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“The Walking Dead” Recap S5E5 – “Self-Help”

It’s the Doctor Mullet show!

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Good golly, I never thought I’d miss Beth.

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TWD S5E4 – “Slabtown” Recap

Well, we haven’t seen Beth for a while, so I suppose it’s only fair that we get a Beth-heavy episode in repayment.

It's the Beth show! All Beth, every Beth! Starring... Beth!

It’s the Beth show! All Beth, every Beth! Starring… Beth!

The episode opens with her waking up in a sparse room at Grady Memorial Hospital, quickly getting up to look out over Atlanta, being confronted by a police officer and a doctor, who both look very well put together for everything that everyone ELSE we’ve seen has been through. They tell her that they found Beth at the side of the road, alone, and that, had they not brought her in, she’d be a “rotter” right now… So she “owes” them.

The doctor takes her on a little tour of the patients, flatlining a guy who he says has shown no sign of improvement. He flips off the man’s equipment and stabs him in the head once he’s flatlined, and she accompanies him to their body-disposal system, which looks like just dumping them down an elevator shaft.

Beth goes to get the doctor a meal, and is asked by a man if she remembers him. She says that she was fighting a walker and then everything went black. “One was high on your thighs but I got there first.” Ugh. Enter creepy officer Gorman.

The doctor’s office is peaceful if a little cluttered, and he’s living the good life eating guinea pig and listening to music and admiring a painting he saved from the garbage. Beth comments on the record, saying that she still sings…

Because of course she does.

So. Much. BETH.

So. Much. BETH.

Later, the pseudo-police bring in a man who has fallen from a balcony while fighting off a walker, and they force the doctor to work on him, despite his warnings that this guy isn’t going to make it and it would be a tremendous waste of resources. The woman who brought the patient in doesn’t take the news well, turning to slap Beth so hard that it reopens the stitches on her cheek.

Because the mark of a hero is always taking your anger out, physically, on a smaller person who is recovering from various injuries.

Gorman and the first cop we see (Dawn) drag in a woman (Joan) they’d earlier said was missing, holding her down as they saw her arm off because he’s been bit. They force Beth to help.

We have battery packs and generators for all manner of equipment, but no fucking saws, guys.

We have battery packs and generators for all manner of equipment, but no fucking saws, guys.

Beth goes to get new scrubs and meets Noah, who tells her that he’s pretty sure that there’s no getting out of this place. He’s planning to get out of there, though, and go back to his walled home in Richmond, especially after the people in the hospital left his father to die.

So far, he's doing much better than that other kid from "Everybody Hates Chris," though.

So far, he’s doing much better than that other kid from “Everybody Hates Chris,” though.

Beth tells Dawn that she’s not planning on staying long, and Dawn very sweetly informs her that things aren’t bad where they are. That they’re doing good. Dawn is dedicated to keeping things going, and that they’ll be rescued someday. But until then, “If we take, we give back; it’s only fair.”

Thank you, comrade Dawn.

As Joan recovers from her hasty amputation, Beth mops and hums a little tune. Joan speaks to her very cryptically, giving Beth more reason to worry about being where she is. Like she needed more reason.

Then, back in her room, she looks for the lollipop that Noah snuck her only to find that Gorman has stolen it. He sucks on it a bit before forcing Beth to do the same, but his creepster tendencies are interrupted by the doctor.

Ew. You had garlic for lunch, didn't you?

Ew. You had garlic for lunch, didn’t you?

Gorman tries to intimidate him, but the doctor tells him that, someday, Gorman will need someone to help him once he gets sick or hurt or bit. Beth asks the doctor why he stays, and instead he takes her to the ground floor of the hospital, where walkers swarm on the other side of a gate. The doctor tells her that this is his reminder of why he stays whenever he thinks about leaving.

Dawn is hoping to save the human race here, with barely a better security system than a GameStop in a shopping mall..?

Dawn is hoping to save the human race here, with barely a better security system than a GameStop in a shopping mall..?

Then, on the roof, he tells her about when it started, how the had evacuated the hospital only for ever patient to be turned pretty readily. With pretty much only him and Dawn left, they had to get to a deal, wherein they’d use resources to help survivors recover, and the survivors would then work their debt off. Beth isn’t so convinced, but the doctor seems to really think that what they’ve got there, flawed as it may be, is still better than “out there.” He tells her to give a patient his medicine and call it a day…

But, when she does, the man has a seizure and dies. Dawn questions her about it, but Noah takes the fall, claiming to have unplugged the respirator while mopping. The doctor gave her the wrong drug name, and she tells him that, but he denies it pretty impassively, even as Dawn beats Noah in punishment. She also confronts Beth about it anyways, as she knew it was a lie. She tells Beth that everything is done or the greater good there. She says that Beth would either be dead or a burden outside of the hospital, citing her wrist scar as proof that Beth’s simply not meant for this world.

They're just a group of survivors trying to band together to make a go of it.

They’re just a group of survivors trying to band together to make a go of it.

Later, tending to Noah’s black eye, she tells him that she wants to escape with him. She steals an ID badge from a filing cabinet and a key from a locked desk drawer, and comes across Joan’s body, looking like she’s taken her own life, just as Gorman comes in. He tries to force her into having sex with him, but Beth’s virtue is saved by walker Joan biting a chunk of his throat out.

Hooray..? I mean, yeah, hooray, but… Blech.

On her way out, Beth tells Dawn that Gorman was looking for her in her office. Dawn thanks her, and we hear the sounds of screaming and moaning as she and Noah make a break for it dow the elevator shaft. Armed with Groan’s gun, a flashlight, and having used seven round of ammo before they rush out into the daylight. As Noah struggles to keep up with her, limping along, she is left to fend off the walkers herself… Using what looks like way more bullets than she should still have…

Because a few of the cops from within the hospital have arrived outside, firing into the group, and tackle her to the ground as Noah squeezes through the fence. There’s a moment’s hesitation on his face, but she smiles as he hobbles away.

Dawn confronts her back inside, and Beth tells her that Groman attacked her, and Joan, and that Dawn herself has let it happen. Dawn tells her that she’s trying to keep her officers happy so that they do a good job. Beth tells her that nobody’s coming… And Dawn doesn’t take it well, walloping Beth in the face. As the doctor looks her over, Beth accuses him of purposefully telling her to give the man from earlier the wrong medicine. He knew the man was a doctor, even knew him professionally, and that would have jeopardized his position in the hospital, since he’s the only doctor and he’s got t pretty good in there.

Beth… Well, apparently she gives zero fucks anymore. because she’s got something sharp in her hand and murder in her eyes as she comes up to the doctor. He’s saved by the arrival of a new persona on a gurney… A familiar face…

Carol!

Ah! Ah, no, not Carol! how did anyone even take her out? What, did they bazooka her int he face? Because we all know that nothing can actually kill Carol…

Seriously, after all the shit she's done, all that she's survived, the fucking fortresses she's stormed solo, WHAT could have taken her out?

Seriously, after all the shit she’s done, all that she’s survived, the fucking fortresses she’s stormed solo, WHAT could have taken her out?

Sigh…

Well, I guess it’s going to turn out to be Noah that Daryl dragged into the church at the end of last week’s episode…

Or maybe Morgan!

Here’s hoping for a baller reveal and, if we get another Beth episode before that, that there’s at least one full-blown musical number, complete with back-up dancing walkers.

Until then, this actually wasn’t a bad episode, and I do appreciate that, while it almost seems like the producers don’t know what to do with Beth (and haven’t for, like, two seasons), that doesn’t mean that they’re just going to kill her off because it’s easier. The last moment, when she finally grows a pair of lady-balls, made me actually respect her character a little bit more. Like, “Oh, there’s a reason she’s still on this show. Good for her.”

But, until next week, when it looks like we’ll be catching up with Ford, his lady-friend, that girl whose name I keep forgetting, Dr. Mullet, and (panic!) Glenn and Maggie. Fingers crossed that Dr. Mullet isn’t too much longer for their world!

 

 

TWD S5E3 – “Four Walls and a Roof”

Hoo-boy. These cannibals are spry, man.

 Rick eye-fucks the camera better...

Rick eye-fucks the camera better…

Must be something they’re eating…

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The Walking Recap – “TWD” S4E16 “A” (Season Finale)

The finale! The season finale! The one were everybody dies!

Maybe.

Oh, the anticipation.

So, rather than allow myself to spiral into despair before I even know anything, let’s take a look at what happened last night.

Alright, so this episode jumps around a lot in time, especially in the beginning, so let’s all try and keep track, okay?

The episode opens on a flashback. The gang is all at the prison, welcoming back Glenn, Maggie, and others from a supply run. Herschel (*SOB* HERSCHEL!) greets his eldest daughter with open arms and there are smiles all around.

You can't even see my face, but believe me, I'm distraught.

You can’t even see my face, but believe me, I’m distraught.

 

It’s a touching moment, even as prison folk are using crowbars and knives and sharpened sticks to kill the walkers at the gates. It serves to remind us of everything our heroes once had… Y’know, to really make those losses hit home.

Cut the the present, where we see Rick, alone, hands shaking, face drenched in blood.

It's where the flavour is.

It’s where the flavour is.

 

Kind of reminds me of Rapunzel.

https://i2.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll5631jZZ31qbdns9o1_1280.png

Good sir, that’s a lot of blood!

So, some shit has clearly gone down since we last saw him, smiling at the antics of Carl and Michonne.

Awesome.

The group is pretty much starving, having had very little to eat, even as Ranger Rick give us a nature lesson, and teaches all of us how to create a snare.

Like a little nod to the fans. "Pay attention. You're gonna need this when the ZA really happens."

Like a little nod to the fans. “Pay attention. You’re gonna need this when the ZA really happens.”

 

They caught a rabbit, but it’s a teensy weensy one, barely enough to feed one person, let alone the three of them. Suddenly, though, a man’s cry for help in a nearby clearing send Carl running to his rescue, because nobody has taught Carl to stay put EVER.

Anywho, it hardly matters as this poor MoFo is already outnumbered by a huge margin, and his shouting has attracted more walkers, and, more importantly, although Carl is already taking aim to help the dude out, Rick won’t let him, leaving the man to be eaten alive, face first and everything, so that they can mosey along down the tracks, slicing stray walkers to bits along the way.

Although, from this angle, doesn't it totally look like the guy has ample room to run?

Although, from this angle, doesn’t it totally look like the guy has ample room to run?

 

Cue another flashback. Herschel wakes Rick to give him a lesson, once that he won’t need his gun for, and one that will help him chill the fuck out.

But it does come with rising at dawn. Kind of a dealbreaker.

But it does come with rising at dawn. Kind of a dealbreaker.

 

Flash forward, and we see Carl sleeping in a broken down truck and Rick and Michonne having a campfire chat.

Damn lack of s'mores.

Damn lack of s’mores.

 

But the moment is ruined when Joe’s gang of bandits finally catches up to them.

Daryl shows himself, telling Joe that these are people he knows. That Rick is a good man.

Joe views that as a lie.

And we all know how Joe feels about liars.

And we all know how Joe feels about liars.

 

But the real problem here, even as Rick and Michonne are being held at gunpoint and the other gang members aim to beat our favourite redneck to death?

Well, the real problem is this guy.

Rule #1 of the ZA was from a couple episodes ago: Kill the sociopaths first. The new Rule #1? Kill the pedophiles. And that's not just a rule for the ZA.

Rule #1 of the ZA was from a couple episodes ago: Kill the sociopaths first. The new Rule #1? Kill the pedophiles. And that’s not just a rule for the ZA.

 

This… Does not sit well with Rick. He headbutts Joe and the two scuffle, Michonne and Daryl fednign off their respective attackers, as Carl desperately tries to escape this… Ugh.

It is a tremendous performance by Chandler Riggs, though. Probably the best he’s ever done. He’s terrified and desperate, and later, scared again.

Rick, with no weapons and having just gone off the deep end, finishes Joe off by ripping out his throat with his bare teeth.

According to actor Andrew Lincoln, they achieved this by using raw chicken. But you know what's not worth it? Salmonella.

According to actor Andrew Lincoln, they achieved this by using raw chicken. But you know what’s not worth it? Salmonella.

 

And then he finishes the pedophile off himself, gutting the man with his own knife, cutting him from stomach to sternum.

And making parents everywhere proud.

And making parents everywhere proud.

Meanwhile, Michonne, because she’s the best, holds Carl close, both to comfort him and to shield him from what his father is doing.

She's covering his ears and everything! But Carl still sees what happens because Rick stabs this guy for a solid minute before it cuts to commercial.

She’s covering his ears and everything! But Carl still sees what happens because Rick stabs this guy for a solid minute before it cuts to commercial.

 

Now, we’ve caught up to that shot in the stinger, before the credits, where Rick sits against the car.Daryl joins him and the two share “I love you, man”‘s as Rick cleans himself up a bit.

"But soft, what light from yonder window breaks..?"

“But soft, what light from yonder window breaks..?”

Inside, Michonne tends to Carl, who hears everything his dad says.

Carl is shaken, but the point is that Rick will do anything to keep Carl safe.

Which, yeah, I think we've seen by now.

Which, yeah, I think we’ve seen by now.

They approach Terminus but, rather than head on through the front gate, they creep in through the woods to stake the place out before they make their move. We get a nice moment where Michonne reminds Carl that they’ve all done things, citing her loss of her child and letting her boyfriend and friend turn as her example. But Carl doesn’t have to be afraid of them.

Before hopping the fence, though, Rick buries their weapons cache, even checking his usual ginormous revolver for a semiautomatic something-or-another.A father has to keep his baby safe after all.

As a FB friend said, "Chekov's duffel bag."

As a FB friend said, “Chekov’s duffel bag.”

 

Once in the train yard, they come across a building with a woman narrating a script about the awesomeness of Terminus into a small radio broadcasting set-up, and a small group of people who are apparently making more signs to put up all around the everywhere.

Behold, the TWD props department.

Behold, the TWD props department.

 

So, Tasha Yar isn’t alone.

The group is greeted by a dude named… I forgot his name. But it was something old-world-y and unusual. The point is, weird name guy and his friend jovially tell them that their plan to scope the place out without being seen was a smart one, and he talks them into a quick search.

Motherfucker is way too smiley.

Motherfucker is way too smiley.

 

The Termites (yes, that’s what I’m calling them) take the group to go and grab a bite at Tasha Yar’s Neverending Barbecue (trademarked), only for things to… Uh… Devolve.

I guess not everybody likes a vinegar based barbecue sauce.

I guess not everybody likes a vinegar based barbecue sauce.

 

See, the problem is that Rick is a pretty observant guy. He sees a woman wearing a very familiar poncho. A man just lounging about in riot gear for some reason. And the smiley guy is sporting a pocket watch with tremendous sentimental value.

The other problem? They’re way the fuck outnumbered in Terminus.

After another commercial break, we get yet another flashback, this time showing a moment where, while poor, ill-fated Patrick plays with the world’s last Lego set, undeterred by the recommended age, Carl is more interested in taking apart his gun, cleaning it, putting it back together. Learning his weapon’s ins and outs.

Legit.

Legit.

 

Rick tells him to set his gun down and that he needs his help. And it’s the birth of farmer Rick.

Meanwhile, this Rick is a pretty far cry from that Rick.

A shootout and a chase seen ensue, with rooftop snipers doing the brunt of the shooting. If you watch closely, you will either come to the conclusion that the Termites are the worst shots ever, or Rick and the gang are being herded.

Y'know. Like cattle.

Y’know. Like cattle.

 

And we get our first glimpse into the source of the episode’s title.

"A."

“A.”

 

And here I was hoping it was a “Happy Days” reference.

https://i0.wp.com/static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2010/1/6/1262780885770/Henry-Winkler-as-The-Fonz-001.jpg

 

Anywho, as they run through an area riddled with bullet holes, meaning this isn’t the first time the Termites have pulled this shit, Rick spots a pretty impressive pile of human bones, picked clean.

The group runs into a building with an open door, and inside are hundreds of lit candles and writing on the walls. “Never again. Never trust. We first always.”

Which, yes, is creepy and spooky, but it's mostly amazing because that's a lot of candles to just keep lit in an empty room and how the hell are they getting so many on supply runs anyways?!

Which, yes, is creepy and spooky, but it’s mostly amazing because that’s a lot of candles to just keep lit in an empty room and how the hell are they getting so many on supply runs anyways?!

 

But, my take on this is that they tried to be a haven, but somebody or some group betrayed them. So now, they are the betrayers, and they use their subterfuge to lure potential would-be betrayers into their trap and use them as a food source before they can event contemplate stealing supplies or murdering the Termites.

And the floor is covered in names, like a memorial.

And the floor is covered in names, like a memorial.

Or maybe I’m reading too much into this.

They’re rushed out into an open area, where they are quite thoroughly surrounded by at least a dozen Termites with machine guns.

 

twds4e16-29

Also interesting, just before getting to this point, they hear banging and people begging for help.

And guy whose name I can’t remember tells them to throw down their weapons and entre a nearby train car, or they’ll kill Carl.

The procession is drawn out, but the group, including Carl bringing up the rear, march into the car, labeled “A.”

There's that "A" again.

There’s that “A” again.

But guess who else is inside?

That’s right. EVERYBODY.

Everybody survived!

Hooray!

Hooray!

…Actually, it’s almost a let down. I mean, I love the cast to bits, but having everyone still pretty much accounted for (sorry Beth) takes away from anyone-could-go-at-any-moment charm of this show.

But it doesn’t matter what I think. It also doesn’t matter that they’re all trapped in a steel box with heavily armed cannibals just outside.

Because we get another flashback.

Whoop, there's Beth.

Whoop, there’s Beth.

 

Herschel tells Rick that it can be like this all the time. The kids are laughing. They’ve got food and safety. Rick tells him that it being like this now is enough.

And back in the present, in that probably foul-smelling train car that I’m sure is hot as balls in the Georgia heat, Rick tells them that the Termites are going to feel “pretty stupid” (meaning “pretty dead”) when they find out that “They’re screwing with the wrong people.”

And eye fucks the camera again.

And eye fucks the camera again.

And that’s the end of the season.

*Folds hands primly *

Wait.

WHAT?!

That’s how it ends? That’s how it ends! You spend half a season building up to Terminus, taking your own, sweet-ass time, killing more minors than walkers in the process, and you leave an entire season on a cliffhanger?!

Mother fucker.

Okay.

Well, I guess we’ll see what happens in 7 months.

(Good Lord, seven months?)

Alright! But we can still point out a couple of things.

There is a duffel bag in the woods that is full of all of the weapons.

Carol, who we know will do straight up anything for these people and not feel a lick of remorse about it, is still out there, along with Tyreese and Li’l Asskicker, who may end up being a valuable asset, since hopefully these people wouldn’t want to kill a baby, at least.

I'm hoping for this, guys. I really am.

I’m hoping for this, guys. I really am.

Also, let’s not forget Beth.

Oh, how could I ever forget Beth?

Well, she’s still out there and, despite the Interwebs claiming that Tasha Yar is wearing Beth’s sweater, I’m not convinced, and not only because they’re several sizes apart. She was abducted in a car, from outside of a funeral home that someone had been holing up in. The only cars we’ve seen at Terminus have been the burnt out, shot up ones. And why would a Termite be living in a funeral home outside of the supposed sanctuary, preparing bodies for burial rather than consumption.

Ooh. Maybe the culprit was a Terminus escapee! That would tie the storylines together neatly.

Or maybe Beth is going to find herself in the TWD spin-off the producers are planning. Because she’s the most interesting and essential character in the series. And a second group of survivors in Georgia as opposed to a completely different locale with all of it’s new dangers and possible safe zones would never be seen as redundant.

Okay, so maybe not.

The point is, everybody’s still either alive or at least not certainly dead (I’m looking at you, Beth!) since last episode. And we still have a man, a woman, a girl, and a baby out there, three of whom we know are still headed straight to Terminus.

My money’s on Judith.

Until next season!