New 52 Comic Review – “Superman/Wonder Woman” #6

Somebody needs to explain to me why this happened. Why did this pairing have to become a thing?

Zod and Faora are preparing to open the Phantom Zone and let loose all of the crazies, and Superman and Wonder Woman are flying around being pretty. Clark is having reservations about their operations as heroes. He’s worried that they may have been a better team when they weren’t also doing it. Once again, Wonder Woman callously dismisses his concerns because she’s kind of a bitch in this book.

Of course, to be fair, Clark is full of feelings all the time.

Of course, to be fair, Clark is full of feelings all the time.

Knowing that it’s going to be a tough match between them and Zod and not-Ursa, they turn to Diana’s extended family for help. Namely, Hephaestus, who looks a heck of a lot like a parademon.

Especially in the pages on her own book and ESPECIALLY when he's actually wearing his goggles.

Especially in the pages on her own book and ESPECIALLY when he’s actually wearing his goggles.

It seems that Diana sees their biggest advantage as being the element of surprise, and since the other Kryptonians have the same heightened senses as Clark, that’s almost a moot point. Put it’s okay because Hephaestus has a solution for that.

So, as Zod and Whatsherface finish constructing their StarGate out of garbage, Clark and Diana blow their element of surprise with a since blow which pretty much barely fazes either of them, and which only actually hits Zod anyways.

Because they're terrible at everything.

Because they’re terrible at everything.

 

And I don’t know that I understand this next panel.

Okay, so I guess Hephaestus has, like, an invisible ship that he’s letting them use. Is that going to end up being the invisible jet?

More importantly, why would they emerge from it and announce their presence, even if they are sporting their new WitchBlade armour?

It really just looks like bad art direction, with missiles coming out of nowhere.

It really just looks like bad art direction, with missiles coming out of nowhere.

And the fight scene ensues. And something was bothering me about this whole thing, because, y’know, I’ve also been reading Wonder Woman’s solo series…

Oh, here we go.

Oh, here we go.

Wait. What is that little yellow box saying?

GROWL.

GROWL.

SIGH. Come ON, DC! Wasn’t the whole point of the reboot to make sure that every comic is in-sync, storywise? All of the timelines would match up and the crossovers wouldn’t be so muddled?

Or is this your way of finally, albeit quietly, admitting that you only did it because you were officially out of ideas?

I think we know the answer.

But, back to the issue…

Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.

Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.

And this happens. They got the snot beaten out of them, but they’re okay and they’re going to somehow deliver the force of their blows right back to them.

In the lamest possible way.

In the lamest possible way.

BEWARE THE POWER OF HAND-HOLDING!

Because SCIENCE.

Apparently.

No. Y’know, what? I’m just going to assume that these suits were designed to absorb kinetic energy and expel it as energy energy a la Sebastian Shaw. Because I don’t think that that was ever stated, and I’m trying to make the leap for the writers since I’m really at my wit’s end with the New 52.

But, I digress. As I often do.

So, they knock Zod and Whosits down and out… Until the gods decide to continue hazing their sister’s boyfriend.

By directly blasting them with a super-dose of sunlight courtesy of Apollo. Who is currently dead in Wonder Woman. Which is why this is stupid. Well, not the only reason it's stupid, really.

By directly blasting them with a super-dose of sunlight courtesy of Apollo. Who is currently dead in Wonder Woman. Which is why this is stupid. Well, not the only reason it’s stupid, really.

So, now they’re super-charged and gonna be pretty much impossible to beat.

Ha! Awesome.

Way to go, Apollo.

Way to go, Apollo.

Lo and behold, they up and beat the ever-loving super-poo out of the two of them and them fly them over to a conveniently nearby nuclear plant with a solid lead core to dump them in.

Lead AND radiation. Good. So this shit will be over soon enough, right?

Lead AND radiation. Good. So this shit will be over soon enough, right?

And now the rogue Kryptionians can fullfill their promise to the other inhabitants of the Phantom Zone. To create a hell on earth via a swarm of superpowered alien war criminals who will take over the planet and them probably fight with each other and destroy 91.5% of the planet in the process of their respective bids for power.

Still a better love story than Superman and Wonder Woman's.

Still a better love story than Superman and Wonder Woman’s.

 

In their lead would-be tomb, Clark and Diana have a very stilted and breathless conversation, wherein they have no ability to figure this shit out, but Clark just fucking knows what they’re doing.

But, the conversation takes five years to get out because of all of the ellipses, and they lose anyways. Oh, wait...

But, the conversation takes five years to get out because of all of the ellipses, and they lose anyways. Oh, wait…


And, finally, we get some literal ancient-Greek-deus ex machina.

Why would you ever bring this up in conversation?

Why would you ever bring this up in conversation?

And right before they’re about to make their tremendous sacrifice?

Ugh.

Ugh.

Which, by the way…

https://i2.wp.com/media.heavy.com/media/2013/02/tumblr_lmj3n8jRaE1qguurxo1_500.gif

Not transparent at all.

And also…

https://i2.wp.com/www.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/gag-gif1.gif

I can’t believe I’m saying it, and I’ll probably never say it again, but Honey Boo Boo has a point.

And kablooey. And I’m sure that there was nobody working in or living near that nuclear power plant they were trapped inside of at the moment.

Casualties shmasualties.

Casualties shmasualties.

So, it looks like they’ve stopped the bad guys! Right? I mean, surely, they must have with a blast like that!

Escpecially since… Well, take a look at them, lying at ground zero.

Oh, look. He wrapped her in his cape. Chivalry isn't dead; it's just a special kind of special.

Oh, look. He wrapped her in his cape. Chivalry isn’t dead; it’s just a special kind of special.

And that’s how the series ends.

…Not really. But I woulnd’t mind it! I like Superman. I like Wonder Woman. They’re my two favourite DCU characters… Pre-New 52. I really don’t like them now. And I especially, in case any of you guys haven’t cottoned on by this point, hate them together. It just doesn’t fit!

They don’t fit.

They’re a great team when tey fight alongside one another, but I don’t see the whole romance thing working out for them. The reason that Lois and Clark were such a good match was because, among numerous other reasons, it gave Superman/Clark a real depth. It brought him closer to his humanity, made him really one of us normal folks walking the earth, at least for a little while. And his humanity drove his heroics.

But with him dating Wonder Woman, it’s more like he’s being pulled away from his humanity. And I have a problem with that.

How is that going to make his a more compelling story?

It’s not.

Also, how is that going to make him more heroic?

I won’t.

So, another issue out and read and reviewed and I still don’t see it for them.

And, by the way, I’m not the only one of the FanGirls. We touched on the issue in our latest podcast. You should really check it out.

But, we’ll be back next month to see if this gets any more palatable.

Or any less intolerable.

Peace out.

 

 

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About pattyinreallife

I'm a graphic artist, writer, film-maker, and avid baker. I sing in the car and laugh at the worst/best moments. I am the coolest nerd you will ever meet. Try not to let your jealousy show too badly.

Posted on March 20, 2014, in Comic Review, DC Comics, Superman, Uncategorized, Wonder Woman and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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