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The Walking Recap – TWD S5E10 – “Them”

Them. They. They that are them. Those guys.

Wait. Who are we talking about?

Maybe those bastards who produce the show..?

Okay, so I'm still a little bit bitter about last week.

Okay, so I’m still a little bit bitter about last week.

Anywho. Let’s get on with the recap:

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 TWD S5E8 – “Coda”

Mid-Season finale. Let’s just jump right on in.

Notice the photo of Evil Bob and son on the dash? Pretty sure Rick saw it, too. Also pretty sure he doesn't give a fuck.

Notice the photo of Evil Bob and son on the dash? Pretty sure Rick saw it, too. Also pretty sure he doesn’t give a fuck.

Evil Bob is on the run, being hunted by walkers and Rick in a squadcar alike, but not for long as Rick runs the motherfucker down. Evil Bob asks for help as Rick gets out of the car, saying that he thinks his back is broken, like that wasn’t Rick’s idea. Like Rick wasn’t trying to kill him to keep him from escaping and doing who knows what with the knowledge of Rick’s groups whereabouts/plans. Evil Bob asks to be taken back to the hospital, saying that he had done that for one of his, but Rick says you can’t go back. A possible reference to Morgan..? Well, either way, rick puts a bullet in his head, so… Whomp whomp.

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The Walking Dead S5E7 – “Crossed”

We open on Sasha Fierce– a fierce Sasha axing a pew. The others are also taking apart the church, picking parts of the interior apart to fortify the exterior. Rick, Daryl, Sasha, Tyreese, and Noah head off to Atlanta to bring back Carol, leaving Michonne, Carl, Li’l Asskicker, and the Priest to hold down the fort, even as the latter is having a hard time with the shambles of his now blood-splattered church.

"God's gonna be pissed when He sees how they've trashed His place..."

“God’s gonna be pissed when He sees how they’ve trashed His place…”

Probably should’ve gotten that blood out right away if you didn’t want it to soak into he wood, bro…

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The Walking Dead S5E6 – “Consumed”

In this episode, we’re actually going back in time, seeing Carol and Daryl’s adventure chasing after Beth’s kidnappers, and finding out just how Carol ended up in the hospital.

<3

And, actually, the episode starts out even further back, in the moment just after Rick has “banished” her from the prison at the beginning of last season. Solo Carol takes a second to cry, and then seems to just get on with living, finding a safe haven and setting up a living space, until she sees plumes of smoke coming from the direction of the prison. She heads off towards the scene, and we see fire reflected in the windshield.

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“The Walking Dead” Recap S5E5 – “Self-Help”

It’s the Doctor Mullet show!

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Good golly, I never thought I’d miss Beth.

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TWD S5E4 – “Slabtown” Recap

Well, we haven’t seen Beth for a while, so I suppose it’s only fair that we get a Beth-heavy episode in repayment.

It's the Beth show! All Beth, every Beth! Starring... Beth!

It’s the Beth show! All Beth, every Beth! Starring… Beth!

The episode opens with her waking up in a sparse room at Grady Memorial Hospital, quickly getting up to look out over Atlanta, being confronted by a police officer and a doctor, who both look very well put together for everything that everyone ELSE we’ve seen has been through. They tell her that they found Beth at the side of the road, alone, and that, had they not brought her in, she’d be a “rotter” right now… So she “owes” them.

The doctor takes her on a little tour of the patients, flatlining a guy who he says has shown no sign of improvement. He flips off the man’s equipment and stabs him in the head once he’s flatlined, and she accompanies him to their body-disposal system, which looks like just dumping them down an elevator shaft.

Beth goes to get the doctor a meal, and is asked by a man if she remembers him. She says that she was fighting a walker and then everything went black. “One was high on your thighs but I got there first.” Ugh. Enter creepy officer Gorman.

The doctor’s office is peaceful if a little cluttered, and he’s living the good life eating guinea pig and listening to music and admiring a painting he saved from the garbage. Beth comments on the record, saying that she still sings…

Because of course she does.

So. Much. BETH.

So. Much. BETH.

Later, the pseudo-police bring in a man who has fallen from a balcony while fighting off a walker, and they force the doctor to work on him, despite his warnings that this guy isn’t going to make it and it would be a tremendous waste of resources. The woman who brought the patient in doesn’t take the news well, turning to slap Beth so hard that it reopens the stitches on her cheek.

Because the mark of a hero is always taking your anger out, physically, on a smaller person who is recovering from various injuries.

Gorman and the first cop we see (Dawn) drag in a woman (Joan) they’d earlier said was missing, holding her down as they saw her arm off because he’s been bit. They force Beth to help.

We have battery packs and generators for all manner of equipment, but no fucking saws, guys.

We have battery packs and generators for all manner of equipment, but no fucking saws, guys.

Beth goes to get new scrubs and meets Noah, who tells her that he’s pretty sure that there’s no getting out of this place. He’s planning to get out of there, though, and go back to his walled home in Richmond, especially after the people in the hospital left his father to die.

So far, he's doing much better than that other kid from "Everybody Hates Chris," though.

So far, he’s doing much better than that other kid from “Everybody Hates Chris,” though.

Beth tells Dawn that she’s not planning on staying long, and Dawn very sweetly informs her that things aren’t bad where they are. That they’re doing good. Dawn is dedicated to keeping things going, and that they’ll be rescued someday. But until then, “If we take, we give back; it’s only fair.”

Thank you, comrade Dawn.

As Joan recovers from her hasty amputation, Beth mops and hums a little tune. Joan speaks to her very cryptically, giving Beth more reason to worry about being where she is. Like she needed more reason.

Then, back in her room, she looks for the lollipop that Noah snuck her only to find that Gorman has stolen it. He sucks on it a bit before forcing Beth to do the same, but his creepster tendencies are interrupted by the doctor.

Ew. You had garlic for lunch, didn't you?

Ew. You had garlic for lunch, didn’t you?

Gorman tries to intimidate him, but the doctor tells him that, someday, Gorman will need someone to help him once he gets sick or hurt or bit. Beth asks the doctor why he stays, and instead he takes her to the ground floor of the hospital, where walkers swarm on the other side of a gate. The doctor tells her that this is his reminder of why he stays whenever he thinks about leaving.

Dawn is hoping to save the human race here, with barely a better security system than a GameStop in a shopping mall..?

Dawn is hoping to save the human race here, with barely a better security system than a GameStop in a shopping mall..?

Then, on the roof, he tells her about when it started, how the had evacuated the hospital only for ever patient to be turned pretty readily. With pretty much only him and Dawn left, they had to get to a deal, wherein they’d use resources to help survivors recover, and the survivors would then work their debt off. Beth isn’t so convinced, but the doctor seems to really think that what they’ve got there, flawed as it may be, is still better than “out there.” He tells her to give a patient his medicine and call it a day…

But, when she does, the man has a seizure and dies. Dawn questions her about it, but Noah takes the fall, claiming to have unplugged the respirator while mopping. The doctor gave her the wrong drug name, and she tells him that, but he denies it pretty impassively, even as Dawn beats Noah in punishment. She also confronts Beth about it anyways, as she knew it was a lie. She tells Beth that everything is done or the greater good there. She says that Beth would either be dead or a burden outside of the hospital, citing her wrist scar as proof that Beth’s simply not meant for this world.

They're just a group of survivors trying to band together to make a go of it.

They’re just a group of survivors trying to band together to make a go of it.

Later, tending to Noah’s black eye, she tells him that she wants to escape with him. She steals an ID badge from a filing cabinet and a key from a locked desk drawer, and comes across Joan’s body, looking like she’s taken her own life, just as Gorman comes in. He tries to force her into having sex with him, but Beth’s virtue is saved by walker Joan biting a chunk of his throat out.

Hooray..? I mean, yeah, hooray, but… Blech.

On her way out, Beth tells Dawn that Gorman was looking for her in her office. Dawn thanks her, and we hear the sounds of screaming and moaning as she and Noah make a break for it dow the elevator shaft. Armed with Groan’s gun, a flashlight, and having used seven round of ammo before they rush out into the daylight. As Noah struggles to keep up with her, limping along, she is left to fend off the walkers herself… Using what looks like way more bullets than she should still have…

Because a few of the cops from within the hospital have arrived outside, firing into the group, and tackle her to the ground as Noah squeezes through the fence. There’s a moment’s hesitation on his face, but she smiles as he hobbles away.

Dawn confronts her back inside, and Beth tells her that Groman attacked her, and Joan, and that Dawn herself has let it happen. Dawn tells her that she’s trying to keep her officers happy so that they do a good job. Beth tells her that nobody’s coming… And Dawn doesn’t take it well, walloping Beth in the face. As the doctor looks her over, Beth accuses him of purposefully telling her to give the man from earlier the wrong medicine. He knew the man was a doctor, even knew him professionally, and that would have jeopardized his position in the hospital, since he’s the only doctor and he’s got t pretty good in there.

Beth… Well, apparently she gives zero fucks anymore. because she’s got something sharp in her hand and murder in her eyes as she comes up to the doctor. He’s saved by the arrival of a new persona on a gurney… A familiar face…

Carol!

Ah! Ah, no, not Carol! how did anyone even take her out? What, did they bazooka her int he face? Because we all know that nothing can actually kill Carol…

Seriously, after all the shit she's done, all that she's survived, the fucking fortresses she's stormed solo, WHAT could have taken her out?

Seriously, after all the shit she’s done, all that she’s survived, the fucking fortresses she’s stormed solo, WHAT could have taken her out?

Sigh…

Well, I guess it’s going to turn out to be Noah that Daryl dragged into the church at the end of last week’s episode…

Or maybe Morgan!

Here’s hoping for a baller reveal and, if we get another Beth episode before that, that there’s at least one full-blown musical number, complete with back-up dancing walkers.

Until then, this actually wasn’t a bad episode, and I do appreciate that, while it almost seems like the producers don’t know what to do with Beth (and haven’t for, like, two seasons), that doesn’t mean that they’re just going to kill her off because it’s easier. The last moment, when she finally grows a pair of lady-balls, made me actually respect her character a little bit more. Like, “Oh, there’s a reason she’s still on this show. Good for her.”

But, until next week, when it looks like we’ll be catching up with Ford, his lady-friend, that girl whose name I keep forgetting, Dr. Mullet, and (panic!) Glenn and Maggie. Fingers crossed that Dr. Mullet isn’t too much longer for their world!

 

 

TWD S5E3 – “Four Walls and a Roof”

Hoo-boy. These cannibals are spry, man.

 Rick eye-fucks the camera better...

Rick eye-fucks the camera better…

Must be something they’re eating…

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“The Walking Dead” Season 5 Review – “NO Sanctuary”

No time for pleasantries. No sanctuary, after all.

 

Blarg.

Blarg.

We catch up with a few members of “The Gang” being brought into the killing floor of the Terminus slaughterhouse. The place is super clean and looks very efficient, but an uninteresting-in-that-specific-fact Bob, Rick, Darryl, and Glenn are pushed to kneel over a trough with a drain, alongside four nameless extras (although we have seen one of them in the episode where Rick kicks Carol out of the group) who you just know aren’t going to make it.

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The Walking Recap – “TWD” S4E16 “A” (Season Finale)

The finale! The season finale! The one were everybody dies!

Maybe.

Oh, the anticipation.

So, rather than allow myself to spiral into despair before I even know anything, let’s take a look at what happened last night.

Alright, so this episode jumps around a lot in time, especially in the beginning, so let’s all try and keep track, okay?

The episode opens on a flashback. The gang is all at the prison, welcoming back Glenn, Maggie, and others from a supply run. Herschel (*SOB* HERSCHEL!) greets his eldest daughter with open arms and there are smiles all around.

You can't even see my face, but believe me, I'm distraught.

You can’t even see my face, but believe me, I’m distraught.

 

It’s a touching moment, even as prison folk are using crowbars and knives and sharpened sticks to kill the walkers at the gates. It serves to remind us of everything our heroes once had… Y’know, to really make those losses hit home.

Cut the the present, where we see Rick, alone, hands shaking, face drenched in blood.

It's where the flavour is.

It’s where the flavour is.

 

Kind of reminds me of Rapunzel.

https://i1.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll5631jZZ31qbdns9o1_1280.png

Good sir, that’s a lot of blood!

So, some shit has clearly gone down since we last saw him, smiling at the antics of Carl and Michonne.

Awesome.

The group is pretty much starving, having had very little to eat, even as Ranger Rick give us a nature lesson, and teaches all of us how to create a snare.

Like a little nod to the fans. "Pay attention. You're gonna need this when the ZA really happens."

Like a little nod to the fans. “Pay attention. You’re gonna need this when the ZA really happens.”

 

They caught a rabbit, but it’s a teensy weensy one, barely enough to feed one person, let alone the three of them. Suddenly, though, a man’s cry for help in a nearby clearing send Carl running to his rescue, because nobody has taught Carl to stay put EVER.

Anywho, it hardly matters as this poor MoFo is already outnumbered by a huge margin, and his shouting has attracted more walkers, and, more importantly, although Carl is already taking aim to help the dude out, Rick won’t let him, leaving the man to be eaten alive, face first and everything, so that they can mosey along down the tracks, slicing stray walkers to bits along the way.

Although, from this angle, doesn't it totally look like the guy has ample room to run?

Although, from this angle, doesn’t it totally look like the guy has ample room to run?

 

Cue another flashback. Herschel wakes Rick to give him a lesson, once that he won’t need his gun for, and one that will help him chill the fuck out.

But it does come with rising at dawn. Kind of a dealbreaker.

But it does come with rising at dawn. Kind of a dealbreaker.

 

Flash forward, and we see Carl sleeping in a broken down truck and Rick and Michonne having a campfire chat.

Damn lack of s'mores.

Damn lack of s’mores.

 

But the moment is ruined when Joe’s gang of bandits finally catches up to them.

Daryl shows himself, telling Joe that these are people he knows. That Rick is a good man.

Joe views that as a lie.

And we all know how Joe feels about liars.

And we all know how Joe feels about liars.

 

But the real problem here, even as Rick and Michonne are being held at gunpoint and the other gang members aim to beat our favourite redneck to death?

Well, the real problem is this guy.

Rule #1 of the ZA was from a couple episodes ago: Kill the sociopaths first. The new Rule #1? Kill the pedophiles. And that's not just a rule for the ZA.

Rule #1 of the ZA was from a couple episodes ago: Kill the sociopaths first. The new Rule #1? Kill the pedophiles. And that’s not just a rule for the ZA.

 

This… Does not sit well with Rick. He headbutts Joe and the two scuffle, Michonne and Daryl fednign off their respective attackers, as Carl desperately tries to escape this… Ugh.

It is a tremendous performance by Chandler Riggs, though. Probably the best he’s ever done. He’s terrified and desperate, and later, scared again.

Rick, with no weapons and having just gone off the deep end, finishes Joe off by ripping out his throat with his bare teeth.

According to actor Andrew Lincoln, they achieved this by using raw chicken. But you know what's not worth it? Salmonella.

According to actor Andrew Lincoln, they achieved this by using raw chicken. But you know what’s not worth it? Salmonella.

 

And then he finishes the pedophile off himself, gutting the man with his own knife, cutting him from stomach to sternum.

And making parents everywhere proud.

And making parents everywhere proud.

Meanwhile, Michonne, because she’s the best, holds Carl close, both to comfort him and to shield him from what his father is doing.

She's covering his ears and everything! But Carl still sees what happens because Rick stabs this guy for a solid minute before it cuts to commercial.

She’s covering his ears and everything! But Carl still sees what happens because Rick stabs this guy for a solid minute before it cuts to commercial.

 

Now, we’ve caught up to that shot in the stinger, before the credits, where Rick sits against the car.Daryl joins him and the two share “I love you, man”‘s as Rick cleans himself up a bit.

"But soft, what light from yonder window breaks..?"

“But soft, what light from yonder window breaks..?”

Inside, Michonne tends to Carl, who hears everything his dad says.

Carl is shaken, but the point is that Rick will do anything to keep Carl safe.

Which, yeah, I think we've seen by now.

Which, yeah, I think we’ve seen by now.

They approach Terminus but, rather than head on through the front gate, they creep in through the woods to stake the place out before they make their move. We get a nice moment where Michonne reminds Carl that they’ve all done things, citing her loss of her child and letting her boyfriend and friend turn as her example. But Carl doesn’t have to be afraid of them.

Before hopping the fence, though, Rick buries their weapons cache, even checking his usual ginormous revolver for a semiautomatic something-or-another.A father has to keep his baby safe after all.

As a FB friend said, "Chekov's duffel bag."

As a FB friend said, “Chekov’s duffel bag.”

 

Once in the train yard, they come across a building with a woman narrating a script about the awesomeness of Terminus into a small radio broadcasting set-up, and a small group of people who are apparently making more signs to put up all around the everywhere.

Behold, the TWD props department.

Behold, the TWD props department.

 

So, Tasha Yar isn’t alone.

The group is greeted by a dude named… I forgot his name. But it was something old-world-y and unusual. The point is, weird name guy and his friend jovially tell them that their plan to scope the place out without being seen was a smart one, and he talks them into a quick search.

Motherfucker is way too smiley.

Motherfucker is way too smiley.

 

The Termites (yes, that’s what I’m calling them) take the group to go and grab a bite at Tasha Yar’s Neverending Barbecue (trademarked), only for things to… Uh… Devolve.

I guess not everybody likes a vinegar based barbecue sauce.

I guess not everybody likes a vinegar based barbecue sauce.

 

See, the problem is that Rick is a pretty observant guy. He sees a woman wearing a very familiar poncho. A man just lounging about in riot gear for some reason. And the smiley guy is sporting a pocket watch with tremendous sentimental value.

The other problem? They’re way the fuck outnumbered in Terminus.

After another commercial break, we get yet another flashback, this time showing a moment where, while poor, ill-fated Patrick plays with the world’s last Lego set, undeterred by the recommended age, Carl is more interested in taking apart his gun, cleaning it, putting it back together. Learning his weapon’s ins and outs.

Legit.

Legit.

 

Rick tells him to set his gun down and that he needs his help. And it’s the birth of farmer Rick.

Meanwhile, this Rick is a pretty far cry from that Rick.

A shootout and a chase seen ensue, with rooftop snipers doing the brunt of the shooting. If you watch closely, you will either come to the conclusion that the Termites are the worst shots ever, or Rick and the gang are being herded.

Y'know. Like cattle.

Y’know. Like cattle.

 

And we get our first glimpse into the source of the episode’s title.

"A."

“A.”

 

And here I was hoping it was a “Happy Days” reference.

https://i0.wp.com/static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2010/1/6/1262780885770/Henry-Winkler-as-The-Fonz-001.jpg

 

Anywho, as they run through an area riddled with bullet holes, meaning this isn’t the first time the Termites have pulled this shit, Rick spots a pretty impressive pile of human bones, picked clean.

The group runs into a building with an open door, and inside are hundreds of lit candles and writing on the walls. “Never again. Never trust. We first always.”

Which, yes, is creepy and spooky, but it's mostly amazing because that's a lot of candles to just keep lit in an empty room and how the hell are they getting so many on supply runs anyways?!

Which, yes, is creepy and spooky, but it’s mostly amazing because that’s a lot of candles to just keep lit in an empty room and how the hell are they getting so many on supply runs anyways?!

 

But, my take on this is that they tried to be a haven, but somebody or some group betrayed them. So now, they are the betrayers, and they use their subterfuge to lure potential would-be betrayers into their trap and use them as a food source before they can event contemplate stealing supplies or murdering the Termites.

And the floor is covered in names, like a memorial.

And the floor is covered in names, like a memorial.

Or maybe I’m reading too much into this.

They’re rushed out into an open area, where they are quite thoroughly surrounded by at least a dozen Termites with machine guns.

 

twds4e16-29

Also interesting, just before getting to this point, they hear banging and people begging for help.

And guy whose name I can’t remember tells them to throw down their weapons and entre a nearby train car, or they’ll kill Carl.

The procession is drawn out, but the group, including Carl bringing up the rear, march into the car, labeled “A.”

There's that "A" again.

There’s that “A” again.

But guess who else is inside?

That’s right. EVERYBODY.

Everybody survived!

Hooray!

Hooray!

…Actually, it’s almost a let down. I mean, I love the cast to bits, but having everyone still pretty much accounted for (sorry Beth) takes away from anyone-could-go-at-any-moment charm of this show.

But it doesn’t matter what I think. It also doesn’t matter that they’re all trapped in a steel box with heavily armed cannibals just outside.

Because we get another flashback.

Whoop, there's Beth.

Whoop, there’s Beth.

 

Herschel tells Rick that it can be like this all the time. The kids are laughing. They’ve got food and safety. Rick tells him that it being like this now is enough.

And back in the present, in that probably foul-smelling train car that I’m sure is hot as balls in the Georgia heat, Rick tells them that the Termites are going to feel “pretty stupid” (meaning “pretty dead”) when they find out that “They’re screwing with the wrong people.”

And eye fucks the camera again.

And eye fucks the camera again.

And that’s the end of the season.

*Folds hands primly *

Wait.

WHAT?!

That’s how it ends? That’s how it ends! You spend half a season building up to Terminus, taking your own, sweet-ass time, killing more minors than walkers in the process, and you leave an entire season on a cliffhanger?!

Mother fucker.

Okay.

Well, I guess we’ll see what happens in 7 months.

(Good Lord, seven months?)

Alright! But we can still point out a couple of things.

There is a duffel bag in the woods that is full of all of the weapons.

Carol, who we know will do straight up anything for these people and not feel a lick of remorse about it, is still out there, along with Tyreese and Li’l Asskicker, who may end up being a valuable asset, since hopefully these people wouldn’t want to kill a baby, at least.

I'm hoping for this, guys. I really am.

I’m hoping for this, guys. I really am.

Also, let’s not forget Beth.

Oh, how could I ever forget Beth?

Well, she’s still out there and, despite the Interwebs claiming that Tasha Yar is wearing Beth’s sweater, I’m not convinced, and not only because they’re several sizes apart. She was abducted in a car, from outside of a funeral home that someone had been holing up in. The only cars we’ve seen at Terminus have been the burnt out, shot up ones. And why would a Termite be living in a funeral home outside of the supposed sanctuary, preparing bodies for burial rather than consumption.

Ooh. Maybe the culprit was a Terminus escapee! That would tie the storylines together neatly.

Or maybe Beth is going to find herself in the TWD spin-off the producers are planning. Because she’s the most interesting and essential character in the series. And a second group of survivors in Georgia as opposed to a completely different locale with all of it’s new dangers and possible safe zones would never be seen as redundant.

Okay, so maybe not.

The point is, everybody’s still either alive or at least not certainly dead (I’m looking at you, Beth!) since last episode. And we still have a man, a woman, a girl, and a baby out there, three of whom we know are still headed straight to Terminus.

My money’s on Judith.

Until next season!

 

 

The Walking Recap – S4E14 “The Grove”

You guys… I don’t even want to do this one. I’m so depressed…

Well, prepare to have your whole fucking day ruined.

The episode’s stinger, before the credits, is a shot through a window, as a teakettle steams and whistles, of a girl laughingly running circles around a walker as it, y’know, tries to eat her.

Three guesses who this girl is.

Three guesses who this girl is.

 

After the credits, we see Carol and the devil Lizzie sitting on a log and musing on what it might be like at Terminus, whether it’ll be safe, if they’ll have food, if there will be other children there… How long until they get there. The moment is sweet. Hopeful. You actually kind of feel for Lizzie for the first time in… Ever. You want her to be around kids her age because, heck, maybe it’ll help her not be a crazy person for a while.

Then, Tyreese wakes from a fevered nightmare and it kind of kills the moment.

The next morning, after finding some maple syrup to put on Tyreese’s wound but not to eat, apparently, they discuss the girls. Lizzie is way too tough when it comes to people, but she doesn’t see walkers as a threat; rather, they’re victims. They’re different. Mika, meanwhile, “doesn’t have a mean bone in her body,” according to Carol.

Which is also how she described her daughter. *SOB*

Which is also how she described her daughter. *SOB*

 

Later, as they walk further down the tracks and discuss Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, they smell a fire off in the distance, but are unable to see it anywhere. The group splits up so that Tyreese, Lizzie, and Li’l Asskicker can rest while Carol takes Mika aside to look for food, but also to give her a little pep talk about how she’s got to toughen up. Mika says that she would never be able to kill a person. She’ll kill walkers if she has to, if she can, but she’s good at running and that’s what she plans to do. Carol tells her that Sophia ran, and that it wasn’t enough for her.

Fuck you, foreshadowing.

Fuck you, foreshadowing.

 

Meanwhile, Tyreese leaves Lizzie with the baby (WHICH THEY NEED TO STOP DOING) to go and kill a walker along the tracks, but he leaves it alone when it falls, its leg caught between slats of wood, and Lizzie asks him to spare it.

Which they ALSO need to stop doing. Stop leaving singular walkers alive-ish to literally bite you in the ass later, and stop catering to the crazy girl.

Which they ALSO need to stop doing. Stop leaving singular walkers alive-ish to literally bite you in the ass later, and stop catering to the crazy girl.

 

Back with Carol, Mika, who is the sweetest little girl in the world and DAMN IT I hate the writers of this show more than I ever have in this moment, tells her that everything is alright, brightly saying that her mom always said that everything works out the way that it’s supposed to. And then she spots a house where they can rest, smiling because she feels like her point has been proven.

PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC WHY DO I KEEP WATCHING THESE SHOWS THAT KILL ME INSIDE?!

PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC WHY DO I KEEP WATCHING THESE SHOWS THAT KILL ME INSIDE?!

 

The girls are told to wait outside, unsupervised because nobody is able to commit past mistakes to their long-term memory in this universe, and Lizzie starts to panic. Mika thinks that it’s because they see a grave marked with a cross and a pair of kids’ shoes, but her older sister starts going on about how Carol and Tyreese will find a walker inside and they’re going to kill it. Mika shouts at her that she needs to stop that shit, that they’re not people, and Lizzie tells her with an eerie calm that she’s wrong.

"You're all wrong."

“You’re all wrong.”

 

Their shouting match calls the attention of a walker that was in the house, but at the end opposite where Carol and Tyreese went in. Mika takes it out with three shots as Judith cries and Lizzie screams. Not out of fear for herself or the baby, as the characters think, though.

SPOILER ALERT: IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A CRAZY LITTLE BITCH.

SPOILER ALERT: IT’S BECAUSE SHE’S A CRAZY LITTLE BITCH.

 

Mika apologizes for yelling at her, and helps coach her sister back to “normal” by looking at some flowers and counting calmly. So, clearly, Lizzie’s been a psycho since the beginning, and I really feel like their dad should have disclosed that shit from the beginning.

"Like, no, seriously, guys, you might want to duct tape some mittens onto that girl. Also, no sharp objects. Or exposure to walkers. Or small animals. Or large animals. Or people. Or sunshine. Y'know what? Just lock her in a cell with a bunch of jigsaw puzzles and stuffed animals for her to put together wrong and to eviscerate, respectively."

“Like, no, seriously, guys, you might want to duct tape some mittens onto that girl. Also, no sharp objects. Or exposure to walkers. Or small animals. Or large animals. Or people. Or sunshine. Y’know what? Just lock her in a cell with a bunch of jigsaw puzzles and stuffed animals for her to put together wrong and to eviscerate, respectively.”

 

Once inside, they’ve got a roaring fire, fresh water from a private well on the property, plenty of pecans and peaches, they’ve spotted deer, they’re playing with puzzles, and Mika has found a doll which she’s named Brizelda Gunderson. Tyreese is in disbelief of how good they have it and, once again, a member of the group suggests staying. This time it’s Mika, and she’s little, so it’s understandable.

But also, she's trying to kill me with how wonderful she is.

But also, she’s trying to kill me with how wonderful she is.

But, the adults in the situation, for some reason, immediatelyt relax. In front of large windows. In a wood frame house. Like they’ve never been in that situation before. Like this isn’t the exact same scenario they were in when Carol finally found her daughter, zombified in a barn, and then that house was swept away by a massive hoarde of walkers.

Yeah. Like none of that happened.

Because, again, whatever’s got all of them carrying to walker virus or whatever it is also seems to have affected their sense of consequences and their ability to learn from mistakes made repeatedly in the past.

The next day, as Carol puts on a pot of water to make tea on this stove which inexplicably still has gas, we catch up to that initial image of a girl playing with a walker. Carol sees Lizzie outside, letting the walker get closer and closer, and rushes out, stabbing it in the head.

Lizzie loses it. She tells her that she was just playing with her. The walker wanted a friend. Lizzie would have led her away from the house.

Carol tells her that she could have died. Because of course.

Lizzie tells her that it’s the same thing. That she killed her. And… Wait for it… “WHAT IF I KILLED YOU?! WHAT IF I KILLED YOU?!”

Um........ Really, y'all? All these red flags and you're gonna let them keep waving?

Um…….. Really, y’all? All these red flags and you’re gonna let them keep waving?

 

SIGH.

The next day, Carol takes Mika out for a walk again. She tells her that she needs to learn to defend herself, and that even though Lizzie is bigger and stronger, Mika is smarter. The little girl even is able to tell Carol that that fire they smelled is still burning, because the smoke is still black; it would be white if it were finally out. BUT, Mika doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She really, really doesn’t. Because she’s the sweetest character they’ve ever had on this show, and she can’t bring herself to shoot the deer, and she smiles despite that because, hey, at least they have peaches, and I love her, and damn it, that’s never a good thing on this show.

FEELINGS.

FEELINGS.


Later on, Mika follows Lizzie as her sister sneaks off to feed mice to the walker that got stuck between the railroad tracks.

Because it was HER feeding the walkers at the prison and contributing MASSIVELY to the casualties there.

Because it was HER feeding the walkers at the prison and contributing MASSIVELY to the casualties there.

 

Mika tries to pull her away, but Lizzie is adamant on showing her sister that she’s right. She’s so confident that she’s about to let the walker bite her. A group of burnt walkers stumbling out of the woods towards them gets them moving, though, and they run back to the house. Mika almost gets bitten when she gets tangled up in the barbed wire, but Carol and Tyreese arrive, and they, plus the girls, take out the walkers, all of them kind of terrible shots. Most noticeably, though, Lizzie fires alongside them, looking visibly shaken.

Notice Carol's notice.

Notice Carol’s notice.

That night, Carol talks Lizzie down, and says that, yeah, it’s tough, but it’s a part of growing up now, and that it’s going to change you. This after Lizzie tells her that she knows what she has to do now. AND NEITHER ARE BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT, EXACTLY, THEY MEAN.

And, by the way, any time somebody says any variation of, “I know now what I must do,” it is never a good thing. Not once. So, please, in that event, ask for clarification before allowing them to take any kind of solo action.

The next morning, Carol and Tyreese go hunting and he opens up to her about his nightmares of Karen, and about how he’s okay with taking a while to get to Terminus, or even staying at this little house, because he trusts Carol.

Whoop. Awkward.

Whoop. Awkward.

 

Carol feels turrible, and it looks like she might confess, but she offers him comfort and they decide to head back to the house. Where Lizzie is waiting. With her knife out. Dripping with blood.

The blood of her sister.

Because now Mika will turn and she’ll wake up different, but then they’ll all see that Lizzie was right. And she’s so fucking proud of herself, and she promises to do Judith next.

Man, fuck this show...

Man, fuck this show…

 

I’m so mad. I’m so mad for so many reasons. There was no reason for this. The characters have been fucking up so much lately that I’m wondering how in the hell-o kitty they’ve even survived this long. Tralala, let’s ponder the insanity of this child, but continuously leave her alone with smaller, weaker children who will defer to her, and who wouldn’t be able to fight them off if they tried, and who we actually know wouldn’t even fight her off because we’re concerned about the fact that the one is a consistently self-proclaimed pacifist who is dedicated to the crazy one as they are, in fact, the only blood relatives either of the has left on this earth and, B.) that the other one is, in fact, AN INFANT.

Oh, my gosh.

This fucking show. It’s killing me inside.

It’s like season 3 of Downton Abbey all over again.

That poor girl. I was hoping she’d either grow as a character, or stick to her metaphorical guns and actually stay away from literal ones because, damn it, it would have been really interesting to see how a character could potentially survive like that.

And, I know, the whole point they’re constantly trying to make on this show is that the good ones don’t survive, you have to do awful things, you ave to become hard to live in this world, blah, blah, blah, but there would have to be at least a few survivors who are still decent human beings statistically speaking, or by sheer luck! Or if the people who have done bad things could keep their heads out of their asses long enough to protect those better people because they’re their metaphorical link to the small spark of goodness still left in themselves!

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I’M SO MAD. I’m so mad. I’M. SO. MAD. Oh, my goodness, I’m so mad.

ANYWAYS. Back to what’s happening in the show.

Carol tells Tyreese to take Lizzie and Judith inside, assuring Lizzie that she’s just gonna tie Mika up so that she doesn’t go anywhere when she “comes back.” Then she tearfully unsheathes her knife and we get to go to commercial so that we can take two minutes to reflect on our lives and how they’ve come to this point where we emotionally destroy ourselves every Sunday evening and then we call it entertainment.

Later on, Tyreese has cleared Lizzie’s room of any weapons or sharp objects, and her fucking box full of mice, and he says that she confessed to feeding the walkers at the prison and to doing THIS to that rat or whatever because she “was just having fun.”

I much prefer the inorganic humanoid version of Operation, thank you very much.

I much prefer the inorganic humanoid version of Operation, thank you very much.

 

He muses that maybe she was the one who killed Karen and David, but he can’t figure out how she could have gotten their bodies outside. But, ultimately, he and Carol realize that they can’t let her be around other people. And, the next morning, she takes Lizzie out for a walk, tells her that she loves her and that everything works out the way that it’s supposed to and to look at the flowers and count to three, and, to quote a Facebook friend, puts her down like it’s Old Yeller. “She’s my psycho; I’ll do it.”

They bury the girls next to the other grave already there and head on inside. Sitting at the table with the unfinished jigsaw puzzle, Carol slides her revolver over to Tyreese… And confesses.

She explains her reasoning, trying to stop the spread of the infection, and when he asks if it was quick, she promises him that it was. But he can do what he has to and he can kill her if he wants to. Because, really, at this point…

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

 

Sophia 2.0 got got and Carol had to put down another surrogate child. So, let Tyreese know the truth like he deserves because he’s a good man and… Because he’s a good man, he forgives her. “But [he] won’t forget.”

So, they pack on up and head back out on the train tracks towards Terminus.

AND THEY STILL FUCKING LEAVE THAT STUCK WALKER ALIVE-ISH.

Just to piss me the fuck off.

EVERY TIME. Just to piss me the fuck off.

So, what have we learned from this week’s episode?

1.) The writers are bad people and they hate all of us.

2.) New RULE #1 for the Zombie Apocalypse: Sociopaths need to GO. Just right fucking away. It’ll save us all a lot of trouble later on.

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But let one of them do it for you because survival is all about how efficiently you can use your resources. Like crazy people. Flamethrowers are important, too.

Now, with two episodes left in the season, it still looks like next week is going to be featuring only a part of the cast, with Daryl and his new captors/crew possibly meeting up with and/or fighting against Glenn and Company, possibly with a glimmer of Rick, Carl, and Michonne, if the trailers are anything to go by, but we all should know by now that the previews are often pretty misleading.

Because 1.) The writers are bad people and they hate all of us.

I’m gonna go and cry some more now.

Seriously. Do I secretly hate myself or WHAT?!

Seriously. Do I secretly hate myself or WHAT?!

See you next week if I can pull myself out of the pit of despair in which I currently wallow.