I don’t want to have to review this comic anymore!
So, we open where we left off last issue, with Clark having all of the insecurities about his relationship with Dianna finally being out in the open. Dianna is being kind of super not compassionate, which is way the fuck out of character for her, and even from her own book. Like, I’m not trying to reconcile this Dianna with pre-New 52 Dianna but the Dianna as she appears in the current run of Wonder Woman.
She’s got ZERO expression on her face. Her words seem to be trying to goad Clark into leaving his secret identity, his civilian life behind. She’s being a crap girlfriend right now, for realsies. It’s making me hate New 52 Wonder Woman all the more. I mean, who is writing this? Who is responsible for this?!
Back in the zoo area of the Fortress of Solitude, Zod can apparently escape at will and is going through Clark’s files and all of his cable channels.
He slips back into his dome in time for Clark to come and ask him a bunch of stupid questions about Doomsday and for Zod to rib him about his lady and tease him about his accent. Zod makes up some bullshit to make himself seem even more reasonable and compassionate.
Clark blindly follows Zod’s instructions and codes a lens to the Phantom Zone projector or whatever pseudo-science they’re trying to do here, and Zod proceeds to fuck shit up by exploiting Clark’s ignorance of his culture and Zod’s own inexplicable knowledge of the intricacies of shipping containers and processing (because he’s MILITARY), and frees all of Superman’s pets.
While they’re fighting, Wonder Woman’s monologuing off camera, talking about their similarities and their differences and talking like a person who doesn’t know how to talk like a person, another significant deviation from her life in her own series where she is, at least, kind of a person.
And, of course, the thing that Zod is so desperate to bring back out of the Phantom Zone?
Now. The comic, by rights, should be over right here. The bottom of the above panel has the tagline for the next issue. But, in an apparent effort to further convince me (as though the effort were necessary and the furthering of my dismay possible) that I’m right in my opinion with (lack-of) respect to this series, they add in more plot stuff AS AN AFTER THOUGHT.
Clark meets up with Cat Grant and her beau to revel in the success of their website since breaking the story of Superman and Wonder Woman being boinking buddies.
Cat;s boyfriend Aaron is working on a device which allows anyone to instantly learn anything, in an effort to keep up with the supers.
In a Hypermax Detention facility in Utah, Lex Luthor learns of the relationship and I see no reason for him to have burn scars on his face.
In Gotham, Batman is the best wingman ever and fucks up some Times Square-esque TVs so that people aren’t just fucking gawking at his friends’ lives.
In London, Dianna visits Hessia (CHANGE HER NAME DC, I ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS LAST ISSUE!) at her *snort* little kids’ martial arts class, so she can cavort about with her friend and smash up a room full of robots, like everybody has, and blow off some steam.
Hessia (HEAVY SIGH) says that she should be happy that he’s more open, like Dianna wanted. Dianna gives her the stink-eye, and Hessia ( 😡 ) tells her that she can’t control everything, sarcastically calling her “little princess.” Dianna then says that she should go back to Themyscira… Which is kind of like saying, ” A HA, I can control the SHIT out of things THERE!”
Back at the celebration a la Cat Grant, Clark asks why the flash drive was sent to them, who would have sent it, all of the actually rational questions, and she gives absolutely ZERO fucks. Frankly, I don’t know who to root for here. Because I hate EVERYONE.
So… I really hate this title. It’s a hodgepodge of stupid storylines, bad writing, poor characterization, and irrationality altogether. I still do not see any reason for them to be together. At ALL. For goodness’ sake, this past issue actually was printed out of order! I don’t know whether to focus on their relationship woes, the Zod story, or the mystery of who sent Cat Grant the story, and I don’t actually want or care to really delve into any of these storylines. And now they’ve added in a thing with Lex Luthor, and about Clark needing to focus on being Clark, and Dianna taking a trip back home and I just…
I don’t care.
See you next month, I guess.
Because I’m dedicated. And by dedicated, I mean a masochist.