New 52 Comic Review – “Batgirl” #28

Sooo… Funny story.

That whole Gothtopia storyline? From last issue? That all takes place in other books. So, I still don’t know what’s going on in there. I guess I’ll do a recap once the story wraps up. For now…. We have VAMPIRES?!?

…Sigh.

 

Okay. Why not?

In this issue, we add a new character to Batgirl’s cast. His name is Uchida, but he goes by Silver when he’s…

Really, bro? You can’t bathe yourself?

Gets brought a beverage and then is bathed by his female butler? No…

Who printed these for you? Did the dude at Kinko’s not even raise an eyebrow when you handed him your flash drive?

Hero-worships the villains of Gotham? No…

And who made these life-sized models for you?! Who delivered them? What is happening here?

Oh, wait, here it is.

While he dons a Phantom of the Opera mask and practices opening fire on the Bat-Family with automatic weaponry.

Awesome.

So, cut to Barbara, running across rooftops and totally aware of the fact that somebody is following her.

FYI, running with a cape on is super fun.

She’s been trying to take out copycat killers, fans of the Brisby Killers from way back in the first issue.

Spoken like a person being consumed by the insanity she’s fighting… *Fingers crossed*

But by the time she gets to ground level…

Just take you fucking time.

And she realizes who it must’ve been.

Whose identity I still don’t know! Let me ask them with my fist!

Of course, they do battle. Because using your words is only for toddlers and people in court-mandated anger management classes.

See that? That’s the expression of a crazy ass bitch!

Now, remember, kids. Use your words. Because it turns out that Batgirl just punched a friend in the face.

Whoop, sorry, homes.

Strix is a member of Birds of Prey, mostly because she’s dangerous as fuck and can be both trained as a hero and kept tabs on as a potential threat. She’s a threat because she’s a girl who lost her family, her ability to speak, her childhood, and then was “chosen as a Talon, an ageless, undead assassin, for the Court of Owls.” Luckily, Batgirl notes, she trusts her.

Babs asks her why she’s following her. Strix points to a lost child poster and Barbara assures her that the Gotham PD are actually pretty darn good when it comes to finding lost children.

Strix knows what’s up, though.

Barbara asks why she insists that this become a Batgirl thing. Strix points out a part of the poster that points out that the missing girl, Cissy Chastain, cannot speak due to a childhood illness. She writes out for Batgirl that she’s a detective, that they’ll find the girl together, and that that’s why she didn’t want to contact the rest of the Birds of Prey.

Okay. Not exactly a reasonable explanation as far as not having several extra sets of eyes and their resources looking for a missing child. But whatever. Comics.

Barbara takes a sec to ziptie the crooks up for the cops before they set out. Apparently, though, her detective skills need some work because she misses some pretty glaring problems here.

Although, to be fair, I guess you just roll with the weirdos in Gotham.

Silver, meanwhile, is spying on the both of them. And this is what the scene looks like to him.

He should get those binoculars checked out. I think that there just might be something on the lens.

For some reason, Batgirl thinks that the best first option is to strike a deal with Knightfall. Just fucking right away. Before she’s even tried anything else.

So, are you just burned out, or..?

Back in the alley, Silver does the knocked out gang members the favour of murdering them. Hooray!

Man needs a better hobby.

At Barbara’s apartment, she’s got Strix looking through her closet for plainclothes detective type clothing. Strix immediately picks out Babs’ pink, frilly prom dress, clutching it to her chest like treasure.

That’s right. When the deadly, possibly deranged assassin wants your prom dress, you just fucking give it to them.

They show up at the Chastain home to interview the missing girl’s mother. Babara uses a GCPD badge that she just “found” in the ladies’ locker room at the station. Because she’s a thief.

Anywho, the mother reveals that her husband disappeared some time back. Barbara thinks that the two events must be related.

Ten bucks says that Silver is the dad.

But there aren’t a lot of leads, unfortunately, so Babs and Strix are back to hoofing it. But before they can hail a cab, and before Barbara can call her way too fucking needy boyfriend back, Silver shows up.

Why would you leave your headlights on? For DRAMA!

She plays dumb, and he waxes on about how the Bats are controlling the city, given free reign and owning towers and sewers alike. She asks him for clarification, kind of seeing where he’s going with this and concerned, but also seeing more than a little bit of crazy in this whole situation.

BOOM. Twilight slam.

He claims to have killed dozens of her kind. Cue the fight scene.

Really!

This whacko is a whacko, but he’s also ready for her.

At least SOMEBODY learns.

The police arrive and Barbara immediately assumes a protective, I’m-the-victim position, but it’s not 100% clear that she’s not going to be arrested.

Silver boasts, though, that he’s already won anyways. Because, you see dear readers, he’s captured the vampire queen. And strapped a bomb to her. And the bomb will go off at dawn and kill her.

And he’s also given her crayons so she has something to do so she doesn’t preemptively die of boredom.

Of course, the little girl is the vampire queen to this guy. Silver is totally going to turn out to be her dad and this is gonna be some kind of psychological thing where he blames her for the fact that his wife and his sex life never quite bounced back since before the pregnancy or some bullshit. Like that scene in “The Heat” but instead of soliciting a prostitute, the guy from “Arrested Development” designs an elaborate plot to assign classic movie monster personas and then murder them horribly. So… Well, note really like that scene in “The Heat” at all, then I guess.

Sooo, Awesome. Child abduction. Crazy people with delusions and hallucinations. And a bomb with a countdown of just a few hours. And a missing father somewhere in this whole mess.

So, I think that I’ve already mentioned that I hope that Batgirl is slowly going crazy. She’s a character that I can really see going rogue. I actually don’t think that anyone in the Bat-Family, and I mean really in the Bat-Family has ever become a real villain. Plus, she would make an incredible nemesis for virtually anyone in the DCU, but particularly for Batman. A true match. Because, yes, he’s outmatched her in the past, but she’s always held back. If she no longer held back, but he continued to do so (and we all know that he would still feel an obligation to her), she’d whoop his ass.

But I digress… Often.

I do hope, in the meantime, that she is arrested for being a part of this street fight. How is Barbara going to explain her mad skills, her appearance at the home of a woman whose daughter is the subject of a police investigation, and her possession of a GCPD badge and subsequently impersonating an officer?

That’s what I want to read about next week. Oh, and saving a young child’s like, too, I suppose.

See you then!