According to photographer Adam Jay, this is the first image of Gal Gadot in her full Wonder Woman costume and make-up. This reportedly comes direct from SDCC.
It’s a little dark and not so great a resolution, so we’re going to withhold judgement for now. The costume looks good from what we can see, but we’re still not sold on Gadot in the part.
In an age where anybody with a smartphone can become Paparazzo, it’s getting tougher and tougher for studios to keep things under wraps. Case in point, Instagram user armandarakjian uploaded this photo for all of the Interwebs to gawk at:
Oh, hey. Lookey there. Something finally happens.
Hera’s still chilling at the winery where Dionysus and his soon-to-be-turned-into-pigs comrades were in the previous couple of issues, leisurely ordering from the menu.
Of course, the menu is more interesting than the ball of green glowing fire hurtling towards her. Understandable, really.
Since warning her would be ridiculous, the waiter dives out of the way while Hera is trying really hard to remember that she just wants, like, a Jack and Coke, of all things. And, of course again, the ball hits her.
Back in the woods, Hermes and Demeter are trying to keep on their hunt, since the Moon is a little bit OCD.
She feels a disturbance in the Force and just fucking knows that Apollo’s in danger or hurt or in some other Charles Barkley level of turrible trouble, so she asks Hermes to transport them to Olympus right away.
On the ship, one of the engines has been damaged by the explosion, and Zola is in there trying to rescue Dio… Who we actually don’t see at all in this entire issue.
So, yeah, Zola’s kind of bad at things. But it’s okay because Wonder Woman is holding the plane up!
But, as turns out, nobody is good at things, because Hermes gets them to Olympus just in time for Diana’s strength to crap out on her, sending the ship pretty much crashing down on top of them.
But, they are all on Olympus now… Or what’s left of it. And now everybody can be snarky to each other until they realize exactly what their current location means as far as, y’know, not dying goes.
NO! No. No. Look, I know that Greek mythology is just chock fucking full of incest, and that this was especially the case in the gods’ case, but I’m done with all of the incest in comics, movies, TV shows, and fucking fanfiction especially. I’m DONE.
But that’s a rant for another time.
Anywho, the hyena people start to flip the fuck out…
And nobody seems to have noticed that they’re standing on red, squishy, raw-meat-smelling ground. And cue the appearance of the First Born. I’ve got to say, he’s looked better.
Understandably, they’re not particularly keen on the idea of subservience to a monster, and Demeter in particular is pretty intent on that whole vengeance thing.
And I guess having no skin makes his veins weapons now, so he’s caught her and is sucking her energy away a la the Parasite.
Diana pulls a magic glowing bladed spear thingy out of… nowhere? And intend to also attack him head on.
And her attempts to be a baller don’t last very long, as she gets vein-drained.
And the monologue continues on, being way more painful than that whole imminent doom thing.
The First Born says that he’s learned something during his captivity, and that it’s that power, love, life, blah, everything ends eventually.
But, before he can up and end all of these assholes, the only person who is able to do any thing is the one person who’s been the most useless this whole, entire arc.
The return of Hera to power! Literally. Her display of mad power, which really shouldn’t be intimidating since Apollo’s power transferring over to Hera shouldn’t have amplified it and the First Born done walloped Apollo good, well, it makes the First Born book it.
They leave Olympus in the ruins is was already in, Apollo’s guts all over the place and everything, and head to who-knows-where, where nobody questions it because they assume that wherever it is, it’s gonna be safe, so fuck it.
They pop on over to Themyscira, it turns out, so that Diana’s pseudo step-mother can give her a gift.
The Amazons are back!
And I swear if this whole thing doesn’t feel like it just completely fell flat.
Like, “oh, hey, ladies, welcome back. I’ve nothing to say to you, despite the appearance in the comics so far that your petrification and the destruction of Paradise Island and I don’t even see my mom or any of my closest friends, but would you mind dying in throngs for me?”
And, Wonder Woman finally accepts her mantle, knowing that her denial has cost them until now. So, she’s not asking them as Princess…
So, whoopee, she’s a harbinger of doom, to take down a harbinger of doom.
And I still feel like nothing happened. Hera’s back to power, yes, and last issue saw Apollo dying to give her back that power, but this whole story is just creeping along so slowly that I really do find it hard to care about one of my favourite characters.
I’m hoping that something happens to get rid of this First Born dude sooner rather than later, because I need this crap to be done with.
We need a new story, or at least better pacing.
And for now, I’ll be keeping an eye out for a downward spiral of yet another DC character, since being the god of war is more than likely going to be a thing that affects her as a character, morals and all.
Plus this whole “dating Superman” thing isn’t helping.
Well, until next time.
Somebody needs to explain to me why this happened. Why did this pairing have to become a thing?
Zod and Faora are preparing to open the Phantom Zone and let loose all of the crazies, and Superman and Wonder Woman are flying around being pretty. Clark is having reservations about their operations as heroes. He’s worried that they may have been a better team when they weren’t also doing it. Once again, Wonder Woman callously dismisses his concerns because she’s kind of a bitch in this book.
Knowing that it’s going to be a tough match between them and Zod and not-Ursa, they turn to Diana’s extended family for help. Namely, Hephaestus, who looks a heck of a lot like a parademon.
It seems that Diana sees their biggest advantage as being the element of surprise, and since the other Kryptonians have the same heightened senses as Clark, that’s almost a moot point. Put it’s okay because Hephaestus has a solution for that.
So, as Zod and Whatsherface finish constructing their StarGate out of garbage, Clark and Diana blow their element of surprise with a since blow which pretty much barely fazes either of them, and which only actually hits Zod anyways.
And I don’t know that I understand this next panel.
Okay, so I guess Hephaestus has, like, an invisible ship that he’s letting them use. Is that going to end up being the invisible jet?
More importantly, why would they emerge from it and announce their presence, even if they are sporting their new WitchBlade armour?
And the fight scene ensues. And something was bothering me about this whole thing, because, y’know, I’ve also been reading Wonder Woman’s solo series…
Wait. What is that little yellow box saying?
SIGH. Come ON, DC! Wasn’t the whole point of the reboot to make sure that every comic is in-sync, storywise? All of the timelines would match up and the crossovers wouldn’t be so muddled?
Or is this your way of finally, albeit quietly, admitting that you only did it because you were officially out of ideas?
I think we know the answer.
But, back to the issue…
And this happens. They got the snot beaten out of them, but they’re okay and they’re going to somehow deliver the force of their blows right back to them.
BEWARE THE POWER OF HAND-HOLDING!
No. Y’know, what? I’m just going to assume that these suits were designed to absorb kinetic energy and expel it as energy energy a la Sebastian Shaw. Because I don’t think that that was ever stated, and I’m trying to make the leap for the writers since I’m really at my wit’s end with the New 52.
But, I digress. As I often do.
So, they knock Zod and Whosits down and out… Until the gods decide to continue hazing their sister’s boyfriend.
So, now they’re super-charged and gonna be pretty much impossible to beat.
Lo and behold, they up and beat the ever-loving super-poo out of the two of them and them fly them over to a conveniently nearby nuclear plant with a solid lead core to dump them in.
And now the rogue Kryptionians can fullfill their promise to the other inhabitants of the Phantom Zone. To create a hell on earth via a swarm of superpowered alien war criminals who will take over the planet and them probably fight with each other and destroy 91.5% of the planet in the process of their respective bids for power.
In their lead would-be tomb, Clark and Diana have a very stilted and breathless conversation, wherein they have no ability to figure this shit out, but Clark just fucking knows what they’re doing.
And, finally, we get some literal ancient-Greek-deus ex machina.
And right before they’re about to make their tremendous sacrifice?
Which, by the way…
And kablooey. And I’m sure that there was nobody working in or living near that nuclear power plant they were trapped inside of at the moment.
So, it looks like they’ve stopped the bad guys! Right? I mean, surely, they must have with a blast like that!
Escpecially since… Well, take a look at them, lying at ground zero.
And that’s how the series ends.
…Not really. But I woulnd’t mind it! I like Superman. I like Wonder Woman. They’re my two favourite DCU characters… Pre-New 52. I really don’t like them now. And I especially, in case any of you guys haven’t cottoned on by this point, hate them together. It just doesn’t fit!
They don’t fit.
They’re a great team when tey fight alongside one another, but I don’t see the whole romance thing working out for them. The reason that Lois and Clark were such a good match was because, among numerous other reasons, it gave Superman/Clark a real depth. It brought him closer to his humanity, made him really one of us normal folks walking the earth, at least for a little while. And his humanity drove his heroics.
But with him dating Wonder Woman, it’s more like he’s being pulled away from his humanity. And I have a problem with that.
How is that going to make his a more compelling story?
Also, how is that going to make him more heroic?
So, another issue out and read and reviewed and I still don’t see it for them.
And, by the way, I’m not the only one of the FanGirls. We touched on the issue in our latest podcast. You should really check it out.
But, we’ll be back next month to see if this gets any more palatable.
Or any less intolerable.
Last issue Zola went off with Dio (who I just figured out is supposed to be short for Dionysus), freaked out on him when he turned a bunch of normal humans into pigs right in front of her, Circe Style, and then ran into a Minotaur controlled by Cassandra.
So, let’s see where Wonder Woman is.
Well, she’s in the London Undergound, using Artemis (often referred to as “Moon” or “Hunter” in this issue and it’s driving me nuts) to track her.
Apollo keeps reminding Diana that she doesn’t trust Artemis, and she just lets him talk. They need her help. Also, like, five pages ago, he was on her shit list, so he really ought to calm his tits. Hera tosses him a barb. Diana refuses to let their shit get to her.
Zola’s scent ends at the plastic chairs by the station, but Artemis picks up Dionysus’ and dismisses Diana’s concern that she may have gotten onto one of the trains. She says that Dionysus never takes public transportation, and she’ll just start following his trail.
Meanwhile, in Provence, Dio is looking for Zola in the rapidly darkening woods.
Zola rushes back towards him through the woods, because of reasons.
Meanwhile, on Olympus, things aren’t going so well for Apollo. What with the being strangled by the newly-freed First Born.
But it’s okay because Apollo’s a motherfucking Street Fighter.
Back in France, Zola’s trying to get Dio to turn the Minotaur into a pig. But he’s got another plan.
Of course, expecting fucking vines to hold the Minotaur at bay is kind of not the best idea…
Diana and her entourage have arrived at the patio where Dio was “treating” his “guests,” and they quickly follow the sounds of “RRRAAAHHHRRR”-ing coming from the forest nearby. They dart off into the woods, and Hera is told to stay put.
In the forest, the Minotaur has beaten the immortal fuck out of Dio and is dragging him back through the woods towards Cassandra’s ship. Zola realizes that he was never after her… But she dismisses the fact that it’s a bad idea to follow him, and follows him, trying to help despite her relative helplessness.
Back on Olympus, the battle still rages on. Mostly because Apollo doesn’t realise that repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is one of the first definitions of madness.
The Minotaur carries his quarry onto the airship, but the Hyena men realise that they have some guests… Because really, Apollo’s got to smell
delicious like chicken (so, yeah, delicious).
Like a crazy bitch, Artemis is psyched about the hunt, but Wonder Woman warns her to chill the fuck out and stay on the defensive.
Cassandra opts to make her escape while the fighting is going on, because fuck her minions. She’s really cavalier about the fact that acolytes are easy to make and/or come by. Like, “Hey, we’ll just put out another ad on Craigslist. No worries! Let’s roll!”
They try to make their escape, but this is Wonder Woman we’re talking about here, so she latches onto the ship after taking a mighty leap. This does leave me to wonder who the fuck is going to take care of Zola, the baby, and Hera, though, since we’ve established the dubious trustworthiness of all of the gods, let alone Apollo and Artemis, and especially Apollo and Artemis together.
Cassandra’s aim, meanwhile, was to kidnap one of the Olympians and “persuade” them into revealing the location of Mount Olympus… Because nobody thought to just use Google Maps, I guess. I mean, c’mon, guys! It’s a geographically located mountain!
But, either way, it doesn’t matter, because Dio is psyched at the prospect of directing her right to Olympus… And right to facing off with Apollo.
But back on Olympus, which kind of looks more like Stark Tower than anything else, the First Born has gotten the upper hand. And, of course, he starts monologuing.
He tells Apollo that his plan is to kill all of the Greek deities, all of his family, and rule Olympus. He literally says that he just wants to sit on the chair alone. Which… I mean, which is weird. Right? You just want a fancy chair? Not to actually lord over them, but just slaughter them and be alone? Weren’t you pissed because you were alone, and locked away for eons in the first place?
But Apollo is super not okay with this plan. Whether it’s because he doesn’t want to lose the throne, or lose Olympus, or for his family to befall that fate, he’s not having it.
Apollo expends all of his energy, blowing himself up, but also getting the First Born caught in the explosion… And all of Mount Olympus, Inc.
So, this whole arc is moving towards war over ruling the gods. The First Born is willing to let the world burn just to be king (“King of Ashes” is the title according to the teaser for the next issue). Orion was brought in some time ago, bringing the “New Gods” into the New 52 Universe, so perhaps the rest of that will come in with the impending deaths of the Greek gods, the old gods.
Actually, it would be interesting if they killed off the Greek gods, brought in the New Gods, and that was a whole segue into a Darkseid storyline, especially with the World’s Finest/Superman-Batman crossover going on right now. To see the events of Earth-2 start to bleed into Earth Prime’s goings on? Bring back the Multiverse!
But, back to this book, this war between the gods, to become leader, and to rule those who rule as Cassandra would want, is interesting especially, or perhaps only because Diana is a god, too, now. Remember that she’s the current goddess of war. While I thought that that might be DC’s way of turning the character dark, because that is kind of their schtick nowadays, what with being fueled by war and rage, and violence and death, for now it’s just looking more and more like they’re trying to set Diana up for a place of leadership amongst the Pantheon. Which would be cool, and really would switch up the status quo of the character, but I’m not so certain that that would be such a good thing.
I’ve been adamant in the past that a lot of the characters who need something to make them more interesting are simply missing a cast of supporting characters (*cough* Supergirl *cough*). When we see the doing battle, sure it’s exciting, but it’s also great to see them dealing with normal problems of the powerless. Every day relationships. That’s why Spider-Man took off when he was first created. Spider-Man was exciting, but Peter Parker was still trying to live his life, and it was compelling to a whole mess of readers. Clark’s secret identity is a point of dissension between him and Diana right now, and although I hardly want to encourage the writers to get them together any more than they already are, maybe she needs to see how the other half lives.
I miss Diana Prince, damn it!
And while it’d be awesome to see a cosmically powerful Wonder Woman being the HBIC, I don’t think that it’s going to make for a particularly interesting read.
But then, hey, there’s also baby Zeke to consider. Maybe iyt’ll end up First Born versus last born.
We’ll just have to wait and see.
So, you’ve all seen by now that I’ve dropped a few comics. Because they’re comics that I can’t stand. Why, then, have I kept this series on? Could it be that I’ve actually grown to like it?!
Not even a little bit. In fact, I hate it so much that I’m forcing myself to continue reading and review each issue through at least issue #6, maybe through #12, just to prove that I’m not being petty because I don’t/can’t ship Clark/Diana. Rather, I’ll stick with it to be certain that this is not a viable pairing (and so far it is SUPER not a good match), and to prove it to others that this shit needs to stop right now.
In fact, given that, let’s get on to the review.
Wonder Woman is on Paradise Island… Again. Because she done already went there, and talked to her fossilized mother, and then left again, all in her solo book. So, still not sure how this book ties into their own titles.
Anyways, Diana is visiting her decimated home specifically to apologize, but mostly to freely express what she views as a weakness. That is, her relationship with Clark.
Meanwhile, Clark is still battling Zod and his latest Phantom Zone escapee, Zod’s lover Faora, who is rabid and totally not here for these shenanigans.
Apparently, coming out of the Phantom Zone is like coming out of the Lazarus Pit, in that you come out batshit crazy until somebody can knock some sense into you. That somebody in this case? Zod. But, before he can deal with his girlfriend’s time of the month, he has to distract Clark. He does so quite effectively by freeing all of the creatures in the Fortress of Solitude’s zoo.
Back on Themiscyra, Diana discovers that the doors to the Underworld are… slightly askew. So, something must have escaped from hell… But I’m more stuck on how the entrance to hell is on Paradise Island.
While fighting the creature from the black lagoon, Clark loses track of Zod and Faora, so he enlists the help of his wingman, Batman. Why Batman, because Supes is in the dog house and Diana isn’t picking up her comm.
Of course, she may be a bit busy with that whole something-just-escaped-from-hell-and-now-I’ve-got-to-put-it-back-in-its-hole thing…
She binds the demon or whatever and stabs it right through the skull, tossing its carcass back into Tartarus, and then securing the doors with her lasso. Her fucking lasso. Magic motherfucking lasso of motherfucking truth.
Her lasso, you guys… Is now a super glowy doorstop.
Also, can I just say, “Good enough” should not be a phrase uttered when we’re talking about securing the portal through which the dead and demons can come through from the Underworld to our own? C’mon, bitch, put a little effort into it! Jeebus….
So, back on Keeping up with the Kryptonians, Zod is struggling with Faora and her bullshit, getting the shit kick right on out of him. So, as is always the case with true love, he slams into her and bashes her body into the side of a rock formation.
Luckily, and because that’s a thing that always happens in fiction, severe head trauma actually fixes the problem at hand. So, now that he’s managed to catch up to them, commence OPERATION: Team Up on Kal-El!
Shit’s not going so well for Clark, and they’re already learning all about their fun new powers on Earth. Cyborg finally gets in touch with Wonder Woman, who stops to take a second to get her boots back on, lest she look underdressed for a superhero.
Once properly accessorized for her first meeting with some other Kryptonians, she zips to the scene, just in time to save Clark from another round of ass whooping.
Also, does “He is MINE” totally not sound like she wants to be the one to beat his ass?
Zod mocks Diana before they fight. Big mistake.
Clark and Diana swap partners briefly (again, not in the way you’d hope), and Clark suggests bondage.
Clark, unfortunately, it turns out is a total vagina, getting caught by the throat and unable to free himself despite his arms being free, his super strength which should by all right surpass Zod’s because of his extensive exposure to Earth’s yellow sun, the fact that he also has heat vision, super breath that freezes shit and which Zod probably isn’t even aware of yet, the ability to kick Zod in his super nuts… Really, the list goes on and there’s no reason for this shit to drag on.
Diana threatens to kill Faora, and so the two call it quits and part ways as unlikely friends promise to kill each other at a later date, sometime more convenient for them all, Faora will call Diana and she’ll pencil her in for next month’s issue, etc.
So, in order to prolong this story, we have to let them go. Because you couldn’t just agree to let each partner go and then keep fighting right then and there. Or, it’s not like everybody there except for Clark comes from a military background and so was trained in ways which include how to deal with casualties or anything.
Now, the thing about this issue is that I didn’t really mind it. It was an alright read. However, that’s because they weren’t really together in this issue. They fought together. Hey, that’s great! I actually really like it when Superman and Wonder Woman team up! It’s the bee’s knees! BUT, I still do not like them together!
I just don’t see it. And this issue did nothing to alleviate my feelings of… “Ugh” for this pairing.
Come back next month, for more on this couple with next issue’s review.
In the meantime, for more on why none of the Fangirls are really here for this couple, along with several others, be sure to check out our podcast!
Or, as I like to call it, “Keeping Up with the Olympians!”
Opening up on Olympus, Apollo is still trying to extract a vow of allegiance out of the First Born via super crazy awesome torture practices. Apollo is… whipping FB. Which, let’s be real, if kind of a huge step backwards from, say, feasting on his organs as he’s strapped to a dinner table.
Naturally, his chains begin to crack at the coupling… Because it’s not like shit was made by, I dunno, Hephaestus or anything. Pshaw.
Diana is on Themyscira with Hermes, talking in very disjointed syntax about how she’s failed to protect doesn’t even trust her… So… I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about. Is it Zola? Because I thought that bitch trusted her. Her Mom? Since she’s sitting there, turned to stone in kind of a begging position, SUPER unbecoming of Hippolyta. She’d be more like, “Come at me, bro,” frozen in stone, standing tall, one hand beckoning her attacker forward, the other giving a “Na!” (<- The Greek equivalent of a middle finger.) But I guess I’ll never know because, y’know, bad writing.
Now… Okay, so hold on. I want to talk really quickly about the title of this issue. “The Unsettling Son.” Really, guys? Really? REALLY. Let’s take “Setting Sun” and make it “Unsetting” instead for no reason. Then let’s make “Sun” into “Son” because, y’know, the First Born. Then let’s make “Unsetting” into “Unsettling” because the First Born is a creepster, but now it’s a hugely mangled pun that’s terrible, but we still think we’re clever as all fuck, don’t we? Because that would be the motto of the New 52. “We’re completely unaware of our poor writing. In fact, we’re super proud of ourselves.” In fact, fellow Fangirl Kizerrezik pointed out to me that a whole shit-ton of their books have “DC Comics Proudly Presents” at the top of the title pages. Like they’re trying to convince themselves…
HO-kay. Now. Back to the actual contents of the issue.
Hermes assures Diana that they’ll find baby Zeke, and she reminds him that they’re looking for Zola, too. They zap back on over to Diana’s flat in London, where Hera is sitting on the floor in a corner of the living room that’s been conspicuously left empty… for Drama.
Hera tells them that she’s afraid to leave, afraid of being alone, afraid to die, and that she doesn’t know who to pray to. Diana picks her up and tells her to pray to the only person she can count on to actually help her; herself. Hera doubts herself and Diana realises that they’re going to need some help…
Cut to Provence, where Zola is déjeuner-ing with Dio. Zola is more than open to learning to live with the finer things, and Dio welcomes some guests after remarking that she reminds him of someone.
They’re going to go hunting for truffles. Or is that “truffles?” I dunno.
Somewhere over the Alps, Cassandra and her hoverthingy full of goons are still tracking the First Born. <- And I wrote that line before actually reading the page.
Despite her just having said to not go to Provence and that they need to get to Olympus instead, she redirects them towards the south of France when an energy similar to Dionysus’ shows up in London, and then another like it in Provence.
Diana travels to Siberia with a cape on and no pants to combat the cold and ask Snape’s patronus for a boon.
Apparently, this broad is the Moon. And apparently, the Moon is an excellent hunter. And, I guess, Strife made it so that the gods can’t find baby Zeke.
And then this shit happens.
Diana is beaten by the Moon bear. She submits, despite the Moon telling her that she must agree to a wish of the Moon’s which she will only know when the Moon decides to tell her…
Back on Olympus, Apollo is now using all of his glowy sun powers to give the First Born a helluva shvitz, pouring out water right in front of his face and being a huge dickbag even as he monologues on just how much it pains him to do this to his brother, blah, blah, blah, and how if he just swears allegiance, this shit will all be over with and they can play catch and bake cupcakes and shit. But then…
Now, back in the south of France for the last scene, where Dio’s guests are too hot on their truffle hunt and are drunk and starting to strip.
And then THIS happens.
Zola, thank goodness, has the presence of mind to bolt (because, really, wouldn’t you?). Dio, however, almost seems shocked that she’d just up and ditch him. I mean, it’s not like she knew any of these people who’ve just been painfully and graphically transformed into pigs! And, actually, Dio looks more than a little concerned for her.
But she bolts anyways and comes out of the brush just in time to see Cassandra’s hoverthingy landing and her disembarking with her secret weapon…
An S&M MINOTAUR!!!
(Who needs a wax.)
I feel like I should mention… I’m actually of Greek heritage. I know my mythology. And, in the case of this comic, and specifically in trying to enjoy this comic… That’s not necessarily a good thing. So, this whole thing with the Greek gods playing a major role in Wonder Woman’s story, and her being just another bastard child of Zeus… I’m very much mixed about it. On the one hand, it’s cool to see her heritage and the wealth of mythology being used. On the other, like, five hands, though, we have a Wonder Woman whose origin has been rewritten to make her fundamentally less feminist by virtue of her creation now being dependent on a man, misrepresentations of numerous ancient Greek dieties, shit that don’t make no sense with respect to their characters, the fact that they roam the earth but are either completely ineffectual or invisible or some shit, the fact that it’s getting old, and then… Shit. I forget what the fifth thing was. But, really. I’m just not feeling it.
I love Cliff Chang’s artwork. It’s very clean and very cool. You can always tell every character apart perfectly, and, yeah, they are all designed significantly different, fine. But Diana is drawn like… Like a real person! She’s not a stick-thin bitch. She’s not super bulky. She’s thick. Athletic. Realistic.
And I appreciate that.
Brian Azzarello’s writing, though… I liked him better on Batman.
Bring back Gail Simone!
Or at least someone who writes Diana better. Hell, Peter David does excellent writing for strong women, and he’s always working in weird mystic shit into his story arcs. Let’s fix that broken bridge!
And let’s wrap this shit up already. I don’t think that this is a good enough story to have been following Zola since the first fucking issue. Or, go back and do something more with that whole “Wonder Woman is now the goddess of War” thing. That could actually be interesting!
I guess I should be happy that she’s not handled as poorly as she is in Superman/Wonder Woman.
I don’t want to have to review this comic anymore!
So, we open where we left off last issue, with Clark having all of the insecurities about his relationship with Dianna finally being out in the open. Dianna is being kind of super not compassionate, which is way the fuck out of character for her, and even from her own book. Like, I’m not trying to reconcile this Dianna with pre-New 52 Dianna but the Dianna as she appears in the current run of Wonder Woman.
She’s got ZERO expression on her face. Her words seem to be trying to goad Clark into leaving his secret identity, his civilian life behind. She’s being a crap girlfriend right now, for realsies. It’s making me hate New 52 Wonder Woman all the more. I mean, who is writing this? Who is responsible for this?!
Back in the zoo area of the Fortress of Solitude, Zod can apparently escape at will and is going through Clark’s files and all of his cable channels.
He slips back into his dome in time for Clark to come and ask him a bunch of stupid questions about Doomsday and for Zod to rib him about his lady and tease him about his accent. Zod makes up some bullshit to make himself seem even more reasonable and compassionate.
Clark blindly follows Zod’s instructions and codes a lens to the Phantom Zone projector or whatever pseudo-science they’re trying to do here, and Zod proceeds to fuck shit up by exploiting Clark’s ignorance of his culture and Zod’s own inexplicable knowledge of the intricacies of shipping containers and processing (because he’s MILITARY), and frees all of Superman’s pets.
While they’re fighting, Wonder Woman’s monologuing off camera, talking about their similarities and their differences and talking like a person who doesn’t know how to talk like a person, another significant deviation from her life in her own series where she is, at least, kind of a person.
And, of course, the thing that Zod is so desperate to bring back out of the Phantom Zone?
Now. The comic, by rights, should be over right here. The bottom of the above panel has the tagline for the next issue. But, in an apparent effort to further convince me (as though the effort were necessary and the furthering of my dismay possible) that I’m right in my opinion with (lack-of) respect to this series, they add in more plot stuff AS AN AFTER THOUGHT.
Clark meets up with Cat Grant and her beau to revel in the success of their website since breaking the story of Superman and Wonder Woman being boinking buddies.
Cat;s boyfriend Aaron is working on a device which allows anyone to instantly learn anything, in an effort to keep up with the supers.
In a Hypermax Detention facility in Utah, Lex Luthor learns of the relationship and I see no reason for him to have burn scars on his face.
In Gotham, Batman is the best wingman ever and fucks up some Times Square-esque TVs so that people aren’t just fucking gawking at his friends’ lives.
In London, Dianna visits Hessia (CHANGE HER NAME DC, I ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS LAST ISSUE!) at her *snort* little kids’ martial arts class, so she can cavort about with her friend and smash up a room full of robots, like everybody has, and blow off some steam.
Hessia (HEAVY SIGH) says that she should be happy that he’s more open, like Dianna wanted. Dianna gives her the stink-eye, and Hessia ( 😡 ) tells her that she can’t control everything, sarcastically calling her “little princess.” Dianna then says that she should go back to Themyscira… Which is kind of like saying, ” A HA, I can control the SHIT out of things THERE!”
Back at the celebration a la Cat Grant, Clark asks why the flash drive was sent to them, who would have sent it, all of the actually rational questions, and she gives absolutely ZERO fucks. Frankly, I don’t know who to root for here. Because I hate EVERYONE.
So… I really hate this title. It’s a hodgepodge of stupid storylines, bad writing, poor characterization, and irrationality altogether. I still do not see any reason for them to be together. At ALL. For goodness’ sake, this past issue actually was printed out of order! I don’t know whether to focus on their relationship woes, the Zod story, or the mystery of who sent Cat Grant the story, and I don’t actually want or care to really delve into any of these storylines. And now they’ve added in a thing with Lex Luthor, and about Clark needing to focus on being Clark, and Dianna taking a trip back home and I just…
I don’t care.
See you next month, I guess.
Because I’m dedicated. And by dedicated, I mean a masochist.
Train-wreck time! This fuckin’ book, I swear…
On the first page, Cat Grant receives a manila envelope with a USB drive inside. Whatever she sees is supposedly “Whoa”-worthy. But that’s all that we’re going to see about that…
Cut to the moon, specifically its dark side, where Superman is supersulking because now he’s too powerful (oh, boo-fucking-hoo) and he can’t let Diana see him like this!
Lucky for him, Bruce is at the Watchtower, comms on and all, ready to bro out with his homie. Batman reassures him, telling him that the reason they’re such best buds is because Clark was raised human, so he’s still that “dumb farmboy,” and that that’s probably why he’s freaking out about his relationship with Diana, since she’s been a super special princess since birth…
Meanwhile, Diana is out shopping with the VERY unfortunately named Hessia (her name means poo in Greek, and they’re fucking AMAZONS AND THEY SHOULD KNOW BETTER. DC YOU OFFICIALLY NEED MY APPROVAL BEFORE DOING THINGS. ALL THINGS). She’s asking for girlfriendy advice on what to get her boyfriend for their first Christmas together. Her friend whose name I refuse to repeat because of ALL of the reasons suggests that the gift needs to be thoughtful, not flashy, and it needs to show him that she knows who is really is.
Bruce alerts Clark of some bidness developing in North Africa (because being specific would be RIDICULOUS), and the Man of Steel is off. We see Zod where he was last issue, covered in blood and surrounded by the mangled bodies of a slew of unfortunate brown people, just caught in his crazy ass way. One of the men is still alive and able to say “Min Fadlak,” which is “Please” or “If you please” in Arabic, so Zod naturally comes to the conclusion that stomping this man’s face into an unrecognizable slurry is the appropriate response.
Zod unreasonably quickly learns to fly and heads for the nearest populated area, only to be intercepted by the Martian Manhunter. J’onn asks if he needs help, and Zod, ever friendly, decides to sock him in the face.
Manhunter isn’t alone, though, and Hawkman, Steve Trevor, and some dude named Vibe are all there for whatever reason. But all of their fighting and all of Zod’s “Rhar” sounds don’t matter, because Diana and Clark show up to restrain Zod anyways. Because it’s THEY’RE book, dammit. The various group members argue over who gets custody of the threat. Dianna claims him as her prisoner since she was able to tie him up with the magic lasso and they end up putting him in Clark’s care because Superman doesn’t trust Earth, New 52 style… Steve tries to play the ex card, but she tells him it’s nothing personal and the two fly away to the Fortress of Solitude because it’s TOTALLY personal if she’s gonna tell them Zod’s her prisoner and then she’s going to just hand him over to Clark.
During this time, Zod apologizes for his actions, speaking perfect English because I guess they get cable in the Phantom Zone. He also tempts Clark with the fact that he knew Jor-El… So Clark locks him in his menagerie.
Content to leave their captive unsupervised like so many Bond villains before them, Diana and Clark saunter out and she’s just itching to give him his Christmas present early, saying they’re probably not going to have another perfect moment like locking a dude in a glass box.
So, Diana’s idea for a Christmas gift is yuletide sex, but… Shouldn’t that be a given? On holidays and birthdays? Greek bitch is just being cheap about it. But before they can get past a little bit of tongue, they are interrupted by the scourge of Super-Hearing.
This is probably what Cat saw on that first page. She likely uploaded it herself to her clarkcatropolis.com monstrosity of a domain. Why this would stop them mid-make-out doesn’t make any sense to me… It’s like, hey, no crime-stopping? Awesome. But, oh, people know we’re together, so now we should stop even though there’s nothing we can do about it. Actually, why were they even keeping it a secret? Y’know what this reminds me of..?
Although who the fuck would call Wonder Woman a moped is beyond me… Actually, considering how douchey this incarnation of Superman is, he’s probably the one you’d be embarrassed to be seen with. Like, “I know he’s dumb, but he’s so good looking,” and your friends just can’t get past how shallow you are… Meanwhile, Diana’s friend’s advice of “give him a gift that shows you know who he is inside” culminates in her being like, “Sex ’cause you’re a dude end of story.” So, a lot of that lack of depth going around…
Even though I take exception to DC calling Clark and Diana “Our Super-Couple,” (they ain’t MINE) I do love that they’re going to have an unhappy New Years because they’re creating their own White People Problems. Seems about right for them considering how ridiculous they’re being.
This fucking series, I swear to Bob… So, what’s the more imminent threat here? A superpowered escapee from the Phantom Zone, which you know is the place they send the most vile of Kryptonian offenders, or your super celebrity relationship coming out on TMZ? Doing the covers of magazines and shit…
Le sigh. I can’t even with this.
See y’all for a review of their Crappy New Years!
Hello, dear readers, and welcome to “What’s New, 52?” Here I plan to discuss recent comic book releases and news in the DC universe with a focus on female heroes and supporting characters.This week, we start with a review of Wonder Woman #25, then a few bullet reviews, and wrap it up with comic book news and opinion on some of the more recent teasers and previews.
Review: Wonder Woman #25: Entre the Goddess of War
The New 52 incarnation of Wonder Woman is a significant departure from Classic Diana Prince. In her previous origin, Diana of Themiscrya is daughter of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, an immortal race of warrior women living on an Island Paradise, protected by Hera from the world of man. She has no father, instead having been sculpted by her mother out of clay from the island and breathed into live by the queen of the gods. In the New 52, the gods of Olympus are warped, keeping more in touch with the gods of Greek mythology, but Wonder Woman’s origin has been changed to align more with a well known cliche. Diana is now simply another bastard child of Zeus.
But let’s simply gloss over the defeminization of the character by taking a totally independent female character and reworking her origin story to make it dependent on a man (and a womanizing chauvinist of a man at that).
A prophecy had been foretold that one of Zeus’s children would die at the hand of another, and Wonder Woman seems to have been the instrument of this prophecy. Per the events of Wonder Woman #24, Diana is now the Goddess of War, holding a seat on Olympus under the new King of the Gods, a to-date highly duplicitous Apollo.
You see, last issue, Wonder Woman was made to kill Ares, the god of war, and so now, because the transitive properties of “The Santa Clause” apparently work in all aspects of the divine, she is now expected to become him.
The old War is dead, she killed him, and is now the new War. In comics past, she and Ares have always been at odds because, even though the Amazons are a warriour people, they don’t revel in it; they do it out of duty and honour, and often enough just to stop some bad shit from going down. Apollo expects her to sit with them at Olympic board meetings and such so that they can vote on the colour of the paper for the new newsletter or something. She, because her senses of justice and compassion and her respect of the value of life, wants nothing to do with the position of “War.”
Meanwhile, a mortal Hera is sharing as apartment Odd-Couple Style with Zeus’s latest booty (whose name I forget but who named the baby Zeke in case we weren’t sure that she was white trash after we initially meet her soliciting sex at a truck stop).
As Diana tells Apollo off and Apollo coolly tells Diana that she’s got no choice, the traitorous Hermes, who feels bad about what he did but is more visibly hurt by the women’s rejection of him, takes Diana home. The comic closes back on Olympus, where Strife, despite her major c-word attitude this whole time, apparently took it personally and is planning to take Diana da fuck out. Bitch is all over the place.
So, next month, it looks like Strife is going to be battling Wonder Woman for the seat of War on Olympus. Wonder Woman will probably defeat her, because losing would mean death and the series is going to keep going, so… I also don’t see Wonder Woman straight up killing another god, so she’ll probably remain War for a while while Strife pulls back and tries to make her life hell.
I will admit, I am actually a little intrigued by the idea of Wonder Woman, one of DC’s most compassionate characters, having to deal. Will she suddenly start gaining power when people fight amongst themselves? Will she kinda like it? Or will she instill aggression in those around her, even without being conscious of it? Brian Azzarello is a good writer, and hopefully he does the premise justice.
On the other hand, I hope to editor at DC don’t use this as an opportunity to sully yet another one of their most iconic characters, and really the only female character who isn’t just becoming an awful person on the brink. I think she’s going to get a little darker, at least for a little while.
Time will tell.
Alright. A brief summary and my opinion in a paragraph and a picture or less. Remember, this is only for books with strong female protagonists (not too many team books).
Batgirl #24 – Babs’ dad done just shot her boyfriend. She’s understandably upset, but to stop her father from being murdered by a group of super-powered hitmen hired by a crazy heriess, she is forced to put the costume on one more time… Which we, of course, know won’t actually be one more time.
Batwoman #24 – Batman cameo. Lots of classic Batman rogues. Lots of action. I can’t get past Batwoman’s white white skin.
Bird of Prey #24 – Batgirl and some chick I’ve never heard of have to rescue Black Canary and some other characters who don’t really matter… And here I thought that the whole purpose of the reboot was so that every book could line up their timelines properly. Silly me.
Catwoman #24 – WHY ARE PEOPLE PASSING AROUND THE JOKER’S FACE! I still don’t get the reasoning for him having it cut off in the first place, let alone bitches wearing rotting skin pinned to their own faces.
Earth 2 #17 – Lois Lane’s consciousness has been downloaded into a lady-version of the Red Tornado robot. She was dead in this universe, but now she’s a hollow shell of the strong woman she once was, and the man she loves is a brainwashed mass murderer. The New 52 ain’t doin’ my girl Lois right. She’s been resurrected with the sole purpose of talking down the marauding Man of Steel. And then her dad dies in her arms. Hm.
Supergirl #24 – Daddy issues.
Superman/Wonder Woman #1 – Let’s talk about our relationship, intercut with scenes of a really anticlimactic battle/rescue operation. Oh, and even thought you’re going to approach our date with an awkward, boyish charm, I’mma totally pull a sword on you because that’s the basis for a healthy relationship that seems stable and should continue. I can’t even.
World’s Finest #16 – Power Girl’s powers are going haywaire like Karen Starr circa 1997, so recycled ideas = angry Patty. I do like the book, though. I’m just really waiting for something big to happen here. A lot of this comic seems like filler, but I know that next year, they’re actually going to meet Batman and Superman in the most uncomfortable pseudo-family reunion since… Well, any of my family functions.
NEWS OF THE WEEK: Sorry, Supergirl; Red’s Really Not Your Colour
The big news this the past few days for female DC superheroines seems to be that Supergirl is going to be inducted into the ranks of the Red Lanterns.
That’s right. Supergirl is going to barf up acid blood, her shiny red ring is going to cut out her heart, and she’s going to be a Kryptonian powerhouse with unstoppable, irrational rage.
Except… Oh, wait. No, it’s not. It’s just more of the same “gritty” bullshit that DC has homogenized their
Universe UNIVERSES into for the past two years.
The New DCU seems to just me mired in negativity. And, while I realise that heroes are more realistically going to have more bad days than particularly stellar ones, it’s just not something that I want to read. I can see it in the Bat-Books; Barbara Gordon’s personal life and crime-fighting persona taking hit after hit jives with the whole of Gotham City. Gotham is an admittedly terrible place to live and has been so for pretty much all of it’s written history. The criminals are always looking to up the stakes and even the lowliest thug would love the chance to try and take out a member of the Bat Family. That’s established. And that’s going to take a huge toll on a person who’s not as balls out crazy as Bruce Wayne’s night-time alter-ego, so Batgirl’s losing it I can see.
But this isn’t the case with the Super Books. At least, pre New 52, Metropolis was a decent place to live. Clean, high-tech, prone to supervillains, and sporting a neighbourhood called Suicide Slum, sure, but the murder rate is way below that of Gotham. Plus, over it all, Metropolis has their golden boy, the Big Blue Boyscout. His little-cousin-who-is-actually-older-than-him also lives there and is struggling to find her place on this strange new planet and discover the hero within– Except that none of that is true any more, either, is it? Superman’s either a superpowered douchebag (which of course we need in the world) in “Action Comics” or he’s standoffish and dating Wonder Woman for no good reason.
And Superboy is being replaced by his murderer, the biological child of Lois and Clark from an apparently alternate future who happens to be completely batshit crazy and no one is going to know the difference. BeeTeeDubs, Marvel did the same fucking thing a couple of months ago with the “Superiour Spider-Man” title, and I dropped the book after two insufferable issues.
But I digress.
According to Wikipedia, a Red Lantern’s rage is specific to the rage felt after a significant loss. What more, though, can she lose at this point? Is this going to be like The Walking Dead, where every time there’s a new character, I’m going to have to be prepared for them to be killed off unceremoniously? If it turns out that this sense of loss that fuels her transition into a RL is the loss of Krypton, I’m gonna barf. Why is she mired in this? I mean, I understand. She lost her home, her family, she’s an even more petulant version of Katie Kaboom, etc.
But does the editorial staff at DC really think that it’s good writing for your character to be stunted for MONTHS? Oh, no, wait. TWO YEARS! My personal experience with comics is that my favourites have been series which establish a good selection of supporting characters for their protagonists, and when said protagonists display signs of steady growth as a character. Hell, that’s why Spider-Man was such a great success from it’s launch way back into the before time. Peter Parker was the draw! He was a person that the fanboys could se into the life of, that wasn’t this hyper powerful, unattainable figure but rather someone with whom they could relate. The character becomes that much more compelling, and that’s why I’m stalwart in my opinion that Peter David’s Supergirl run from ’96 through ’01 was the best iteration of the character since pre-Crisis Kara moved to Chicago and got an apartment and went to college LIKE A PERSON in the Daring New Adventures of Supergirl (1982-1984).
“But Patty,” you gasp, “Surely this is only a temporary gimmick, anyways! Why are you getting so upset?”
Well, see, I do figure that it’s going to be a temporary situation, what with her having her own series to star in and all. My issue is that Red Lanterns… Are mindless. This either means that the story will be unintelligent, full of mindless destruction and shock for the sake of shock value (whoopee), or it means that someone will be manipulating her and her rampage.
And I’m getting upset because I’m a fangirl. We’re either panicking, swooning, glomping, or raging.
We know that love isn’t the answer (sorry Harry Potter), as feeling love will kill a Red Lantern (because SCIENCE). Also, removal of the Red Lantern ring causes instant death for the (former) wearer, unless there’s a Blue Lantern there to slip a Blue Lantern ring onto their finger first. Are there any really cool Blue Lanterns left? I can’t think of any. And I also doubt that almost anybody would be able to get in close enough to a rage-a-holic Kryptonian with a power ring to slip a second ring daintily on their finger. Even if somebody does turn her into a Blue Lantern, it’s going to be such a hard 180 that I’ll have a hard time buying it, personally. Plus there’s the fact that nobody’s been de-Red-Lantern-ed without at least having some lingering effects from their own incredible toxic and corrosive blood substitute…
So, y’know, assholes with anger issues are always great. Oh! Hey, since we’ve run out of ideas anyways, remember the 90s? Remember how much everybody loved Guy Gardner before they found a way to rationalize his irrationality?
I’m better now.
The point is, I’m going to read it. I’m just worried about having to read through something that’ll make me so mad that I’ll suddenly find myself with a red ring of doom stuck on my ring finger…
Thanks for reading through my ramblings, and be sure to come back mid-December for another installment of “What’s New, 52?” in which we’ll (probably) be focusing on the upcoming release “Harely Quinn” #0.