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New 52 Comic Review – “Red Lanterns” #29 (Red Daughter of Krypton)

Red Lanterns #29 came out this week, continuing Kara Zor-El’s spiral into Red Lantern-hood.

We catch up with the RLs on Ysmault, two of the guys debating whether or not to test out this supposedly tremendously powerful weapon.

rl29-01

And the nominations for this year’s Darwin Awards are…

But they do have a pretty sturdy, and even eager target in mind.

I'd be mad, too, if that was my haircut.

I’d be mad, too, if that was my haircut.

Read the rest of this entry

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New 52 Comic Review – “Supergirl” #28

This issue is a prequel of sorts to the events of Green Lanterns/Red Lanterns which is a weird thing when you consider that one of the purposes of rebooting the DCU was so that creators could keep all of their timelines straight. By the end of this issue, it looks like we’ll actually be two issues apart between the two books.

Aw, she looks so happy on the cover!

Aw, she looks so happy on the cover!

So, while Supergirl was fighting off Lobo, the Atrocitus and the rest of the Red Lanterns, a bajillion lightyears away on planet Ysmault were sending out their 9 new Red Lantern rings to find hosts and increase membership so that their next fundraiser is more successful or something.

All while having a rage party.

All while having a rage party.

Lobo is getting his ass kicked, and all that he wanted was to threaten Shay Veritas into telling him where he could find the impostor Lobo. He bitches about the presence of Supergirl, because I get getting the shit kicked out of you makes it a little bit harder to be threatening to a super scientist.

Although the fact that you paint your fingernails black is a dead giveaway for lameness.

Although the fact that you paint your fingernails black is a dead giveaway for lameness.

He gets knocked into the next room where the writer drops a little seedling for a future storyline.

Thank you, Chekov's gun.

Thank you, Chekov’s gun.

Supergirl reenters the scene and he manages to deflect her, even giving her a bloody nose. She can’t believe that she felt bad for seemingly killing him only an hour ago, and proceeds to launch back into him by ramming through several concrete walls to get to him.

Remember how you were supposed to go ahead and not fuck up the Block? Some kind of huge destructive consequences?

Remember how you were supposed to go ahead and not fuck up the Block? Some kind of huge destructive consequences?

Veritas sees the damage occurring to the Block and orders her identical lackeys to fire up the teleporter and get a lock on the two of them. She laments having to boot out Supergirl, but she also has at least a half-formed sense of self-preservation.

BUT NOBODY EVER CHECKS THE SHADOWS. And there are always bitches lurking in the shadows.

BUT NOBODY EVER CHECKS THE SHADOWS. And there are always bitches lurking in the shadows.

Meanwhile, Lobo goads Supergirl into trying to kill him all over again.

No, that's a legitimate reason to knock his block off. Go for it.

No, that’s a legitimate reason to knock his block off. Go for it.

Outside, Lobo pats himself on the back for getting Kara so riled up and forcing the scientists to expel them from their eternal sci-fi convention where everyone is cosplaying as the same exact character. He whistles for his ship to arrive/shoot lasers at her back, and he takes off, Supergirl in hot pursuit and him still talking shit to her on a loudspeaker or some shit.

Okay, to be fair, though, we all have that one friend that we kind of have to keep an eye out because they'll go nuts and murder us eventually. Right?

Okay, to be fair, though, we all have that one friend that we kind of have to keep an eye out because they’ll go nuts and murder us eventually. Right?

He flies her to Queens, NY and is super sure that he’ll be able to stave off her wrath by telling her to join him where she lives. Surely she won’t want to destroy her home on Earth!

Why you gotta put us humans in the middle of your super squabble, Lobo?

Why you gotta put us humans in the middle of your super squabble, Lobo?

He tells her to join him, that they’d be unstoppable, that he’s been where she’s at, but he didn’t let like kick him when he was down. He took life by the nuts and twisted so that the universe bent to him! She’s not having it, though.

Teen angst. Nobody understands me! Barf.

Teen angst. Nobody understands me! Barf.

A block away, at her old, one-time apartment, her old, also one-time friend Siobhan AKA the Silver Banshee is facing a dastardly dilemma of her own.

This is a more captivating subplot.

This is a more captivating subplot.

Several loud “BOOM”‘s sound, and she goes to the window to look, like a white girl. Seeing her former buddy in a midair battle, she decides to go and be useless outside. I mean, hey, I know she’s got superpowers, but I’d just as soon not be in a fight where I already know I’m outmatched.

Sigh... White people.

Sigh… White people.

Kara’s eyes have been glowing red since Lobo knocked her into a wall earlier in the issue. She’s PISSED. And that’s saying something for this tantrum-prone character. The ring has acquired it’s new target.

Probably not really a good thing.

Probably not really a good thing.

Lobo keeps trying to get her off of his back by using her own power against her and deflecting her momentum. He calls his ship, hoping to make a break for it.

His baby!

His baby!

So, remember how Lobo was sure that he wouldn’t get pounded into a paste and his remains forced through a fine mesh screen because he brought the fight to where Kara lives? Joke’s on him! This incarnation of Supergirl has never felt at home on Earth! In fact this just about sums up her attitude about our planet, guys:

Look... You need to calm down.

Look… You need to calm down.

As she’s lording over Lobo’s body, raging up to the Heavens, the ring finally finds her, declaring, “Kara Zor-El of Krypton. You have great rage in your heart.”

Although, having great rage in your heart and then replacing the heart with the ring as life support make that a really flawed metaphor if you're applauding rage. Somebody's got to go through that recruitment brochure with a red pen, guys.

Although, having great rage in your heart and then replacing the heart with the ring as life support make that a really flawed metaphor if you’re applauding rage. Somebody’s got to go through that recruitment brochure with a red pen, guys.

Siobhan has just gotten to the park where Lobo lies on the ground, unmoving. Even she knows that this was a terrible idea.

Just go buy some more fudge pops and go home!

Just go buy some more fudge pops and go home!

She passes by a knocked out Lobo and hears the telltale heart resonating loudly throughout the park. She turns, slowly, horror movie style. Face zoomed in on and everything. “Kara..? Is that you..?”

Honey, I'm home!

Honey, I’m home!

It seems that Kara’s a bit put out that Siobhan went and got a new roommate without ever refunding the young Kryptonian her half of the security deposit on their place.

Or maybe it’s all of the loss, anger, sadness, and the marathon of being used and abused that’s finally all bubbled to the surface and also at the exact moment whern her already practically immeasurable powers have just been doubled.

Hm…. So, next issue is their fight.

And then I guess the one after that is Silver Banshee’s funeral, or..?

Well, we’ll be checking in with Supergirl in the pages of Red Lanterns, too, so we’ll see you there!

 

 

New 52 Comic Review – “Green Lanterns/Red Lanterns #28”

It’s finally here! The debut of Supergirl as a Red Lantern!

Green Lanterns Lok (Frog Guy) and Barreer (Teen Wolf) are zipping through space trying to get to a bunch of GLs under seige, but they’re interrupted by the arrival of Red Lantern Supergirl!

…Who is crazier than Ra’s Al Ghul after a dip in the Lazarus Pit.

I wish he was a member of the Star Sapphire Corps, so he could have said, "Stop! In the name of love!"

I wish he was a member of the Star Sapphire Corps, so he could have said, “Stop! In the name of love!”

She growls and spits and rages at them, and they fight her off, but see appears to exhaust herself via plotholes and the two of them put her in a Snow White coffin to take her to Mogo…

That's a really cynical Frog Guy.

That’s a really cynical Frog Guy.

 

The sentient planet where Hal Jordan and John Stewart and a bunch of other GLs are dealing with a problem of their own. Namely, making up a universal criminal code on the spot and swearing a bunch of asshats to it in the name of the Judeo-Christian-Muslim God of Earth. Because they’re totally going to adhere to that.

Way to go, Hal. 'Murica.

Way to go, Hal. ‘Murica.

 

And, as the GLs bicker amongst themselves and Hal orders that they have to weed out any potential impostors that we don’t care about because we’re only really reading and reviewing this series because of the Supergirl tie-ins, Teen Wolf comes crashing through the treeline, heralding the arrival of RL Supergirl.

Still no dialogue for her, either.

Still no dialogue for her, either.

And Hal’s not here for it. There are only a handful of Red Lanterns, and he’s concerned at where the balls this one came from. He assumes that Guy Gardner is recruiting, and Kilowog jokes that that means more policing in the future for the GLs, so… Job security. Hooray! Hal ignores him and runs a scan on Kara after Frog Guy mentions that she shot red light from her eyes. Apparently, most of the New 52 Universe doesn’t know that Supergirl is even a thing, as Hal is fucking shocked.

Voz (Chewbacca) moves to take off her ring, but Hal stops her. Once a person becomes a Red Lantern, the ring becomes their life support. Removing it after the transformation would kill her.

Shortest story arc ever.

Shortest story arc ever.

 

Instead, he says that there’s only one thing that can cure her.

Hope.

So, it’s off to the Blue Lanterns. Or rather, off to invite Blue Lantern Saint Walker to Mogo for tea or something. But Walker is currently estranged from his ring, as it was recently revealed that all of the Lanterns’ energy comes from everything in the universe. So, basically, every time a Lantern uses their ring, it drains everything and everyone. In the end, Walker can’t help.

Thanks for nothing.

Thanks for nothing.

 

Resolved to that, Hal leaves Kilowog in charge on Mogo, taking Kara and another two GLs, Gorin-Sunn (the Human Torch) and Iolande (Pink Tits McGee), to see Guy Gardner and the rest of the Red Lanterns on Ysmault. There’s no sign of the lot of them, but when the GLs approach their ship, a small but surprising blast knocks them onto their asses. Cue Guy Gardner.

And I didn't think that it could get much worse than the vest and the bowl cut. Mustaches are TERRIBLE.

And I didn’t think that it could get much worse than the vest and the bowl cut. Mustaches are TERRIBLE.

 

Funny story about Sector 2814, by the way: That’s the sector that Earth is in. And Hal apparently didn’t realize that, if his shocked expression is anything to go by.

Now, this is a flipbook issue, meaning that it’s one story if read from one cover, but flip it over and read from the other end, and it’s another story with another set of characters. This time around, both stories basically start out with each the GLs and the RLs working on some shit or another from the previous issue, and then move on to the issue of a rabid, murderous Kryptonian Katie Kaboom fueled by pure rage-a-hol.

In this case, the RLs are dealing with Ann Coulter the Shadow Thief, who is attacking the non-human Red Lanterns.

That's right. Red Lanterns are beings of rage, but racism is still not cool. FOR SERIOUS.

That’s right. Red Lanterns are beings of rage, but racism is still not cool. FOR SERIOUS.

This bitch is apparently really tough for a Lantern because she fights with shadow constructs, and a Lantern’s light melts away when they collide. So, that’s a problem.

On another planet, “Groy,” Atrocitus is letting his cat, Dex-Starr, kill Bleez and Rankorr. These are all RLs, by the way. The latter two try to fight him off, but a third RL, named Klarn and looking like a caterpillar and a chest burster had a torrid affair, is able to absorb and regurgitate RL light.

Back over with Guy Gardner and his apparently not actually evil RLs, Guy realises that he can just up the intensity of his light to cast the shadows at bay. Because SCIENCE. Together, he, his RL buddies, and some chick with ice powers or something named Tora are able to defeat the Shadow Thief and hit the “OFF” button on her suit, deactivating her powers.

Apparently, all of that went down on Earth, as the Eiffel tower stands in the background of the fight. Now, after Guy asks Tora out and she brushes him off, it’s off to Ysmault.

So, cut to where we left off with the GL side of the book. Hal Jordan is contesting that Guy and the RLs get to patrol Sector 2814, and Guy’s anger, understandably, starts to bubble to the surface. But then he is distracted by something shiny. Namely, Supergirl. Bound by green rope and in a green cage, all made of GL light.

And then they talk about how she's a Kryptionian, and how it's weird because Superman totally told them all that he was the last one left, and blah blah blah...

And then they talk about how she’s a Kryptionian, and how it’s weird because Superman totally told them all that he was the last one left, and blah blah blah…

Hal asks Guy what in the world he was thinking by creating a new RL, especially since they start out all kinds of crazy and this bitch in particular could have killed countless people if they hadn’t managed to catch her when they did. Guy says it wasn’t him, and the big ugly squished ball-shaped dude named Zilius mentions that he had previously neglected to mention that Atrocitus had created nine new rings and sent them out to find bearers. So, Supergirl is one of them… And there are eight others. Hal orders Guy to take care of it, and Guy snaps that he’ll handle it, and that Hal should back off. He can’t solve everyone’s problems; he’s no Superman, after all. Apparently, the wrong thing to say.

Okay. File that away as a trigger.

Okay. File that away as a trigger.

Cue a fight scene. In the end, since nobody’s a match for her on her own, the GLs and the RLs come together to dunk her into the lake of blood or whatever because that’s going to help her get past enough bad shit to be able to think like a person.

Is this like a baptism metaphor or what?

Is this like a baptism metaphor or what?

Back with Atrocitus, Rankorr sacrifices himself to let Bleez go and warn Guy and the others while he tries to fight off Atrocitus who, by the way, was supposed to be dead. But things don’t die in comics or, at least, they don’t stay that way.

Once more, back on Ysmault, Guy and Hal sit and wait for Supergirl to reemerge from the blood lake.

They should totally be having a picnic. Just saying.

They should totally be having a picnic. Just saying.

Hal gets Guy to agree to let GL Simon Baz (the one with the gun) stay on Earth, as sort of a GL embassador, and Guy says that’s fine, but he can’t go anywhere else in the Sector. So, the GL book doesn’t have to undergo a change and the writers don’t have to figure a way out of this one. Just as Hal tells Guy to get a haircut and Guy tells him to go and fuck himself, Kara emerges.

And she still ain't got no pants. I'd be pissed, too!

And she still ain’t got no pants. I’d be pissed, too!

She does seem too confused to be angry at the moment. When she gives her name, Hal stops Guy, telling him that, not only is this bitch Kryptionian, but she’s got the same family name as Superman. So, they’re related. The last panel is Guy and his horrible, horrible mustache saying, “Ah. Great.” Because now the crossover’s probably going to get more complicated and I’ll have to buy even more issues of books I don’t even fucking follow.

So.

There we have it. The start of this new chapter in Supergirl’s life. According to all of the interviews with the writers behind this change, this does seem to be temporary. But, given the reemergence of Atrocitus, and the fact that the characters are saying that this ring was his doing, and that there are eight more of them out there, this is probably going to be a longer arc than originally thought. Anj, over at Supergirl: Comic Box Commentary, mentioned in a post that the Supergirl book was “Red Daughter of Krypton,” but in 1 of 3, 2 of 3, and 3 of 3 numbered issues. So, he’s optimistic that this will be a short run. I, however, respectfully disagree and think that, in light of the little plot bombs dropped throughout this issue, we’re in for six months to a year of Supergirl as a Red Lantern stories.

So, buckle in, bitches, and get ready to be a whole lot more familiar with the whole Lantern universe.

In the meantime, some speculation:

  • Supergirl is pretty low right now. But she’s going to have more and more intense bouts of rage and end of fighting and pushing away what few loved ones she actually has left.
  • Superman will make an appearance, piss her off, and just generally be useless.
  • We’ll get more moments of Guy Gardner being a real person and a good leader or some shit like that.
  • We’re going to find out exactly how she became a Red Lantern, because they sure as shit didn’t explain shit here before she just randomly fucking shows up foaming at the mouth.
  • …I think they’re going to pull that bullshit where she falls under the sway of some villainous dude again. This time, she’ll probably reject Guy’s help (likely when he tries to bring in Superman to help) and end up siding with Atrocitus, who gave her the ring in the first place. I do not like this, but it’s a very likely way for the current creators behind the DCU to go with it.
  • We’re going to spend the first 2/3 or 3/4 of this arc watching Kara fall further and further from decent-person-hood, spiraling out of control, and then some shit will happen when she hits bottom, and she’ll make the effort to become better, and she’ll start to see the good again. I give this a good portion of the end of the arc because, if the writers are smart, they’ll realize that she can’t just pop back up to hero without having to first reconnect with those who she’s hurt or rejected first.
  • Her rehabilitation will come in the form of Hope, and the Blue Lanterns will play a key role in this. Will Kara become a Blue Lantern? Probably not. Just for simplicity’s sake, they’ll figure out some loophole that saves her via Blue Lantern but doesn’t actually make her one. Maybe an honorary one, but that’s about it.

Alright. So this is how I think it’s going to go. Check back with us as new issues come out and see how I handle being either right or wrong. Either way, I’m sure I’ll be as annoyed with DC Comics as always. In the meantime, I leave you with this creative interpretation by Mike Maihack:

Seems about right.

Seems about right.

Later.

PattyInRealLife