRAIN the BAT.

That’s right. Only Selina Kyle-Wayne could TRAIN the BAT.

 

But, as she approaches the boss-man, she’s shocked to find out his identity. The man behind this whole scheme is the Earth Prime of her briefly-boyfriend from Earth 2, Ken Somethingeoranother, son of a diplomat and young would-be hero who done got blowed up on Earth 2, as seen in the World’s Finest Annual #01.

And her feelings for him have never quite subsided, it seems.

And her feelings for him have never quite subsided, it seems.

He tells her that he’s really sorry about the whole mess of her powers, that her haywire abilities were the unfortunate side effect of a series of experiments being performed by the people of New Gamorra which, once again, doesn’t ring any bells or set off any alarms.

Despite her warning Helena about evil alternate universe twins in the first chapter of this arc!

Despite her warning Helena about evil alternate universe twins in the first chapter of this arc!

Meanwhile, unwilling to stay on the sidelines, Clark and Helena are using terrible pseudonyms and costumes which they apparently had already had stowed in the Bat Jet, plus to advantage of being WHITE in an Asian country and so totally sticking right the fuck out (but then, I’m still not sure about Ken because he’s white in WF and Asian in BS) to operate as civilians to solve some shit right under the noses of the general populace of New Gamorra.

Clark also needs to get the "I'm gonna barf at ANY second" look off of his face.

Clark also needs to get the “I’m gonna barf at ANY second” look off of his face.

So, as Batman is looking around underground and in secret rooms and shit, Karen is allowing herself to be led around by her feelings of puppy love for this dude who they pretty much know to be the villain, and who’s double she only knew for the span of a couple of hours back on Earth 2 anyways!

Girl! Never put anything in any hole in any situation with any person who you've know for LITERALLY less than five minutes. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT NOT CLEARLY A DEVICE? BECAUSE IT'S CLEARLY A DEVICE. AND DEVICE'S ARE NEVER A GOOD THING.

Girl! Never put anything in any hole in any situation with any person who you’ve know for LITERALLY less than five minutes. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT NOT CLEARLY A DEVICE? BECAUSE IT’S CLEARLY A DEVICE. AND DEVICE’S ARE NEVER A GOOD THING.

SIGH.

As Karen is amazed at the appearance of her home planet, at the fact that the big rock is still floating there in space, Batman makes a supremely creepy discovery.

Because of course.

Because of course.

Finally, Karen’s brain kicks in as Ken starts to wax on about the miracles he’s been able to make since reading her genetics, etc.

That's a villain smirk. Just punch him out now and save us six more issues of revelations and nonsensical action sequences.

That’s a villain smirk. Just punch him out now and save us six more issues of revelations and nonsensical action sequences.

Karen scoffs at his threats, saying that there’s no way that he would stop her. He, of course, isn’t concerned about that. Like every villain in plan one of evil plan revelation, he’s got his surprise ready to go.

An army of Kryptonian-Human hybrids. FANtastic.

An army of Kryptonian-Human hybrids. FANtastic.

 

Batman rushes to her aid, hopefully actually sporting that Kryptonite ring that he was vaguely threatening her with earlier.

Oh, NOW you want Superman breathing down your neck, huh?

Oh, NOW you want Superman breathing down your neck, huh?

Meanwhile, this might be the most ridiculous closing panel ever. While Karen and Bruce are WAY the fuck outmatched by dozens of beings who would individually at least give Karen a hard time to wrangle in, Clark and Helena’s big dilemma is… Illegal immigration.

So… I mean, they’re not in Arizona. Helena’s gonna punch this bro out and toss his unconscious body into a shrub while Clark gently chastises her and they continue to take photos, probably ending up with them either caught by a small cadre of armed guards and detained or uncovering yet another disturbing discovery. I mean, I’m guessing, but I’m sure it has to be getting weirder as the crossover continues.

Actually… It’s gotta be something about Earth 2.

It’s mentioned in the May solicits and everything that Earth 2 is still a thing.

So… Unfortunately, we actually do have to wait for the next chapter, now, but we’ve gotten a pretty solid start. This nano bot shit came out of nowhere, and it’s probably bad news that Clark has contracted robo-crabs from his parallel Earth cousin, since they can still probably read his whole life even while his own powers are being suppressed.

Hopefully this won’t just be “Karen’s Got A Problem, Now Clark’s Got a Problem, Now It’s Back Over To Karen, And So On!” But I will say that this issue and it’s preceding chapter in “Batman/Superman” are by far superiour to the usual stuff we’ve been seeing from “World’s Finest” on it’s own, at least for the past several months.

Let’s hope it gets even better.

Until next chapter!

Peace.