New 52 Comic Review – “Wonder Woman” #29
Oh, hey. Lookey there. Something finally happens.
Hera’s still chilling at the winery where Dionysus and his soon-to-be-turned-into-pigs comrades were in the previous couple of issues, leisurely ordering from the menu.
Of course, the menu is more interesting than the ball of green glowing fire hurtling towards her. Understandable, really.
Since warning her would be ridiculous, the waiter dives out of the way while Hera is trying really hard to remember that she just wants, like, a Jack and Coke, of all things. And, of course again, the ball hits her.
Back in the woods, Hermes and Demeter are trying to keep on their hunt, since the Moon is a little bit OCD.
She feels a disturbance in the Force and just fucking knows that Apollo’s in danger or hurt or in some other Charles Barkley level of turrible trouble, so she asks Hermes to transport them to Olympus right away.
On the ship, one of the engines has been damaged by the explosion, and Zola is in there trying to rescue Dio… Who we actually don’t see at all in this entire issue.
So, yeah, Zola’s kind of bad at things. But it’s okay because Wonder Woman is holding the plane up!
But, as turns out, nobody is good at things, because Hermes gets them to Olympus just in time for Diana’s strength to crap out on her, sending the ship pretty much crashing down on top of them.
But, they are all on Olympus now… Or what’s left of it. And now everybody can be snarky to each other until they realize exactly what their current location means as far as, y’know, not dying goes.
NO! No. No. Look, I know that Greek mythology is just chock fucking full of incest, and that this was especially the case in the gods’ case, but I’m done with all of the incest in comics, movies, TV shows, and fucking fanfiction especially. I’m DONE.
But that’s a rant for another time.
Anywho, the hyena people start to flip the fuck out…
And nobody seems to have noticed that they’re standing on red, squishy, raw-meat-smelling ground. And cue the appearance of the First Born. I’ve got to say, he’s looked better.
Understandably, they’re not particularly keen on the idea of subservience to a monster, and Demeter in particular is pretty intent on that whole vengeance thing.
And I guess having no skin makes his veins weapons now, so he’s caught her and is sucking her energy away a la the Parasite.
Diana pulls a magic glowing bladed spear thingy out of… nowhere? And intend to also attack him head on.
And her attempts to be a baller don’t last very long, as she gets vein-drained.
And the monologue continues on, being way more painful than that whole imminent doom thing.
The First Born says that he’s learned something during his captivity, and that it’s that power, love, life, blah, everything ends eventually.
But, before he can up and end all of these assholes, the only person who is able to do any thing is the one person who’s been the most useless this whole, entire arc.
The return of Hera to power! Literally. Her display of mad power, which really shouldn’t be intimidating since Apollo’s power transferring over to Hera shouldn’t have amplified it and the First Born done walloped Apollo good, well, it makes the First Born book it.
They leave Olympus in the ruins is was already in, Apollo’s guts all over the place and everything, and head to who-knows-where, where nobody questions it because they assume that wherever it is, it’s gonna be safe, so fuck it.
They pop on over to Themyscira, it turns out, so that Diana’s pseudo step-mother can give her a gift.
The Amazons are back!
And I swear if this whole thing doesn’t feel like it just completely fell flat.
Like, “oh, hey, ladies, welcome back. I’ve nothing to say to you, despite the appearance in the comics so far that your petrification and the destruction of Paradise Island and I don’t even see my mom or any of my closest friends, but would you mind dying in throngs for me?”
And, Wonder Woman finally accepts her mantle, knowing that her denial has cost them until now. So, she’s not asking them as Princess…
So, whoopee, she’s a harbinger of doom, to take down a harbinger of doom.
And I still feel like nothing happened. Hera’s back to power, yes, and last issue saw Apollo dying to give her back that power, but this whole story is just creeping along so slowly that I really do find it hard to care about one of my favourite characters.
I’m hoping that something happens to get rid of this First Born dude sooner rather than later, because I need this crap to be done with.
We need a new story, or at least better pacing.
And for now, I’ll be keeping an eye out for a downward spiral of yet another DC character, since being the god of war is more than likely going to be a thing that affects her as a character, morals and all.
Plus this whole “dating Superman” thing isn’t helping.
Well, until next time.
Posted on March 27, 2014, in Comic Review, DC Comics, Uncategorized, Wonder Woman and tagged amazons, apollo, cassandra, dc comics, demeter, diana prince, dionysus, first born, greek gods, hera, hermes, hyppolita, minotaur, new 52, paradise island, themyscira, wonder woman, zeke, zola. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.